A tall, dark man walked slowly down the street, dressed in white pants and a long black trench coat that, on anyone else, might have reached the ankles. He was tired, obviously. Exhausted, physically, mentally or both. Staggering almost. He leaned up against the side of a building to rest, out of the way of the normal pedestrian flow of traffic. His silky limp hair hung down the sides of his pale face as if dripping off, like a black cap slowly turning to liquid. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed.
"Hello. This is Ichijoji Ken. Is Hikari there?.... Thank you. No, I'll call back later."
Click
Dammit. I have to find out if Hikari has been having these dreams too. She was always close to the Darkness with me... If it's just my psyche torturing me for my past... but if it's not.... there could be no future. These dreams-
Ring!
"Hai, Ichijoji?" Ken answered eagerly.
"Ken chan, where have you been? You aren't out working yourself to death again are you?"
"Daisuke." Ken sighed heavily. Don't be silly. You didn't give her your number!"No, I'll be home in a few hours, I promise. Have you started that paper yet?"
"Um..."
"I agreed to spend spring break at the beach with you if you got a good grade on your term paper, Daisuke! I mean it. I can't take off for that long if it isn't coming to something. I have to work to keep our apartment, and your parents are spending good money to sent you to college."
"I don't wanna fight, Ken. Just come home, please?" The begging tone was breaking his heart. Did he really want to be away from Daisuke right now? Ken felt so alone... and cold. "Just come home and we can talk about whatever is bugging you, kay?"
"Alright. I'll be home soon." Ken sighed again and slumped down against the building. If a passerby had been looking closely, they would have seen a shimmer. The shimmering, of someone not fully rooted in this dimension... falling out of it.
Ken clicked his phone off and starred intently into the sky. It had been a long time since he'd felt so... out of phase. He knew he didn't really belong to this world, more to the Digital World, but maybe even moreso to the Dark World. Sometimes he wondered whether or not he'd been intended to stay in the Digital World, regardless of his human heritage. He rubbed his hand absently over the front of his shirt. This looks bleaker the more I think about it. Maybe I should stop worrying until I can talk to Hikari. She's the Child of Light. She'll know what to do.
Daisuke paced back and forth across the living room of their apartment, manically pulling at his hair and muttering to himself. He knew he should be working on that big research paper, but he was far too worried. Ken had been taking classes during the day for his newest doctorate, and working nights at the research lab for the money for them to live on. Daisuke felt a little weird letting Ken take care of the bills, since they weren't officially a couple anymore.
"I think we need to see other people, Ken." He'd said. "We're still pretty young."
What I meant to say was, I'm not good enough for you. Daisuke rubbed the back of his head and looked around the room. Three months prior and he still wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing. Ken had dated since... so Daisuke supposed it was good for him. He himself had only been feigning a social life. Guess it won't kill me to start that paper now. I did promise.
Daisuke went to his room and looked over his notes as the computer started up. Ken had already helped him immeasurably by finding him research materials. He'd looked over most of it already, now he had to do something with it.
"I bet if I weren't rooming with Ken I wouldn't start this till the night before it was due." He started clacking on the computer. Daisuke looked over the piles of information he had to process into a ten-page paper. If only he could slap it all onto a canvas. "Ohhhh!! Why does every history class have to have a term paper?!"
Thump
"Ken?!" Daisuke jumped up and ran into the living room. Ken had collapsed face-first onto the couch. He didn't move. "You okay?"
Daisuke edged closer to his friend, and kneeled down next to him. He brushed some of the soft dark hair out of his eyes. He'd probably fallen asleep before he'd even hit the couch.
"I told you... you were working too hard." Daisuke grabbed a blanket off the floor and covered him up. "Sweet dreams, buddy."
The mist surrounded him. Ken whirled around, trying to see something, anything that would give a clue to where he was.
A black winged creature fluttered past him.
"Who's there!" He demanded. Ken could feel the cold permeating his body. He wasn't sure how much longer he could live with this cold. This numb feeling that persisted ever since the dreams came back.
A swaying figure approached him out of the mist.
"Creature of Kindess... how dare you!" A bloody face flashed before him angrily. Her black wings beat fiercely. "How dare you!"
The accusatory look frightened Ken, and he took a step back.
Then he was falling.
"Ken!! Wake up!!"
Ken promptly fell off the couch.
"Daisuke?" Nothing like a little Daisuke in the morning to start off your day.
"You were having a nightmare. I could hear you screaming." Daisuke slowly tilted his head to the right, observing his roommate. Ken forced a smile.
"One of those where you suddenly find yourself without any ground to stand on. Nothing to worry about."
"Yeah, whatever. Why don't you come to bed?" Daisuke offered him a hand to get out of the floor. "It's still two hours until you have to get up anyway."
"Come to bed?" Ken flushed noticeably. No matter how hard he'd tried, Ken still couldn't deal with intimate situations facetiously.
"Yeah. Your bed is softer than then couch. Just don't fall off the ladder." Daisuke groggily walked back to his bedroom. Ken stood there for a moment.
You're being ridiculous lately. Reading things into situations where they just don't belong. He chided himself. Ken grabbed the blanket and headed for his room. The least he could do would be to get some sleep. Though he doubted he could calm his mind enough to do so.
That bloody child.... Ken could feel his eyes getting moist. He was afraid. Could it have been? It looked... it looked like...
Ken shook his head hard and made a semi determined departure for his room. He climbed up the ladder to the bed. He'd been so used to sleeping on the ceiling like Sam had that when they'd found this apartment Daisuke knew it was right for them. Ken laid back and tried to sort a few things out.
Maybe... I should try to contact all the old Digidestine. Then someone would bring Hikari to the reunion, and I could get her alone for a moment. Yes. That would be the best course. Ken pulled the blanket that Daisuke had given him around him, struggling for a sense of security. He wished that had been an offer from Daisuke, even a platonic one. He had such an urge at the moment to crawl into Daisuke' bed and just cuddle up next to him. To be warm, and safe with his oldest friend, even if it couldn't be more. I'm probably not up to it anyway.
Idiot. Daisuke thought to himself. He sprawled over his bed and tried not to think naughty thoughts. You should never have let that dirty invitation slip. Dammit, I'm so stupid sometimes. He obviously didn't want to... he got so embarrassed. It really is the best that we just be friends, right?
Ken scribbled down a few notes and sipped his coffee, letting his mind wander a bit.
I keep thinking of that day. Ken thought to himself. I should have fought him harder.
"I think we need to see other people, Ken." He'd said. "We're still pretty young."
"But..." Ken looked away, letting himself go numb. Exactly the think he'd been trying not to do... but he couldn't let Daisuke see him cry, not over this. Not over him, the person who had taught him to smile again. "Don't we love each other?"
"Ken..." Daisuke smiled bravely and tilted his head. "I do love you. That's why we have to do this."
"I understand."
I lied. I don't understand at all. I know he still cares. Maybe he never really loved me. Tears threatened again. He forced them back. Not that way, at least. I'm such a crybaby lately.
Ken took another sip of his coffee.
"You and I keep too much inside, Ken. That's why we're vulnerable."
"Perhaps you're right, Hikari. But I think I'm moreso than you."
"You have to accept you past. And realize that it's just that." Hikari lit up suddenly. She hugged him around the waist. "You and I are two sides of the same magic. Come talk to me whenever you need to. And I'll do the same with you. That way, we can stay strong."
I feel like anything but strong, right now. Ken looked up at the students leaving. Dr. Tanaka dropped quite the bombshell on my yesterday. She lied to me, if by omission.
Ken got up and proceeded to his next class.
The wind flipped the loose ends of his coat around. Turning his head slightly, Ken caught something out of the corner of his eye.
"Maybe I don't want to be strong right now." He said to himself. "Maybe all I can do right now is be kind."
Ken forced himself not to look back, but he failed. Once across the street, Ken turned his head again.
Hikari had found them. She was talking to Daisuke, and laughing.
"Daisuki yo. Daisuke." He said to himself softly, letting the restrained tears fall, and hurried away.
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