Hermione's Next Victim
Disclaimer: I owe nothing. Don't sue me. No harm intended.
Summary: A parody of all the cliche Hemione/Severus,Remus,Sirius,Draco,Ron,Harry, etc. fics.
Chapter 1: Severus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Potions Dungeon*
Snape: 50 points from Griffindor and detention for a week Miss Granger!
Hermione: Detention! Oh, what have I done to deserve such torture?
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor [whispering]: Bloody wanker!
*That Night*
Hermione: Woe is me! I must leave for my undeserved torture with Snape!
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: Bloody wanker!
[Hermione magically appears inside Snape's office and readers wonder *how* she got there so fast.]
Snape: Clean cauldrons with your toothbrush!
[Hermione and Snape proceed to go on with their work while thinking...ahem...*unwholesome* thoughts about each other.]
*Sometime near midnite*
Snape: You may leave now.
[Hermione and Snape proceed to shag on desk, Hermione spends the room in Snape's (exessivly described) quarters.]
*Breakfast the next day*
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: You didn't come back from detention yesterday. We waited for you until midnite.
Hermione [despite being a bloody genius cannot think of a simple lie]: I...um....came back....er...late. Ya, I came back late. So many cauldrons!
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor [shouting]:BLOODY WANKER!
[Ginny becomes suspicious]
Ginny [annoyed]: Stop with that line.
[A week goes by without Hermione or Snape talking. Hermione is kidnapped by Voldemort.]
Snape: Only I, her true love can save her!
[Readers contemplate never reading this fic again but realize *all* Hermione/ckjbfh fics have this. They proceed to pull out their hair whilst wondering how Snape knows he's her "one true love" as they have only shagged once and done nothing more.]
[Snape, Lupin, Potter, and Weasley (who knows which one, take your pick) rescue Hermione. This turns into the final battle, Potter kills Voldie, all is good in the world. It is so sweet, some want to puke.]
*A month and a half later*
Dumbledore: Welcome to the seventh year Graduation. I have a special announcement: Hermione Granger, Head Girl, will marry Severus Snape in 10 minutes.
[People add another marker to the 'Number of Times This has Happened' chart.]
*Cuts to a 'This Many Years Later' thing where the happy (?) couple are woken up by children named after other HP characters, this being a testimony to uncreativity and cliche-ness.*
Hermione: I love you, you bloody wanker.
Snape: I love you too.
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: That's my line!
~~~~~~~~~~~(Finally) The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: I owe nothing. Don't sue me. No harm intended.
Summary: A parody of all the cliche Hemione/Severus,Remus,Sirius,Draco,Ron,Harry, etc. fics.
Chapter 1: Severus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Potions Dungeon*
Snape: 50 points from Griffindor and detention for a week Miss Granger!
Hermione: Detention! Oh, what have I done to deserve such torture?
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor [whispering]: Bloody wanker!
*That Night*
Hermione: Woe is me! I must leave for my undeserved torture with Snape!
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: Bloody wanker!
[Hermione magically appears inside Snape's office and readers wonder *how* she got there so fast.]
Snape: Clean cauldrons with your toothbrush!
[Hermione and Snape proceed to go on with their work while thinking...ahem...*unwholesome* thoughts about each other.]
*Sometime near midnite*
Snape: You may leave now.
[Hermione and Snape proceed to shag on desk, Hermione spends the room in Snape's (exessivly described) quarters.]
*Breakfast the next day*
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: You didn't come back from detention yesterday. We waited for you until midnite.
Hermione [despite being a bloody genius cannot think of a simple lie]: I...um....came back....er...late. Ya, I came back late. So many cauldrons!
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor [shouting]:BLOODY WANKER!
[Ginny becomes suspicious]
Ginny [annoyed]: Stop with that line.
[A week goes by without Hermione or Snape talking. Hermione is kidnapped by Voldemort.]
Snape: Only I, her true love can save her!
[Readers contemplate never reading this fic again but realize *all* Hermione/ckjbfh fics have this. They proceed to pull out their hair whilst wondering how Snape knows he's her "one true love" as they have only shagged once and done nothing more.]
[Snape, Lupin, Potter, and Weasley (who knows which one, take your pick) rescue Hermione. This turns into the final battle, Potter kills Voldie, all is good in the world. It is so sweet, some want to puke.]
*A month and a half later*
Dumbledore: Welcome to the seventh year Graduation. I have a special announcement: Hermione Granger, Head Girl, will marry Severus Snape in 10 minutes.
[People add another marker to the 'Number of Times This has Happened' chart.]
*Cuts to a 'This Many Years Later' thing where the happy (?) couple are woken up by children named after other HP characters, this being a testimony to uncreativity and cliche-ness.*
Hermione: I love you, you bloody wanker.
Snape: I love you too.
Harry/Ron/Random Griffindor: That's my line!
~~~~~~~~~~~(Finally) The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~