A/n: wow, I'm overwhelmed by the reviews I received for chapter one! Thanks so much, you all inspired me to write chapter two really quickly. I'm chopping and changing between the locations and time a lot more in this chapter, so it might be a bit confusing, just make sure you read the subtitles. Sometimes ff.net won't form italics properly, so if you see something in this buenede it's meant to be italics. I'm not revealing the parings yet, as it would give away all the suspense, but it will have a lot of Abby and Carter in it, though not necessary as a couple. Hope it's not too confusing, and that you enjoy it. Oh yeah, and I've put the rating up for a small swear word, there'll prob be more in future chapters.
Grrrrrr! Just had to go back and reformat everything. What's up with this site?? Sorry if the formatting's a bit dodgy!
August 23rd, 2003. Chicago.
I don't know how you're going to react when you read this letter. You'll probably think it's cowardly of me not to tell you in person, but how can I, after everything we've been through? You'd probably say that the reason I can is because of everything we've been through. I guess that's one of the things that make us so different.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 8.30pm.
"How could he do this to me? How?"
"Abby calm down."
"I will not calm down!"
"You're creating a scene," Susan hissed.
Abby glanced around the diner, embarrassed to admit her friend was right. People were staring.
"Sorry," she muttered, poking her fork into the dejected looking hamburger on her plate.
"Don't apologise," Susan admonished. "If Carter had treated me the way he treated you, I'd be making a scene too."
Abby suddenly felt the overwhelming burn of tears in her throat. God, she couldn't break down now.
Susan peered closely at her. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," she muttered. "Except I suddenly need a cigarette."
"Don't even think about it," Susan replied. "You know how bad they are for you, not to mention those around you."
"Yeah, yeah," Abby snapped grumpily. She sighed. "Everything's just taking longer to get used than I thought."
Susan frowned. "You still having problems?"
"Not really. It's just being back at work, seeing Carter, not to mention his girlfriend. It's a bit…much."
"I can't agree more. You know what you need?"
Abby peered at her friend. "What?"
Susan grinned. "Chocolate fudge sundae."
Despite herself, Abby laughed. "I would love a chocolate fudge sundae, but I really have to be getting back."
"Oh no, not yet. We've hardly had a chance to talk."
"I know, but it's eight thirty."
"You don't have to be back till nine."
Abby shrugged slightly. "I don't want to keep Amelia waiting."
"That's what you pay her for!" Susan protested.
But Abby was already pulling on her coat. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"
"Okay, but now I'm going to have to eat that sundae all by myself."
"I'm sure you'll manage."
Susan laughed, and Abby quickly excited the diner, keeping her head low in the January cold.
She felt so lost. And angry.
How could carter just reappear like that? Expect her to be friendly to him? After what he'd done?
She sighed, her breath steaming in the air infront of her.
She'd spent months, so many months hating him. Blaming him. Wishing he'd stayed. Hoping he'd never come back. And now here he was.
And she wasn't prepared. She wasn't prepared at all.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 11.30am.
For a split second time seemed to physically stop.
It couldn't be possible. John carter could not be standing in triage.
But he was, and he was staring directly at her.
Abby was aware of Susan beside her, tailing off mid sentence, but Abby could only watch. Watch, as Susan launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. Watch as Pratt appeared, shaking hands, laughing. Watch as Kerry blinked in shock, then berated him for leaving.
She could barely take her eyes off him.
And when she did, she noticed the woman beside him.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 11am.
"What if they don't like me?"
Carter resisted a strong urge to roll his eyes.
"They will like you," he replied, exactly as he had the other seven times she'd asked.
"But what if they don't?"
He stopped, facing her and putting his hands on her shoulders.
"Kem, what's going on? I've never seen you like this. Usually you're so confident, but today you seem…well, not."
"I'm just nervous," she replied quickly.
Carter raised an eyebrow.
"Well I am! This is a part of your life I've ever seen before. It'll be different. Very different."
He took her hand, and they made their way down the steps, toward the subway platform.
"Don't worry about a thing," he assured. "Everything'll be perfect."
She nodded. "Are you going to tell them our news?" she asked, pressing her free hand against her stomach.
"Of course," he grinned. "I can't wait!"
He didn't the way Kem bit her lip, or the uncertainty in her eyes.
*
August 23rd, 2003. Chicago.
This isn't easy for me, though I doubt I will be easy for you either. I don't know what to do. I need you to tell me.
But no, that isn't fair, is it?
Because I doubt you want this either. But here it is. So we have to make a decision.
And I think I already know what mine will be.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 11.30am.
The first thing Carter saw was Abby. And it hit him like a jolt.
They stared at each other, and for a moment he had a desperate urge to throw his arms around her, hold her close, breathe in her smell. But then Susan was there, and Pratt, and everyone else. Except Abby.
She was still staring at him, looking as though she'd seen a ghost.
Then she looked at Kem.
For a split second he actually felt a frisson of dread, but pushed it firmly aside. Now was not the time.
"Everybody", he said. "I'd like to introduce you all to Kem. We're, um, going to have a baby."
He saw Abby stiffen.
"A baby?" repeated Susan, looking as though she'd been hit over the head. "Wow, that's well, wow…" She trailed off, looking uncertainly in Abby's direction.
In fact, everyone seemed to be looking at Abby.
The phone rang.
Carter was vaguely aware of Frank picking it up, but his eyes were glued on Abby. She was looking straight back at him, something burning in her gaze.
"Abby? It's Amelia."
Carter saw a flash of worry on her face. She turned to Frank, who was holding the receiver out to her. Carter noticed Susan watching her closely.
What was going on?
Abby took the phone. Carter tried hard not to look as if he was listening.
"Is everything okay?" he heard Abby ask.
"Carter?"
Carter turned, startled, and found himself face to face with Luka.
"Luka?"
Before the other man could respond, Carter enveloped him in a huge hug.
He didn't notice the disbelieving looks the ER staff shared.
"You look so well!" Carter cried, pulling back to get a proper look at him. "I can't believe it!"
Luka laughed slightly. "Well, it has been months."
"Months," repeated Carter, shaking his head slightly. "Have I really been gone that long?"
"Yes," said a voice behind him. "You have."
Abby.
She looked different, he realised suddenly, but wasn't sure why. It took him a moment to figure it out, it looked so natural on her. The white coat.
"Are you a doctor now?" he asked, disbelievingly.
"In training," she replied shortly, looking past him. "Luka. Have you heard Carter's news?" She didn't wait for him to reply. "He's going to have a baby."
Carter saw Luka's eyes widen slightly.
"Not by myself," Carter joked hastily. "This is Kem. We met in Africa. Kem, this is Doctor Kovac."
"The priest, right?" she asked, stepping forwards, and accepting his proffered hand.
At Luka's look of confusion, she smiled. "I've been told all about you."
"Luka, can I have a word? It's important."
Luka turned to Abby, and Carter saw something pass between them, though he wasn't sure what.
"Of course," Luka said quickly. "Carter, great to see you again. Kem, nice to meet you."
They turned and walked away.
"So Carter," Susan said. "Tell me all about life in the Congo."
"In a minute," he replied. "First, tell me what's going on with Abby."
To his surprise, she narrowed her eyes and shook her head slightly. "What's going on?" she repeated. "God, you really are too much sometimes. Leave Abby alone, Carter, she's been through enough."
She stormed off, leaving him thoroughly confused.
*
November 3rd, 2003. The Congo.
Kem stared blankly into the mirror.
No, it couldn't be. She had to have made a mistake. This couldn't happen. Not to her.
Shit. She was in so much trouble.
She leaned forward, studying her face carefully. She didn't look any different, and she certainly didn't feel any different.
But she was different. She was…
She couldn't even bring herself to say it.
And with him.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
There was a movement behind her, warm lips against her neck.
Carter.
She turned to look at him.
"I think I'm pregnant."
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 11.45am.
Carter stared, puzzled, after Susan. What the hell was going on? What had happened to Abby? And why was everyone acting like it was his fault?
"Hey."
He turned to Kem beside him.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeh," he muttered.
She raised her eyebrows. "You sure?"
He nodded. "I have to be at the solicitors by three. What do you wanna do? You can stay here, or look around the city, or go back home."
"I think I'll head home, I'm feeling pretty tired."
He automatically reached for her. "Is everything okay?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's fine. I'm not made of glass, you know."
He smiled. "Sorry."
"I like your friends," she said, gesturing to the bustling triage area. "They were all really nice to me."
"Well, we'll probably be hanging out here quite a lot while in Chicago." He looked at her closely. "That is okay, right?"
She smiled. "Of course it's okay."
Carter was about to reply, when he spotted Luka emerging from the hallway. "I'll be right back. Hey Luka!"
Luka turned, smiling when he saw Carter. "Hey."
"I was wondering…" Carter hesitated, glancing sideways to make sure Susan wasn't close by. "What's going on with Abby?"
Luka's eyes immediately went cold.
"I don't think you have the right to ask about Abby anymore, Carter. You should leave her alone. Excuse me, I have patients to attend to."
And once again, Carter was left feeling confused.
*
August 23rd, 2003. Chicago.
I can't just let it go, give it up. I think a part of me has always wanted this, and now I'm finally getting the chance. Please try and understand.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 8pm.
Abby shut the lounge door behind her, leaning heavily against it.
What a day.
"You ready to go?" Susan asked, from the couch.
Abby nodded. "Just let me get my stuff."
She could feel Susan watching her as she reached into her locker.
"Whatever, you're going to say, just say it."
"What makes you think I was going to say anything?"
"Susan, please. I can practically hear you thinking."
She heard Susan sigh. "I was just wondering if you'd spoken to Carter."
"Nope."
"Well…don't you think it might help?"
Abby slammed the locker shut.
"I don't think anything's going to help," she replied. "Carter obviously made up his mind about me when he read that letter."
"He was asking about you."
Despite herself, Abby felt her curiosity peaked.
"Really?" she asked, sliding into a chair. "What did he say?"
"He asked me what was going on with you. I told him to leave you alone."
A wave of relief mingled with disappointment flooded her. "Thanks."
"No problem," Susan replied, pushing herself up from the couch. "We'd better get going, if you have to be back by nine."
Abby nodded. "Yeah, let's go."
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago.12.30pm.
Carter glanced around the hospital, feeling distinctly out of place. Everyone was rushing about, working. Kem had already left.I don't belong here anymore, he realised, surprised by the sense of sorrow which accompanied the thought.
"Hey Frank," he called. "What time does Abby get off tonight?"
Frank narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I'm not sure I should tell you."
"Come on Frank, please. I just want to talk to her. Try and figure things out."
Frank sighed. "Alright, but don't tell her I was the one who told you."
He looked at Carter, almost a little sadly. "She hates you, you know."
The sorrow increased. "Yes," he said softly, realising it was true. "I know." *January 21st, 2004. Chicago.11.50pm.
"Can I watch you perform an operation?"
"No."
"Can I watch you amputate a leg?"
"No."
"Can I help you put a tube down someone's throat?"
"Definitely not."
"What about-"
"Look, Alex, why don't you go and find your mother. I'm sure she wouldn't want you talking to me."
"No way. She's over all that now."
Luka surveyed the boy. "Are you so sure?" he asked softly.
But his words were lost on the ten year old. "I wanna see a gun wound!" he cried enthusiastically.
"Trust me, you don't."
Alex tugged on his arm. "Take my heart beat."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're not sick."
"How do you know?"
Luka grinned. "I'm a doctor, I know everything."
"Mom says you know nothing."
Luka chuckled slightly. "Well, your mother and I don't exactly see eye to eye."
"Duh. You hate each other."
Luka laughed outright at that. "I certainly don't hate her." He leaned close to Alex. "However I can't be sure she'd say the same about me."
Alex giggled.
"Alex!"
Luka tried not to wince as she sharp voice carried down the hall.
Sam Tyger appeared, looking the way she always looked when she saw Luka with Alex. Pissed.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Stay in the lounge. You can't just wander around the hospital."
"But mom-"
"No. Go."
When Alex didn't move, she glowered at him
"Now!"
Sam turned to Luka. "I'd appreciate it if you leave my son alone."
"He comes to me," Luka replied heatedly. "I can't just ignore him."
"Yes. You can."
She turned to go, but he put his hand on her arm, stopping her.
"Let's talk about this. I know you're still angry with me-"
"I don't want to talk about it," she snapped. "Now leave me and my son alone."
Luka stepped back, raising his hands in defeat.
"Fine," he said shortly. "If that's the way it's going to be, then fine."
She glared at him. "You think you're such a martyr."
"No," he replied calmly. "I don't. But you seem so desperate to paint me as one."
"That's not true! What you've done, what you did-"
"Had nothing to do with you. It happened before I even met you."
"But it affected me! And what's more it affected Alex."
She closed her eyes briefly, then shook her head.
"I'm sorry, but I don't want him to have anything to do with it."
"Sam-"
"No. Just…no."
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 8pm.
Abby and Susan left the hospital quickly. They didn't notice that someone was following them.
*
August 23rd, 2003. Chicago.
The reasons don't seem to make sense, but then perhaps these things never do.
Perhaps the list of negatives does outweigh the positives, but in the end I think it will be worth it. It will be worth everything.
January 21st, 2004. Chicago.11.50pm.
"I'm sorry I don't think we've met."
Carter, wondering exactly what he'd done to Abby to make Luka so cold, was brought out of his reverie by a hand appearing infront of his face.
He blinked, looking blankly at the Indian girl, wondering exactly why she was waving at him.
"I'm Neela."
Oh, a handshake.
"Um, hi. I'm John Carter." English, he realised. Not Indian.
"Yes, you used to work here, didn't you?"
"Uh, how did you know…"
"You were just leaving when I arrived. Looking for Luka's body?"
"Oh, yes, of course." He frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't remember…"
"Oh don't be, I wouldn't expect you to. Are you a friend of Abby's?"
"What?"
"Abby's," she repeated, slightly slower. "A friend?"
"I, um, yes. I was. I am."
"Oh, well you must have been really pleased then."
"I'm, sorry, what?"
"By the news," Neela replied, reaching for a chart.
"News," Carter repeated. "What-"
The emergency alarm went off suddenly.
"Neela!" a voice yelled. "You're patient's in IVF!"
"Excuse me," Neela cried, running frantically towards a cubicle.
"Wait!" Cater called after her, but she didn't seem to hear him.
What was going on with Abby?
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 8.45pm.
Susan smiled as she dug her spoon into the sundae.
Who cared that it was minus five outside and she was on a diet? There was always room for hot fudge.
She glanced up, surprised, as a shadow fell across the table.
"I think you'd better tell me what's happened to Abby."
*
August 23rd, 2003. Chicago.
All these doubts, all this reasoning. None of it really matters. Because I've made my decision.
I'm keeping your baby.
Love, Abby.
*
January 21st, 2004. Chicago. 9.10pm.
"Thanks for phoning me earlier. I'm relieved it was nothing serious."
Amelia smiled. "Well, I know how you worry. I thought I'd better just keep you informed."
"Thanks," Abby ran a hand across her tired eyes. "Are you sure everything's been okay."
"It's been fine."
At Abby's disbelieving look, Amelia cried "Really!"
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. It's just, all this stuff's pretty new to me." She rubbed her eyes again. "You'd better get off. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Bright and early," Amelia laughed, pulling on her coat. "Night Abby."
"Night."
Abby closed the flat door quietly, then made her way into her bedroom, tip toeing toward the wooden cot beside her bed.
Her hand reached out to touch a smooth, pale cheek, stroking the fluffy, dark hair that rested atop her daughter's head.
"Hey baby," she whispered. "How have you been today?"
She bent to kiss the tiny sleeping figure, a rush of love almost suffocating her.
Who would have known something so small could bring so much joy?
Or so many problems, she reflected, thinking of the mounting pile of bills, hidden at the back of a drawer.
She jumped at a sharp knock on the door, then frowned, quickly walking into the living room and pulling the bedroom door closed behind her.
Who could be calling this late? She wondered. If it's Susan, I'll kill her, I really will.
She didn't bother to check the peephole, just opened the door, fully expecting it to be her friend.
Carter stormed in, grabbing one of her arms, his pupils dilated with anger.
"I want to see my daughter," he hissed. * August 25th, 2003. Chicago. Luka stared in confusion at the morning mail, as he recognised the handwriting on the top envelope. Why was Abby writing him a letter? *