Author's Notes: Again, so sorry for the delay! I haven't updated Radio Song at all and even got e-mail about it. It's just that…the ending of the third chapter seemed pretty final didn't it? Well that's just my excuse, I'll get around to it, I have some of the fourth chapter of that written up already anyway, sorry, enough talking about another story in this author's note. Oh, and if I mix up who were the original Ducks and who aren't, I'm sorry it's been ages since I've seen the first movie…
~*On Love, In Sadness*~
~*Chapter Four*~
/Charlie's POV/
"So is Cake-Eater going to be there?" asked Goldberg.
"Yeah, he's getting the snacks right now."
I could see him almost salivating at the word and shook my head. I wasn't expecting Goldberg to really hold
any grudges. He wasn't even really
angry with Julie when she took his spot as goalie, just a little miffed
maybe. I asked the ones who wouldn't
have a problem first: Guy, Connie, Ken, Dwayne, Averman, and most of the
original Ducks. They all grew increasingly
fond of our little Cake Eater, enough to get over this craziness.
Then there was Fulton. I frowned, scratching my head. Sometimes I wished that Portman hadn't joined the Ducks. It felt like he was just taking Fulton and spinning him into his own little crony. Sure he was on our side but sometimes I felt Fulton wasn't his own person anymore. And they had been taking this Adam on Varsity thing too far. Well, maybe tonight would be different.
"Hey Charlie, so things cool with Banks?" asked Guy. I looked over at him. We used to be close but somehow drifted apart, he had Connie and I had Adam. But after Adam left for Varsity and Guy and Connie broke up, we started coming back to each other. I wondered if that was going to change now that Adam rejoined our team.
"I…yeah I think so." Of course Guy knew about how hard I took it that Adam got into Varsity. I don't even know why I hated the fact so much. I didn't like the heaviness drifting over me. So instead, I plastered a huge grin on my face and said, "Feels good flying single?" Guy smiled widely, that's what I loved about him; he never had anything to hide.
"It really couldn't have gone any better. We just drifted apart. Connie's still one of the best friends I could ever ask for though."
"I know you're talking about me," she said, over her shoulder. Guy rolled his eyes.
"You know, Connie Cooper, the girl I've told you so much about?" he said loudly. Connie just grinned amiably and kept talking with Dwayne.
"I'm glad it worked out well," I said sincerely. Guy rested his hand on my arm for a sec and I peered into his hazel eyes.
"I'm glad it worked out well too." I smiled; I knew he meant us. I missed him a lot and now I knew he had too. As much as I was enjoying the rekindling of a favorite friendship, the back of my mind itched as I wondered where Adam was. We were all settled in our dorm; everybody knew where it was and if some of them didn't want to show, I didn't care.
"What movie are we watching?" Goldberg asked. "And where's Banks? I'm starving."
"God I hope Charlie isn't picking the movie. His taste is more girly than mine," laughed Connie.
"Hey!" Ignoring the friendly insults being bantered back and forth, I flipped through Adam's DVD collection. I didn't know what it was right now but there was uneasiness growing in my stomach. I tried to push it away as Connie groaned at every movie I picked out.
~*~
/Riley's POV/
I've always liked him. Adam. He always had a hurt look on his face; he was bruised underneath that pale, pale skin. I don't know whether I wanted to help him or just break him some more. Either way, I couldn't stop when I started.
"Hey Banks, ready for our first big game?"
"Yeah, yeah sure." He looked distracted, walking around his room aimlessly, putting together his bag.
"Hey relax." I motioned for him to sit next to me on the bed and he walked over slowly. It took him an even longer time to sit down.
"Just relax, that's the best thing to do before a game. Take a couple of deep breaths now and right before you step onto the ice, you got it?" He nodded. I told him to close his eyes and breathe deeply. I leaned in and carefully kissed one of his butterfly lashes. He jumped up about a mile and pushed me awkwardly and got off the bed.
"What-what was that?" His face was so panicked.
"Calm down, I just want to help you." My voice sounded sinister, even to me. But I still couldn't stop myself. I pulled Adam closer to me by his arm. He resisted.
"Adam, don't worry, I know you're like me." That's when he stiffened. When I pulled again, he didn't resist, he couldn't. He was defeated. It was a guess, just a guess, but this told me that my thoughts were right.
"You won't tell anyone?" He sounded so goddamn wounded, what was I supposed to do? I put on my best Jesus Christ face and smiled at him.
"I wouldn't dream of it Adam. We're close, we're friends. We're more than that." I half expected him to childishly say, "We are?" But he kept quiet. Something told me it wasn't resting easy in his mind. He knew me already, or he was just suspicious. Either way, he knew that I was up to no good. But since he knew I could destroy him, he had to do as told.
"Good, just relax," I said softly. There was a knock that made Adam jump up and away from me. I didn't mind; there'd be a time for when all that was needed to be done will be.
That was what was going through my mind as I stood there with Banks in the dark. While some would think that time had already come, I still didn't think so. No matter what, Banks wouldn't ever give in to me completely. Even as we look at each other he still has that mask. The mask I've wanted to break for so long. I lean down to finally taste him when he turns his head at the last minute. He infuriates me so much.
"Don't touch me," he says quietly.
"Who's calling the shots here Banksie? Do I have to remind you again?" Adam just looks away. He doesn't even look pained or pissed, just blank like stone. I grab him by the shoulders and shake him and his neck snaps back and forth like a broken doll.
"Godammit why won't you ever respond?" He still stands there with the blank face. If I can't have him with his consent, at least I can still have him. Or that's what I repeat to myself like an anthem as I force his chin up and kiss him.
~*~
/Adam's POV/
I hate him so much. Every time he breathes on me I want to boil and scrub that part of body. Cleanse myself. But I'm going to have to wait for that moment and it won't be for a while. I let Riley kiss me for a while, playing a game to distract myself. I see how long I can go without breathing until I'm at the edge of asphyxiating. When blackness creeps into the edges of my vision, I finally allow myself a little air through my nose. Sometimes for a split second I do really forget but then it comes rushing back to me.
"Godammit why won't you ever respond?" Riley growls. I only look away. He doesn't know but it's easier, so much easier to live when you don't care. It's harder when you're hurt. It's easier when you just let things happen and accept it.
"I wish you'd love me," Riley whispers. My senses become alerted although I don't react outwardly; it's been the most lucid, non-malicious thing he's said all night. After awhile I wonder if maybe I just imagined it. But the look on Riley's face surprises me. I don't feel any more merciful but I do feel pity. Pity for the guy who's been assaulting me ever since he saw me. I really must stop playing the game; it's making me go crazy, literally.
He holds me, my back against the wall, and I wish it were all over. I let my mind wander; I wonder if the Ducks even noticed that I haven't returned. Would they even care? I haven't felt this alone since the day I found my equipment freeze-dried only to later find out it was done by the Ducks. I shudder, the first emotion I really gave. Riley seems to be motivated by this and acts more aggressively. I close my eyes and hope someone will come. Anyone. Charlie.
~*~
/Charlie's POV/
I still feel uneasy as I settle into the familiar atmosphere of the Ducks, the bantering, replaying of games, and bashing of teachers and other classmates. Suddenly, Goldberg is hitting me on the arm.
"Oh man Charlie you missed the best thing." He holds his stomach as he laughs and Averman and Dwayne join in.
"We put-" Averman stops to catch his breath. "We put fried beans in Riley's backpack. We saw it, his paper got ruined, has to redo it." The other Ducks start to laugh in a triumphant matter and suddenly, the bottom of my stomach drops. Adam's strange behavior on the subject of Riley resurfaces in my mind.
"You guys, stay away from the Varsity, until the Varsity/JV game. It's only gonna cause more trouble." Averman looks at me quizzically.
"Geez Spazway, you sound like Orion. Next thing you know you'll be telling us to name all the W words we know."
"STARTS WITH A W!" booms Russ and the others start cracking up.
"I'm serious." Something in my voice and my expression shuts them up.
"I'm gonna go look for Banks, you guys just hang," I say, more quietly. They nod and I can see almost physically their mental decision to decide not to pretend like anything's tense in the room. We've always been good at covering up tension and worry, problems; we tend to gloss over things rather than deal with it. That's how Banks got away with playing with his bad wrist for so long during the Goodwill games in the first place. That brings me back to my current task at hand and I leave the room, determined to find Adam.
~*~
/Adam's POV/
I almost think it's a wisp of a dream, solidifying itself only in my mind. I'm already starting to black out again; I found out early on that that was the easiest way to deal with Riley's…antics.
"Get the fuck away from him." Now I'm hearing things, this is just great. But suddenly I feel the pressure of Riley's body against mine relieve. The Varsity captain is suddenly on the floor, sprawled, and different hands grab at me, pulling my shocked body from the wall, pulling me into a hug. I start to pull away but the arms tighten.
"Adam, Adam, it's me, Charlie. Spazway." Hearing the voice and realizing it's real and it's Charlie's arms that are really around me, not Riley's, makes me go limp with relief. I sag into his arms and he catches me and holds me up. Charlie looks with disgust at Riley on the floor.
"Stay the hell away from Banksie," he hisses. I feel weak and pathetic. Why do other people always have to come save me? But still, I can't help but feel grateful towards Charlie. There was nothing I could do; Riley had me backed into a corner both metaphorically and literally.
"And who's going to make me?" Riley shot back.
"What's the Varsity team going to think now? When they find out that their captain is a freshmen molesting queer?" The word stings me but I catch the quick look that Charlie shoots me in time. He doesn't mean it. He can't. But Riley doesn't know that and the look of fear that darts across his face reveals the reason behind Charlie's harsh words.
"Who'd believe you? Who would believe some delinquent punkass who shouldn't even be here?"
"One person is all it takes, Riley." There was a malicious glint in Charlie's eyes that even scared me. "One person. Imagine, it'll spread like a plague through the school. Eventually even your dad will find out. How disappointed he'll be that his prized son turns out to be some abnormal gay?" Riley won't take the risk. He'll leave it for now. He starts to back away, as though Charlie had won, but I recognize the look in his eyes. He'll be back, when I'm alone.
The minute Riley is out of sight, Charlie's face turns into one of concern.
"Jesus that was scary. Are you okay Adam?" He uses my first name again. I look up but I feel like stone.
"Those were some words you used," I finally said, quietly.
"It hurt to say them but I couldn't think of anything else to do. He's bigger, he could and would have beat both of us if we gave him the chance."
"I know."
"I didn't mean any of it. Really."
"I know." God, it looks like my vocabulary shrunk to two words.
"How long has this been happening?" I don't want to say. But before I can stop, I say, "Since he first saw me." Charlie pulls me towards him like he's my mother and we stand there like that for a while.
~*~
/Charlie's POV/
Adam feels small and wasted in my arms, barely more than a kid even though we're about the same height. It's more than just how he physically feels; he seems to be completely deflated of emotion. His eyes are just glazed over, like how they were when I saw him with Riley.
At first I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Adam pushed up against the wall by that bastard. He looked so distant; that's what scared me. He was a big boy, but not big enough to hold all that emotion that has to be in there somewhere inside of himself.
When I hear that it's been happening since they first met, I'm so angry my vision blurs for a second. I just keep holding Adam; I can't think of anything else I can do.
We sit down on the ground after awhile but I keep my arms around him.
"I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry I didn't realize this happening before. I should have known. If I wasn't such a jackass and if I wasn't so hung up on the Varsity thing…" Adam silences me by giving me his trademark look.
"It's not your fault," he says. Finally his eyes seem to come back from some distant space and focus on my own. "It's okay, don't blame yourself." I felt transfixed by his eyes, like I was in some sort of sappy romance novels that Luis is always reading. He looked so wounded but so beautiful, I felt the overwhelming urge to just close the few inches between our faces but I had good enough sense not to. He's just been molested by fucking Riley; then next thing he needs is his best friend trying to do the same thing.
That's why I'm shocked beyond thought when Adam leans forward and kisses me softly.
~*~
a/n: hmm the chapter ended in a different note than I originally intended. I was hoping for a cliffhanger but perhaps some fluff is okay too? Hope you guys enjoyed it~
Thanks to: Pull-My-Finger (please update your own fic 'save me!'), Moonlight Phoenix1 (ah thanks, I hope the characters still stay in character), LiLRebL55 (thanks!), cassie (thanks!), ZombieGurl98 (thanks! Ahh I feel like I'm repeating myself haha), darkdestiny2000 (oh fine I won't kill him…hah seriously though I've already killed him so I think I'm satiated), anne918 (aw thanks, I love your fics btw in case I didn't mention it already), crazy4nc128 (ah sorry for not updating sooner! Hmm I think I'll go check your stories for updates…), nebula2 (clever? Me? Unlikely...lol), Vinnies-Angel (I love your writing, I have to definitely procrastinate and read all your stuff again), and Cards (thanks!).
