Title: Out of Time
Rating: PG-13 to R
Disclaimer: I want them. I want them so badly. But I can't. They belong to another.
Summary: Grissom's back and in fighting shape. But Sara's gone. Is it too late? G/S
Please review and tell me if I should continue.
Gil Grissom strode into the building for the first time in two weeks. It had been hard to stay away. In fact the only reason he had, was the bandages. As long as they were on, none of his coworkers could see him. Except Catherine, that is. He'd had to tell someone why he was leaving, and she'd been the safest. Especially since she'd figured out his "condition" on her own. So he'd hidden out for two weeks, his only contact with lab, his daily calls to Catherine and the few cold files she brought him.
Grissom smiled slightly as he headed towards his office. It felt good to be back. In fact he felt like a new man. He no longer had to worry about his hearing fading in and out, or needing to read lips. He could pick up right where he left off. He had even grown a slight beard. For some reason, the surgery had triggered a need to change himself in some way. He'd realized as he sat alone in his townhouse that though he loved his job, he didn't love his life. Something was missing and Grissom didn't know exactly what.
He reached his office and sat down behind his desk, drinking in the familiar atmosphere. This was more of his home than his townhouse. Here he was comfortable, here he was in control. He looked down at the cases for the night. One was some sort of food poisoning at an anniversary party. Not normally a case for the crime lab, but it looked like botulism, and a particularly virulent strain at that. Several of the victims were near death and the health department didn't have the resources to do any real epidemiological study. Actually it sounded right up his alley. He'd take that one tonight. The other case was a body found floating in a canal at the Venetian. That was definitely one for the kids. Let them go swimming tonight. So Sara and Nick on that and Catherine and Warrick with him at the party. A perfect night to return to work.
Everyone looked up when Grissom walked into the break room. He had hoped to avoid any sort of scene, especially since no one except Catherine had known where he was. Thankfully, no one seemed that impressed with his presence. Aside from a few "welcome backs" everything seemed just as he'd left it. He looked around. Sara wasn't there yet, but Nick could tell her the assignment when she finally arrived. He glanced down at his notepad and started reading off the assignments.
"Okay. Sara and Nick have a db in one of the Venetian's canals. Catherine and Warrick, you two are coming with me to a party. We have a multiple poisoning. Have a good time everybody." He turned to go, but noticed that no one else was moving. Warrick sat with his head in his hands and Nick seemed to be glaring at Catherine.
"I thought you told him, Cat." Nick got up and walked out of the room not once looking at Grissom. Warrick looked at Catherine in sympathy and left to join Nick.
"Told me what, Catherine?"
"Look Gil. I wanted to tell you earlier, but not while you were still recovering. There wasn't anything I could do."
"What is it?"
"Sara's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone?"
"She mailed in a form requesting a leave of absence and left."
Grissom turned pale as his heart caught in his chest. This wasn't happening. She wouldn't just leave. They couldn't let her just leave. "Well didn't anybody talk to her? Couldn't you convince her to.."
Catherine sighed and looked down. "Nick went to her apartment, but she moved out. All of her furniture was gone. There was no note or anything, she just left."
Grissom collapsed onto the couch staring blankly at the wall. He was too late. She had warned him and he had finally lost her. He had often wished, when her presence had become a distraction and he found himself lost to the world thinking about her, that she had never accepted his offer of a job. He had thought that without the constant temptation he could maintain the emotional distance that made him so good at his job. Now, with the sudden pain of her loss, he realized he was wrong. The thing that had been missing from his life was Sara.
"You didn't approve her request did you?"
"What choice did I have, Gil. If I hadn't she would have to be fired. At least this way she'll have a job when she comes back."
"If she comes back."
"What are you going to do?"
Grissom got up and grabbed his jacket. "You are going with Nick to the Venetian and Warrick will work the poisoning with me. We have work to do."
Catherine stared after him as he left. He had obviously been upset at the news about Sara. She had hoped the surgery would knock some sense into his thick skull, but it hadn't. He still thought that by ignoring the problem that it would go away.
***********************
"God Gil, you look awful!"
"Is there something you want Catherine? I might not be very good with people, but even I know that is not a good way to start a conversation." Grissom had worked the case that night as a robot. Gathering evidence and photographing the scene was a welcome routine that kept his mind focused and external distractions away. Warrick kept looking at him, looking for any sort of emotional reaction, but saw nothing. Grissom didn't even notice Warrick, so intent he was on the case. Work had allowed him to get through the night in one piece, but the second got home, it hit him. A migraine forced him onto his back. But even with the shades drawn, eyes closed and medication coursing though his blood stream, the pain wouldn't abate. Sara was finally paying him back for the emotional pain he had caused her.
"I'm sorry. I just thought you might like someone to talk to tonight."
"What is there to talk about? She's gone and she didn't even say goodbye. Obviously I hope she decides to come back soon. She was an asset to the lab."
"I'm surprised you're already talking about her in the past tense. And I was hoping you'd talk about something other than her impact on the lab. It didn't do you any good to ignore her before, and it definitely won't help now."
Grissom finally lost it. Between the sharp pain behind his eyes and the cold weight crushing his chest, it was too much to keep inside anymore. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to do! Track her, hunt her down? Convince her to stay? If she couldn't even take the time to say goodbye, then what chance is there now?" He drew a deep breath and looked shocked by his outburst. "I'm sorry Catherine. I shouldn't have."
"What? Yelled? Gotten so emotional? You got burned again. I'd be disappointed if you didn't show at least some feelings."
"It was totally my fault this time. I had the chance and ignored it. I ignored her. She even warned me this time. She told me it might be too late and now it is."
"Look, the way I see it, you have two options. You can try to forget her and move on like you tried to do tonight. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think you should, or can. Or, you can find her and convince her you can change, that you have changed. Warrick told me how cold you were tonight. Like you had banished Sara from your memory. I don't think you truly want to live like that."
"I don't." Grissom suddenly realized he'd just revealed more about himself than ever before. It left him feeling raw, almost naked before Catherine's eyes. But perhaps it allowed the possibility for change. If he could admit it to himself and Catherine, why not Sara? "But what can I do? She's already gone."
"Try calling her parents tomorrow. I'm sure they know where she is."
"Maybe. I don't like. this."
"What?"
"I don't like not knowing what to do. I don't like this empty feeling. I guess I didn't realize how important she was."
Catherine smiled. "Congratulations, Gil. You just took the first step to becoming a real person. Go to bed now. You look like you need it. I have to go pick up Lindsay from school. I'll see you at work."
"Thanks Cath. I needed this."
Cat hugged him briefly and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "Anytime Gil. Everything will work out. I promise."
Grissom closed the door and walked into the bedroom. Already he had planned out his plan of attack for the night. First Sara's parents, then the airlines, movers, etc. He would find her and everything would be back to normal. He lay down on his bed, still fully closed and stared up at the ceiling. A day or two at the most, and he would know where she was. He would convince her to come back to the lab. Anything else was inconceivable.
********************************
"No? Are you sure?" Grissom sighed and ran his hand over his eyes. "I understand. Thank you for looking." Grissom sat back in his hair and closed his eyes. He had tried everything. Her parents didn't know where she was, she didn't bye a plane ticket or hired movers. No change of address forms at the post office. Sara was gone.
"What I don't understand is why her parents aren't more concerned. It's been two weeks." Catherine sat in his office sipping a screwdriver. Their shift had been over for two hours, but Grissom had stayed late to work on his own personal case.
"She told me they had a sort of falling out years ago. Sara talked to them once a month at most. She called them a few weeks ago to tell them she was thinking about quitting and moving on, but they haven't spoken to her since. They just don't seem to think anything's wrong. She must not want anyone to find her."
"I'm sorry Gil. I really thought that.."
"I know. I did too. I should have expected this after I turned her down, but somehow I always thought there'd be more time."
"What do you mean 'turned her down?'"
"After the explosion last month, she asked me to dinner. I told her no. She told me that it might be too late, but I dismissed her."
Catherine shook her head and glared at him. "No wonder she's gone. After how you've ignored her, strung her along, I'm surprised she lasted this long."
"I know, I know. This was my fault. It's over."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"What I should have done in the first place." Grissom looked up and she saw him banish the pain to some inaccessible place inside him. His eyes were empty as he answered her. "If she doesn't want to be found, I won't look for her."
******************
Sara lay on her back in the middle of her bed staring blankly up at the ceiling. There were 127 boards, she had counted them over and over trying to will her body and mind into sleep. It didn't work. Every blink was a painful grating of her red, dry eyes. She couldn't even cry anymore. The tears had dried up days ago as she lay in the same position, in the same bed, staring up at the same 127 boards. It didn't matter anyway. No one was going to come for her. She had signed the forms. She was on an indefinite leave of absence. Catherine had probably approved it right away. She would have been glad to. After all, Sara hadn't been able to do anything to help her or Lindsay when Eddie had died. She tried to remember what day it was. Time had begun to lose all meaning. Sara wondered if Grissom was back at the lab yet. It didn't matter anyway. He would welcome her absence. He might have felt something for her once. Hell he might still feel something, but would never do anything about it. Even when she gave him the opportunity. Now his chance was gone. It was too late for either of them to do anything.
Sara suddenly realized she was hungry. She knew she hadn't eaten in a few days, but this was the first time she had noticed. Perhaps her body had finally decided to take over where her mind had failed her. The gnawing hunger joined the crushing loneliness and threatened to overtake her will. She had been alone most of her adult life, but never had she felt this before. At least before she could go into work and pretend that the people there cared. That they made up some sort of family. Now there was no one.
Sara startled as she heard the door to the room open. She closed her eyes and refused to look at the man who now sat perched on the edge of her bed. He sat there patiently until she caught the smell of soup wafting up from the tray he held. Her stomach cramped and her eyes opened, focusing reluctantly. She reached for him, desperate for the food, but was stopped abruptly by the length of chain that held her wrists to the bed.
"Relax Sara. I'll feed you."
TBC
Please Review and tell me if I should continue. This is my first CSI fic.
Rating: PG-13 to R
Disclaimer: I want them. I want them so badly. But I can't. They belong to another.
Summary: Grissom's back and in fighting shape. But Sara's gone. Is it too late? G/S
Please review and tell me if I should continue.
Gil Grissom strode into the building for the first time in two weeks. It had been hard to stay away. In fact the only reason he had, was the bandages. As long as they were on, none of his coworkers could see him. Except Catherine, that is. He'd had to tell someone why he was leaving, and she'd been the safest. Especially since she'd figured out his "condition" on her own. So he'd hidden out for two weeks, his only contact with lab, his daily calls to Catherine and the few cold files she brought him.
Grissom smiled slightly as he headed towards his office. It felt good to be back. In fact he felt like a new man. He no longer had to worry about his hearing fading in and out, or needing to read lips. He could pick up right where he left off. He had even grown a slight beard. For some reason, the surgery had triggered a need to change himself in some way. He'd realized as he sat alone in his townhouse that though he loved his job, he didn't love his life. Something was missing and Grissom didn't know exactly what.
He reached his office and sat down behind his desk, drinking in the familiar atmosphere. This was more of his home than his townhouse. Here he was comfortable, here he was in control. He looked down at the cases for the night. One was some sort of food poisoning at an anniversary party. Not normally a case for the crime lab, but it looked like botulism, and a particularly virulent strain at that. Several of the victims were near death and the health department didn't have the resources to do any real epidemiological study. Actually it sounded right up his alley. He'd take that one tonight. The other case was a body found floating in a canal at the Venetian. That was definitely one for the kids. Let them go swimming tonight. So Sara and Nick on that and Catherine and Warrick with him at the party. A perfect night to return to work.
Everyone looked up when Grissom walked into the break room. He had hoped to avoid any sort of scene, especially since no one except Catherine had known where he was. Thankfully, no one seemed that impressed with his presence. Aside from a few "welcome backs" everything seemed just as he'd left it. He looked around. Sara wasn't there yet, but Nick could tell her the assignment when she finally arrived. He glanced down at his notepad and started reading off the assignments.
"Okay. Sara and Nick have a db in one of the Venetian's canals. Catherine and Warrick, you two are coming with me to a party. We have a multiple poisoning. Have a good time everybody." He turned to go, but noticed that no one else was moving. Warrick sat with his head in his hands and Nick seemed to be glaring at Catherine.
"I thought you told him, Cat." Nick got up and walked out of the room not once looking at Grissom. Warrick looked at Catherine in sympathy and left to join Nick.
"Told me what, Catherine?"
"Look Gil. I wanted to tell you earlier, but not while you were still recovering. There wasn't anything I could do."
"What is it?"
"Sara's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone?"
"She mailed in a form requesting a leave of absence and left."
Grissom turned pale as his heart caught in his chest. This wasn't happening. She wouldn't just leave. They couldn't let her just leave. "Well didn't anybody talk to her? Couldn't you convince her to.."
Catherine sighed and looked down. "Nick went to her apartment, but she moved out. All of her furniture was gone. There was no note or anything, she just left."
Grissom collapsed onto the couch staring blankly at the wall. He was too late. She had warned him and he had finally lost her. He had often wished, when her presence had become a distraction and he found himself lost to the world thinking about her, that she had never accepted his offer of a job. He had thought that without the constant temptation he could maintain the emotional distance that made him so good at his job. Now, with the sudden pain of her loss, he realized he was wrong. The thing that had been missing from his life was Sara.
"You didn't approve her request did you?"
"What choice did I have, Gil. If I hadn't she would have to be fired. At least this way she'll have a job when she comes back."
"If she comes back."
"What are you going to do?"
Grissom got up and grabbed his jacket. "You are going with Nick to the Venetian and Warrick will work the poisoning with me. We have work to do."
Catherine stared after him as he left. He had obviously been upset at the news about Sara. She had hoped the surgery would knock some sense into his thick skull, but it hadn't. He still thought that by ignoring the problem that it would go away.
***********************
"God Gil, you look awful!"
"Is there something you want Catherine? I might not be very good with people, but even I know that is not a good way to start a conversation." Grissom had worked the case that night as a robot. Gathering evidence and photographing the scene was a welcome routine that kept his mind focused and external distractions away. Warrick kept looking at him, looking for any sort of emotional reaction, but saw nothing. Grissom didn't even notice Warrick, so intent he was on the case. Work had allowed him to get through the night in one piece, but the second got home, it hit him. A migraine forced him onto his back. But even with the shades drawn, eyes closed and medication coursing though his blood stream, the pain wouldn't abate. Sara was finally paying him back for the emotional pain he had caused her.
"I'm sorry. I just thought you might like someone to talk to tonight."
"What is there to talk about? She's gone and she didn't even say goodbye. Obviously I hope she decides to come back soon. She was an asset to the lab."
"I'm surprised you're already talking about her in the past tense. And I was hoping you'd talk about something other than her impact on the lab. It didn't do you any good to ignore her before, and it definitely won't help now."
Grissom finally lost it. Between the sharp pain behind his eyes and the cold weight crushing his chest, it was too much to keep inside anymore. "Well, what the hell am I supposed to do! Track her, hunt her down? Convince her to stay? If she couldn't even take the time to say goodbye, then what chance is there now?" He drew a deep breath and looked shocked by his outburst. "I'm sorry Catherine. I shouldn't have."
"What? Yelled? Gotten so emotional? You got burned again. I'd be disappointed if you didn't show at least some feelings."
"It was totally my fault this time. I had the chance and ignored it. I ignored her. She even warned me this time. She told me it might be too late and now it is."
"Look, the way I see it, you have two options. You can try to forget her and move on like you tried to do tonight. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think you should, or can. Or, you can find her and convince her you can change, that you have changed. Warrick told me how cold you were tonight. Like you had banished Sara from your memory. I don't think you truly want to live like that."
"I don't." Grissom suddenly realized he'd just revealed more about himself than ever before. It left him feeling raw, almost naked before Catherine's eyes. But perhaps it allowed the possibility for change. If he could admit it to himself and Catherine, why not Sara? "But what can I do? She's already gone."
"Try calling her parents tomorrow. I'm sure they know where she is."
"Maybe. I don't like. this."
"What?"
"I don't like not knowing what to do. I don't like this empty feeling. I guess I didn't realize how important she was."
Catherine smiled. "Congratulations, Gil. You just took the first step to becoming a real person. Go to bed now. You look like you need it. I have to go pick up Lindsay from school. I'll see you at work."
"Thanks Cath. I needed this."
Cat hugged him briefly and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "Anytime Gil. Everything will work out. I promise."
Grissom closed the door and walked into the bedroom. Already he had planned out his plan of attack for the night. First Sara's parents, then the airlines, movers, etc. He would find her and everything would be back to normal. He lay down on his bed, still fully closed and stared up at the ceiling. A day or two at the most, and he would know where she was. He would convince her to come back to the lab. Anything else was inconceivable.
********************************
"No? Are you sure?" Grissom sighed and ran his hand over his eyes. "I understand. Thank you for looking." Grissom sat back in his hair and closed his eyes. He had tried everything. Her parents didn't know where she was, she didn't bye a plane ticket or hired movers. No change of address forms at the post office. Sara was gone.
"What I don't understand is why her parents aren't more concerned. It's been two weeks." Catherine sat in his office sipping a screwdriver. Their shift had been over for two hours, but Grissom had stayed late to work on his own personal case.
"She told me they had a sort of falling out years ago. Sara talked to them once a month at most. She called them a few weeks ago to tell them she was thinking about quitting and moving on, but they haven't spoken to her since. They just don't seem to think anything's wrong. She must not want anyone to find her."
"I'm sorry Gil. I really thought that.."
"I know. I did too. I should have expected this after I turned her down, but somehow I always thought there'd be more time."
"What do you mean 'turned her down?'"
"After the explosion last month, she asked me to dinner. I told her no. She told me that it might be too late, but I dismissed her."
Catherine shook her head and glared at him. "No wonder she's gone. After how you've ignored her, strung her along, I'm surprised she lasted this long."
"I know, I know. This was my fault. It's over."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"What I should have done in the first place." Grissom looked up and she saw him banish the pain to some inaccessible place inside him. His eyes were empty as he answered her. "If she doesn't want to be found, I won't look for her."
******************
Sara lay on her back in the middle of her bed staring blankly up at the ceiling. There were 127 boards, she had counted them over and over trying to will her body and mind into sleep. It didn't work. Every blink was a painful grating of her red, dry eyes. She couldn't even cry anymore. The tears had dried up days ago as she lay in the same position, in the same bed, staring up at the same 127 boards. It didn't matter anyway. No one was going to come for her. She had signed the forms. She was on an indefinite leave of absence. Catherine had probably approved it right away. She would have been glad to. After all, Sara hadn't been able to do anything to help her or Lindsay when Eddie had died. She tried to remember what day it was. Time had begun to lose all meaning. Sara wondered if Grissom was back at the lab yet. It didn't matter anyway. He would welcome her absence. He might have felt something for her once. Hell he might still feel something, but would never do anything about it. Even when she gave him the opportunity. Now his chance was gone. It was too late for either of them to do anything.
Sara suddenly realized she was hungry. She knew she hadn't eaten in a few days, but this was the first time she had noticed. Perhaps her body had finally decided to take over where her mind had failed her. The gnawing hunger joined the crushing loneliness and threatened to overtake her will. She had been alone most of her adult life, but never had she felt this before. At least before she could go into work and pretend that the people there cared. That they made up some sort of family. Now there was no one.
Sara startled as she heard the door to the room open. She closed her eyes and refused to look at the man who now sat perched on the edge of her bed. He sat there patiently until she caught the smell of soup wafting up from the tray he held. Her stomach cramped and her eyes opened, focusing reluctantly. She reached for him, desperate for the food, but was stopped abruptly by the length of chain that held her wrists to the bed.
"Relax Sara. I'll feed you."
TBC
Please Review and tell me if I should continue. This is my first CSI fic.