Carter took my hands and looked directly into my eyes "Abby, I think we
need to talk"
"I thought we were talking ..."
"No, I mean, we need to be honest with each other" he looked down and then looked back at me. I heard him take a deep breathe and then he spoke "I know I hurt you when I left, and I am really sorry about that. I had to be alone for a while, needed to put my thoughts in order. Everything happened so fast, Gamma dying, your brother getting sicker, us drawing apart. It was very complicated and I couldn´t handle it too well ..."
I smiled and started caressing his hands with my fingers "I know, John, I ..."
"No, please, let me finish. I thought I would find the answers I was looking for by getting away from Chicago, but I didn´t. Now I realize life began the moment I met you and ended when I lost you" he continued. I could see he was baring his soul to me and I fell in love with him once again.
Still, I was trying to understand many things "You didn´t lose me ... But, what about that letter? Why did you ..." I was interrupted by his answer.
"I don´t know. I wish I had the answer, but I don´t. I wrote it in a moment of confusion and gave it to Luka. When I realized what I had done, I took the first flight back to Chicago to try to undo every damage I had caused you, but it was too late. Susan told me you were gone and she didn´t have your new address"
"I´m ... I´m sorry, John"
"I felt the world was collapsing right in front of my eyes, and I didn´t know what to do. I started calling everyone I knew just to ask if they had any idea where you had gone. I gave up a week later. I ..." he sighed "I was miserable for the longest time. I saw I had been an idiot for having done that to you. And I knew I was the only one to blame"
I shook my head "That´s not true. It was also my fault. You stood by me whenever I needed you. When Maggie was sick, you were there; when Eric disappeared, you were there; when everything seemed to go wrong, you were there to make it right. And I couldn´t be there for you when you needed me the most. I ruined what we had when I didn´t support you when Gamma died. I am so sorry, John" I bit my lip and felt the tears stinging my eyes "I ran away when I found out I was pregnant, because I couldn´t stay in a place where everything reminded me of you, because I loved you too much and I couldn´t bear to think you were gone, so I decided to start a new life somewhere else"
I stared at him waiting for an answer, but when he remained silent, I continued "It was cruel from me to show up with your daughter after all this time and expect you to be fine with it, I know. And I am really sorry I never told you I was pregnant, but at that time, I wasn´t sure you cared ..."
"I did, Abby ..."
"I know. That is why I want you to be part of Amanda´s life. I know I can´t make up for those five years I hid her from you, but I want you to get to know your daughter now. I always knew you were going to make a great dad, now it´s your chance to prove it" I smiled "I know Mandy will love having you around and so will I. I really missed you all these years"
We both nodded and stared at each other. We knew we were meant to be together. After five years, that spark was still shining.
"I want to be part of your life too, Abby. Please give me another chance" he said.
"I will, if you give me another chance as well" I replied and he kissed my fingers.
"Now, I want to hear everything you´ve done in the past five years ..."
"I thought we were talking ..."
"No, I mean, we need to be honest with each other" he looked down and then looked back at me. I heard him take a deep breathe and then he spoke "I know I hurt you when I left, and I am really sorry about that. I had to be alone for a while, needed to put my thoughts in order. Everything happened so fast, Gamma dying, your brother getting sicker, us drawing apart. It was very complicated and I couldn´t handle it too well ..."
I smiled and started caressing his hands with my fingers "I know, John, I ..."
"No, please, let me finish. I thought I would find the answers I was looking for by getting away from Chicago, but I didn´t. Now I realize life began the moment I met you and ended when I lost you" he continued. I could see he was baring his soul to me and I fell in love with him once again.
Still, I was trying to understand many things "You didn´t lose me ... But, what about that letter? Why did you ..." I was interrupted by his answer.
"I don´t know. I wish I had the answer, but I don´t. I wrote it in a moment of confusion and gave it to Luka. When I realized what I had done, I took the first flight back to Chicago to try to undo every damage I had caused you, but it was too late. Susan told me you were gone and she didn´t have your new address"
"I´m ... I´m sorry, John"
"I felt the world was collapsing right in front of my eyes, and I didn´t know what to do. I started calling everyone I knew just to ask if they had any idea where you had gone. I gave up a week later. I ..." he sighed "I was miserable for the longest time. I saw I had been an idiot for having done that to you. And I knew I was the only one to blame"
I shook my head "That´s not true. It was also my fault. You stood by me whenever I needed you. When Maggie was sick, you were there; when Eric disappeared, you were there; when everything seemed to go wrong, you were there to make it right. And I couldn´t be there for you when you needed me the most. I ruined what we had when I didn´t support you when Gamma died. I am so sorry, John" I bit my lip and felt the tears stinging my eyes "I ran away when I found out I was pregnant, because I couldn´t stay in a place where everything reminded me of you, because I loved you too much and I couldn´t bear to think you were gone, so I decided to start a new life somewhere else"
I stared at him waiting for an answer, but when he remained silent, I continued "It was cruel from me to show up with your daughter after all this time and expect you to be fine with it, I know. And I am really sorry I never told you I was pregnant, but at that time, I wasn´t sure you cared ..."
"I did, Abby ..."
"I know. That is why I want you to be part of Amanda´s life. I know I can´t make up for those five years I hid her from you, but I want you to get to know your daughter now. I always knew you were going to make a great dad, now it´s your chance to prove it" I smiled "I know Mandy will love having you around and so will I. I really missed you all these years"
We both nodded and stared at each other. We knew we were meant to be together. After five years, that spark was still shining.
"I want to be part of your life too, Abby. Please give me another chance" he said.
"I will, if you give me another chance as well" I replied and he kissed my fingers.
"Now, I want to hear everything you´ve done in the past five years ..."