I'm movin' on
At last I can see
life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees,
but I'm not alone…
-Rascal Flatts
*`~
"It's going to start raining soon, Itoshii. Look at the sky." Misharei yawned as he spoke, his sleepy gaze on the gathering clouds.
"You're very tired, aren't you? My darling, you need to tell me these things. This is too much walking for you. We should stop for the night." Kamatari looked at Misha. The teen looked weary; he was walking slowly, trailing his bag behind him.
"Iie; I'm okay." He lied, "I'm not tired yet." I have to keep going. We need to get as far away as possible…Even thinking this he was yawning.
"I'm hurt that you would lie to me, Darling." Kamatari stopped walking and regarded his companion. "You're ready to fall asleep on your feet."
"Hai…" Misha admitted, another yawn escaping his lips, "Gomen nasai…"
"Iie, don't be sorry. I should have realized sooner. What kind of friend am I if I don't even realize when my dearest one is tired?"
A sleepy smile crossed his face. "Chaa…" He whispered, "You are my loved one no matter what."
"Come here." He drew the worn out boy into his arms, hugging him to his chest, "You go to sleep. I'll carry you."
"Iie," A slight blush crept across his face, "I can't let you do that."
"You can't?" He simply lifted the boy from the ground, holding him in his arms. "How do you plan on stopping me?" He reveled in holding the boy, hugging him tight and keeping him safe. There was nothing he would rather do than hold him.
"You said you'd be nicer." Misha laid his head on Kamatari's shoulder, "You said you would be sweet to me." He yawned, wrapping his arms around his beloved's neck.
"Dearest one, I am being very sweet. You seem to not care anyways; you're getting very comfortable with me. I don't think you would be hugging me, were I being mean to you." He teased, stroking Misha's thin hair back from his face. He kissed him on the forehead, "Now, my darling dearest one, go to sleep. I'll take care of you."
*`~
Misharei awoke later in the evening to find himself tucked into bed, his hair down long around him. He was wearing his favorite yukata, the blankets were pulled up to his chin. He felt warm and comfortable and a lot less tired than before.
He stretched, looking around the room. Where is Kamatari? And where, for that matter, am I? It was a pretty bare chamber; wooden walls, wooden bed, small dresser and a night stand. There was a cross on the wall and one small window, through which pale moonlight streamed.
"Itoshii Hito?" He questioned softly, peering through the darkness. There was no response. Sighing, he leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Where has he gone…?
This is so strange; what we are doing. But, chaa, I am oddly content with it…He hugged the blanket up to his chest, I would do anything for him…Anything at all. He is my world. I love him more than my own life. I would die to make him happy…
"Oh, You're awake." Kamatari came bustling back into the room, looking much more like himself. His feet were bare, he wore a yukata tied loosely around the waist and he looked…Misha studied him for a moment…wet.
"Chaa; where have you been?" The young man sat up, still clutching the blanket between his fingers, "I woke up and I was lonely."
"Gomen nasai…" The other man crossed the room, settling himself on the edge of the bed. "You don't look quite so sleepy now."
"Where were you? You're soaking wet." Misha fingered a sopping lock of Kamatari's dark hair, "Are you cold? You had better go change, then come back over here to me. What would I do if you got sick?"
"Hai; you are right, Darling. I promised you kisses I have yet to deliver." He rose elegantly and wandered over to his things. "You were right," He said over his shoulder as he slid the wet robe off, "It did rain. And I got caught in it. It's kind of cold out there now."
"Poor baby…Come over here to me. I can warm you up." He held out his arms, wiggling his fingers; waiting, yearning to fill the void in his life with all that was Kamatari.
Kamatari looked over his shoulder at him, a slightly seductive smile on his face. "Ara? You'll warm me up? And how will you do that?"
"First I thought I would just hold you for a while." That impish smile crossed the young man's face for the hundredth time that day, "Then I would kiss you, followed by more cuddling."
"I'd like that…" Kamatari sounded almost shy about it. His smile softened and he fiddled with his sleeves. He felt very warm and knew he was blushing. Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? What do I have to be nervous about? I'm so scared…
"Are you trembling, Itoshii?" Misha asked softly, "Come here…Chaa; I don't want you to be cold." The terrified look in Kamatari's eyes saddened him. The older man was nervous and he wondered why.
Kamatari slowly crossed the room back to the bed. His legs felt like lead and his heart was pounding. Will he want more from me than just kisses? Can I give him more? Am I capable of giving him all that he needs right now? He sank down next to the scrawny boy, resting his head on Misha's shoulder.
"What's wrong, Itoshii Hito?" Misharei's arm slid around Kamatari's shoulder; he fingered the short locks of his companion's hair. "What are you so tense about?" His other hand found it's way under Kamatari's chin, drawing their faces close together for a gentle kiss.
The kiss seemed to help. He relaxed slightly, his ginger eyes filling with tears. "I'm so confused, Darling…I…I want to be with you. But I don't know if I'm what you need." He whispered. He looked away, not able to look into Misha's sleepy eyes.
"It doesn't matter if you're what I need. It's as simple as you're what I want. For the past seven years, you have helped me grow into something beautiful." He hugged the older man close, their faces pressed together, "And now, I will help you grow into something more beautiful than words can describe."
That was all it took. Kamatari dissolved into tears, burying his face in Misha's shoulder. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. Making you go through all of this…it isn't fair to you."
"Shh…It's okay. I would go through hell for you, Itoshii." The young man held his beloved in his arms, one hand rubbing his back in a soothing fashion. "I love you. I will never leave you."
"I don't want you to leave…I'm just so scared of what will happen in the future. I thought I was in love before and it all fell apart." He snuggled tighter to Misha, clutching him desperately, as if afraid he would be taken away right then. "I'm so terrified that something will happen to you and I'll be alone."
"Iie…You will never be alone." Misha assured him, "I will always be there. I will always love you. I want you to be the only one in my life." He kissed the top of Kamatari's head; his hands running down, arms circling tightly around Kamatari's waist.
"Ai shiteru…" The former Juppon Gatana's voice was barely audible. He truly is wonderful and he truly loves me. A few more tears slid down his cheeks. No one has ever loved me like this. Never. I am so grateful to him. I love him so much…He is my strength when I am weak…
"I know, Itoshii. I know." His hand ran across Kamatari's cheek, caressing it lovingly. "I know it all, even the things you do not say to me. You're heart is like mine…I understand everything." His lips landed where his hand had been on Kamatari's cheek only a moment before. "Now, you promised I could kiss you. Don't start being mean again." He teased.
Kamatari smiled weakly. Misha's hands were running up and down his spine, causing his entire body to tremble with pleasure. He nearly melted at the touch of the young man's spindly fingers. Their lips met; tongues sliding together and fighting a battle he seemed to be losing. His mind was an oblivion; his heart beating wildly within his chest.
I love him.
You don't deserve him.
But he loves me.
You'll only mess up his life.
But I love him…
All it took was one fluid motion and they were both down flat on the bed, Misha on top of Kamatari, kissing him passionately. The boy's hands were busy, searching for-
"Don't." Kamatari's voice came out a hoarse whisper. He was scared senseless, knowing that his companion wanted more from him than he was capable of delivering.
"Sumimasen…" Misha's face reddened slightly and he drew back, "I was getting a little ahead of myself. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He settled back down, his head on Kamatari's chest, "I won't do anything you don't want me to."
"I want you to. But I don't trust myself. When the time is right, Dearest, I will let you do whatever you please. You must be patient with me."
"I'll try my best." He snuggled closer to his beloved, "Will you just hold me? Please?"
"So dêsu…" Kamatari's strong arms folded around the slender boy, holding him near. He loved the warmth of having some one in his arms; that feeling that came from knowing some one loved him back. I wasn't even looking and I found something so wonderful.
Someday, I will find the strength to tell him…
I live for him…