Description: AU. Buffy as an army brat, imagine the possibilities. Anyway, she moves to Sunnydale and meets William "Spike" O'Connor. But Buffy's learned in the past not to get too close to people because she always ends up leaving. So what will happen when Buffy finally falls head over heels in love?

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Buffy/Spike (again...)

Spike escorted Buffy back to his car and peeled out of Cordelia's driveway. A long, drawn out silence fell between the two, as neither knew how to start the needed conversation.

"I'm sorry," Spike finally said.

"For what?" Buffy asked.

"Angel. He's such a prick, sometimes I wish Uncle Wes would send him back to England." Angered seethed from Spike's every pore just thinking about his half-brother.

"You got that right," Buffy said meekly.

"What'd he-I mean did he-" Spike fumbled for the words but came up empty handed.

Buffy however knew what he was getting at. "No, he didn't do anything," she answered. "Not for lack of trying though."

Once again silence engulfed the pair. Buffy decided it was her turn to apologize.

"Spike," she turned in her seat to face him, "I'm sorry."

"For what pet?"

"Running out on you. The other day, in the car." Buffy stumbled her way through the apology, trying to work up enough courage to speak her mind. "Spike's-there's something we need to talk about."

"I think I know where this is going," he responded. Spike turned the car onto a side road that eventually turned into a dirt road.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked. Looking around at her new surrounding, she felt lost and somewhat worried.

"There's a nice little clearing in the trees back here," Spike explained. "Better to park and talk than to have me wreck the car, don't you think luv?"

Buffy managed to stifle the cringe that wracked her when she heard him say the word "love". 'It's just a nickname,' she chided herself. 'Just some stupid British slang. Get over yourself.'

"About the other day," she started as soon as the engine shut off, "when you said-um-when you-"

"Said 'I love you'?" Spike finished Buffy's sentence.

"Yeah, that." Buffy had no idea what she was doing. It wasn't like she'd had to do this particular task very often. So, biting her tongue she just started talking.

"Look Spike, you're a great guy. You're handsome, super sweet and-but I can't be with you." Before William could utter a single syllable, Buffy continued, "It's not you, honestly. It's my step-dad. I know the second that I let down my guard and open up he'll get transferred. And then my family will have to pick up and move, and I'll never see you again. Both our hearts will get broken in the process and-it's just easier to not go through it all."

Spike sat staring. He'd known this was coming; in some deep recess of his mind he knew it was coming. He'd only hoped that he'd been more prepared for it. Lately it seemed all he could do was think about Buffy, and he knew it was a fruitless pairing. She'd told him such shortly after they'd met. But there was still that inkling of chance things might work out, and he'd die before admitting defeat.

"Spike?" Buffy asked, noting the boy's faraway stare.

"No," he said sternly.

"No?" Buffy looked astonished. 'What is he saying "no" about?'

"No, it won't be easier to just give up. Not having you isn't an option for me, Buffy." Spike talked quickly, letting his heart guide him and paying no attention to the voice in his head screaming, 'What the hell are you doing? You're gonna lose her!'

"Spike-" Buffy began, but was quickly interrupted.

"I know the thought of love scares you, and I'll be brutally honest-it scares me too. But I've never felt this way about anyone, Buffy. No one. Sure there have been other girls, but I've never had the connection with any of them that I have with you. I think about you all the time Summers. You're in my head; I'm drowning' in you."

Buffy was speechless; she knew Spike's feelings toward her were strong but she had no idea they were so deep rooted. It was a difficult task for Buffy's mind to process the idea of having such strong feelings. Sure she loved people-her mom, Giles, Dawn-but never anyone outside of her family. In all honesty she wasn't sure she was emotionally capable of such feeling.

"I know it's not what you want to hear right now. I know it'll just make your life more screwed up, but I gotta tell it to ya straight." Spike paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and continued. "Buffy, I love you. And I always will."

'Why is this so hard?' Buffy thought miserably. 'He's such a great guy and he really has feelings for me. Why can't I love him?' The internal argument went on for sometime in the recesses of Buffy's conscious. 'Maybe I could learn to love him,' she thought hopefully.

'It wouldn't be fair to lead the boy on and hen crush his still beating heart,' the other voice cried. That little annoying voice of reason and good judgment that intruded on all of Buffy's most private thoughts.

"Spike," Buffy spoke almost unconsciously, "I don't know if I could love you." She was being bluntly honest.

"Just tell me that there's a chance. Some small, microscopic chance that one day-maybe-we could end up together happily." Spike's voice trembled as he spoke. His hand slid from the cold steering wheel to take Buffy's. He cradled her tiny, well-manicured hand in his own, rubbing the back with his thumb.

Buffy looked down at the joined hands and a warm feeling washed over her. She felt as though she was being submerged into a warm, bubbly bath. A sense of security, calmness, and a sensation a sheer joy engulfed her.

'Maybe I do love him,' she thought idly, still staring at their hands. 'But how do I know? Don't I owe it to Spike to at least give this relationship a chance? What if it all crashes and burns?'

"Buffy?"

"I don't know if I could ever love you," she said bluntly.

Spike looked taken aback by her forwardness. A gentle grimace graced his fine features, turning his handsome face into that of pity.

"But I'm willing to give it a shot," she added.

Immediately Spike's arms were around Buffy, and his lips on her own. They shared a passionate moment, thoughts and doubts racing through each of their minds.