Russian Roulette
Chapter 18: All Of Me
Hiei's/Kurama's Point Of View
A/N: I am going to be switching from Hiei to Kurama's point of view in this chapter, don't worry, you'll be well notifed. This is Hiei's Point Of View.
Last night, was one of the hardest nights I've had to cope with in a while. We were found out, we were critized, then, I broke up with Kurama. If there is one stupid thing I have done in my life, I'd have to bet on everything that breaking up with him was it. It had been only a day, and I missed the phone calls, the dates, everything...
" Arghhhh..." I sighed, waking up from a long night of crying. I punched my pillow, as hard as I could, and growled at my own stupidity. I looked at the window, my cheeks were stained with running eyeliner.
" I hate it when I cry." I said, wiping off my cheeks. I went over to the window and leaned on the sill, watching raindrops slide along the glass. I shook myself out of my zone and went back to my bed.
" It's still raining. Damn god, stop peeing." I said. My mother used to tell me that God peed when it rained, as crude as she was. Even my crude humor and memories of my mother didn't get me to start laughing. It was hard when a part of you was missing.
" Thinking of mother, I have to go to her grave tomorrow."
" I don't want to go to work, I don't want to do anything." I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
" Hey Hiei!" I heard Kurama's voice. I ran back to my window, nobody there. Now I was hearing things.
" Get out of my head you bastard!" I yelled, falling to my knees. Hearing that soft, alto voice made me break down crying again. He wouldn't leave me. I wanted to forget about him, I couldn't be with him. I'm not worthy of him, everybody thinks so.
" I-I can't have you. I don't deserve you." I repeated to myself as I wandered back to my bed to soak my pillows in tears and eyeliner. What could I do? Pretend to be happy while my memories with him eat away at me beneath a fake smile, or except that fact that I really screwed up this time.
" I want to hate you, but...I can't. Not when I love you so much." I whispered to myself. I decided to go out for a walk, despite the rain.
(Kurama's Point Of View/Until The Rest Of The Story)
I think we should break up.
Such painful words stabbed me last night on that curb in the street as rain drenched us and our sanity. I say sanity because, I know either of us can live without the other.
" Suuichi, you want something to eat?" Suuichi walked in.
" I said no, get out!" I yelled, wrapping myself tighter in my covers.
" Dad says you shouldn't be a baby."
" Shut up, and get out!" I yelled again. He got scared and closed the door. I had become so irratiable lately. I didn't want anybody near me. I had just wandered around my room, crying and moping, tearing everything into nothing.
" Why?" I kept asking myself. I held the pillow Hiei usually used, taking in his scent, which made me just want to break down and cry even more.
" I know why..." I said, slowing down my sobs.
" He said, that he wasn't good enough for me. He said, people make fun of him and say I deserve somebody else, who isn't as short, or isn't as rebellious, the opposite of Hiei." I said, explaining things to myself.
" But, is that what I want?" I asked myself. I started to feel as if all of this had been explained.
" Do I want somebody else?" I stayed quiet for a while, pondering my question. I wandered around my room, mumbling and turning around, figuring out what I wanted to say to my answer.
" No. I want Hiei." I said, starting to cry again. " I want Hiei back." I hugged myself tight, wanting him here with me so we could fix all this.
" Honey, maybe you went to far, they really like each other."
" But dear, it's not normal for a man to like a man! And a little 4 foot 10 gothic punk ass who thinks he has type of authority around here."
" I have to admit, it's not the same around here without Hiei coming over every day, stealing our pocky, helping me cook, I can see what my son saw in Hiei."
" Shidori, you don't really believe that?"
" I do, plus, Suuichi finally had a true friend. I had never seen them so happy unless they were around each other. But now, the house is quiet..."
" I won't allow that kind of relationship going on in my house."
" Well, they haven't done it yet."
" Yet? You mean never." He boomed. I hated this. Now they had been fighting over us. Dispite the fact that it was raining, I went outside for a walk to relieve some stress. I had walked about three blocks when a familar figure was coming towards me.
" K-Kurama?" The voice whispered.
" Hiei?" I asked.
" What-What are you doing out here?" Hiei asked, soaking wet, I'd figure he wouldn't have brought a jacket.
" I'm out for a walk."
" Oh, so am I."
" Well, I guess we better continue walking." He said. I stopped him.
" Hiei?"
" What?"
" Is it over? Is it really over between us?"
" I don't know." He shrugged. We stood, not facing each other for a few minutes, thinking. I felt Hiei turn around, pressing his lips hard against mine. I slipped on the sidewalk and he fell on top of me. But the longing we had felt didn't stop us, we kissed on the blank sidewalk, while rain beated down on us. I had missed this feeling for so long.
" Hiei, is it over?" I asked between kisses.
" No, this time apart, made me realize something."
" What was that?" I asked as he took my hand.
" I can't live without you Kurama. Don't ever leave me." He said, kissing my hands.
" I won't, never again." I whispered. We got up and walked back to Hiei's house. We just laid there, talked and kissed, hoping we'd never, ever feel like we'd be apart again.
A/N: Another short chapter!! But awwww! But I am still not leaving the sorrow stuff behind, this story will get sadder and sadder as we move along. Soon, we will be eaching the end of Russian Roulette, if I can even think about it. And boy is the ending good. Not good as in a good thing, but good as in OH MY GOSH!! Man, I just gave away your reaction to the ending....
Chapter 18: All Of Me
Hiei's/Kurama's Point Of View
A/N: I am going to be switching from Hiei to Kurama's point of view in this chapter, don't worry, you'll be well notifed. This is Hiei's Point Of View.
Last night, was one of the hardest nights I've had to cope with in a while. We were found out, we were critized, then, I broke up with Kurama. If there is one stupid thing I have done in my life, I'd have to bet on everything that breaking up with him was it. It had been only a day, and I missed the phone calls, the dates, everything...
" Arghhhh..." I sighed, waking up from a long night of crying. I punched my pillow, as hard as I could, and growled at my own stupidity. I looked at the window, my cheeks were stained with running eyeliner.
" I hate it when I cry." I said, wiping off my cheeks. I went over to the window and leaned on the sill, watching raindrops slide along the glass. I shook myself out of my zone and went back to my bed.
" It's still raining. Damn god, stop peeing." I said. My mother used to tell me that God peed when it rained, as crude as she was. Even my crude humor and memories of my mother didn't get me to start laughing. It was hard when a part of you was missing.
" Thinking of mother, I have to go to her grave tomorrow."
" I don't want to go to work, I don't want to do anything." I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
" Hey Hiei!" I heard Kurama's voice. I ran back to my window, nobody there. Now I was hearing things.
" Get out of my head you bastard!" I yelled, falling to my knees. Hearing that soft, alto voice made me break down crying again. He wouldn't leave me. I wanted to forget about him, I couldn't be with him. I'm not worthy of him, everybody thinks so.
" I-I can't have you. I don't deserve you." I repeated to myself as I wandered back to my bed to soak my pillows in tears and eyeliner. What could I do? Pretend to be happy while my memories with him eat away at me beneath a fake smile, or except that fact that I really screwed up this time.
" I want to hate you, but...I can't. Not when I love you so much." I whispered to myself. I decided to go out for a walk, despite the rain.
(Kurama's Point Of View/Until The Rest Of The Story)
I think we should break up.
Such painful words stabbed me last night on that curb in the street as rain drenched us and our sanity. I say sanity because, I know either of us can live without the other.
" Suuichi, you want something to eat?" Suuichi walked in.
" I said no, get out!" I yelled, wrapping myself tighter in my covers.
" Dad says you shouldn't be a baby."
" Shut up, and get out!" I yelled again. He got scared and closed the door. I had become so irratiable lately. I didn't want anybody near me. I had just wandered around my room, crying and moping, tearing everything into nothing.
" Why?" I kept asking myself. I held the pillow Hiei usually used, taking in his scent, which made me just want to break down and cry even more.
" I know why..." I said, slowing down my sobs.
" He said, that he wasn't good enough for me. He said, people make fun of him and say I deserve somebody else, who isn't as short, or isn't as rebellious, the opposite of Hiei." I said, explaining things to myself.
" But, is that what I want?" I asked myself. I started to feel as if all of this had been explained.
" Do I want somebody else?" I stayed quiet for a while, pondering my question. I wandered around my room, mumbling and turning around, figuring out what I wanted to say to my answer.
" No. I want Hiei." I said, starting to cry again. " I want Hiei back." I hugged myself tight, wanting him here with me so we could fix all this.
" Honey, maybe you went to far, they really like each other."
" But dear, it's not normal for a man to like a man! And a little 4 foot 10 gothic punk ass who thinks he has type of authority around here."
" I have to admit, it's not the same around here without Hiei coming over every day, stealing our pocky, helping me cook, I can see what my son saw in Hiei."
" Shidori, you don't really believe that?"
" I do, plus, Suuichi finally had a true friend. I had never seen them so happy unless they were around each other. But now, the house is quiet..."
" I won't allow that kind of relationship going on in my house."
" Well, they haven't done it yet."
" Yet? You mean never." He boomed. I hated this. Now they had been fighting over us. Dispite the fact that it was raining, I went outside for a walk to relieve some stress. I had walked about three blocks when a familar figure was coming towards me.
" K-Kurama?" The voice whispered.
" Hiei?" I asked.
" What-What are you doing out here?" Hiei asked, soaking wet, I'd figure he wouldn't have brought a jacket.
" I'm out for a walk."
" Oh, so am I."
" Well, I guess we better continue walking." He said. I stopped him.
" Hiei?"
" What?"
" Is it over? Is it really over between us?"
" I don't know." He shrugged. We stood, not facing each other for a few minutes, thinking. I felt Hiei turn around, pressing his lips hard against mine. I slipped on the sidewalk and he fell on top of me. But the longing we had felt didn't stop us, we kissed on the blank sidewalk, while rain beated down on us. I had missed this feeling for so long.
" Hiei, is it over?" I asked between kisses.
" No, this time apart, made me realize something."
" What was that?" I asked as he took my hand.
" I can't live without you Kurama. Don't ever leave me." He said, kissing my hands.
" I won't, never again." I whispered. We got up and walked back to Hiei's house. We just laid there, talked and kissed, hoping we'd never, ever feel like we'd be apart again.
A/N: Another short chapter!! But awwww! But I am still not leaving the sorrow stuff behind, this story will get sadder and sadder as we move along. Soon, we will be eaching the end of Russian Roulette, if I can even think about it. And boy is the ending good. Not good as in a good thing, but good as in OH MY GOSH!! Man, I just gave away your reaction to the ending....