Back from vacation... Had a great time and though I didn't have a computer
with me I did some writing the old fashioned way. It will be interesting
to see how it comes out typed.... Usual Disclaimers apply... I don't own the
OC blah blah blah
When they left the therapist's office, Ryan was given the choice of riding with Kirsten or Sandy. Kirsten was driving a rental car since he had smashed the Land Rover and Sandy was driving his BMW. The same car he used o pick Ryan up in Chino during the summer. For some reason the decision sent butterflies flapping around his stomach. Would he be indicating he liked one more than the other by choosing them?
Ryan laughed nervously. "I better ride with Sandy," he said. "You probably had too much of me this afternoon."
"Never," said Kirsten with a smile. But she waved brightly and ducked into her car.
Ryan and Sandy rode home in silence. He saw Sandy turning his head every so often, mouth at the ready, but then he would close it again. In the meanwhile, Ryan fiddled with the radio dial, even though he wasn't in the mood for music. When they were nearing the house, Sandy finally said something.
"How was it?" he asked.
Ryan shrugged, and then said, "Okay, I guess," realizing Sandy's eyes were peeled to the road and would think he hadn't answered.
"Did Dr. Acobas make you uncomfortable?"
"No," he said truthfully. He had asked Ryan such basic impersonal questions it was like making small talk with someone you just met.
"Good." Sandy turned into the driveway and parked his car behind Kirsten's rental. He turned to Ryan as he shut off the ignition. "I don't want this to be any more painful than this has to be. If Dr. Acobas isn't the right therapist for you, then we'll find someone else."
"He's fine," Ryan said. He wondered if he'd dare to say that therapy wasn't right for him in general.
"Kirsten and I want this to help you."
"I know." Ryan didn't have to say anything else because Kirsten was lightly tapping on the window.
"Can you big strong men help me with my packages?"
"At your service." Ryan gratefully exited the car.
When they were inside, and all of Kirsten's packages were on the kitchen table, Kirsten called out to Seth and announced they were home. Sandy peeked into the family room and saw Seth at the play station, headphones on, thumbs tapping furiously at the game console. Sandy jumped in front of the screen, waving his hands to get Seth's attention, when calling his name didn't work.
"What they heck?" he said. Seth took off his headphones. "What's up Dad?"
"We're home."
"I see that."
"Are you going to come greet us? Your parents. The one who bore you, birthed you, and gave you life."
"Mom's home?" Seth asked, jumping up with a grin on his face. "Why didn't you say that earlier?"
Seth loped into the kitchen and said hi to his mother. "What's with all the packages?"
"I was leaving work early, so I left even earlier," she said. Kirsten started to rummage through the packages. "And I started to baby shop." She pulled out a tiny yellow stretchy and held it up for all to see.
Ryan hung back, but watched as Kirsten, Seth and Sandy marveled at the tiny garments. Kirsten had raided the baby boutiques and bought every outfit that came in neutral color. There were white booties, a light green receiving blanket and countless of tiny outfits that came with hats and boots.
Ryan wondered if Dawn had ever had the urge to sop for baby clothes before he or Trey was born. She had never been able to afford much, but all babies needed something. Was she the type to go shopping before the birth and plan for them? Or had he and Trey been accidents? Unwanted children who were a burden to live with?
He silently slipped out of the kitchen while the Cohens oohed and aahed over Kirsten's shopping excursion. He was already up in his room when Kirsten turned and said, "Ryan what do you think?"
Sandy and Seth were beside Kirsten's hospital bed. In her arms was a small bundle wrapped in pink. Kirsten rocked the tiny infant, who let out a small whimper. Seth leaned over and tickled the baby's chin. Sandy leaned in too, blocking Ryan's view.
Ryan ran behind Seth, to the foot of the bed and back behind Sandy. He tried again, but Caleb walked in and then Haley. Soon the Coopers were there too. Marissa, Julie, Jimmie, and even little Kaitlin. They completed the circle around Kirsten's bed making it impossible to get in.
Ryan tried tugging on Marissa's arm, hoping his girlfriend would let him catch a glimpse of the baby, but she didn't turn around.
"Can't I see her?" Cried Ryan.
It was as if wasn't in the room.
Ryan's eyes flew open. His sheet was half off the bed and his cover was on the floor. Slowly, he sat up taking a few deep breaths. One afternoon, while fooling around, Marissa had showed him how they breathed in her Yoga class. He hadn't told her how it had helped him clam down after his nightmares.
He let his mind drift back to the nightmare. He had lied to Sandy and Kirsten when he told them he couldn't remember them all. He remembered them all with vivid details. Yet nightmares of one of his mom's boyfriend's beating on him, or the thug Juvie nearly stabbing him, hadn't frightened him nearly as much as the thought of the Cohens shutting him out.
Ryan wondered how it would be with a new baby. Would the Cohens view him as an additional burden? Who needed a teenage basket case that wrecked their car, got into regular fistfights, and couldn't sleep through the night? They would have enough worries with a newborn and getting Seth into a good college. Why would they want him around?
Ryan knew one thing. He wasn't going to find out what it felt like to be kicked out another time. He jumped out of bed and dug his ratty old backpack out from the bottom of his closet. He threw in some clothes, a bottle of deodorant and some cash he had saved from his summer job at the Crab Shack. Kirsten and Sandy had insisted he quite when school started and he regretted it now.
He peeled off the tank top and sweatpants he wore as pajamas, which were soaked with sweat and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. He hated to leave the Cohens this way, especially Seth, but it was for the best.
Ryan was halfway down the stairs when it occurred to him to leave a note. He didn't want them to assume something happened to him. They should know how grateful he was for everything they had done. Back in his room he scribbled a note and put it on his pillow. Seth would probably be the first to see it, after coming to wake Ryan when he didn't see him at the breakfast table.
He stealthily went down the stairs a second time hoping his moving around didn't wake anyone. It was hard to see with all the lights off, but he didn't dare turn them on in case someone woke up. He imagined Seth would not be so quick to help him bolt this time after the disaster with Kirsten's model home.
Ryan had a hand on the front door when the lights flooded on. It made him blink as he adjusted to the lights. He turned and saw Sandy standing behind him, wearing his blue Terry robe tied tightly around his waist and a scowl on his face.
"Where the hell do you think you're going at this hour?"
When they left the therapist's office, Ryan was given the choice of riding with Kirsten or Sandy. Kirsten was driving a rental car since he had smashed the Land Rover and Sandy was driving his BMW. The same car he used o pick Ryan up in Chino during the summer. For some reason the decision sent butterflies flapping around his stomach. Would he be indicating he liked one more than the other by choosing them?
Ryan laughed nervously. "I better ride with Sandy," he said. "You probably had too much of me this afternoon."
"Never," said Kirsten with a smile. But she waved brightly and ducked into her car.
Ryan and Sandy rode home in silence. He saw Sandy turning his head every so often, mouth at the ready, but then he would close it again. In the meanwhile, Ryan fiddled with the radio dial, even though he wasn't in the mood for music. When they were nearing the house, Sandy finally said something.
"How was it?" he asked.
Ryan shrugged, and then said, "Okay, I guess," realizing Sandy's eyes were peeled to the road and would think he hadn't answered.
"Did Dr. Acobas make you uncomfortable?"
"No," he said truthfully. He had asked Ryan such basic impersonal questions it was like making small talk with someone you just met.
"Good." Sandy turned into the driveway and parked his car behind Kirsten's rental. He turned to Ryan as he shut off the ignition. "I don't want this to be any more painful than this has to be. If Dr. Acobas isn't the right therapist for you, then we'll find someone else."
"He's fine," Ryan said. He wondered if he'd dare to say that therapy wasn't right for him in general.
"Kirsten and I want this to help you."
"I know." Ryan didn't have to say anything else because Kirsten was lightly tapping on the window.
"Can you big strong men help me with my packages?"
"At your service." Ryan gratefully exited the car.
When they were inside, and all of Kirsten's packages were on the kitchen table, Kirsten called out to Seth and announced they were home. Sandy peeked into the family room and saw Seth at the play station, headphones on, thumbs tapping furiously at the game console. Sandy jumped in front of the screen, waving his hands to get Seth's attention, when calling his name didn't work.
"What they heck?" he said. Seth took off his headphones. "What's up Dad?"
"We're home."
"I see that."
"Are you going to come greet us? Your parents. The one who bore you, birthed you, and gave you life."
"Mom's home?" Seth asked, jumping up with a grin on his face. "Why didn't you say that earlier?"
Seth loped into the kitchen and said hi to his mother. "What's with all the packages?"
"I was leaving work early, so I left even earlier," she said. Kirsten started to rummage through the packages. "And I started to baby shop." She pulled out a tiny yellow stretchy and held it up for all to see.
Ryan hung back, but watched as Kirsten, Seth and Sandy marveled at the tiny garments. Kirsten had raided the baby boutiques and bought every outfit that came in neutral color. There were white booties, a light green receiving blanket and countless of tiny outfits that came with hats and boots.
Ryan wondered if Dawn had ever had the urge to sop for baby clothes before he or Trey was born. She had never been able to afford much, but all babies needed something. Was she the type to go shopping before the birth and plan for them? Or had he and Trey been accidents? Unwanted children who were a burden to live with?
He silently slipped out of the kitchen while the Cohens oohed and aahed over Kirsten's shopping excursion. He was already up in his room when Kirsten turned and said, "Ryan what do you think?"
Sandy and Seth were beside Kirsten's hospital bed. In her arms was a small bundle wrapped in pink. Kirsten rocked the tiny infant, who let out a small whimper. Seth leaned over and tickled the baby's chin. Sandy leaned in too, blocking Ryan's view.
Ryan ran behind Seth, to the foot of the bed and back behind Sandy. He tried again, but Caleb walked in and then Haley. Soon the Coopers were there too. Marissa, Julie, Jimmie, and even little Kaitlin. They completed the circle around Kirsten's bed making it impossible to get in.
Ryan tried tugging on Marissa's arm, hoping his girlfriend would let him catch a glimpse of the baby, but she didn't turn around.
"Can't I see her?" Cried Ryan.
It was as if wasn't in the room.
Ryan's eyes flew open. His sheet was half off the bed and his cover was on the floor. Slowly, he sat up taking a few deep breaths. One afternoon, while fooling around, Marissa had showed him how they breathed in her Yoga class. He hadn't told her how it had helped him clam down after his nightmares.
He let his mind drift back to the nightmare. He had lied to Sandy and Kirsten when he told them he couldn't remember them all. He remembered them all with vivid details. Yet nightmares of one of his mom's boyfriend's beating on him, or the thug Juvie nearly stabbing him, hadn't frightened him nearly as much as the thought of the Cohens shutting him out.
Ryan wondered how it would be with a new baby. Would the Cohens view him as an additional burden? Who needed a teenage basket case that wrecked their car, got into regular fistfights, and couldn't sleep through the night? They would have enough worries with a newborn and getting Seth into a good college. Why would they want him around?
Ryan knew one thing. He wasn't going to find out what it felt like to be kicked out another time. He jumped out of bed and dug his ratty old backpack out from the bottom of his closet. He threw in some clothes, a bottle of deodorant and some cash he had saved from his summer job at the Crab Shack. Kirsten and Sandy had insisted he quite when school started and he regretted it now.
He peeled off the tank top and sweatpants he wore as pajamas, which were soaked with sweat and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. He hated to leave the Cohens this way, especially Seth, but it was for the best.
Ryan was halfway down the stairs when it occurred to him to leave a note. He didn't want them to assume something happened to him. They should know how grateful he was for everything they had done. Back in his room he scribbled a note and put it on his pillow. Seth would probably be the first to see it, after coming to wake Ryan when he didn't see him at the breakfast table.
He stealthily went down the stairs a second time hoping his moving around didn't wake anyone. It was hard to see with all the lights off, but he didn't dare turn them on in case someone woke up. He imagined Seth would not be so quick to help him bolt this time after the disaster with Kirsten's model home.
Ryan had a hand on the front door when the lights flooded on. It made him blink as he adjusted to the lights. He turned and saw Sandy standing behind him, wearing his blue Terry robe tied tightly around his waist and a scowl on his face.
"Where the hell do you think you're going at this hour?"