Golden Drugs
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the hedgehog. I've been wanting it since I was seven, though. La sigh.
Rouge: Good, he hasn't noticed me.
Put the fic down! I swear, those furries are more bothersome than the human anime characters. So, yay, yet another one of my wacky little parodies is headed your way, blue quills and all. Oh, and this fic is poking fun at Sonic Heroes.
Scenario: Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles are racing along the coast line. Sonic is in the lead so he's in the middle.
"Wheeheehee!" the blue racecar laughs as he grabs ring after ring.
"Alright, Sonic! We almost have enough rings for an extra life!" Tails giggles childishly.
"Whoo! Go hero team!" Knuckles calls out.
Suddenly, when Sonic grabs the hundredth ring he falls and tumbles away. Tails and Knuckles gape as they watch him crash through rocks, trees, and other things you really don't want your skull to break through so easily. After Sonic finally slows to a stop the two friends rush over to him. When they catch up to him he is sitting in the sand with a glazed over stare and drool dripping out his mouth.
"Um, Sonic? Are you OK?" the scared fox asks tentatively while waving a hand in front of the blue blur.
Knuckles checks the side of the screen and smiles because they got the extra life.
"Well, at least we got the extra life."
"What!? How can you be happy!? Sonic's in trouble! Can't you tell!?"
"Hmm."
Knuckles leans over Sonic's face and inspects.
"Well, this is a very delicate situation we have gotten ourselves into," the red echidna stands up and looks smart, even going so far as to put on dorky glasses.
"Oh, Knuckles! Do you know what's wrong with him!?" Tails wails on.
"Why, yes I do!."
"Ah! What is it!? What is it!?"
"Ring overdose!" Knuckles exclaims as he raises his hand pointing one finger upward.
"Ring. overdose.?"
"Yes, here I thought Sonic was immune to it but apparently he just had a high tolerance."
"But, what has happened to him?"
Knuckles rolls his eyes but explains, "You see, my good freak, Sonic is all stupored out, like a hippy on way too much crack, man."
"Uh huh."
"Golden rings give off a bit of radiation whenever they are touched."
"Uh huh."
"If you collect too many at one time then you will become contaminated by the radiation."
"Uh huh."
"Sonic, obviously, has a high tolerance to it."
"Uh huh."
"But, it seems after all the years of collecting rings that radiation has finally caught up to him."
"Uh huh."
"And that's what has happened."
"Uh huh."
"."
"Uh huh."
"Yo."
"Uh huh."
"Are you listening?"
"Uh huh."
"Tails, stop that or I'll break your neck."
"Eep! Sorry!"
"Alright. Luckily, I know how to handle this kind of situation. Mighty got into these trances all the time."
"Yay! Knuckles, you're the best!"
"I know I am," Knuckles knocks his "dreads" back and a bunch of fangirls come squealing on the scene.
"Back, back I say!" Tails yells as he fends them off with a very large stick.
The fangirls run off scared. Knuckles now stands with a doctor's coat on and is holding out a nurse's outfit for Tails.
"No way, I am not putting that on!"
"Come on, Freaky McFreakfreak. You wanna help Sonic, right?"
"Um, yes?"
"The put on the skirt."
"It's not the skirt I have a problem with, it's the lipstick you're holding as well."
"Oh, uh, sorry."
"This fic is supposed to be rated PG. Don't you dare go bringing yaoi into this."
Knuckles throws away the lipstick and Tails puts on the nurse outfit. The theme to ER starts playing.
"OK, nurse freak, hand me a scalpel."
"What scalpel? And stop calling me freak."
Tails then notices a doctor's bag sitting in the sand at his feet. He rummages through and soon picks out a nasty looking scalpel.
"Here."
"Thanks."
The screen moves to Tails's face as he watches Knuckles perform the "operation." He cringes and tries hiding face as disgusting sounds fly out onto the fic.
SQUISH!
SQUASH!
BLIP!
SQUEACK!
RIP!
"Scissors," Knuckles says as he holds out his hand.
Tails hands him the scissors as well as many other utensils Knuckles asks for afterward.
"Hammer."
"Mallet."
Tape."
"Giant mallet."
"Sword."
"Teddy bear."
"Megaton hammer."
"Excuse me!" Link says as he takes the megaton hammer back.
"More tape."
"Trigun DVDs."
"How's that going to help?"
"None really, I just always wanted that show on DVD."
"Right."
"Thingabaobber."
After a few minutes Knuckles steps back and drops all the doctor stuff into the bag.
"I did it!"
"What are you talking about? There's nothing different about him!"
Indeed, Sonic still sat there, only now his spit had formed into a large puddle. Knuckles inspected him for a few seconds.
"Damn, lost another one."
" 'Lost another one'!? Did you actually know what you were doing!?"
"No," Knuckles responds flatly.
"Augh! Sonic wake up, wake up!" Tails cries while shaking Sonic.
Knuckles puts his mitt on Tails's shoulder. Tails jumps up and buries his sobbing face into Knuckles chest.
"It's alright, Tails."
"Knuckles, isn't there anything we can do to help him?"
"I'm sorry, no."
Tails is ready to cry again but Knuckles suddenly cheers up.
"So, we'll just have to release him into the wild!"
"What!?"
"Yes, it's the least we can do!"
"But, but, he might get eaten, by nasty nasties!"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take, my freak."
"Stop calling me that! OK, I guess it's all we can do now."
"Glad you agree!" Knuckles chimes in as he goes racing off.
"Um, Knuckles?"
Knuckles comes back in a few seconds holding a stick and putting into Sonic's hand.
"Here, a stick. You can use it as a weapon. Go kill some Chao, them's good eatin'."
"You're horrible, you know that?"
Knuckles smiles cheekily. "I know."
Tails pushes Sonic forward a little and the blue hero goes wandering off on his own. The two friends wave goodbye to him, Knuckles a little too cheerfully.
"Bye, Sonic. You were a good friend while you lasted," Tails sniffs.
"OK, on with the rest of the adventure!"
"What?"
"Just because Sonic's gone doesn't mean we can't get any farther in this game!"
"Oh, uh, I guess so."
"Right. All Sonic was useful for was running fast. And besides, it not like we really needed that homing dash diddlybop anyways."
"OK, whatever you say, Knuckles."
"Of course! Now, come along, my lovable little freak!" Knuckles races off down the coast.
"Stop calling me that!"
THE END
After Words: WHOA! This came out better than I had planned. I should stop sleeping all together if this is what I write like. Yes, I wrote this at about eleven at night after racking through a ton of college work. Whoo, pretty stars. Night, night. Oh, and review, please.
-TrekTournament
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic the hedgehog. I've been wanting it since I was seven, though. La sigh.
Rouge: Good, he hasn't noticed me.
Put the fic down! I swear, those furries are more bothersome than the human anime characters. So, yay, yet another one of my wacky little parodies is headed your way, blue quills and all. Oh, and this fic is poking fun at Sonic Heroes.
Scenario: Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles are racing along the coast line. Sonic is in the lead so he's in the middle.
"Wheeheehee!" the blue racecar laughs as he grabs ring after ring.
"Alright, Sonic! We almost have enough rings for an extra life!" Tails giggles childishly.
"Whoo! Go hero team!" Knuckles calls out.
Suddenly, when Sonic grabs the hundredth ring he falls and tumbles away. Tails and Knuckles gape as they watch him crash through rocks, trees, and other things you really don't want your skull to break through so easily. After Sonic finally slows to a stop the two friends rush over to him. When they catch up to him he is sitting in the sand with a glazed over stare and drool dripping out his mouth.
"Um, Sonic? Are you OK?" the scared fox asks tentatively while waving a hand in front of the blue blur.
Knuckles checks the side of the screen and smiles because they got the extra life.
"Well, at least we got the extra life."
"What!? How can you be happy!? Sonic's in trouble! Can't you tell!?"
"Hmm."
Knuckles leans over Sonic's face and inspects.
"Well, this is a very delicate situation we have gotten ourselves into," the red echidna stands up and looks smart, even going so far as to put on dorky glasses.
"Oh, Knuckles! Do you know what's wrong with him!?" Tails wails on.
"Why, yes I do!."
"Ah! What is it!? What is it!?"
"Ring overdose!" Knuckles exclaims as he raises his hand pointing one finger upward.
"Ring. overdose.?"
"Yes, here I thought Sonic was immune to it but apparently he just had a high tolerance."
"But, what has happened to him?"
Knuckles rolls his eyes but explains, "You see, my good freak, Sonic is all stupored out, like a hippy on way too much crack, man."
"Uh huh."
"Golden rings give off a bit of radiation whenever they are touched."
"Uh huh."
"If you collect too many at one time then you will become contaminated by the radiation."
"Uh huh."
"Sonic, obviously, has a high tolerance to it."
"Uh huh."
"But, it seems after all the years of collecting rings that radiation has finally caught up to him."
"Uh huh."
"And that's what has happened."
"Uh huh."
"."
"Uh huh."
"Yo."
"Uh huh."
"Are you listening?"
"Uh huh."
"Tails, stop that or I'll break your neck."
"Eep! Sorry!"
"Alright. Luckily, I know how to handle this kind of situation. Mighty got into these trances all the time."
"Yay! Knuckles, you're the best!"
"I know I am," Knuckles knocks his "dreads" back and a bunch of fangirls come squealing on the scene.
"Back, back I say!" Tails yells as he fends them off with a very large stick.
The fangirls run off scared. Knuckles now stands with a doctor's coat on and is holding out a nurse's outfit for Tails.
"No way, I am not putting that on!"
"Come on, Freaky McFreakfreak. You wanna help Sonic, right?"
"Um, yes?"
"The put on the skirt."
"It's not the skirt I have a problem with, it's the lipstick you're holding as well."
"Oh, uh, sorry."
"This fic is supposed to be rated PG. Don't you dare go bringing yaoi into this."
Knuckles throws away the lipstick and Tails puts on the nurse outfit. The theme to ER starts playing.
"OK, nurse freak, hand me a scalpel."
"What scalpel? And stop calling me freak."
Tails then notices a doctor's bag sitting in the sand at his feet. He rummages through and soon picks out a nasty looking scalpel.
"Here."
"Thanks."
The screen moves to Tails's face as he watches Knuckles perform the "operation." He cringes and tries hiding face as disgusting sounds fly out onto the fic.
SQUISH!
SQUASH!
BLIP!
SQUEACK!
RIP!
"Scissors," Knuckles says as he holds out his hand.
Tails hands him the scissors as well as many other utensils Knuckles asks for afterward.
"Hammer."
"Mallet."
Tape."
"Giant mallet."
"Sword."
"Teddy bear."
"Megaton hammer."
"Excuse me!" Link says as he takes the megaton hammer back.
"More tape."
"Trigun DVDs."
"How's that going to help?"
"None really, I just always wanted that show on DVD."
"Right."
"Thingabaobber."
After a few minutes Knuckles steps back and drops all the doctor stuff into the bag.
"I did it!"
"What are you talking about? There's nothing different about him!"
Indeed, Sonic still sat there, only now his spit had formed into a large puddle. Knuckles inspected him for a few seconds.
"Damn, lost another one."
" 'Lost another one'!? Did you actually know what you were doing!?"
"No," Knuckles responds flatly.
"Augh! Sonic wake up, wake up!" Tails cries while shaking Sonic.
Knuckles puts his mitt on Tails's shoulder. Tails jumps up and buries his sobbing face into Knuckles chest.
"It's alright, Tails."
"Knuckles, isn't there anything we can do to help him?"
"I'm sorry, no."
Tails is ready to cry again but Knuckles suddenly cheers up.
"So, we'll just have to release him into the wild!"
"What!?"
"Yes, it's the least we can do!"
"But, but, he might get eaten, by nasty nasties!"
"That's a risk I'm willing to take, my freak."
"Stop calling me that! OK, I guess it's all we can do now."
"Glad you agree!" Knuckles chimes in as he goes racing off.
"Um, Knuckles?"
Knuckles comes back in a few seconds holding a stick and putting into Sonic's hand.
"Here, a stick. You can use it as a weapon. Go kill some Chao, them's good eatin'."
"You're horrible, you know that?"
Knuckles smiles cheekily. "I know."
Tails pushes Sonic forward a little and the blue hero goes wandering off on his own. The two friends wave goodbye to him, Knuckles a little too cheerfully.
"Bye, Sonic. You were a good friend while you lasted," Tails sniffs.
"OK, on with the rest of the adventure!"
"What?"
"Just because Sonic's gone doesn't mean we can't get any farther in this game!"
"Oh, uh, I guess so."
"Right. All Sonic was useful for was running fast. And besides, it not like we really needed that homing dash diddlybop anyways."
"OK, whatever you say, Knuckles."
"Of course! Now, come along, my lovable little freak!" Knuckles races off down the coast.
"Stop calling me that!"
THE END
After Words: WHOA! This came out better than I had planned. I should stop sleeping all together if this is what I write like. Yes, I wrote this at about eleven at night after racking through a ton of college work. Whoo, pretty stars. Night, night. Oh, and review, please.
-TrekTournament