Chapter IV: Lost in the Lost Woods
Link: Ahh! The smell of the forest air! So humid, so plant like, and full of these weird little bug things.
Mido: YOU!
Link: Oh crud.
Mido: WHAT…THE HECK…ARE…YOU…DOING HERE!?!
Link: Well I was…um…bye!
Link runs off to the Lost Woods with Navi fluttering behind.
Mido: RARRRR!
Mido quickly stomps towards them, shaking the ground as he goes. Can't tell if it's from his rage or his weight…oh well.
Link: RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE NAVI! Wait, what am I saying? STAY NAVI, STAY PUT!
Mido pulls out a machine gun.
Link: Whoa! Where did you get that?
Mido: I got it off a site called "Machine guns for little Kokiri kids who want to kill a guy named Link".
Link: Oh.
(Pause)
Link: AHHHHH!
Link runs off in terror with Navi and Mido following. Mido is blowing holes into peoples houses and hats.
Bacon Kokiri: Awww. That was my last hat.
Mido: BUAHAHAHA!
He trips over a rock.
Mido: Ow.
Link runs off into the Lost Woods
Link (yelling back to Mido): SUCKER!
Mido: I'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY LINK! I SWEAR IT!
Link: Yeah, right.
Navi: So how are we gonna get through here?
Link: Don't worry, I know a shortcut!
Navi: Oh no! I'm not taking another one of your, "shortcuts"!
Link: Awww, come on! It'll take only 1 hour and 59 minutes!
Navi: You mean 2 hours.
Link: Sigh No, 1 hour and 59 minutes!
Navi: 2 hours!
Link: 1 hour and 59 minutes!
They go on like this for another 1 hour and 59 minutes, before Navi realizes that they are already there.
Navi: Hey! We're already there!
Link: Yeah, and it only took 1 hour and 59 minutes!
Navi: You mean we were on it the whole time!?!
Link: Haha! Yep!
Navi (giving Link an evil look): I hate you.
They march into the forest meadow, where they find a big maze.
Link: Whoa! A big maze!
Navi: Come on! Let's get through it!
So Link and Navi get into the maze and, almost instantly, Link gets hit in the side with a nut.
Link: Ow! What the-
He looks to his right to see a lone Deku scrub, staring back at him.
Link: One of you!
The scrub stares back.
Link: Hehe, I know how to deal with you!
Link walks over to it and the scrub starts to run away.
Link: Hey! Get back here!
He starts to run too and eventually he reaches a dead end. He suddenly stops. There are about a dozen other Deku scrubs standing in front of him, looking a lot bigger than the other ones, and all looking angry.
Deku Scrub #1: Were you the one pestering my son?!
Link: Um…n-n-no sir! I-I was just p-p-passing through w-when your son hit me with a nut.
D. S. #1: Son, is this true?
D.S. child: No daddy.
Link: What! But you-
The Dekus give Link a look like they're about to commit murder.
Link: Hehe. I'll just be going now.
He starts to slowly back up. Then, all of a sudden, he breaks out into a fast run. But the Dekus are quicker than Link expected and catch up to him.
Link: No! Take this!
He slices them and they go Pop!
Link (Staring blankly): That was weird.
Then more Dekus appear in the distance, and Link runs for his life, while hoping they caught Navi. Eventually, he reaches a stairway and runs up it, through the hall, and up to a clearing. He sees Saria sitting on a stump.
Link: Hey look! It's Saria sitting on a stump!
Narrator: Do you always have to copy what I say?
Link: Yeah! It's loads of fun!
Narrator: ARGGHHH!
Anyway, he goes over to her.
Link: Hi!
Saria: Oh, hi Link! Wanna learn this song I made up that you have to play to the Goron king so he'll let you get the spiritual stone?
Link: Well, I don't know…
Navi shoves him in the side.
Link: Ow! Still alive, huh? Ok, fine. I'll learn your song.
Saria: Ok! It goes like this.
She plays some notes on her ocarina and, like usual, Link plays them back perfectly.
Saria: Great! If you ever want to talk to me just play this song, I can hear you at any time!
Link (in an undertone): Well I won't be playing it very often then.
Navi hits him in the side again.
Link: Hey! Stop doing that!
Saria: See ya Link!
Link: Ok, bye!
Link and Navi head back down the stairs, only to meet the Dekus again.
Link: Gulp
D.S.#1: There's no escaping this time, bud. Were gonna tear you limb from limb!
Link: Hey! This is PG, so why don't we keep it that way, ok pal?
D.S.#1: Haha! I think not!
Link: Sigh Oh well, it was worth a try!
D.S.#1: Charge!
Link: AHHHHH!
Link runs past them screaming and doesn't even get touched because the Dekus are too busy plugging their ears.
D.S.#1: Hey! All of you, STOP! You don't even have ears!
D.S.#7: Oh.
D.S.#1: Go get him!
So Link is chased out of the Lost Woods buy a bunch of Deku Scrubs, but they don't stop there! They chase him into the Kokiri forest.
Mido: Haha! I knew you'd come back this way!
He's holding out his machine gun right in Link's face.
Link: Now Mido, I'm sure we can work something- AHHHH!
Mido pulled the trigger if the gun and it made a click sound.
Mido: Oh crud! It's outta ammo!
Link: Haha!
Mido tosses the gun aside and joins in the Dekus chase.
Link: AHHHHHH!
They chase him out of the forest, but finally stop on the borders.
D.S.#3: Hey boss! I ain't leaven' the forest!
D.S.#9: Yeah, me neither!
Mido: Yeah, me neither!
D.S.#5: Yeah, me-
D.S.#1: Oh stop it already!
(Silence)
D.S.#1: Besides, I don't wanna leave either. Our work is finished boys…or Dekus…whatever.
So Link and Navi are FINALLY on their way to the mountain. They get stuck out at night again, though, and take 3 and a half of Link's "shortcuts", so after about a week they finally make it…but that's for next chapter! Sorry! =)
END OF CHAPTER