CHAPTER 2:
Bender and Fry sneak up toward the side of the Planet Hoppers headquarters.
"Look how high up those windows are; we'll never be able to see in there," says Fry.
"Fry old pal, leave that to me," suddenly Bender's body moves upwards with the telescopic action of his legs.
"Pretty cool. I didn't know you could do that."
"Me neither. That's nothing compared to other things I can do. You should hear what the ladies say."
"Can you see anything?" asks Fry.
"I can see in many different spectrums, including X-ray Fry. You're going to have to be a bit more specific."
"Can you see what they're doing in there?"
"Wait ... hold on," his eyes zoom out of his face. He makes a sound with his mouth, "eeerrrieee, click!" the point on his antennae flashes.
"What do you see?" asks Fry.
"A bunch of boxes," replies Bender.
"Can I help you gentlemen?"
"Huh!" exclaims Fry.
Bender comes back down.
"Ah, yeah, we were looking for thee, ah, entrance," he scratches his head.
"Nope," says Bender, "it's not up there. Well, I guess we'll try the next side."
"Oh, we moved the front door to the other side a couple weeks ago. People were having trouble reaching it. Right this way gentlemen," says the Planet Hoppers employee in uniform.
"Wait, isn't that your left?"
Fry and Bender walk in Planet Hoppers. There is a 25-foot high dome ceiling, soft neon white lights, thoroughly organized appearance and a greeting counter complete with friendly employee.
"How are you today?"
"What???" says Bender.
"Ah, fine I guess..."
"How may I serve you today?" smiles.
"I don't like this ... what's that funny thing he's doing with his mouth?" asks Bender.
"You mean smiling?" answers Fry.
"Yeah, that. I don't like it. Let's cheese it."
"I think we need to mail something..." Fry attempts to stall while he thinks of what to do.
"Yeah! Bender slams a hand onto the counter top, "we need a package shipped post haste to Omicron Persei 8. And I mean it better be snappy!"
"Okay, we have same day delivery for only 50.00."
"50.00?!" says Fry in surprise.
"You mean, today?" says an astonished Bender.
"Yes. The package would arrive in just a few hours."
"No rest stops?" asks Bender.
"No."
"Layovers?"
"No."
"Or pointless excursions of a personal nature?"
The employee shakes his head no.
"Damn, they are pretty good."
"Just give us the item and we will begin the process."
Bender opens his chest plate and shifts around until he pulls out a small wrapped box, "Here."
Runs it through a machine and a yellow light glows, "Okay. That'll be 50.00."
Bender pulls out a fifty-dollar bill. The employee reaches out to shake Bender's hand after taking the money. Bender backs up in horror and shouts, "Fry! He's trying to touch me!"
"Have a nice day," the employee waves.
Fry and Bender back up toward the exit and says, "I think he's trying to flash me his gang symbol. Boot!"
They take off running. As they are running Fry turns his head and asks Bender, "Bender, why'd you give that your money?"
"Well, we had to test it out."
"But that was 50.00!"
"That's okay, I lifted his wallet back in the alley," replies Bender.
Back at Planet Express headquarters.
"And then he gave me the finger and showed his teeth. Animals I tell you, pure animals!"
"Oh, this doesn't bode well for the rest of you," comments the Professor.
"Why's that Professor?" asks Fry.
"Cause I may have to further slash operational costs," replies Hubert.
"I think I smell more T-shirts," says Hermies.
They all grumble.
"They can't beat us. If we all strive really hard, use ambition and determination, we can take back the business that was rightfully ours! WE have courage and pure will power!" Leela says.
They all shout at once, "Yeah!!!!!"
On week later.
"I can't believe we've lost another 20%. If this keeps up I may have to cut all of you and close," says the Professor.
"No! You can't shut down, I live here!"
Leela speaks up, "Professor, what would you do?"
"Oh, I'd still be here. I own the place after all. I guess I'd go back to my extraordinarily wacky inventions. Oh how I miss my monkey brain control and assorted wires."
"We can't sit idly by while out only means of okay support go the way of Erik Estrada's career," says Fry.
"Fry's right for a change. I'm going straight over there and giving them a piece of my mind!" says Leela.
"Slams her hands on the countertop and shouts, "I demand to see the head of this operation!"
"Okay," replies the employee. "And I won't take no for an... okay?" says a stunned Leela.
"Yes. Just follow me this way please," he turns to walk.
Leela turns around she stops. Fry peaks from behind a side wall and says, "Is it safe?"
She signals for him to follow, "Just get over here."
They walk up to an office door. The name plaque reads, "Terrance Calvin, Manager,"
The employee buzzes the doorbell.
"Yes?" says the boss.
"You have two customers here to see you."
"Ah, send them right in please," says in a low, deep voice.
The door opens and they see a black chair facing backwards. It spins around and there, on a robot body is a head jar.
"Oh wow, T.C.!" exclaims Fry.
"T.C.?" asks Leela.
"He's a character from an old television show called Magnum, pi."
The door slams shut. Fry and Leela jump a tad. The door opens back up slowly.
"I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard," says T.C., "come on in."
"Why is an ancient TV show character running a million dollar business?" asks Leela.
"Because it wants to. Look lady, I don't know why you two are here, but I have several things I need to be doing."
"Where's Tom Selleck?" asks Fry.
"I have papers to sign," says T.C.
"Is his head in a jar too?"
"Expense reports to pure over..."
"And John Hillerman?"
"Damn- no one ever remembers my real name," sighs T.C.
"Sure I do, it's ... it's, James Earl Jones," says Fry.
"Sigh, no."
"Will Smith."
"Ut-ah."
"That guy from Ghostbusters?" asks Fry.
"You mean you ... DON'T know his name?"
"Ernie Hudson. That's it!"
"Man..."
"Look here you bodiless suavite! You're stealing our business and driving and old company into the ground. Either stop now, or face the wrath of my boots!" orders Leela.
"Oh no! Not a boot-to-the-head! Heh, heh, Stu, Don, escort these two out."
Two holographic security guards appear. One pulls out a baton.
"Oh no, I watched Red Dwarf. Holograms can't hurt us," Fry folds his arms and remains still.
The officer clubs him over the head.
"Think more along the lines of Star Trek. Loser," says T.C.
"You haven't seen the last of us Mister Calvin. We'll be back," says Leela.
"Bye," he rolls his eyes up.
They get pushed out the door.
His intercom sounds.
"Mister Calvin, your three o'clock is here."
"Send him in."
"Hey T.C.!"
"Thomas? You're not my three o'clock appointment! What are you doing here?!"
"Now T.C., I need to ask you a small favor," says Magnum.
"What?"
"I need to borrow your spaceship."
"No!"
"Come on! Just for one day. I promise!"
Bender and Fry sneak up toward the side of the Planet Hoppers headquarters.
"Look how high up those windows are; we'll never be able to see in there," says Fry.
"Fry old pal, leave that to me," suddenly Bender's body moves upwards with the telescopic action of his legs.
"Pretty cool. I didn't know you could do that."
"Me neither. That's nothing compared to other things I can do. You should hear what the ladies say."
"Can you see anything?" asks Fry.
"I can see in many different spectrums, including X-ray Fry. You're going to have to be a bit more specific."
"Can you see what they're doing in there?"
"Wait ... hold on," his eyes zoom out of his face. He makes a sound with his mouth, "eeerrrieee, click!" the point on his antennae flashes.
"What do you see?" asks Fry.
"A bunch of boxes," replies Bender.
"Can I help you gentlemen?"
"Huh!" exclaims Fry.
Bender comes back down.
"Ah, yeah, we were looking for thee, ah, entrance," he scratches his head.
"Nope," says Bender, "it's not up there. Well, I guess we'll try the next side."
"Oh, we moved the front door to the other side a couple weeks ago. People were having trouble reaching it. Right this way gentlemen," says the Planet Hoppers employee in uniform.
"Wait, isn't that your left?"
Fry and Bender walk in Planet Hoppers. There is a 25-foot high dome ceiling, soft neon white lights, thoroughly organized appearance and a greeting counter complete with friendly employee.
"How are you today?"
"What???" says Bender.
"Ah, fine I guess..."
"How may I serve you today?" smiles.
"I don't like this ... what's that funny thing he's doing with his mouth?" asks Bender.
"You mean smiling?" answers Fry.
"Yeah, that. I don't like it. Let's cheese it."
"I think we need to mail something..." Fry attempts to stall while he thinks of what to do.
"Yeah! Bender slams a hand onto the counter top, "we need a package shipped post haste to Omicron Persei 8. And I mean it better be snappy!"
"Okay, we have same day delivery for only 50.00."
"50.00?!" says Fry in surprise.
"You mean, today?" says an astonished Bender.
"Yes. The package would arrive in just a few hours."
"No rest stops?" asks Bender.
"No."
"Layovers?"
"No."
"Or pointless excursions of a personal nature?"
The employee shakes his head no.
"Damn, they are pretty good."
"Just give us the item and we will begin the process."
Bender opens his chest plate and shifts around until he pulls out a small wrapped box, "Here."
Runs it through a machine and a yellow light glows, "Okay. That'll be 50.00."
Bender pulls out a fifty-dollar bill. The employee reaches out to shake Bender's hand after taking the money. Bender backs up in horror and shouts, "Fry! He's trying to touch me!"
"Have a nice day," the employee waves.
Fry and Bender back up toward the exit and says, "I think he's trying to flash me his gang symbol. Boot!"
They take off running. As they are running Fry turns his head and asks Bender, "Bender, why'd you give that your money?"
"Well, we had to test it out."
"But that was 50.00!"
"That's okay, I lifted his wallet back in the alley," replies Bender.
Back at Planet Express headquarters.
"And then he gave me the finger and showed his teeth. Animals I tell you, pure animals!"
"Oh, this doesn't bode well for the rest of you," comments the Professor.
"Why's that Professor?" asks Fry.
"Cause I may have to further slash operational costs," replies Hubert.
"I think I smell more T-shirts," says Hermies.
They all grumble.
"They can't beat us. If we all strive really hard, use ambition and determination, we can take back the business that was rightfully ours! WE have courage and pure will power!" Leela says.
They all shout at once, "Yeah!!!!!"
On week later.
"I can't believe we've lost another 20%. If this keeps up I may have to cut all of you and close," says the Professor.
"No! You can't shut down, I live here!"
Leela speaks up, "Professor, what would you do?"
"Oh, I'd still be here. I own the place after all. I guess I'd go back to my extraordinarily wacky inventions. Oh how I miss my monkey brain control and assorted wires."
"We can't sit idly by while out only means of okay support go the way of Erik Estrada's career," says Fry.
"Fry's right for a change. I'm going straight over there and giving them a piece of my mind!" says Leela.
"Slams her hands on the countertop and shouts, "I demand to see the head of this operation!"
"Okay," replies the employee. "And I won't take no for an... okay?" says a stunned Leela.
"Yes. Just follow me this way please," he turns to walk.
Leela turns around she stops. Fry peaks from behind a side wall and says, "Is it safe?"
She signals for him to follow, "Just get over here."
They walk up to an office door. The name plaque reads, "Terrance Calvin, Manager,"
The employee buzzes the doorbell.
"Yes?" says the boss.
"You have two customers here to see you."
"Ah, send them right in please," says in a low, deep voice.
The door opens and they see a black chair facing backwards. It spins around and there, on a robot body is a head jar.
"Oh wow, T.C.!" exclaims Fry.
"T.C.?" asks Leela.
"He's a character from an old television show called Magnum, pi."
The door slams shut. Fry and Leela jump a tad. The door opens back up slowly.
"I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard," says T.C., "come on in."
"Why is an ancient TV show character running a million dollar business?" asks Leela.
"Because it wants to. Look lady, I don't know why you two are here, but I have several things I need to be doing."
"Where's Tom Selleck?" asks Fry.
"I have papers to sign," says T.C.
"Is his head in a jar too?"
"Expense reports to pure over..."
"And John Hillerman?"
"Damn- no one ever remembers my real name," sighs T.C.
"Sure I do, it's ... it's, James Earl Jones," says Fry.
"Sigh, no."
"Will Smith."
"Ut-ah."
"That guy from Ghostbusters?" asks Fry.
"You mean you ... DON'T know his name?"
"Ernie Hudson. That's it!"
"Man..."
"Look here you bodiless suavite! You're stealing our business and driving and old company into the ground. Either stop now, or face the wrath of my boots!" orders Leela.
"Oh no! Not a boot-to-the-head! Heh, heh, Stu, Don, escort these two out."
Two holographic security guards appear. One pulls out a baton.
"Oh no, I watched Red Dwarf. Holograms can't hurt us," Fry folds his arms and remains still.
The officer clubs him over the head.
"Think more along the lines of Star Trek. Loser," says T.C.
"You haven't seen the last of us Mister Calvin. We'll be back," says Leela.
"Bye," he rolls his eyes up.
They get pushed out the door.
His intercom sounds.
"Mister Calvin, your three o'clock is here."
"Send him in."
"Hey T.C.!"
"Thomas? You're not my three o'clock appointment! What are you doing here?!"
"Now T.C., I need to ask you a small favor," says Magnum.
"What?"
"I need to borrow your spaceship."
"No!"
"Come on! Just for one day. I promise!"