(ESTABLISHING SHOT: Smarty Mart, the next morning)
(Cut to the interior, KIM and RON stand near the personnel desk, RON looking ecstatic and KIM like she does whenever she's in Smarty Mart)
KIM: Can we hurry this up, please?
RON: Come on, KP, this is my dream job! Can't you forget your discountaphobia for the time being and let me enjoy this moment!
KIM: Fine, I'll give you five minutes. Five minutes starting now.
(The Smarty Mart Manager (OSCAR) approaches the counter)
OSCAR: Ronnie! What brings you here? Hear about our special on cereal? Twenty-six mixed boxes of cereal for five dollars.
KIM: I've never understood it and I never will.
RON: Wow that is a great deal. Hey, is the 32-pairs of boxers for eight dollars still going on?
KIM: (To RON, singsong) Five minutes.
RON: (To KIM) Right, right, fine. (To OSCAR) Oscar, I would like to join the Smarty Mart team. I was born for the job. I want to sell people six pounds of peanut butter for thirty-seven cents. I want to inform customers that everything in aisle twelve is half off! I want to be able to look a customer right in the eye and tell them "thank you for shopping smart!"
(RUFUS climbs out of RON'S pocket during his speech and hums "The Star Spangled Banner")
RON: I want to be one of the few, the proud, the discounty!
KIM: Oh brother.
OSCAR: sniffles Ronnie that was a very moving, inspirational speech. (He wipes a tear from his eye) But I'm afraid we're not hiring right now.
RON: Oh.
OSCAR: But when we do have an opening, you'll be the first to know. You make me proud, son!
RON: Thank you, sir!
(RON salutes him, OSCAR returns the salute. KIM covers her eyes and shakes her head – "whatever")
(Cut to a Florida bank. CHRISTIE ROAD stands by the front doors. A SECURITY GUARD wanders past and sees her)
SECURITY GUARD: Hey, little lady, it's Sunday, the bank's closed.
CHRISTIE: Yeah, don't have time for that.
(CHRISTIE takes out her watch and holds it in front of the SECURITY GUARD'S face, he goes into a trance)
CHRISTIE: Give me the keys, will you?
(The SECURITY GUARD hands CHRISTIE the key)
CHRISTIE: Thanks.
(CHRISTIE opens the door and walks in)
(Cut to Bueno Nacho)
(Cut to the interior, KIM and RON sit at a table)
KIM: I can't believe it, no one is hiring!
RON: Come on, somebody has to be hiring.
KIM: Nope, no one. Not Club Banana, not Slipped Disc, not the bowling alley, not Live-a-Little, no one!
RON: You know, I've been thinking. You really don't need a job right now. Neither of us do.
KIM: What do you mean?
RON: We have the new school year, homework, saving the world, community service hours, cheerleading... we don't have time to hold down a job!
KIM: You don't understand, I want a job.
RON: To quote the Rolling Stones, "you can't always get what you want."
KIM: That's kind of discouraging.
RON: It's a fact. Not a pleasant fact but a fact nonetheless. We can't get everything we want. I know it seems like a forced moral, but... no, you know what, it is a forced moral, why am I bringing it up?
KIM: Because I refuse to accept that I can't get something?
RON: Could be. See? "The Rules" don't only apply to dating... they command everything!
(The Kimmunicator beeps, KIM answers it)
KIM: What up, Wade?
WADE: A string of bank robberies on the Florida panhandle.
RON: Isn't that a little small time?
WADE: Not really. Two of the banks robbed are the best-stocked banks in the state of Florida, lots of cash.
KIM: Got any security clips?
(WADE pushes a button on his keyboard. Camera footage of CHRISTIE ROAD walking through the bank can be seen)
RON: Christie Road.
(WADE reappears)
WADE: And that job was done today.
KIM: You think she's going to go for another bank?
WADE: Definitely.
KIM: How many banks are there to rob?
RON: You're kidding, right? Next to pharmacies banks are the most popular buildings in Florida. It's a bank-robbers paradise! There's no telling where Christie will strike next!
WADE: Actually, we have a pretty good idea... she's been moving in a straight line.
KIM: Gotta love a predictable villain... where's the next target?
WADE: A bank on Stuart and the Ave.
KIM: Then that's where we'll be.
RON: See? If you had a job you'd have to explain cutting out. Isn't it so much easier?
KIM: Come on!
(KIM grabs RON and they run off)
(Cut to the interior, KIM and RON stand near the personnel desk, RON looking ecstatic and KIM like she does whenever she's in Smarty Mart)
KIM: Can we hurry this up, please?
RON: Come on, KP, this is my dream job! Can't you forget your discountaphobia for the time being and let me enjoy this moment!
KIM: Fine, I'll give you five minutes. Five minutes starting now.
(The Smarty Mart Manager (OSCAR) approaches the counter)
OSCAR: Ronnie! What brings you here? Hear about our special on cereal? Twenty-six mixed boxes of cereal for five dollars.
KIM: I've never understood it and I never will.
RON: Wow that is a great deal. Hey, is the 32-pairs of boxers for eight dollars still going on?
KIM: (To RON, singsong) Five minutes.
RON: (To KIM) Right, right, fine. (To OSCAR) Oscar, I would like to join the Smarty Mart team. I was born for the job. I want to sell people six pounds of peanut butter for thirty-seven cents. I want to inform customers that everything in aisle twelve is half off! I want to be able to look a customer right in the eye and tell them "thank you for shopping smart!"
(RUFUS climbs out of RON'S pocket during his speech and hums "The Star Spangled Banner")
RON: I want to be one of the few, the proud, the discounty!
KIM: Oh brother.
OSCAR: sniffles Ronnie that was a very moving, inspirational speech. (He wipes a tear from his eye) But I'm afraid we're not hiring right now.
RON: Oh.
OSCAR: But when we do have an opening, you'll be the first to know. You make me proud, son!
RON: Thank you, sir!
(RON salutes him, OSCAR returns the salute. KIM covers her eyes and shakes her head – "whatever")
(Cut to a Florida bank. CHRISTIE ROAD stands by the front doors. A SECURITY GUARD wanders past and sees her)
SECURITY GUARD: Hey, little lady, it's Sunday, the bank's closed.
CHRISTIE: Yeah, don't have time for that.
(CHRISTIE takes out her watch and holds it in front of the SECURITY GUARD'S face, he goes into a trance)
CHRISTIE: Give me the keys, will you?
(The SECURITY GUARD hands CHRISTIE the key)
CHRISTIE: Thanks.
(CHRISTIE opens the door and walks in)
(Cut to Bueno Nacho)
(Cut to the interior, KIM and RON sit at a table)
KIM: I can't believe it, no one is hiring!
RON: Come on, somebody has to be hiring.
KIM: Nope, no one. Not Club Banana, not Slipped Disc, not the bowling alley, not Live-a-Little, no one!
RON: You know, I've been thinking. You really don't need a job right now. Neither of us do.
KIM: What do you mean?
RON: We have the new school year, homework, saving the world, community service hours, cheerleading... we don't have time to hold down a job!
KIM: You don't understand, I want a job.
RON: To quote the Rolling Stones, "you can't always get what you want."
KIM: That's kind of discouraging.
RON: It's a fact. Not a pleasant fact but a fact nonetheless. We can't get everything we want. I know it seems like a forced moral, but... no, you know what, it is a forced moral, why am I bringing it up?
KIM: Because I refuse to accept that I can't get something?
RON: Could be. See? "The Rules" don't only apply to dating... they command everything!
(The Kimmunicator beeps, KIM answers it)
KIM: What up, Wade?
WADE: A string of bank robberies on the Florida panhandle.
RON: Isn't that a little small time?
WADE: Not really. Two of the banks robbed are the best-stocked banks in the state of Florida, lots of cash.
KIM: Got any security clips?
(WADE pushes a button on his keyboard. Camera footage of CHRISTIE ROAD walking through the bank can be seen)
RON: Christie Road.
(WADE reappears)
WADE: And that job was done today.
KIM: You think she's going to go for another bank?
WADE: Definitely.
KIM: How many banks are there to rob?
RON: You're kidding, right? Next to pharmacies banks are the most popular buildings in Florida. It's a bank-robbers paradise! There's no telling where Christie will strike next!
WADE: Actually, we have a pretty good idea... she's been moving in a straight line.
KIM: Gotta love a predictable villain... where's the next target?
WADE: A bank on Stuart and the Ave.
KIM: Then that's where we'll be.
RON: See? If you had a job you'd have to explain cutting out. Isn't it so much easier?
KIM: Come on!
(KIM grabs RON and they run off)