Usual disclaimers apply.

            A stone dropped to the pit of Ryan's stomach.  He stood rooted to his spot with an expressionless face as he tried to figure out how he would respond to Sandy.

            "Cat got your tongue?  Come on, where are you going?  Did you and Marissa plan a midnight rendezvous?"  When Ryan didn't say anything, Sandy stepped into the light and surveyed the scene.  When his eyes landed on Ryan's backpack he asked, "Were you trying to run away?"

            Slowly, Ryan nodded his head.

            "Get your butt in here."

            Ryan's brain finally started to send messages to the rest of his body.  He followed Sandy into the living room.  Half of him wanted to bolt now that Sandy's back was turned, but his courage failed him.

            "Sit," commanded Sandy.

            Ryan sat.

            "What were you thinking?"

            Ryan didn't answer.

            "When your mother left you here and Kirsten and I went to social services, we gave you a choice.  You said you wanted to stay with us.  It was your choice, Ryan.  So why would you run away?"  Sandy paused, hoping Ryan would say something, but he didn't.  "Did you think about how your leaving would affect the rest of us?  What it would be like for us when we found your room empty and some note on your desk?"

            Still Ryan didn't say a word.  He was afraid if he said something his emotions would betray him.

            "Dammit, Ryan," shouted Sandy, slamming his fist on the wall.   "Answer me."  After a few more moments of silence, Sandy said, "You're not going to talk, are you?"  He shook his head in disbelief.  "This is not over.  You're going to go back upstairs and you are not going to run away.  And until we can really talk about this, you're grounded."

            Ryan's eyes widened.  "What?" he blurted out.

            "That got a response," Sandy scoffed.  "You heard me.  I said you're grounded.  That means you come straight home from school.  No television, videos, or play station.  This is going to be hard-core.  Maybe that's the way I can get through to you that I'm only trying to do what's best for you."          

            Light was spilling into Ryan's room when he heard Seth's insistent banging.  "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty," he called.

            Ryan groaned and rolled over to the other side, but he could already feel Seth tugging at his blanket.

            "You up again all night?" Seth asked.

            "Sort of," mumbled Ryan into his pillow.

            "Well, you better get moving, or I'm leaving without you.  They're starting to hand out detention like it was candy."

            Ryan sighed, but started to get out of bed.  As his feet touched the floor a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor.  Memories of the night before flooded back to him.  Seth picked up the paper and started to hand it to Ryan, when he noticed his name on it.

            "What's this?" he asked.

            "Nothing," Ryan tried to grab it from him.

            Seth jumped back, keeping it out of reach while read the note.  When he finished, he looked at Ryan with furrowed brows.  "You're planning to run away."

            "No," insisted Ryan.

            "So what's this note all about?"

            "I tried to leave last night."  Ryan refused to meet Seth's eyes.

            "Why?"

            "It's difficult to explain?"

            "Why didn't you do it?"

            "You're Dad caught me."

            Seth sat down on the floor Indian style, as if he were ready for a good long story.  "How'd he talk you out of it?"

            "That's not exactly how it went."

            "Well?"  Seth said leaning forward.

            "He grounded me."

            "Oh."

            For a while no words passed between them.  Ryan could feel the disappointment on Seth's face.  He got up and started to rummage around for some of his school clothes.  It really was getting late.  If he didn't hurry, there was little chance they would get to school on time.

            "Are you going to try and leave again?"

            Ryan shrugged.  He hadn't thought about it.  He had been so taken aback by Sandy's reaction, he wasn't sure what to think anymore.  When he had packed his bag, he hadn't thought about anyone catching he as he left.  He supposed if he had thought about it, he would have played the scenario out differently.  He would imagine Sandy by the door giving him a choice to leave or to stay.  Neither Sandy nor Kirsten was the arbitrary type, making rules up as they went along.  But Sandy had done the opposite.  He had ordered Ryan to stay.  He had taken the choice away from him.  And for some reason, Ryan felt relieved, instead of angry.  He just didn't know how to explain it to Seth or to himself.

            Sandy sat at the island counter, hunched over a steaming cup of coffee.  His bushy brows were knitted together in deep concentration.  He barely heard Kirsten shuffle into the room, clad in pajama bottoms and a tank top.  He looked up at her briefly and smiled, but went right back to looking at his coffee as if it had the answers.

            "Is your coffee okay?" she asked.

            "Mmmhhmm," he nodded, distractedly.

            "It looks awfully interesting."

            "Sorry." 

Sandy looked up and watched Kirsten prepare a cup of decaffeinated coffee.  When she turned, he noticed the tiniest bulge in her belly.  Their baby, he thought.

"Ryan tried to run away last night."

            "What?" There was a clang as Kirsten hastily set her mug down on the counter.  "What did you do?  Why'd he try to go?"

            Sandy sighed.  "He wouldn't tell me why he was going, so I grounded him."

            "Oh."

            "I didn't know what to do!"

            "How'd he react?"

            "It got a reaction out of him."  Sandy got up and took a bowl down from the cabinet and poured cereal into it.  "He couldn't explain why he felt the need to run, but when I said he was grounded, he was definitely shocked, like I pulled a rabbit out of a hot.  I don't think he knew what to say."

            "We have to figure out why he did this.  But more importantly, we have to make sure he doesn't try it again.  I couldn't handle the thought of him being on the streets."  Kirsten's voice grew more agitated with each syllable.

            Sandy reached over with a reassuring pat and said, "We'll talk to him.  Don't get too excited.  It's not good for the baby."

            "Are you going to try and run again?" Seth asked.

            "I don't know."

            "Well, why would you want to go?  I thought our friendship meant something?   School is finally bearable with you around.  They're not always kicking my ass.  And I finally have a friend.  Someone I can talk to.  A brother.  I thought it was like that for you."

            "It is."

            "So why would you leave?"

            "I can't explain it."

            Seth jumped up.   "Whatever."  He stalked out of the room, leaving Ryan helplessly alone, desperately trying to come up with the right words.

            "What are we going to do?" Kirsten asked.

            "I'm going to drop the boys off at school.  I'll also pick them up.  I'll keep a close eye on Ryan.  And while they're at school, I'll call the therapist and see what he advises.  Maybe he has a better idea than me."

            When Ryan finally came down stairs, dressed and ready for school, he avoided Sandy and Kirsten's worried gaze.  He grabbed a mug of coffee and drank it leaning against the counter, while intently studying the front page of the LA Times. 

            "I'll take you to school," said Sandy.  "And I'll pick you up too."  He pushed up his jacket sleeve to see the time and said, "we better get going.  You'll probably be last as it is."

            Ryan and Seth both grabbed their book bags and waved good-bye to Kirsten.  In the car, Sandy looked at Seth and said, "Why so glum?"

            "Because I can't get Ryan to promise he won't run away again."

            Sandy took his eyes off the road to shoot a glance back at Ryan.  "He won't," he assured his son.  "Even if I have to escort him from class to class at Harbor."

            Ryan's stomach churned. He hadn't expected the Cohens to react like this.  He was so sure that they would barely notice he was missing, especially with the new baby on the way.  He put his thumb in his mouth and intently chewed on the extra skin around his nail.    When Sandy pulled up into Harbor's parking lot, he put the car in the park and got out with Seth and Ryan.

            "Ryan," he said, catching him by the arm, "I'm not mad at you.  I just want to keep you safe— with us."

            Ryan nodded wordlessly and followed Seth into the main building.

            "I'll be here at three to pick you up," called Sandy.

            Ryan turned briefly, turned the corners of his mouth into a smile and waved.

            Even though Seth sat with Ryan and Marissa, Ryan knew Seth was still angry with him.  He wouldn't meet Ryan's eyes and only answered questions that were directed at him, not initiating any conversation of his own.

            "Ryan, do you want to come shopping with me after school?" asked Marissa.

            Ryan hesitated.

            "He can't," Seth said.  "He's grounded."

            Ryan shot darts with his eyes.

            "Grounded?  Why?"

            Seth jumped in before he could answer.  "He tried to run away last night."

            Ryan kicked Seth under the table, but he didn't seem to notice.

            "Why would you run away?"

            "It was stupid.  I don't want to get into it."

            "Don't you like it by the Cohens?" she asked.

            "Yeah.  I do.  It's hard to explain."

            "You would leave without saying good-bye to me?"

            "I wasn't thinking clearly, Marissa.  Look, I'm not going anywhere.  Unless the Cohens kick me out."

            "We want you to stay, Ryan," Seth cried.  "You're the one who wanted to leave."

            "Fine.  I made a mistake," he shot back.  "Are you going to hold it against me forever?"

            "I won't hold it against you if you promise to stay."

            "Ryan, if you leave, you don't only leave the Cohens, you leave me.  I thought –"

            "It's hard to explain what was going through my head last night, but can't we just forget it?"  Ryan faced Seth.  "You're dad is going to drill me later today.  I don't want to rehash this a thousand times."  He wrapped his arms around Marissa's waist and nuzzled his nose into her soft hair.  He felt her relax, as she leaned into him and Ryan knew all was forgiven.

            But all was not forgiven when Sandy came to pick up Ryan after school.  Seth made plans with Anna, so Ryan was at Sandy's mercy.  He expected the interrogation to start immediately, but instead Sandy just rambled on about some of the more ridiculous cases he was handling.  Twenty minutes later, he pulled into the driveway and stopped the car in front of the house.

            "I have an appointment to keep, so I can't stay," Sandy said.  "Kirsten said she'd be home early."

            Ryan opened the passenger side door.  "Thanks for the ride.  You don't have to pick me up.  I'll come straight home on my own."

            "I know," Sandy said.

            "Then why are you playing warden?"

            "I need to reassure myself."

            "I want to stay," said Ryan.

            "Good.  We want you to stay."

            "I shouldn't keep you.  I don't want you to be late for your meeting."

            "I have time."

            Ryan took a deep breath.  He looked straight ahead out of the windshield.  "Last night, I had another nightmare.  When I woke up, I thought…" He paused.  "I thought that maybe you didn't want me around anymore.  I can't really explain why."  He didn't want to share all the details of his dream, but he owed it to Sandy to explain some of it.  "I figured if I ran away, it would be easier.  I know it doesn't make sense."

            "You're part of our family, Ryan."  Sandy squeezed the teenager's knee.  "Nothing you do will make us change our mind about you.  You can screw up big time and you'll still be one of us."

            "Thanks."

            Sandy could tell Ryan didn't believe him.  He wondered what he and Kirsten would have to do in order to make the young man have faith in them?  He sighed, realizing he had moments to spare before his appointment.

            "You better get into the house.  I'll call from the office."

            "Sure."

            When Ryan put his key in the lock, he could barely get it in, his hand was shaking so hard.  He recalled telling Kirsten when they first met that all he wanted to be was seventeen.  The Cohens had given him the opportunity to be a teenager, but just spilling his guts to Sandy, as cryptic as he was, made him feel like he was five all over again.  He didn't like it when Sandy was upset at him.  Ryan couldn't remember the last time an adult's opinion mattered to him so much.

            In the house, Ryan went straight for his room.  He opened up his calculus book and attempted the problems assigned for homework.  He was halfway through when Kirsten stuck her head in the open door.

            "Hey, Ryan.  How was your day?"

            Dawn had never asked him about school, even when she was sober enough to remember he went to school.

            "Okay," he answered.  "How's your new development going?"

            "Pretty well."  She came inside and asked, "is it okay if I come in and talk for a bit?"

            "Sure," he said, hoping she wouldn't want to talk about last night.

            But she didn't.  She sat on the edge of his bed and recounted some of the difficulties she was having with the new project, namely Julie Cooper.  Julie was dying for an opportunity to design the model home, and Kirsten didn't believe she was up to the challenge.

            "I guess I can give her the opportunity to prove me wrong, but I just can't picture myself working so closely with her."  She looked at Ryan and smiled.  "I'm boring you.  And you're elbow deep in calculus."

            "That's okay."

            "Where'd Seth go?"

            "He made plans with Anna."

            "And you didn't want to go?"

            "Sandy grounded me, remember?"

            "Oh.  I forgot."  Red crept into her cheeks.  "You're not going to try and run away again, are you?"

            He shook his head.

            "Good.  I'd worry if you were out on the streets.  If your mother were still alive, maybe it would be different, but she's not around to take you back in or to protect you on the streets."

            "She never did keep me safe."

            "I'm sorry about that."

            "It's not your fault," he said.

            "No.  I'm sorry that until now you didn't get the life you deserve."

            "I don't know that I deserved differently."

            "Of course you did.  Every child deserves to be safe and protected.  It's your God given right."

            He looked down at his calculus book and stared at the problems on the page.

            "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," she said.  Kirsten got up from the bed and gently squeezed his shoulder as she left the room.