Snake: You're hopeless.
akai: Hey! Is it my fault that I've been busy?
Snake: *glare*
akai: *grumbling* Yes, I guess it is...
Snake: It is.
akai: *sweatdrop*
Thanks go out to everyone who read this fic and reviewed, though its contents have probably long been forgotten. Special thanks go out to Valentine Angel as she persistently nagged me and hounded me through AIM to get this chapter out.
Now, on to replying to reviews! (This is a little something I do with my other fic, so to be fair, I should do it with this one too... even if it disrupts the dark mood I'm trying to set here...^_^;; But I figure if people are nice enough to take time to review, then I should take the time to return the courtesy!)
Synthesis Landale
I read this on MG Slash, actually, but wanted to comment.
Absolutely brilliant stuff. I love Snake/Otacon.
But eh, Snake dies! *sniff* This is already a very moving story, you really get into the minds of the characters. I love it, and can't wait for the next chapter!
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ I know... it's sad that Snake dies :( but that's what my twisted mind decided on for plot. I shouldn't complain, though I guess, since it's the same twisted mind that's obsessive-compulsive about getting every detail of the characterization just right... @_@;; I hope this chapter's worth the wait...
Channeller
Love the set-up! Raiden reading their journals. It's also extrememly well written, which makes this one of the best metal gear fan-fics that I've read so far. More!
I'm glad you liked it! I was going for something a little different when I wrote this, and the whole journal idea appealed to me. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to find that it may not be the most ideal medium since some of the stuff I'm getting into requires more description than what people write in their journals. But then again, we'll see how well it works when I get there, ne? ^_~
Scarbie
This was very, -very- good. I don't usually like shounen-ai stories, but this was extremely well written and well thought out. I like the idea of the journal entries. *LOL* and you managed to get box humor in there too! I am so impressed. Your Author's notes were very informative as well. I hope to see more MGS stuff from you in the future.
I have a copy of the American version of 'Document of MGS2' and I must say that is the worst thing that could have happened to me. BWAHAHAHAHA. That combined with the codec text dump on gamefaqs.com makes a happy Scarbie. Now I can make fun of things accurately. BWAHAHAHAHA I really think that any MGS fan especially MGS fanfic writers should make that investment. It's great reference material.
Wow *blush* I'm happy that you're enjoying my story, even if it /is/ shounen-ai. Ah, yes, Snake's beloved box... >: ) I'm glad you found the notes to be an enjoyable read. I always hope that my notes aren't too boring or useless. It's good to know they're worth something ^_^
As for Documents, yes, I agree. It's a great resource for MGS writers, and I highly recommend to anyone who hasn't gotten it yet to get it! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (Sorry, had to join in on the evil laughter! ^_^;; )
Valentine Angel
I only came back to this site to give this fic its justice and say how bloody brilliant it is, because IT IS.
*poke* chapter! chapter chapter chapter! Want to see next one. ^^ I'll be coming to Japan next year so I'll find you if you're not careful! RAH!
- Valentine Angel ^^;;
Thank you so much for reviewing, Valentine Angel... and thanks again for all the nagging ^_^;; I dread your arrival in Japan, as that means you can also call me up and nag me on the phone and leave me strange messages on my machine, and... uh... ok, I've scared myself enough... -_-;;
SniperQuistis
DAMMIT! Must... read... another chapter... Please write another! I love SXO Yaoi!
^_^;; Well, here's another chapter... though I'd have to say that, unfortunately, there's no yaoi... :( Just more shounen-ai angst... -_-;;
The usual disclaimer: Don't own squat. Konami had better not sue me for killing their character... blah.
Indented text bits are entries - plain type is Snake, italicized is Otacon. Damn FF.net for not allowing tables in html anymore... but at least I finally figured out how to have sort of indented paragraphs. Hope it's not too confusing... -_-;
I know I promised Rose I would go to bed early, and I really tried, but when I laid my head down on my pillow, all these questions flooded into my mind. I still don't know how Snake died, and I have a bad feeling that things just aren't right somehow - like there's a time limit on me now to finish reading, or I may be too late for something I don't yet know. I am really beginning to think I should call Otacon up in the morning, just to make sure he's alright.
The Elevator Up to Hell
akaisakura
Chapter 2: Countdown to Disaster
I open the journal I was reading, carefully skipping the parts I've already read. I really don't want to be reminded of all that again. The next few entries are mostly Otacon's as he tried to sort his feelings out. You can kind of tell that Snake was working in the shadows, as it were, and that Otacon was healing slowly, but surely. The next entry surprises me, as I had no idea that this was going on.
-
May 29, 2009
Word came down from headquarters today. Seems like they decided that the finding of Olga's child should be handled by one of the smaller departments in our branch. I don't know. I have to wonder if there is, perhaps, a Patriot operative in our midst as this is entirely too convenient for them to keep Dave and I out of the picture. Knowing the Patriots, I wouldn't be surprised if they turned Olga's child into an experiment, just like Dave, Jack and Frank. We will definitely protest this decision, but most likely, we'll have to work in the shadows on our own.Dave was furious when he heard the decision. He had promised Olga that he would find her child, and he's not about to let Philanthropy have its way about this one. I don't know. While I agree with him and I also feel that we should be the ones to do this, I also know that we are the only two who can handle some of the more intense missions. If we were to divide our attentions, I'm afraid that we would be putting ourselves in danger. I guess I'm just very mixed about this issue. I want to do what's right, but I also want to help in the best way we can, and if that means letting someone else find Olga's child while we concentrated on our specialty, then... But I will still support Dave, even if it means going against our order.
I had no idea Otacon was so mixed about this, or that they'd never really been granted permission to work on this case. I know I said that I'd worked with Philanthropy in the past, but I was never really part of the whole thing. Rose made me promise that I'd only help out when the guys needed me, and she practically threatened Snake and Otacon to not let me go on too many missions. Needless to say, I was only with Philanthropy for a short while. When I had asked about Olga's child about half a year after Big Shell, they had given me a vague answer, but assured me that they were looking for the child. In the end, I don't think they won their appeal and had to search for Olga's child in the scraps of time between missions.
-
June 2, 2009
Those bastards are really asking for it! Hal's been trying to calm me down all day, but those bastards are really asking for it! If we're really in charge of our branch, then why are we being stopped at every turn?! So we don't have all of North America under our jurisdiction, but you'd think they'd let us search our sector at the very least. "It's a personal agenda," they say. Well, yes, so what if it is? I promised Olga, and a promise is a promise. I'm not about to break one for bureaucratic red-tape. I keep telling Hal we should leave Philanthropy, at least for a little while so we can concentrate on this, but he wants to stay. He does make a good point that Philanthropy has more resources and a good network in place, but what good's a network if you can't use it?
June 6, 2009
Dave is still fuming about the appeal. I think that was, quite possibly, the quickest turn-around time for an appeal ever. It was like we had just sent out our appeal when we got a response back about how we're going against what's best for the organization for a personal matter, etc., etc., etc. I can't say that I disagree with them, as Philanthropy's purpose is the elimination of Metal Gears, but there's a side of me that also agrees that we should do what's right, which is fulfill our promise and rescue Olga's child from whatever the Patriots are putting him or her through for their own purposes.I think that it's basically come down to this: we will have to work on our own for this and in our spare time, if such a thing exists. I only hope that we can find Olga's child sooner rather than later. I don't want to know what other kinds of dehumanizing things the Patriots are capable of...
June 8, 2009
Hal's an incredible guy. I know I haven't been the best guy to be around lately, but he's sorta calmed me down and he said that he'd be willing to help me look. I wish I could help him, but I'm no hacker. I'm sure I could learn, but it'd take years for me to get good enough so I can hack into top secret databases, so I have to count on Hal. I'm kinda worried that it'll be too much for him, with him hacking for info on Metal Gears already, but he said that he'll be fine. "It'll be like searching for two things instead of one for each database I hack anyway," he says.I'm glad he's here to help. I'm not sure what I would've done without him. Thanks again, Hal.
June 10, 2009
You're welcome anytime, Dave! ^_^I think Dave has finally calmed down enough to think rationally about this whole thing. He's agreed to stay in Philanthropy, but he made it clear that while he wants to destroy Metal Gears, he is making Olga's child his first priority. I know he's worried about me, but I'm really ok. I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I'm just not sure our wallets can. Coffee consumption's about to go up by 300%...
This whole thing with Olga's child… There's something about this that isn't agreeing with me. I put aside any unpleasant feelings for now and continue reading, as I still have that nagging feeling to finish reading everything before it's too late for... something...
I skim through the rest of the entries for this journal and the beginning of the next one. A lot of it is more personal, day to day thoughts that the two of them have. Seems like their Thanksgiving and Christmas were particularly... uh, romantic. I've got to stop reading those entries.
-
January 1, 2010
Happy New Year! Or at least to me. Dave suffered another horrible hangover this morning. I don't think he'll ever learn not to drink so much. I keep telling him not to, but does he listen, no, of course not! Oh well.In other news, as a great present to the two of us, I hit jackpot today and found our first piece of solid evidence as to the whereabouts of Olga's child. Looks like Olga had a girl and she is being held somewhere in the States. For now, I think we'll name her Katrina. The report I found today was brief, but I am fairly certain that it's her. I think Dave will be very happy to hear that we're finally on our way to rescuing her.
I will have to be a lot more cautious from now on, though. If anything, Big Shell taught Dave and I that there's more than one force out there that's capable of interfering with us, namely the Patriots, Ocelot and Liquid.
January 4, 2010
It's great that Hal's found something. It's been kinda boring lately since there hasn't been any info about Metal Gears recently, but I guess I should be happy about that. It's been nice for me since I could finally pay some attention to my dogs. Ever since we joined Philanthropy four years ago, I've only been racing on and off whenever I had time, and because of Big Shell, I had to skip all the races last season. But if we find out more about Katrina, then my dogs'll probably be suffering in the cold again. Well, at least Olga'll be able to rest once we find Katrina and bring her home.
It seems that Snake and Otacon prepared for their rescue mission from about mid-February until mid-May. Most of the entries after this one are about the mission, or something they found, or Snake fuming about an impasse they hit with the Philanthropy bigwigs. I guess I'll actually read a few select ones.
-
February 10, 2010
Couldn't sleep, so I figured I should write something, since it is my turn and all. The first half of the course's over, so it's just tomorrow. Hal's long asleep, or I hope he is anyway. He actually told a good joke today that wasn't completely over my head. Usually, his jokes have something to do with anime or computers or both. I can get some of his computer jokes sometimes, but his anime ones are definitely beyond me.The race went alright today, and my finishing time put me at 8th place for now. I need to make up quite a bit of lost time if I hope to pull myself to 1st place tomorrow. I made a simple mistake that cost me a little bit of time. There was a bit of a tough turn in the course and I thought we could make it, but I didn't turn the sled at the right time and I accidentally flipped the sled. That cost me about twenty minutes as I had to repack everything back on the sled in the middle of heavy snowfall and get back on course. I'm embarrassed to think that I could make such a stupid mistake when I've been racing for almost ten years now. Oh, well. What's done is done. No worries. I can make up that time tomorrow.
There's a page here that's been folded over lengthwise into the spine and sealed shut at three points. I can faintly see the handwriting through the paper, though not too well as it looks like there was only one page of writing and a second page was folded on top to cover the writing. It looks like Snake's handwriting. I guess this is a continuation of the entry, but maybe it was something Snake didn't want Otacon to read. It must be hard keeping a journal with another person. I'm surprised there aren't more personal thoughts and sealed pages in this diary. But, then, maybe those two didn't hold secrets from each other, at least not by this point in their relationship. I wonder if I should read what's inside. I've already intruded so much into their lives that a little more couldn't hurt, right? But somehow, it's still not right. I turn the question over and over again in my mind. Finally, I make my decision.
"I'm sorry, Snake," I whisper as I break the seals and open the page.
-
There is one thing that I am worried about, though. Hal doesn't seem to remember, or maybe we both just want to ignore it, but I still wonder about FoxDie. Liquid mentioned something about how I was "passed up" for the program, but Naomi had once said that she had tampered with it, so it's like a time bomb with its timer set to some unknown time remaining. I wonder who was telling the truth then. I wonder who's telling the truth now.
I'm beginning to feel my mortality, even more than when I'm on the field. On the field, you know you might die, but you still have some control. I can try and avoid confrontations, I can control my actions so I can survive in a fighting situation, but when you're just sitting at home in a peaceful time like this, sometimes, something just descends and sits in your chest and you feel the weight of having lived so long. Maybe Liquid's right. My genes are vintage by now. What happens when your body is no longer blessed by the favor of the gods? What will happen to Hal if I were to die?
I don't know why I'm dwelling on this, or why this has been on my mind recently. Maybe it's just that natural thing that people do when they reach that mid-life crisis thing. I really shouldn't take that little screw up this afternoon so seriously. I mean, people make simple mistakes all the time.
March 26, 2010
We turned in preliminary plans today to Philanthropy headquarters outlining what we've found and our intentions. It basically stated that we were going to "go and destroy the Metal Gear" that's conveniently located where Katrina's currently being held. Not that it isn't the truth, since they are developing a Metal Gear there, but I guess this is what people would call "bias" and "pursuing personal agendas". Well, whether the bigwigs will buy it or not is up to them. Dave's going to blow someone up if another one of our plans gets rejected again. I, on the other hand, will just chalk it up as the usual red-tape you deal with in the private sector. I have to admit, though, it's not nearly as bad as when I was working for the government. At least here, we get some say in what we want to do.
March 28, 2010
I grant you the private sector's not so bad, but there's been so much blocking us that we might as well be back in the military. What happened to being the "head directors" of the North American continent? If I didn't know any better, I'd say that whoever the Patriot mole is has gained a pretty tight control of Philanthropy and is the one who's really running the show. I mean, Metal Gears around the world are being destroyed, just like in Philanthropy's mission statement, but for some reason, there's a lack of urgency and way too much crap to deal with here in North America. It may just be my imagination, but I'm usually not wrong about things like this. Humph. Looks like we can call Philanthropy (North America) a branch of the Patriots.
April 1, 2010
I don't believe it! We got the go-ahead from headquarters. Looks like they bought out story after all. Still, Dave might be right. If the Patriots really do have that much control on Philanthropy, then aren't we just doing what they want? Aren't we just pawns again?
April 15, 2010
Taxes? Hah! What are those? :P
May 2, 2010
This is beginning to bother me. Philanthropy hasn't tried to interfere with us in the past month since we got their authorization. Last time we were on a mission, they tried to find out every detail of our plans. This time, nothing. Not a peep. If it is the Patriots, wouldn't they know that if they suddenly stopped bothering us, we'd notice something was up? Or is this part of their plan? I hope we're prepared enough for this. I'd hate for something to go wrong. But then, when've I ever been on a mission where nothing's gone wrong?
May 14, 2010
The day is drawing nearer. I'm getting a bit nervous and I'm sure Dave is too, even if he doesn't show it on the outside. We have a little less than a week left until we execute this mission and I'm beginning to get worried about things I may have overlooked. We both agree that this is most likely a set-up the Patriots are allowing us to walk right into, but that doesn't mean that we can't try to stack the odds a little in our favor. I mean, I believe that Dave has the ability to turn this mission into a success, like all his other missions, but a few extra precautions couldn't hurt, right? Maybe I should find out what the soldiers wear and are equipped with...
May 19, 2010
Why does he have to be so stubborn?! He acts like he doesn't even care that I'm just trying to watch out for his well-being!! He knows this mission is a set-up, so why is he blowing me off like I'm over exaggerating the possibilities?!All I wanted him to do was wear some spare camos that look like the sentry's on top of his sneaking suit, and he absolutely refused! He wanted to wear only his usual sneaking suit, saying that the extra clothing would only slow him down and get in his way. I kept on telling him that his suit is not a bulletproof vest, and that I was just concerned for his well-being. He grumbled at me and said that I shouldn't doubt his ability, to which I replied, "I'm not doubting your ability, Dave...I'm just worried. I mean, you're pushing yourself too hard and the years are catching up with you." And of course he takes great offense to such a statement. The great and legendary Solid Snake doesn't age that quickly, or so he thinks. I can't win with him!
Tonight was one of those nights when he's just being impossible. What an awful time for one of his macho moods to come out. I mean, this may have been fine and well with Meryl, but I'm not her, in case he hasn't noticed.
There's another one of those folded pages here. I wonder why Otacon never opened any of these after Snake's death. I know he respects Snake and his privacy, but I wonder if he ever thought about what Snake was keeping from him... I apologize again, and carefully open this entry.
-
May 20, 2010
I just had to write this before we leave this morning. Hal's still asleep and it's about 3:30 am right now. I'll have to wake him up in about half an hour.I'm sorry, Hal. I didn't mean to yell at you. I care about you more than anyone else in the world, but last night, I just didn't want to face the fact that I am aging. I know you don't know a thing about my recent worries concerning this. I don't want to depress you with these kinds of thoughts. Your life is already painful enough, and I want to give you nothing but happiness. You deserve that much. People don't always get what they deserve, but I'm going to try to give you what you should've gotten in the first place for the rest of our lives. I know what I said last night probably wasn't the best thing to say, and I probably just worried you all the more, but I'm sorry. I don't want to think about these kinds of things, especially because we're going into this mission today.
I may be a little cold today, but don't worry about me. I need to focus and so do you. We can't let thoughts of death invade our mind.
May 23, 2010
I've never directly killed anyone before. Never. I don't like violence. I despise guns. I don't want to harm anyone, but somehow, all the people I love always end up dead. Why? Why must I be cursed to kill everyone I love? First my father, then Wolf... Emma... and now... now...I was feeling really awful about the fight we had the night before. I mean, that night, I just went to bed, and in the morning, we ignored each other as though a "we" never existed. It was just strictly Dave and Hal... or Snake and Otacon. Normally, we keep our civilian lives out of the mission anyway, or find a way to force it out, but this time, I just couldn't do it.
All I did was say, "I love you," but that was enough to get him killed.
It's all my fault. I had just finished giving him some advice about the area, when I just couldn't take the tension anymore. I broke down and took two extra seconds of time that broke his concentration. He was spotted by a sentry, and all I could hear for the next minute were the sounds of gunfire and heavy breathing as the sentry opened fire on him. By chance, a bullet grazed Dave's neck, cutting his jugular open. He instantly fell to the floor. I tried to talk to him, to ask him if he was alright, and he told me that he had been shot in the neck. I didn't want to believe it, but all the monitors were blinking warning messages at me. The suit's sensors confirmed that he had been shot in the neck. I could hear the sentry talking into his 2-way, calling for backup, as he stood there, towering over my Dave.
That's when he told me one last time that he loved me, and that he would always love me. But he also told me to be strong, to move on after he was gone, and most importantly, to live. He apologized and said that I was right, that he should have listened to me, and that he was glad that he had someone who cared so much. Then he wished he could see me one last time, and faded into unconsciousness.
I watched the monitors in the silence of soft warning beeps and flashing words while tears streamed down my face. Slowly, his vital signs dropped toward zero, and then, the loud, piercing scream of the monitor system matched my own as I lashed out in rage at myself. Dave was dead.
Notes:
-Olga's child became a major catalyst for this chapter, and you'll see a little bit more of her later, but I'm not sure how much more I'm actually going to develop her, so we'll see...
- There's a little too much foreshadowing in this chapter, but you can't really ever have too much, right? ^_~ See if you can pick them all up! ^_^ There's even foreshadowing for future chapters!
- Half way through writing this chapter, I kinda forgot how I wanted Snake and Otacon to sound. I started mixing sentence structures and styles. Otacon's writing loosened up, and Snake's became a little more formal... Oops... but then again, Snake's had some heavy things to think about, so I think the heavier writing fits better. Also, who's to say that when they write, they don't sound different from when they talk?... I know I do ^_^;; Along those lines too, I tried to make them not sound so lovey-dovey, but I think I failed on that account, and they ended up sounding sappier than I had hoped (well, Snake's sappier than I had wanted... I can see Otacon being this sappy... -_-;; ). Then again, these /are/ supposed to be their "inner thoughts" so who's to say they aren't sappy on the inside? (like a Snickers bar! Tough and hard on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside... @_@;; er, ok, that was stupid, I know... *runs away while pondering how perfect of an analogy a Snickers bar is to Snake... hmmm....* )
-Dog sled racing! Snake just wouldn't be himself if he didn't continue to race any chance he got ^_^;; This race was supposed to be a 2 day race, and as I said in the last chapter, Snake has a tendency to think too much when he's out on the course. Last time, it was only a day race, so Otacon was able to keep him company the entire time. This time, he's on his own after Otacon goes to bed, and that leaves a very vulnerable and contemplative Snake to think about more sobering thoughts.
-Snake starts to think about his own mortality. He's in his very late 30's or early 40's (probably the latter) by the time this fic takes place, and it's not uncommon for people to start having mid-life crises around this time. Given the nature of Snake's job, I'd say that he has a lot to worry about, not to mention that he's been going out with Otacon for a little over two years now. Snake's seen Otacon's very negative reaction to the death of a loved one, so it's something that's going to weigh heavily on his mind. I guess I just wanted to show that it wasn't all Otacon's fault that Snake died, since Snake was also distracted in his own way, and that most things in life are rarely the fault of just one person. I think the reader will see exactly what I mean later on in the story... >: ) (Thanks go out to ee970 for helping me come up with a more coherent reason as to why Snake would suddenly fall into a mid-life crisis ^_^ )
-That whole thing with FoxDie... Does anyone actually know what the @#)&% is up with that? Naomi says one thing, and then Liquid says another... or is it just a convenient plot hole the wonderful people at Konami wrote in so Snake doesn't up and croak one day, leaving them with Raiden as the only character left in MGS5?... (but who knows... by then, Raiden may actually be cool... after all, Snake became "cool" after 3 games... -_-;; )
-Had to squeeze in a tax joke, since the IRS found me all the way in Japan. Had a wonderful surprise the other day when I opened my mailbox and there was a huge white envelope with a neatly printed label on it and crisp tax forms in it. Fortunately for me, I'm going to be out of the country for more than 330 days, so I can laugh it off and not pay a cent of taxes to the Patriots, er, oh, wait, the US Government. Sides, who wants to give money to Bush anyway??... :P Otacon's laughing taxes off cause they're working for a non-profit organization and they don't get much money anyway. If anything, they should get refunds! ^_^;; (ok, that's a little /too/ poor... but you get the point.)
-No, it's not a mistake. I do not have an inconsistency. Snake and Otacon don't become the official heads of the North American branch of Philanthropy until 2010 (according to me ^_^;; ). In 2009, they're only in charge of the northern half of North America, from Alaska down to about Maryland. I only mentioned that briefly last time in the notes (but that's been a while, huh?... -_-;; )
-This chapter dealt a lot with Philanthropy, as if you couldn't tell. As to why I made Philanthropy evil was simply because it made sense... Imagine if you were the Patriots. What better way to get rid of your enemy's Metal Gears than to take over the organization that was made to get rid of them? In the game, there was already a shadow of the Patriot's influence present when Otacon confirmed that one of the biggest contributors to Philanthropy was one of the Wisemen. It's not /too/ far of a stretch to think the Patriots could one day assume complete control, right?... -_-;;
-Yes, there is a reason why the ending of this chapter sounds like it's not finished... that's cause it's not... well, I mean, Otacon's entry isn't finished, not that the chapter's not done... ^_^;; But I wanted to cut the chapter at this point because... well, that would give the plot away, now wouldn't it...? ^_~ Let's just say that it leads right into the next arc of this story. I also wanted to capture a little of the unfinished feeling, and leave the chapter in a loud spot plotwise with a quiet image fraught with emotion... added to the scream of Otacon (ever the drama queen that I can be... :P )
-And, Snake dies... *sniffle* Damn it. But this is my crazed mind at work, so who knows... anything could happen... >: ) Predictions, anyone?...
Ok, until next time... which I promise won't be in four months... but it might be three... -_-;;
Snake: It'd better not be!
akai: Aren't you supposed to be dead??...
Snake: I don't care about that kind of crap! I will haunt you with a SOCOM pointed at your head until you finish.
akai: Like I'm afraid of a ghostly, unreal, ethereal gun... uh huh.
Snake: ...
akai: Uh huh... thought so.
Snake: ... Damn it.
Otacon: *sigh* Guess the job falls on my shoulders, huh?
Snake: Guess so.
Otacon: *sigh* Guess I should start nagging now...
akai: Ack! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!