What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away
In the end

-Johnny Cash

*`~

Several weeks later…

"Let me in there! You can't keep me out!"

"Oi, little boy, you're not allowed! You've been told!"

"I don't care. I have rights to see him!"

Kamatari looked up. Misharei's voice drifted into the drab room from somewhere within the police station. Why is he here again? What is he doing? He stared back down at the thin sheet. I don't want to see him right now…He'll hurt because I am hurting and that's not fair.

"Kamatari-sama!" The boy burst into the room, several police officers yelling after him to get lost.

"I thought I told you to stay away from here." The cross-dresser drew his knees up to his chest and stared out the window rather than look at his companion. His voice was dull; he had lost some of his usual sparkle.

"Kamatari-sama…" He felt his throat constrict as he looked at the man he had loved for the good majority of his life. His beloved looked lifeless; lost; heartbroken. It caused his soul to ache. "Don't turn away from me." He said softly.

"Go away." The same empty voice responded.

It broke Misha's heart. He couldn't stand it. Crossing the room in an almost spirit-like way, he sank down onto the sterile hospital bed. "I won't go away." He peered at the older man, "Tell me why it hurts so much, onegai shimasu. Why don't you open up to me any more?"

I don't want to hurt you… "Misha-kun, you're big enough to go off on your own. You've grown up and you don't need me any more. The Juppon Gatana is gone. There's no reason for you to be here."

"I'm not a little boy any more. Why do you insist on calling me that?"

"Because you will always be my little Misha." Kamatari finally looked up, meeting the eyes of his loyal Unpannin. It still amazed him how he could look into Misharei's eyes and see…himself.

"I have grown up and the Juppon Gatana is gone. I cannot deny that. But…" He paused, trying to keep his voice from shaking, "I do still need you and there is a reason for me to be with you." His eyes welled up with tears, "Shishio is dead, Kamatari-sama, but I'm not. I'm still right here. I need you. I love you…"

"Iie…You don't love me. How could you? I'm worthless. You don't love me! I'm no good for you. You would have been better off if I had left you in the snow. It's as simple as I can't love you. Misharei, I have watched you for seven years. You're a wonderful young man and I care for you more than anything in the world. You deserve so much better than me and all my emotional problems."

"I don't…I don't care!" The boy burst into tears, "Why can't you open your eyes and really see? You've been blinded by your obsession with Shishio. Now he's dead. He's dead, Kamatari! He's not coming back. You've got to move on. Onegai shimasu…" He buried his face in his hands, his thin shoulders shaking with each sob.

"Gomen, Misha-kun." Kamatari said softly, "Gomen nasai." A frown had crossed his face, making him look even more weary than before. "I never wanted to make you cry. Iie, I really didn't. Making you hurt is the last thing I wanted."

"I don't hurt because of something you said. It's not your fault." Misha wiped his eyes on his sleeve, his voice low and defeated, "I hurt because I love you. I never want to see you sad. You were always the happy one. It makes me cry when you are sad."

"Don't make this any harder. Don't keep saying things like that." I love to see your smile; the way the wind blows your hair across your face when we're outside. But you make everything change by saying things like this… "I can't love you. Not how you want me to. Misharei, for the past seven years, all you've known was me. You need to find something for yourself."

Misha blinked back tears, snuffling and hiccupping. He was trying to stop crying when Kamatari's gentle hand lifted his chin, forcing him to look up. "You're special to me, Tomodachi; the only one I trust. I want you to spread your wings and fly like the free spirit you are."

"There's nowhere to fly. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, everything will lead me back to you. I can't leave you and you don't seem to understand. It's not so easy as I can just go. Not when I love you like this."

They were staring at one another, their eyes locked together. A comforting scent like honey and almonds had entered the room along with the boy; the familiar aroma lingering on the air. Kamatari inhaled deeply, a trace of a smile on his face. That perfume-y smell of Misha's tea always had such a calming affect.

When did I come to rely on him so much? How does he do this to me? His very presence makes me feel as if I should live. And I made him cry…Something hot and wet landed on his wrist, startling him from the reverie. It was then that he realized he still held the boy's chin in his hands and scalding tears were dripping off it.

"Iie, don't cry. I won't tell you to go away again." Soft fingers traced the path of the tears, "You can stay with me."

"Itsumo?" Misha whispered through his tears. His chin trembled; his sleepy eyes wet with unshed tears.

"Hai; itsumo." For the first time in days a smile crossed his face, "I promise you. You can stay always." He brushed back the hair falling in his young friend's eyes, the feel of his soft mane the way he always imagined it would be; sliding through his fingers like water. Misharei was so beautiful; so pure and refreshing.

More tears spilled forth. Misha trembled at the feel of Kamatari's fingers on his damp cheek. "Iie…" He snuffled, "Iie…Not unless you mean it…" I don't want him to do this to me. Not like when I was a child and I cried. This is different.

I'm losing control. May the gods help me…It's too soon. This isn't what I want?…Is it? My heart is still broken. But…but…Misha…Can it be possible…

I care more for him than I ever did for Shishio-sama?

Why is he looking at me like that? It's such an odd expression. He is the only person whom I cannot read like a book. The one I love is a mystery to me…Misha struggled to compose himself; to regain some self-control and stop crying.

Hai…I love him. I think I always have. But I was afraid…Perhaps he is stronger than they all thought; able to admit his feelings many times over while I was denying the truth. Ahhh…I can imagine…To kiss him would be like rain. It would be so refreshing…

Nani? What is he doing? Just like all those other times I used to cry…Misha snuggled into Kamatari's embrace, his head on the other man's shoulder. "You won't ever leave me like my mama and papa?"

"Iie…" His strong arms were around the Unpannin; his face buried in that soft hair, "Never. For there is something you must still do for me."

"Ara?" What could I possibly do for him? My skills are useless now; those girls broke the scythe. I have nothing to offer but all of my love…

"I need you to make one last repair." He hugged Misha tighter and was pleased to feel his thin arms hug him back, "I need you to fix my heart."

"Hai; I will try my best. I will become what you became to me. And I will bring you paradise." Misha felt as if his heart would burst. I'm so happy…Chaa; I am so happy…

"Get the little brat out of there! This is the fourth time he's tried to get in there and he actually managed it this time."

Both men looked up, startled at the sound of a police officer's voice.

Kamatari smoothed Misharei's hair back, their eyes still burning together. "Ah, Misha-kun, they think you're my little brother. They think our mama and papa died when you were very small. And they think you are younger than you really are. Don't do anything to convince them otherwise."

"Hai. Dai~suki, Onii-san!" The boy smiled impishly as a police officer stormed into the room.

"Gaki! Heya kara deru!" He grabbed Misha roughly by the arm, dragging him off the bed, "Get out! You're not allowed in here!"

"Itai! Let me go! I'll leave!" He jerked out of the man's grasp, "I just wanted to make sure Onii-san was okay!" He frowned deeply, his eyes flashing with anger.

"Come on then." The officer grunted, pulling him towards the door.

"Ja ne, Onii-san! I'll come back again. I need you and you better come home soon."

Kamatari smiled, watching the teenager be escorted from the room. Misharei was such an odd young man. He's sun and rain; he's fire and ice. He's kinda crazy, but hey, it's so nice…

*`~

Just pointing out that you could find a meaning for almost everything in this chapter except "chaa." That's something I just like to say at the beginning of sentences.