Title: Love vs Hina

Chapter: #5 – What the F#&K? : Mistaken

Author: Murto

Stupid Crap: Us Aussies support our TV like the British support their cricket team. They both suck, but why the hell not? :)

Pre-FanFic Notes: Sorry 'bout the late update everyone. Unfortunately my updates will be a little less often and more irregular for the time being because uni has started since the last Fic. I won't be stopping this Fic however because it's really awesome, and I can't leave Baka-Alaskan on a cliffhanger, ne?

My other LH Fic, "It could only get worse" has been placed on indefinite hold (ie: I've given up). Though the whole Tarentino thing woulda been cool, I didn't execute it well enough from the start in my opinion. I could continue but the ending would pro'lly be crap and unsubstantial. If a shitload of inspiration hits me and I am able to pull it off I'll post the last chapter or two. I might even post the ½-way completed 6th chapter if I get enough requests….

Legal Stuff: Let me put it this way. I am typing this on my Pentium 2 – 233mhz computer that I bought last year for $30. Now think about the prohibitive cost of the rights to Love Hina and "Capture the Flag" (if that's even possible). Get the picture?

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Chapter 5: What the F#&K? – Mistaken

Kitsune, Shinobu and the author of this fic Murto were hanging around the Red Base, wasting time as usual…

"So anyways, I says to this punk 'OI! Whatsh you lookin at rrrrrretard!! You make me wanna PUKE!'" Murto said before he passed out.

"My oh my! What do we have here!" Kitsune said.

"What is it, K-Kitsune-senpai?" Shinobu asked.

"Not quite sure to tell you the truth, it's something big. Ooh, it's moving too!"

Through the binoculars Kitsune could see a couple of figures jumping around shooting at each other in the Blue Base. Judging by the firepower one could almost say that these characters were quite determined on killing each other.

"Well, not much we can do about it. Where's my sake?" Kitsune continued, looking for the drink in question.

"I'VE GOT IT!! We'll use the teleporter!" Murto yelled excitably.

"DING DING DING!!!! THAT'S THE SECRET WORD FOR THE DAY!!!!" Shinobu screamed, wearing a paper hat and blowing all manner of airhorns rather energetically.

"The teleporter? I don't think that we should use the teleporter. It could be dangerous." Kitsune mused.

"DING DING DING!!!! THAT'S THE SECRET WORD FOR THE DAY!!!!"

"Ano…" Mutsumi said trying to capture someone's attention, but everyone seemed to completely deny Mutsumi's existence at this point of time…

"Why, it's not dangerous. We already tested it." Murto said.

"Yeah, we chucked rocks through it." Kitsune replied.

"And…?"

"When we used that stupid contraption they came out the other side all hot and covered in black stuff."

"DING DING DING!!!! THAT'S THE SECRET WORD FOR THE DAY!!!!" Shinobu celebrated, again. Kitsune and Murto sweatdropped.

"Umm, lets just go already…" Murto said, jumping into the teleporter dragging Kitsune along with him.

"Ara, oh well. I guess I'll just use in the Scorpion-class battle tank I found! Wanna come along Shinobu?" Mutsumi asked.

"DING DING DING!!!! THAT'S THE SECRET WORD FOR THE DAY!!!!" Shinobu replied.

"I'll take that as a yes then…"

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Meanwhile, at the Blue Base

Mutsumi had finished reloading and jumped back out from behind the rock. Motoko jumped off the roof of the blue base and both girls charged at each other. Motoko was yelling 'DIE TURTLE-GIRL, DIE!' and Mutsumi did a double forward somersault whilst yelling 'SUCKS TO BE YOU, BITCH!'.

Motoko's 1st grenade missed and exploded to the right of Mutsumi and Mutsumi's hail of 9mm bullets were barely missing Motoko and took chips out of her blue battle armour.

The second of Motoko's grenades hit a nearby rock, sending dust and debris everywhere. Mutsumi was greatly affected by this, coughing and spluttering from the dust getting into her eyes and mouth. Motoko launched again……..

"Ara…" Mutsumi muttered before copping the grenade in the stomach and being engulfed in smoke and fire. She was thrown back by the explosion and was quite possibly seriously injured. I won't go into the details, as that makes for a boring FanFic.

"Ha, pathetic weakling." Motoko said smugly, blowing the smoke off the barrel of the 8-ball grenade launcher.

"Too easy" Haruka said, lighting her cigarette.

"You BITCH!!!" Kanako yelled, obviously quite pissed off at Motoko's victory.

One of Kanako's stray bullets shot Haruka's newly lit cigarette out of her mouth, causing her to swear and curse.

"Why is it that everyone time I impersonate someone I get found out?" Kanako continued.

"Kanako! So that wasn't Mutsumi?" Naru asked.

"Apparently not," Haruka said, raising an eyebrow.

"Damn, and I was so close to the flag too…" Kanako complained.

ZAP!! Was the descriptive word the author thought most appropriate for the sound of Kitsune and Murto exiting the teleporter. Both said characters were swearing and cursing from the pain ('Argh! So hot!') and were covered head to foot in black stuff.

"Oh dear…" Haruka said, raising another eyebrow.

"YAAAAHOOOO!!!" an indistinguishable voice yelled, carried by the wind and being altered quite a lot by the Doppler affect.

"What the…?" Keitaro uttered

"Ara!! Look what I found!!" Mutsumi said, pulling up in front of the blue base driving a huge Scorpion-class main battle tank. This version was a two-seater, with spots for a driver and a gunner. Shinobu had mounted the gun.

"DIE MUTHAF*CKING RETARDS!!! YOU MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION YOU TINY-BRAINED WIPERS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BOTTOMS!" Shinobu screamed whilst emptying at least a thousand rounds a minute into the Blue Base.

"Oh dear…" Haruka said, raising another eyebrow.

"HOW MANY EYEBROWS DO YOU HAVE??????" Keitaro asked.

"Just call me Haruka," She said, smacking him around the head whilst lighting another cigarette.

"But I didn't call you 'Aunt'"

She smacked him around the head again.

"What do you think you just called me then?" She retorted, only to have her newly cigarette shot out of her mouth again.

Haruka, obviously quite pissed off because she wasn't getting her smoke she wanted so badly, checked her box of fags. Empty.

"THAT'S IT!!!!!"

"Ooh!! Super Fun Happy Slide!!" Murto squealed with delight as he found a switch on the wall that indeed was labeled 'Super Fun Happy Slide'.

"Don't use it Murto, it could be dangerous!" Motoko warned.

"DING DING DING!!!! THAT'S THE SECRET WORD FOR THE DAY!!!!" Shinobu screamed excitably.

"Ahem, I said 'THAT'S IT!'" Haruka yelled, obviously trying to capture everyone's attention so she could go medieval on…..

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End Notes: Oh my god!! Oh well. Tell me what you thought. Try guessing who's ass Haruka is gonna kick, but that's easy enough to guess. So tell me, what that weird or what?

The 'Super Fun Happy Slide' is from an episode of the Simpsons, one of their Halloween specials if you will. Some stuff was taken from 'Red vs Blue' again, only with a slight twist. As for the eyebrow and cigarette gags, don't ask. I should really do something about my vivid imagination, ne?

So….

What is the secret word of the day? Will Murto ever get to ride the 'Super Fun Happy Slide'? Does the black stuff ever wash out? Who arse is gonna get kicked by Haruka

And…

WHO WILL CAPTURE THE FLAG!!!!!!!