Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek Voyager or it's characters. I do own this story, however.
Time: Set several weeks after the 'Learning Curve' episode.
A/N: Just a little something that I thought I'd write about Gerron, since he rarely gets any stories.
Dirty Little Secrets
I sit on my bed, feeling alone and miserable. As usual. I had hoped that by spending time alone, I would be able to unburden my soul more easily. Instead, it only complicated matters.
I haven't been able to eat, sleep, or make any decent friends. And I really want to make a friend. I deserve a little peace after all the trouble that I've lived through, right? So what's stopping me from spilling my secrets?
Fear, mostly.
Fear because sharing my secrets mean that I'll have to trust someone. Fear because I've never lived in one place long enough to have this problem, and now I'll be living here until Voyager returns to the Alpha Quadrant. Fear because when I finally share my secrets, I'll have to move on with my life. And living the way I do now is familiar, even if it is lonely.
Lieutenant Tuvok tried making a connection with me again this week, the third time since his field training class ended. While I appreciate his efforts, I'm afraid that he'll give up on me like everyone else has. Well, nearly everyone else. Commander Chakotay never really gave up on me; he just gave me the room to deal with my troubled heart as I see fit. And Kenneth Dalby still tends to look out for my welfare, but it's mostly done discreetly, when I'm not likely to become aware of it for some time. Not that I mind, I guess. I just wish that things were different. And to do that, I have to be willing to open up.
I'm not sure that I can.
Who would I share my experiences with? Tuvok? No, mostly because I'm not quite ready to trust the man who betrayed Chakotay's crew. I can't tell Chakotay because it would mean that Janeway would find out, and I don't want her to know. Dalby's kind to be there for me, but he's not someone I'd be willing to share my secrets with.
But just maybe there is someone that I can tell. Mariah Henley seems like a gentle-hearted woman who I'd be able to trust. And she seems to understand my distance with nearly everyone on Voyager. Maybe in time I'll tell her, but not tonight. It's time for bed.
I just hope that the nightmares of losing my entire family won't find me tonight.
~Finished