Can you not hear my cries of wretchedness?
Can you not see my tears of loneliness?
You're so blinded and deafened by this world,
Not knowing what is true and what is false,
But believing anything you want to believe.
Not being true to anyone,
Nor yourself.
How can you be so trusting?
Making you vulnerable, weak.
Can you not see that?
Can you not taste that bitterness in the world?
Can you not feel the fire of this living Hell?
Does it not burn you?
What can I do to stop this imposterous world?
This world full of people that can't be themselves.
False. But what is real?
What is true?
What, who, can I trust?
I have been burned by the flames of Hell,
I have tasted that sour bitterness of this world,
I have seen the real world, what it has become,
And I have heard my own cries, echoing.
Bouncing off walls continually.
When will someone enter my world?
Am I alone? Alone to die of pure hatred and falseness?
Never being able to stand up again?
When will someone hear my voice, see my tears, witness what is real?
Is this the way it is supposed to be?
Is this what God had wanted?
When will someone's eyes be opened to the horrible pleas of help,
Pleas to have their hearts unlocked, unleashed, to be whom they are,
Not what people want them to be?
Can you not feel, see, hear, taste, reality?
~L.E.~
I closed my journal and sighed. I looked at my journal, a thick hardbound book, a deep, entrancing color of the darkest shade of green imaginable. It was the only thing I had. The only thing I could ever hold on to. The only hope I had left.
I rubbed my eyes, wanting sleep, but not getting any. I never got any. The horrible memories, the taunting faces, the viciousness of the world kept me awake.
I decided to go down to the common room since I felt no comfort in the dorm. I sat down on the comfiest couches and sat. And sat. And sat. Staring into the flames was enchanting.
They seemed so perfect with their shape and the way they moved and how free they were. Dancing to a soft rhythm you could barely hear.
It was amazing, yet saddening. Why can't my world by like theirs? I thought. They make living life look so easy.
I tore my eyes away as I looked to the clock. 4:30. Might as well get ready. I had nothing better to do.
I took a long shower letting the gentle and warm water drench my hair and relax my body. I sighed of relief. In that moment, I felt free. Just like those flames.
But it quickly evaporated as quickly as it had come. I closed my eyes longingly, hoping it would come again. It never did. Instead I got this cold, empty feeling. Again. And then all of a sudden, a warm pair of hands wrapped around my body. I smiled, like I expected it. I turned around and saw him. Him. I smiled brightly , glad to see him. Suddenly, he became a vicious, ferocious monster with the most evil of eyes.
My eyes widened in horror and I tried to push him away. Go away! Go away! But I couldn't get away. I kept running and running, but he always seemed to be there, watching me with his eyes. I ran faster and faster until I reached a dead end.
I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I turned around, and found him again. I sighed with relief. Panting for breath, I looked up into his eyes, so warm and full of joyful laughter. He said, "Lily, you can't keep running away from your fears. Be strong, and be you. Don't be afraid Lily, give the world a chance."
I jerked awake. I was even more tired than before. I looked to the clock. 4:30. I was afraid I was dreaming again and pinched myself. Ow. I sighed. I went upstairs to find my dorm mates sleeping. I looked over to my bed and saw my journal just where I'd left it.
I took a short shower, afraid perhaps my dream still might come true. I dried my hair, got dressed in a simple T-shirt and cargo pants. I didn't really care about what people thought of my clothes. They're just clothes! Who cares?!?
I brushed out my hair and I got my books in my bag but just left them on my bed. I had decided to take a stroll to think about my dream.
As I walked out of the portrait hole, I heard whispers. I looked around surprised to hear whispers at such a time like this. I saw nobody. I decided to ignore it and kept on walking.
I headed towards the Astronomy tower, where I usually go, and sat on a beam that was narrow for the birds to sit on, hoping I would "accidentally fall". But also to think about anything that's bothering me, I would bring my journal along too.
************* We had just finished going to the kitchen to eat, and were about to go into Gryffindor Tower, when it opened by itself. I stepped back, stepping on Sirius's foot, making him step back stepping on Remus's foot, and stumbled pushing Peter, making him curse. We all cursed but stopped when we saw the person who had come out.
She looked around weirdly, and I saw, in her eyes misery etched in her eyes. Her eyes were shockingly green I thought. Her hair was damp and she looked like a "fallen angel".
I was intrigued by her. Lily Evans. She was fascinating. We all climbed into the portrait hall and everyone got out of my invisibility cloak.
"That was close." Said Sirius.
"Yeah."
"Come on, I tired. Let's go."
I went upstairs with them, and once they had all gotten into their beds, I dashed out of the dorm and out the portrait hole, pulling the invisibility cloak on. I ran quickly and silently to catch up to Lily.
Once I caught up with her, I was trying not to breath heavily so to not give me away. I followed her up the Astronomy Tower wondering what she was doing.
She sat down on a very narrow beam that were for the birds to sit on and a terrifying picture came to mind. Oh no! She isn't! She wouldn't! I thought frantically. I took out my wand just in case, so as to slow her down if she might dare fall.
************* I sighed as I got on the beam. I started my thinking. What was that dream about? Who was that person in my dream?
He looked so handsome, and yet he was so familiar. He looked so loving, and caring. Something that I would never get, someone I would never have. Tears trickled down my cheeks.
I wiped them away. No! You will not cry! You are stronger than that! I thought forcefully.
The misery was eating me away and I stood up, that feeling came over me again. What is it?!?! I questioned myself frustrated. Why do I feel like this so much?!?!
The loneliness had finally gotten to my head and I stood up and sang a song. My last song. I started to dance my practiced dance. My last dance. I kept on dancing and then finally lost my balance and fell.
The fall was thrilling yet scary. Did I just actually do that?!?! I thought horrified. Please let this be a dream. A voice rang through my head saying, " Give the world a chance." It echoed in my head and I passed out.
********* I kept my wand at hand, praying she wouldn't do what I thought she would do. I watched her like a mother watching it's baby. She had a thoughtful look on her face, like she was in a different world.
I saw tears trickle down her cheeks, and I had the sudden urge to go up to her and comfort her. She wiped her tears away swiftly and looked frustrated. She stood up and sang a song with the most beautiful voice I had ever heard. She danced along with the song.
I gripped my wand tighter, afraid she would lose her balance. She danced beautifully and was very graceful. She didn't lose her balance until she did an exceptionally tricky move, missing the beam and falling.
I was horrified and became numb. She actually did it. I can't believe it. As quickly as I could, I ran over the edge and muttered a slowing spell slowing her down right before she hit the ground. There were people around since it was already about seven and they watched with scared eyes.
I rushed off the Astronomy Tower and ran as fast as I could through the crowd, pushing and shoving to get them out of my way. I ran out onto the grounds where she had fallen and got to where she was. I checked her pulse to see if she was alive. She was. Barely.
She looked pale and she was dead cold. I picked he up and ran her to the hospital wing. As I ran past, I could catch some whispers like.
"It's the freak, Evans." "She fell off the astronomy tower" "on purpose" "I can't believe someone would do something like that" "She must really be a freak"
I tried to ignore the rude comments and rumors they were spreading. How could they be so ignorant? Can't they see she's troubled?
When I got her to the hospital wing, Madame Pomphrey had already heard. She looked quite shocked and bustled around getting this and that for Lily. I set her down on one of the beds and Madame Pomphrey shooed me out.
I returned to Gryffindor Tower, confused why someone would want to do that and how people could be so mean obviously not knowing anything about her. None of them had seen it. None of them had seen her eyes. While she sang and danced beautifully, her eyes were cold with misery, fear, sorrow, and emptiness. Her eyes told all. Something was wrong and I was determined to find out.
********** I woke up slowly, every inch in my body aching. I was dazed, couldn't remember anything at all. I blinked several times, getting used to the light. Where am I? And then it hit me suddenly. I remembered the sensation of falling, falling, forever falling. That's all I had remembered.
I looked around. Am I in heaven? This doesn't look like heaven to me. I tried to get up but a pain hit my leg. If I'm in heaven, then why does it hurt so much? You aren't in heaven, a strange voice I didn't know rang through my head.
"Then where am I?" I said aloud, not expecting an answer.
"You're in the hospital wing."
I turned quickly, with much pain while doing so, to where the voice was coming from. My eyes landed on Potter. James Potter.
"What are you doing here?" "I wanted to see if you were okay." He said gently.
"Well if it's because you pity me, I don't want it! I don't want or need your sympathy! Go away!" I said fiercely. "Go away! Leave me alone!" I screamed.
"Mr. Potter! Get out!!!!!!! I do not want you to bother my patients!" said Madame Pomphrey. She handed me a potion which I drank anger still boiling in my blood.
I slowly dropped off to sleep.
********** Grrrrrrrrrrr. What was up with her? She had such a temper! I thought angrily. And then I remembered my invisibility cloak. Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to go up to the Astronomy Tower and retrieve it.
When I got there, I grabbed my invisibility cloak but also noticed something else. A dark, deep green thick book. A journal. I picked it up and sat down and read.
Falling Apart
We used to be best friends, Sharing everything with each other. But now you're hiding something, that makes us fall apart.
We used to be the best of friends, Laughing and giggling, It just breaks my heart, To see our friendship die.
I cry myself to sleep, Thinking back to our old memories. Waiting 'til you'll tell me, Our friendship will last forever.
But yet I feel, someday, You'll say, " I don't think we should be friends anymore." That's the day I'll know from that our friendship was dying.
I'll wait here for you, To make your decision, To fall apart or stick together, But no matter what, You have a place in my heart, And the good 'ol memories, Of you and me together.
I'll wait here. Hoping.
~L.E.~
L.E. Hmmm.That's weird. I turned to another page in the journal.
While life all around me continues to go on, I stop here. When the rain falls, I stop here. When the flowers bloom, I stop here. When people finally realize their mistakes, I stop here. I can't take it. The misery and sadness is eating me, tearing me apart. It's got me caged in a prison of nothing. With no one. What is there more to live for? This monster won't let me go. I'm chained down by it's misery. Where did that misery come from? From people, from death, from loneliness, from darkness. From darkness that blinds all that could have seen and me, me while I realized that it was wrong, I could see. I could see the truth. I could see the light. But yet when I could see the cold hard reality of life, no one else could. I was alone. That's what's killing me inside. The truth. ~L.E.~
Wow. How depressing. How unclear. I turned on to the most recent.
Can you not hear my cries of wretchedness?
Can you not see my tears of loneliness?
You're so blinded and deafened by this world,
Not knowing what is true and what is false,
But believing anything you want to believe.
Not being true to anyone,
Nor yourself.
How can you be so trusting?
Making you vulnerable, weak.
Can you not see that?
Can you not taste that bitterness in the world?
Can you not feel the fire of this living Hell?
Does it not burn you?
What can I do to stop this world full of imposters?
This world full of people that can't be themselves.
False. But what is real?
What is true?
What, who, can I trust?
I have been burned by the flames of Hell,
I have tasted that sour bitterness of this world,
I have seen the real world, what it has become,
And I have heard my own cries, echoing.
Bouncing off walls continually.
When will someone enter my world?
Am I alone? Alone to die of pure hatred and falseness?
Never being able to stand up again?
When will someone hear my voice, see my tears, witness what is real?
Is this the way it is supposed to be?
Is this what God had wanted?
When will someone's eyes be opened to the horrible pleas of help,
Pleas to have their hearts unlocked, unleashed, to be whom they are,
Not what people want them to be?
Can you not feel, see, hear, taste, reality?
~L.E.~
When I was finished, I felt miserable too. Whoever this person was, had some heavy shit. Who in this world would be so horrible? Who is this person?
I decided to keep the journal a secret, not wanting anybody else to know the innermost thoughts of this L.E. person. When I got back to Gryffindor Tower, everyone had already gone to bed. I went to the couch and collapsed. There I slept.
********** I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and new. Madame Promphey let me go. Finally, I was able to get out of the hospital wing. I made my way to Gryffindor Tower and when I got through the portrait hole, everyone stared at me. My smile slowly faded.
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?!?!?"
Everyone turned there heads back to the way they were and I saw Potter jump when I yelled. I noticed he had a book in his hands. My journal. MY JOURNAL!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY JOURNAL?!?!?!?" I said furiously.
"I..uhh. I.d-di.I..mean.I.s-sor-ssorry." He stammered.
I went over to him and slapped him hard on the face and grabbed my journal and ran to my dorm crying. I avoided the glares the girls were giving me for slapping James and cried hard on my bed.
"Are you okay Lily?"
I looked up and saw Amy. She looked a bit scared of me.
I said icily, "What? Are you scared now that I tried to commit suicide, that I'm a freak? Are you scared that I killed Rose?!?!?"
Can you not see my tears of loneliness?
You're so blinded and deafened by this world,
Not knowing what is true and what is false,
But believing anything you want to believe.
Not being true to anyone,
Nor yourself.
How can you be so trusting?
Making you vulnerable, weak.
Can you not see that?
Can you not taste that bitterness in the world?
Can you not feel the fire of this living Hell?
Does it not burn you?
What can I do to stop this imposterous world?
This world full of people that can't be themselves.
False. But what is real?
What is true?
What, who, can I trust?
I have been burned by the flames of Hell,
I have tasted that sour bitterness of this world,
I have seen the real world, what it has become,
And I have heard my own cries, echoing.
Bouncing off walls continually.
When will someone enter my world?
Am I alone? Alone to die of pure hatred and falseness?
Never being able to stand up again?
When will someone hear my voice, see my tears, witness what is real?
Is this the way it is supposed to be?
Is this what God had wanted?
When will someone's eyes be opened to the horrible pleas of help,
Pleas to have their hearts unlocked, unleashed, to be whom they are,
Not what people want them to be?
Can you not feel, see, hear, taste, reality?
~L.E.~
I closed my journal and sighed. I looked at my journal, a thick hardbound book, a deep, entrancing color of the darkest shade of green imaginable. It was the only thing I had. The only thing I could ever hold on to. The only hope I had left.
I rubbed my eyes, wanting sleep, but not getting any. I never got any. The horrible memories, the taunting faces, the viciousness of the world kept me awake.
I decided to go down to the common room since I felt no comfort in the dorm. I sat down on the comfiest couches and sat. And sat. And sat. Staring into the flames was enchanting.
They seemed so perfect with their shape and the way they moved and how free they were. Dancing to a soft rhythm you could barely hear.
It was amazing, yet saddening. Why can't my world by like theirs? I thought. They make living life look so easy.
I tore my eyes away as I looked to the clock. 4:30. Might as well get ready. I had nothing better to do.
I took a long shower letting the gentle and warm water drench my hair and relax my body. I sighed of relief. In that moment, I felt free. Just like those flames.
But it quickly evaporated as quickly as it had come. I closed my eyes longingly, hoping it would come again. It never did. Instead I got this cold, empty feeling. Again. And then all of a sudden, a warm pair of hands wrapped around my body. I smiled, like I expected it. I turned around and saw him. Him. I smiled brightly , glad to see him. Suddenly, he became a vicious, ferocious monster with the most evil of eyes.
My eyes widened in horror and I tried to push him away. Go away! Go away! But I couldn't get away. I kept running and running, but he always seemed to be there, watching me with his eyes. I ran faster and faster until I reached a dead end.
I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I turned around, and found him again. I sighed with relief. Panting for breath, I looked up into his eyes, so warm and full of joyful laughter. He said, "Lily, you can't keep running away from your fears. Be strong, and be you. Don't be afraid Lily, give the world a chance."
I jerked awake. I was even more tired than before. I looked to the clock. 4:30. I was afraid I was dreaming again and pinched myself. Ow. I sighed. I went upstairs to find my dorm mates sleeping. I looked over to my bed and saw my journal just where I'd left it.
I took a short shower, afraid perhaps my dream still might come true. I dried my hair, got dressed in a simple T-shirt and cargo pants. I didn't really care about what people thought of my clothes. They're just clothes! Who cares?!?
I brushed out my hair and I got my books in my bag but just left them on my bed. I had decided to take a stroll to think about my dream.
As I walked out of the portrait hole, I heard whispers. I looked around surprised to hear whispers at such a time like this. I saw nobody. I decided to ignore it and kept on walking.
I headed towards the Astronomy tower, where I usually go, and sat on a beam that was narrow for the birds to sit on, hoping I would "accidentally fall". But also to think about anything that's bothering me, I would bring my journal along too.
************* We had just finished going to the kitchen to eat, and were about to go into Gryffindor Tower, when it opened by itself. I stepped back, stepping on Sirius's foot, making him step back stepping on Remus's foot, and stumbled pushing Peter, making him curse. We all cursed but stopped when we saw the person who had come out.
She looked around weirdly, and I saw, in her eyes misery etched in her eyes. Her eyes were shockingly green I thought. Her hair was damp and she looked like a "fallen angel".
I was intrigued by her. Lily Evans. She was fascinating. We all climbed into the portrait hall and everyone got out of my invisibility cloak.
"That was close." Said Sirius.
"Yeah."
"Come on, I tired. Let's go."
I went upstairs with them, and once they had all gotten into their beds, I dashed out of the dorm and out the portrait hole, pulling the invisibility cloak on. I ran quickly and silently to catch up to Lily.
Once I caught up with her, I was trying not to breath heavily so to not give me away. I followed her up the Astronomy Tower wondering what she was doing.
She sat down on a very narrow beam that were for the birds to sit on and a terrifying picture came to mind. Oh no! She isn't! She wouldn't! I thought frantically. I took out my wand just in case, so as to slow her down if she might dare fall.
************* I sighed as I got on the beam. I started my thinking. What was that dream about? Who was that person in my dream?
He looked so handsome, and yet he was so familiar. He looked so loving, and caring. Something that I would never get, someone I would never have. Tears trickled down my cheeks.
I wiped them away. No! You will not cry! You are stronger than that! I thought forcefully.
The misery was eating me away and I stood up, that feeling came over me again. What is it?!?! I questioned myself frustrated. Why do I feel like this so much?!?!
The loneliness had finally gotten to my head and I stood up and sang a song. My last song. I started to dance my practiced dance. My last dance. I kept on dancing and then finally lost my balance and fell.
The fall was thrilling yet scary. Did I just actually do that?!?! I thought horrified. Please let this be a dream. A voice rang through my head saying, " Give the world a chance." It echoed in my head and I passed out.
********* I kept my wand at hand, praying she wouldn't do what I thought she would do. I watched her like a mother watching it's baby. She had a thoughtful look on her face, like she was in a different world.
I saw tears trickle down her cheeks, and I had the sudden urge to go up to her and comfort her. She wiped her tears away swiftly and looked frustrated. She stood up and sang a song with the most beautiful voice I had ever heard. She danced along with the song.
I gripped my wand tighter, afraid she would lose her balance. She danced beautifully and was very graceful. She didn't lose her balance until she did an exceptionally tricky move, missing the beam and falling.
I was horrified and became numb. She actually did it. I can't believe it. As quickly as I could, I ran over the edge and muttered a slowing spell slowing her down right before she hit the ground. There were people around since it was already about seven and they watched with scared eyes.
I rushed off the Astronomy Tower and ran as fast as I could through the crowd, pushing and shoving to get them out of my way. I ran out onto the grounds where she had fallen and got to where she was. I checked her pulse to see if she was alive. She was. Barely.
She looked pale and she was dead cold. I picked he up and ran her to the hospital wing. As I ran past, I could catch some whispers like.
"It's the freak, Evans." "She fell off the astronomy tower" "on purpose" "I can't believe someone would do something like that" "She must really be a freak"
I tried to ignore the rude comments and rumors they were spreading. How could they be so ignorant? Can't they see she's troubled?
When I got her to the hospital wing, Madame Pomphrey had already heard. She looked quite shocked and bustled around getting this and that for Lily. I set her down on one of the beds and Madame Pomphrey shooed me out.
I returned to Gryffindor Tower, confused why someone would want to do that and how people could be so mean obviously not knowing anything about her. None of them had seen it. None of them had seen her eyes. While she sang and danced beautifully, her eyes were cold with misery, fear, sorrow, and emptiness. Her eyes told all. Something was wrong and I was determined to find out.
********** I woke up slowly, every inch in my body aching. I was dazed, couldn't remember anything at all. I blinked several times, getting used to the light. Where am I? And then it hit me suddenly. I remembered the sensation of falling, falling, forever falling. That's all I had remembered.
I looked around. Am I in heaven? This doesn't look like heaven to me. I tried to get up but a pain hit my leg. If I'm in heaven, then why does it hurt so much? You aren't in heaven, a strange voice I didn't know rang through my head.
"Then where am I?" I said aloud, not expecting an answer.
"You're in the hospital wing."
I turned quickly, with much pain while doing so, to where the voice was coming from. My eyes landed on Potter. James Potter.
"What are you doing here?" "I wanted to see if you were okay." He said gently.
"Well if it's because you pity me, I don't want it! I don't want or need your sympathy! Go away!" I said fiercely. "Go away! Leave me alone!" I screamed.
"Mr. Potter! Get out!!!!!!! I do not want you to bother my patients!" said Madame Pomphrey. She handed me a potion which I drank anger still boiling in my blood.
I slowly dropped off to sleep.
********** Grrrrrrrrrrr. What was up with her? She had such a temper! I thought angrily. And then I remembered my invisibility cloak. Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to go up to the Astronomy Tower and retrieve it.
When I got there, I grabbed my invisibility cloak but also noticed something else. A dark, deep green thick book. A journal. I picked it up and sat down and read.
Falling Apart
We used to be best friends, Sharing everything with each other. But now you're hiding something, that makes us fall apart.
We used to be the best of friends, Laughing and giggling, It just breaks my heart, To see our friendship die.
I cry myself to sleep, Thinking back to our old memories. Waiting 'til you'll tell me, Our friendship will last forever.
But yet I feel, someday, You'll say, " I don't think we should be friends anymore." That's the day I'll know from that our friendship was dying.
I'll wait here for you, To make your decision, To fall apart or stick together, But no matter what, You have a place in my heart, And the good 'ol memories, Of you and me together.
I'll wait here. Hoping.
~L.E.~
L.E. Hmmm.That's weird. I turned to another page in the journal.
While life all around me continues to go on, I stop here. When the rain falls, I stop here. When the flowers bloom, I stop here. When people finally realize their mistakes, I stop here. I can't take it. The misery and sadness is eating me, tearing me apart. It's got me caged in a prison of nothing. With no one. What is there more to live for? This monster won't let me go. I'm chained down by it's misery. Where did that misery come from? From people, from death, from loneliness, from darkness. From darkness that blinds all that could have seen and me, me while I realized that it was wrong, I could see. I could see the truth. I could see the light. But yet when I could see the cold hard reality of life, no one else could. I was alone. That's what's killing me inside. The truth. ~L.E.~
Wow. How depressing. How unclear. I turned on to the most recent.
Can you not hear my cries of wretchedness?
Can you not see my tears of loneliness?
You're so blinded and deafened by this world,
Not knowing what is true and what is false,
But believing anything you want to believe.
Not being true to anyone,
Nor yourself.
How can you be so trusting?
Making you vulnerable, weak.
Can you not see that?
Can you not taste that bitterness in the world?
Can you not feel the fire of this living Hell?
Does it not burn you?
What can I do to stop this world full of imposters?
This world full of people that can't be themselves.
False. But what is real?
What is true?
What, who, can I trust?
I have been burned by the flames of Hell,
I have tasted that sour bitterness of this world,
I have seen the real world, what it has become,
And I have heard my own cries, echoing.
Bouncing off walls continually.
When will someone enter my world?
Am I alone? Alone to die of pure hatred and falseness?
Never being able to stand up again?
When will someone hear my voice, see my tears, witness what is real?
Is this the way it is supposed to be?
Is this what God had wanted?
When will someone's eyes be opened to the horrible pleas of help,
Pleas to have their hearts unlocked, unleashed, to be whom they are,
Not what people want them to be?
Can you not feel, see, hear, taste, reality?
~L.E.~
When I was finished, I felt miserable too. Whoever this person was, had some heavy shit. Who in this world would be so horrible? Who is this person?
I decided to keep the journal a secret, not wanting anybody else to know the innermost thoughts of this L.E. person. When I got back to Gryffindor Tower, everyone had already gone to bed. I went to the couch and collapsed. There I slept.
********** I woke up the next day feeling refreshed and new. Madame Promphey let me go. Finally, I was able to get out of the hospital wing. I made my way to Gryffindor Tower and when I got through the portrait hole, everyone stared at me. My smile slowly faded.
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!?!?!?"
Everyone turned there heads back to the way they were and I saw Potter jump when I yelled. I noticed he had a book in his hands. My journal. MY JOURNAL!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY JOURNAL?!?!?!?" I said furiously.
"I..uhh. I.d-di.I..mean.I.s-sor-ssorry." He stammered.
I went over to him and slapped him hard on the face and grabbed my journal and ran to my dorm crying. I avoided the glares the girls were giving me for slapping James and cried hard on my bed.
"Are you okay Lily?"
I looked up and saw Amy. She looked a bit scared of me.
I said icily, "What? Are you scared now that I tried to commit suicide, that I'm a freak? Are you scared that I killed Rose?!?!?"