Well those of you who think you've figured out what's wrong with Kristen, you should find out in this chapter. We'll see where it takes me.
Usual Disclaimers apply…
"I'm worried about Ryan," Kirsten told Sandy, as she sat in front of her vanity mirror, getting ready for work. "He's still having those nightmares and I think with his mother's death they're getting worse."
"That's to be expected."
"It's been a week since Dawn's funeral and he's been up every night. He's insisting on going back to school today, but he can barely keep his eyes open."
"So what do you propose we do?" asked Sandy. He stood behind Kristen and worked on knotting his tie. "Maybe we should tie him to his bed and force him to sleep."
Kirsten scowled at him. "Sandy, be serious."
"Okay, I can talk to him again and see if he'll open up."
"I talk to him every night while we play video games in the family room. By the way, I'm getting really good at it."
"Then when the boys are out, I challenge you to a game." He leaned in to Kirsten, hoping to give her a kiss.
But Kirsten moved away and said, "That's another thing. Have you noticed how Ryan is avoiding Marissa. Last month they were inseparable."
"I'm open to ideas, Kirsten, I'm just at a loss of what to do."
"He needs to see a therapist." She put down her comb and turned to face her husband.
"We've both suggested it, but he was adamantly against it."
"Sandy, you're the one who keeps reminding him that he's got to leave some of the decisions to the adults. We're the parents. We get to make this decision."
"I agree, but he's not open to the idea of a therapist. It might just backfire on us."
"I'm worried, Sandy."
"So am I," he said, wrapping Kirsten in his arms.
Ryan knew he wasn't ready to go back to school. He was too tired from sleepless nights, and he was still weak from the flu. But he also couldn't stand staying around the house any more with Kirsten hovering over him, or listen to the sound of her throwing up over the toilet. The more time he spent by himself was more opportunity to dwell on Dawn's death.
In school he wouldn't have time to think about Dawn, because it was only third period and he felt like he was six months behind. And instead of trying to stay awake in monotonous Tolliver's history class, he was perched on the edge of a very uncomfortable straight back wooden chair in Dr. Kim's office.
"Mr. Atwood, I wanted to express my sincerest condolences."
"Um, thank you," he said.
"I've talked to your teachers and I've asked them to please allow you as much time as you need to make up the work. I'd also like to suggest that you make an appointment with your guidance counselor."
"Thank you Dr. Kim." Inwardly, Ryan wanted to run screaming from the room. Did all the teachers know about his mother's death?
"Ryan, I lost my own mother last year and have an inkling of what you're going through. If you need to talk, my office door is open to you."
"Thank you," he repeated, keeping his face expressionless. How could Dr. Kim know what he was going through? Did her mother thrown her out of the house when she was seventeen-years-old? Did she die of a drug over dose? How on earth could Dr. Kim think that his mother's death was just about losing a parent? He had lost Dawn long ago. He had lost her even before that balmy day in July when she had kicked him to the curb. When he thought about it, he had lost Dawn about the same time his father had been locked up in jail. Not that she had even been a model mother. But when his father had been around at least she had tried.
"Well then," Dr. Kim said, shuffling papers on her desk. "I better write you a pass. I believe you belong in Mr. Tolliver's history class."
"Dr. Kim called you into her office," Marissa exclaimed. They were seated in a corner of the student lounge. They weren't supposed to eat there, but most of the students ignored the rule when they wanted to avoid the crowded lunch scene. "What did she have to say?"
"That she knew what I was going through." Ryan tried to hide the sarcasm that crept into his voice. "She wanted to offer her condolences."
Marissa leaned closer to Ryan and rubbed his arm. "Was it difficult going back to school?"
Ryan shrugged. "It's been weird. I can't really focus on school. I keep thinking about my mom. I never really thought about when I would see my mother again, but I always assumed I would eventually see her, that our paths would cross again." I didn't even have a chance to say good-bye, he thought.
"I wish I had the right words, Ryan."
"You don't need to have any words," he reassured her.
Kirsten stared at the test stick she was holding in her hand. She looked from the box to the stick, thinking the results would change, but it didn't. She looked at the second stick and the third, but they all said the same thing. She sank down to the floor and leaned against the toilet. She put her face in her hands and tried to wrap her head around the news.
She had to tell Sandy, she thought. They would have to tell the boys. How would they react? The timing couldn't be worse. But it wasn't awful news. It was a miracle really. Oh God, thought Kirsten, I can't believe I'm forty and pregnant.
When the boys came home from school, Kirsten was in the kitchen taking out a tray of chocolate chip cookies from the oven. "Don't worry boys, I popped the dough out of a package. I didn't do any real baking."
"Um, Mom," Seth said. "What possessed you to make cookies?"
"I had a craving?"
"A craving?" Seth said, as he watched his mother take a bite out of the cookie. "You're vomiting all the time and having cravings – what are you pregnant?"
Kirsten choked on the cookie. "Why would you say something like that?"
"I was just kidding. Chill, Mom."
Ryan brought her a glass of water, which she gratefully accepted.
"How was your first day back?" She asked Ryan.
He shrugged. "Okay."
"Your description has moved me," she told her foster son. "The details are boggling my mind."
Kirsten was pleased to see Ryan fighting a smile.
"It's okay, you're allowed to smile in here. Even when you're sad. So, did anyone mention your absence?" she asked.
"Dr. Kim called me into her office. She told me that the teachers would give me all the time I need to make up the work I missed."
"That was thoughtful. Did you miss a lot?"
Ryan nodded. "I should probably go up to my room and try to catch up. Let me know if I can help with dinner."
"Thanks Ryan. How about you Seth, do you have homework?"
"Hey, just because he wants to get all academic, doesn't mean I have to follow suit."
Kirsten raised a brow. "We'll see about that report card time."
Ryan's eyes closed over his economics book. He had read the same paragraph six times, but he still wasn't sure what it was all about. His mind kept drifting to thoughts of his mother, Marissa, Sandy, Kirsten and Seth. His mind even wandered to Trey, sitting in jail. How was his brother dealing with their mother's death? How did one deal with such heartbreak when they are behind bars?
Suddenly, Ryan felt a hand on her shoulder, shaking him awake.
"Hey, Ryan, wake up. It's time for dinner."
"Oh jeez, did I fall asleep?"
"It appears so," Seth said with a smile, which quickly disappeared. "Are you still having those dreams? They're still keeping you up at night?"
"Why is everyone so interested in my sleep habits?" Ryan snapped.
"Sorry," Seth said holding up his hands. "I was just being a concerned brother. I'm going downstairs. We'll wait for you." Seth turned and headed for the door.
"Hey, Seth," Ryan called. Seth stopped at the door and turned around. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just edgy."
"S'okay," Seth said.
But Ryan saw that it wasn't. Before trudging down the stairs, he splashed water on his face and slicked down a cowlick that was sticking up behind his ears. His shirt was a bit rumpled, but the Cohens weren't formal for dinner. Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth were just sitting down by the table when Ryan arrived.
"Just in time," Sandy said. "How was your first day back?"
"Okay."
"The details you offer are astounding."
This time Ryan laughed out loud.
"I didn't realize I was so funny," Sandy said, sliding a piece of salmon onto his plate.
"Kirsten said the same thing," Ryan explained. "It was fine," he continued. "I'm behind, but Dr. Kim called me into her office during third period to offer her condolences and say that she asked my teachers to offer me as much time as I needed to make up the work."
"That was nice of her. Seth," Sandy said, turning to his son, "You're always calling Dr. Kim the dragon lady."
"She usually is. And she's scary too. You've met her!"
"You're right. She is scary."
Seth, Sandy and Kirsten continued talking over their dinner. They compared their days, laughed over the antics in Sandy's office and Kirsten trying to help out Julie Cooper launch her designing career. But Ryan heard little of it. His mind kept wandering back to Dawn and her overdose. He didn't eat much and only pushed the food around his plate. It wasn't long before Kirsten, the eternal mother hen, noticed.
"Ryan, is the salmon okay?"
"The food is delicious."
"But you're not eating."
"I don't have much of an appetite."
"Ryan, you have to eat to keep up your strength –"
He noticed Sandy put his hand over hers to stop her. On one hand, he loved that they noticed that he wasn't eating. He remembered bending over a toilet bowl when was he ten-years-old and puking till he was empty, and Dawn hadn't even noticed though she in the next room. Even so, Kirsten's worrying was overwhelming at the same time.
"Hey, Ryan," Seth said, trying to change the subject. "Did you catch the Harbor Views?" He was referring to the school newspaper.
Ryan nodded.
"They always stick a couple of jokes about the teachers that the administration won't catch," Seth explained to his parents. " This one was about monotonous Tolliver."
Ryan smiled. "Yeah, I saw it. It was funny."
"Thought you would enjoy it."
Seth had successfully maneuvered the conversation away from Ryan's eating habit. Ryan shot him a grateful look as Kirsten and Sandy started to compare notes of all the boring teachers they had during their schooling career. He hadn't deserved Seth's help after being rude to him just before dinner, but Seth was always there to bail him out.
After dinner, Sandy called Ryan over for a private talk.
"Your m-" Sandy caught himself and started over. "Kirsten and I are worried about you. I bet that catnap you had over your books was the first real sleep you've had in a long time."
Ryan shrugged.
"Are you ready to tell me what the nightmares are about?"
"They're always different and I don't remember them much once I wake up."
"Ryan, we can't help you if you don't let us."
"I don't need help. I appreciate all you've done for me, but I'm sure it'll pass."
Kirsten came over and sat down next to Sandy. Without thinking, she put on hand on Sandy's knee and the other she stretched out to reassure Ryan. "We just want to help you."
"I know. But I'm sure once the stress of Dawn's death passes, they'll go away."
"But they started before Dawn died."
"They'll go away. I'm sure of it."
Kirsten and Sandy exchanged looks. It seemed as if an entire conversation passed between them. Finally, they sighed and stood.
"We'll give them a chance to go away on their own. But if not, we're sending you to a therapist."
"Okay," said Ryan. "But I won't ever see the inside of a therapist's office. I'm sure if it."