A/N: This fic is dedicated to the wonderful Elanor and the fantastic Leila,
who gave me this idea.
The Day Lupin Kept The Loo Locked For Hours On End While Everyone Had Just Drunk Loads Of Mrs Weasley's Tea
It was past teatime, and everyone had their good share of Mrs Weasley's finest tea so far. It wasn't Mrs Weasley's fault, though, that it made everyone want to go to the loo badly. Mad-Eye Moody was the first to go, suspicious to check the little room before anyone else left something offensive there.
He tried the door. It was locked.
"Who's on there?" growled Moody.
"It's me," Lupin's voice came from within. "I'm suffering from a lot of cramped up you-know-what!"
"And I needed to know that particular detail?" growled Moody, slightly moodier.
"Erm, no, not really," acknowledged Lupin.
"Right. Just get on with it, will you?" Moody said, poking the door with his walking-stick.
"Yes, yes," said Lupin, and he started to hum. Moody rolled both his eyes.
Half an hour later, there already was a small queue forming outside the loo. People from everywhere in the house had come to the first floor loo, since the others had run out of paper.
"Is he hurrying up?" Tonks called to Moody from somewhere halfway down the queue.
"Not really," grumbled Moody, hopping on the spot.
Some random girl called Beata growled and left the story to find a loo in the faculty building.
Another half hour later and the queue was longer, still. Moody was now hopping very frantically on his healthy leg and up and down the line people were standing with their knees together, pulling odd faces.
"Come ON, Lupin! Aren't you finished yet?" yelled Snape, doing some strange jig almost at the end of the waiting-row.
"No, sorry!" yelled Lupin back. There was the sound of a raspberry and everyone went, "UUUGH!"
"Sorry 'bout that," Lupin said weakly through the still locked door.
"That's it," said Moody angrily, after another fifteen minutes. "I've had it." He spotted a small begonia. "You look like an obliging little plant," he told it, hopping nearer and nearer. "You mind if I relief myself a little on your shoulder?"
Of course, the plant did not respond (though I daresay it would have shrieked in fear and disgust if it could have), so Moody unzipped his fly and gave the begonia a large and extensive shower.
"Ah," he growled in a relieved way. "That's loads better."
"Right," said Mrs Weasley, handing out teacups. "I know it might be repulsive, but everyone, please, feel free to empty your bladder at your heart's content in these cups."
Everyone quickly grabbed a cup and ran for a private place in the house.
Only a few seconds after everyone had gone, the loo flushed and Lupin opened the door. He looked around in surprise.
"Are you the only one waiting?" he asked Leila - another random fangirl - who was still waiting. "I thought there would be more. Oh well, here you go."
He stepped out of the loo, and the girl dashed in.
"Strange," mused Lupin. "Where is everyone? Ah, I'll go wait for them in the kitchen and make some tea. They'll like that."
The Day Lupin Kept The Loo Locked For Hours On End While Everyone Had Just Drunk Loads Of Mrs Weasley's Tea
It was past teatime, and everyone had their good share of Mrs Weasley's finest tea so far. It wasn't Mrs Weasley's fault, though, that it made everyone want to go to the loo badly. Mad-Eye Moody was the first to go, suspicious to check the little room before anyone else left something offensive there.
He tried the door. It was locked.
"Who's on there?" growled Moody.
"It's me," Lupin's voice came from within. "I'm suffering from a lot of cramped up you-know-what!"
"And I needed to know that particular detail?" growled Moody, slightly moodier.
"Erm, no, not really," acknowledged Lupin.
"Right. Just get on with it, will you?" Moody said, poking the door with his walking-stick.
"Yes, yes," said Lupin, and he started to hum. Moody rolled both his eyes.
Half an hour later, there already was a small queue forming outside the loo. People from everywhere in the house had come to the first floor loo, since the others had run out of paper.
"Is he hurrying up?" Tonks called to Moody from somewhere halfway down the queue.
"Not really," grumbled Moody, hopping on the spot.
Some random girl called Beata growled and left the story to find a loo in the faculty building.
Another half hour later and the queue was longer, still. Moody was now hopping very frantically on his healthy leg and up and down the line people were standing with their knees together, pulling odd faces.
"Come ON, Lupin! Aren't you finished yet?" yelled Snape, doing some strange jig almost at the end of the waiting-row.
"No, sorry!" yelled Lupin back. There was the sound of a raspberry and everyone went, "UUUGH!"
"Sorry 'bout that," Lupin said weakly through the still locked door.
"That's it," said Moody angrily, after another fifteen minutes. "I've had it." He spotted a small begonia. "You look like an obliging little plant," he told it, hopping nearer and nearer. "You mind if I relief myself a little on your shoulder?"
Of course, the plant did not respond (though I daresay it would have shrieked in fear and disgust if it could have), so Moody unzipped his fly and gave the begonia a large and extensive shower.
"Ah," he growled in a relieved way. "That's loads better."
"Right," said Mrs Weasley, handing out teacups. "I know it might be repulsive, but everyone, please, feel free to empty your bladder at your heart's content in these cups."
Everyone quickly grabbed a cup and ran for a private place in the house.
Only a few seconds after everyone had gone, the loo flushed and Lupin opened the door. He looked around in surprise.
"Are you the only one waiting?" he asked Leila - another random fangirl - who was still waiting. "I thought there would be more. Oh well, here you go."
He stepped out of the loo, and the girl dashed in.
"Strange," mused Lupin. "Where is everyone? Ah, I'll go wait for them in the kitchen and make some tea. They'll like that."