Indented bits are Otacon's entries. *blah blah blah* are sound effects.
Requisite disclaimer: See previous chapters :P Yes, I'm getting that lazy…
I hate phones. The phone on the end table is ringing as I'm conveniently ignoring it to read the last few pages of Otacon's final journal. I have a really bad feeling about this phone call.
The Elevator Up to Hell
akaisakura
Chapter 5: Can't Say Good Bye to Yesterday
The ringing is driving me insane as it seems the person is using the ever annoying tactic of letting the phone ring 3 times before hanging up and redialing. I glance over at the caller ID. Unavailable. Of course. Why would anyone ever list their name and phone number? I continue to ignore it in the hopes that Rose will pick it up, but it seems that today she can't be bothered to roll over the extra 3 feet across the bed upstairs to answer it. Curse her and her revenge schemes. I finally turn around and grudgingly pick up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Jack. It's been a while, hasn't it?" It's Campbell. I'm getting shivers down my spine.
"Yes, it's been a while. Let's just cut to the chase here, shall we? What's going on, Campbell?" I'm only half paying attention to him at this point. I hate to do this to the man, but Otacon's journal is more pressing. I flip the page and as I begin to read the last entry, Campbell speaks up again.
"It's about Dr. Emmerich. I'm afraid that I have some bad news..." I can't quite hear the rest of his sentence, or maybe it's just that I don't want to, as I read the final entry to myself...
-
August 14, 2014
I know I lost it all those years ago when you died. If anyone were to have seen all the things I've had to go through, I think they'd understand what I'm about to do. I can't take another winter without you, Dave. Winter brings back too many painful memories. You always were aligned with winter, but your heart was so warm. Winter... No... I will end it soon.I will go to Jack's house tomorrow, one last visit, and leave everything I have left with him. Of course I will act like it's nothing too serious, but we know the truth. The only way for me to move on now is death. I want nothing more than to join you. I've wanted to for a while now, but I've never had the guts to. I'm sorry, Dave. Please forgive me. I couldn't fulfill your last request. I can't carry on anymore. I tried. I really did. But I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of it all. I can't keep on running like this. They will catch up to me one day, and I would rather die than be used for their purposes. I've trained enough people, and I think there's more than enough talent among all our supporters that I can offer no more. Please, don't think of it as the Patriots winning, but rather that I am simply passing on after my time is up. After all, while our large branch of Philanthropy has been shut down for years now, new, smaller branches have sprung up to take its place and have continued where we left off...like a growing sapling......
I don't think I'll worry Jack with what happened between us that day. The lab, the escape... He doesn't need to know that you died at my hands. That's something that can stay between us, right? It's the only thing left that I can call "ours," and those precious last moments with you... I...
I love you, Dave. Wait for me. I'm coming to join you soon.
************************
The scene is somber, to put it lightly. Campbell got me clearance to enter Otacon's hotel room since the military decided to run this op for "security reasons," and as I step in, I can see that at least the MP did a good job of disturbing nothing when they took their pictures and carried out their investigations. Other than the giant yellow tape that says, "Do Not Cross," everything seems to be untouched. I was told that Otacon had killed himself with an overdose drugs, though they don't know exactly which ones, since the lab results haven't come in yet. Best they could figure was sleeping pills, some percocet, and maybe some morphine mixed in there. And the only reason they had found out he had died was because Otacon had asked for a wake-up call from the hotel's front desk, and had insisted that they made sure he was woken up. Needless to say, the lady that came to wake him up, after numerous failed phone calls, quickly figured out he wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon, and called the cops. That was at 4:44 this morning.
I make my way to the bed where Otacon's cold body lies. As I do, I pass his complicated setup of wires and monitors. On one of the monitors, an audio file player is open, but stopped. I guess he was listening to something last night... I continue walking, looking at the floor to make sure I don't trip on one of the millions of colored wires that run along the floor, twisting and turning in so many ways, like multi-colored snakes at the bottom of an aquarium in a pet store. On the nightstand next to his bed is what Otacon called his incense - a small collection of neatly arranged burnt out cigarettes on a beautiful glass ashtray, and Snake's favorite lighter - the same one that he used that day on Big Shell. I finally reach Otacon's lifeless form, and as I look down, I can see that he is finally at some sort of peace. His eyes are closed, his face is relaxed, and his arms are folded across his chest as though he's already in a coffin, waiting to be buried. Cradled to his chest is the missing DVD's case. I gently lift the case out of his grasp and open the lid. The DVD is missing, but there's a note inside.
'Burn it'
I turn the note over, but there's nothing else.
*************************
Things are being sped up for Otacon. I guess Campbell managed to pull some strings. We got Otacon's lab reports back, and there wasn't a need to do an autopsy. I had a chance to get some things arranged and we've set up Otacon's coffin here in my house for a make-shift wake. We've also contacted Julie, and she's coming tomorrow to see her son before he's cremated.
I brought Otacon's box down here earlier, along with my laptop. I should've known that Otacon would be sentimental and keep that missing DVD with him, because I did find the disk. It was sitting in the drive of his computer. Don't ask me how I snuck it out, because you probably don't want to know.
I put the missing DVD into my laptop and let Otacon's encryption program verify my old username and password from when I worked with Philanthropy. The drive makes a soft whirling sound as it grants me access to the files, and the computer brings up a list of all the files on the disk. I pick the first one and sit down for a long session.
A few hours later, I'm still sitting here listening, when suddenly, I hear the dialogue Otacon talked about in his journal.
"That should be it. Just watch out for the mines in this area."
*pause*
"Um..."
"Spit it out."
"…I love you…please, come back to me in one piece…"
"…"
"Snake?"
"I don't have time for this. We'll talk about this when I get back."
"Alright… be careful, Snake."
I know I should stop the DVD now, but I want to hear more, so I let it continue.
"Damn!"
"What's wrong?"
"I've been spotted!"
*gunfire, heavy breathing and loud running footsteps are heard*
"Ugh…"
"Snake!"
*more gunfire, and then…*
"Aaagh!"
*thud*
"Snake! Are you alright?...Snake?!"
"...I've been shot...in the neck..."
"No..."
"..."
"No!...Dave!! You'll be alright..."
"Hal! Listen...I don't have much time left..."
"Dave..."
"I... I love you too, Hal... and I'll continue to..."
*light sniffling*
"... Hal... I...
I can't listen to it anymore. To hear Snake in his final moments as a living man and to have heard such a private, intimate declaration meant only for the two lovers tells me that whatever is about to be said should be something left to the two of them alone. I take the DVD out of the drive and place it back in its case, then gently place it on top of the journals.
Now I understand everything. Now I know why Otacon entrusted me with the box, the journals, the DVDs. He wanted to keep the legend of Snake alive, but he wanted his private life with Snake to remain private. If he had kept that box with him, they would have found out everything. Like he said, he wanted someplace to store some memories of his, and to make sure that those things that were precious to the two of them would remain theirs, even after their deaths.
Tonight, I will stand watch by his coffin. Tomorrow, I will finish taking care of the cremation arrangements, and the day after... I will carry out Otacon's last wish...
************************
Otacon knew he would come back for the box, one way or another. I just wish that he could've told me that he wanted me to send it after him.
With my arm around her waist, I watch the box burn in the fire, the reds and oranges blending and bleeding into each other as they take away all that is left of two great legends. The wood crackling in the night air sound like bullets, each one aimed straight at my heart, blaming me for not doing what I should have; killing me for my most fatal mistake as one thought repeats itself in my mind:
To someone who had lost everyone in his life, and the weight of too much wrongly placed guilt, death is the only way to move on.
I should have known. Damn, I should have known.
Notes:
-Most of the entries I wrote do serve a purpose, and I hope they don't seem too repetitive. The biggest problem I encountered half way though was that a lot of the entries sounded like Otacon was just whining and being overly "girly". While he is a bit more emotional than most men I know, I started making him a stereotypical girl in a sense, and that's not what I wanted. Sorry that it took so long to get around that block -_-;;
-The other thing with Otacon being whiny has to deal with my interpretation of his base character. I think if Snake never showed up in his life, he wouldn't have been the stronger person that he was in MGS2. I base this on the fact that it was Snake who made Otacon think about his life, and through the course of MGS1, you see Otacon grow a spine. Up until the point Wolf is killed before his eyes, Otacon probably never thought about or dealt with a person's death. When his father killed himself, as a way to get rid of his guilt, he ran away. But instead of dealing with it, I think he drowned himself in school, then his work and research. He also never had the will to move on and he probably still blamed himself for his father's death, a fact that you see in MGS2 when he talks about it's his fault that his father drowned himself. I think Snake is Otacon's strength. In the same way a strong, happy person can bring a depressed person up, Snake's resolve and determination to keep on living and fighting probably rubbed off on Otacon, and allowed him to change. Take that away, and I think Otacon reverted back to his "base" nature.
- 4:44. Four hours until Raiden goes to work. Why the four 4s in chapter 4? It's my own little brand of foreshadowing. In Japanese, as well as Chinese, the number 4 is pronounced "shi", which is the same as the word for "death". Thus, I was saying that Otacon had died at that precise time figuratively and literally. The four 4s were also to emphasize "death" again by using FOUR 4s. Creepy, huh ^_^;;
(looks over fic again)
O.O;;
I just realized that there's more references to 4 in this fic than I thought... the four years since Snake's death, Otacon dying on August (4 x 2) 14, 2014... was soooo not planned........... I'm beginning to scare myself.................
I suppose if you're really gung-ho, you can figure out the latitude Raiden lives at from the date of the final entry and the time of sunrise at the time of the year... but even I didn't go that far to figure this fact out......... ^^;;
- Remember waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in chapter 1 how Raiden said that he was let off the hook way too easily, and that Rose would scheme up something to get back at Raiden with?...
- I hope the transcript of the final mission wasn't too confusing. I tried to format it in a way that isn't too bad, but I don't know how successful that was.
- MWAHAHAHAHA! No, you'll never find out what Snake said to Otacon in their final moments together on that DVD. But then, you know the content of their last transmission, so you can imagine for yourself just how sappy Snake gets before he dies. ^_~
- Raiden's revelation at the end is nothing startling, but like most people, we never realize the obvious until it's too late, and in our hindsight, we see how the pieces fit together. Otacon's death was unpreventable after Raiden let him out of his grasp, as by the time Raiden finished reading, it was the moment of Otacon's death. Otacon is one, in my opinion, who needed severe mental help as I believe he still carried a lot of guilt on his soul. He always says that he's done regretting the past, but I don't think he ever really dealt with any of it, or at least in a constructive way to get over everything and heal in a healthy way. In MGS2, he still carried the guilt of the whole affair with his stepmother and everything it brought about, from his father's suicide to the death of Emma, and while there's no mention of it directly, I think Otacon also held himself at least partially guilty for Wolf's death, believing that he didn't do everything he could to keep her alive. Add Snake's death, which he sees as ENTIRELY his fault, and you have the makings of one very broken person. And from that, there isn't much of a way to move on.
Now, the questions that beg to be asked are, "Wasn't he talking with Rho for a while? What happened to those counseling sessions? And how do the events of that time frame fit together?..."
Thank you very much for reading this fic. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed hashing out my views on Otacon and Snake ^^;; Feedback is always appreciated, of course (^_^)v yoroshiku, ne?
And now… A special bit for all you wonderful people who read all my long-winded notes! Yay for patience! (One needs a lot of patience when dealing with akai-standard time… -_-;; )
Enjoy~! ^_^
Start reel!
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"But Rose..."
"No, Jack. It would be too risky and I don't want our son to grow up without a father. If Snake and Otacon couldn't do it, what makes you think you can after you've been away from the field for so long?"
"Because I owe her. I owe her my life, and you know it."
The Best is Yet to Come
akaisakura
Prologue: Return of the Fox Hounder
Another boring suburban house on another boring suburban street. Rose and Jack couldn't have picked a more normal place to live and raise their son, Leo. But that's how Rose had wanted it to be. She could never give a reason why she wanted to live here, only to say that she had wanted this kind of life since she was young. Hardly what one would expect from a woman who works in the military as an analyst and has been known to work for other "forces" more powerful than the government. But then, her husband was someone rather odd himself. After all, could anyone have imagined that a former child soldier, and later, special forces operative, would settle in a place like this to train new military recruits? But maybe those are the kinds of things people do for love and loyalty. And protection from those "forces" who would have the happy family silenced if they had the chance.
Well, maybe "happy family" isn't the correct term to describe the trio at a time like this.
"She may have sacrificed herself to save your life, Jack, but you know she only did it to save her daughter! You meant nothing to her so why should you go and throw your family away for a child you've never known!"
"Rose, what if it was Leo out there, kidnapped and forced to live the life of a soldier. What would you say then? If he was taken from you the moment he was born, what would you have done? Would you want Leo to live his life on a base, trained to be a soldier, a killer, never knowing anything about yourself except for the lies that were passed to you?"
"I..."
"That was my life, Rose. That's how I grew up -- on the lies of those who told me how to act, what to do, what to believe. That's not how I want Katrina to experience life! Even if she were just another child, I still wouldn't want her to go through all the crap I went through, but she's even more special to me because her mother saved my life!"
"Jack..."
Raiden lowered his voice and tried to sooth his wife. "Rose, I... I have to do this. Even if you don't feel like you owe it to Olga, I do. Just remember that if she didn't save my life, I wouldn't be standing here now..."
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No, this is not the end of the prologue – I'm just being evil and teasing you! >:D It's fun being evil! Whee~!
The Best is Yet to Come :: the sequel to The Elevator Up to Hell – Look for it, coming… soon-ish… ^^;;
Until then~
Snake: Soon-ish?... At your pathetic rate, who knows if we'll see this sequel before I die. *scowl*
Otacon: Now, now, Snake...
akai: *looks at fic* ...but aren't you already dead......? *runs away*
Snake: AKAI~! >:[