* First Day Back *

The alarm went off at 5 am, I turned it off and tried to go back to sleep, but I was too anxious to do so.

This is going my first day back at County. I wonder if anything has changed there, I wonder if Susan still works as an attending or if Kerry is still the boss, I wonder so many things ... Who am I kidding? The only thing I wonder is if he still works there, if he still remembers me. Maybe I am just a distant memory for him.

"Mommy, are you awake? I heard your alarm" said Mandy walking into my room "I don´t like this house, it is dark and I don´t like dark"

"Sweetie, come to bed with mommy. There is nothing to be afraid of, I am here and I´m going to protect you" I said smiling at my baby. She had grown up so much, and she was starting to wonder about her daddy. Every time she looked at me, I dreaded that question.

Amanda hugged me and rested her head on my shoulder "Do you have to work today?"

I nodded "And if I don´t hurry I am going to be late" I got up and started to get ready "But you are coming with me, since school starts until tomorrow"

I saw Mandy sigh and run to her room. After some minutes, she came back wearing a red polka dot dress, blue socks and brown shoes. I couldn´t help but laugh.

"You look beautiful, Mandy, but why don´t you go and put on your Dorothy red shoes you like so much?" I had bought her a pair of shoes just like the ones Dorothy wore on the Wizard of Oz, we both believed they were magical, since everytime she put them on, wonderful things happened.

I need some magic today, Is it odd to believe that a pair of shoes can bring you good luck? I had never believed in superstitions, but lately, they are what keep me going. I need to firmly believe in something.

"Angel, let´s go" I said locking the apartment´s door and heading outside to the worst blizzard of the year "Look, Mandy, snow!"

She giggled and bent to pick some snow up and then threw it at me "You´ll pay for that, you little devil!" I said also giggling. I made a snowball and gently threw it at my daughter. Those simple things were my favorite. I really enjoyed playing with my daughter, watching her smile, feeling her happiness.

We walked for a few miles until we arrived to the ER entrance.

This is it, Abby, ready of not, this is the moment of truth. I worked here for more than four years and this entrance never seemed scary, what has changed now? I feel like a little kid during the first day of school.

"Mommy, are you ok?" Mandy asked looking at me.

"Yes, let´s go in" I said holding my kid´s hand as tight as I could, like if she were the mother who was bringing her child to kindergarden for the first time.

Just as I was getting into the hospital, I heard a familiar voice calling my name behind me. "Abby? Is that you?"

I turned around and I saw Carter´s face. He did remember me. My heart started beating faster than normal. I felt like I was having a heart attack. Was it my heart mending after the break?

"Yes, John, it´s me" I said looking straight into his eyes. He smiled as well, and as in old times, I felt we were the only two people in the whole world. Now I was sure of one thing, I never got over him and I am glad I didn´t.