Usual disclaimers apply
Two days later, Ryan was sitting on the couch, across from Dr. Acobas. Dinner the night before had finally returned to normal, the tension having eased in the Cohen household. Seth was back to his usual self and regaled them with why the Sandman was a classic. With their usual banter at dinner, Ryan had finally felt relaxed. But from the look on the therapist's face, Ryan knew he was going to have to do a lot of talking. If Kirsten weren't sitting in the waiting room, perusing a magazine, he would have bolted from the office.
"Sandy called me the other day. He said you tried to run away."
Ryan nodded, but said nothing. He could have said it was stupid, which is what he thought, but knew Dr. Acobas would ask him to explain why he felt that way.
"Why did you try?" asked the doctor.
"I tried to explain it to Sandy. I had a dream. A nightmare really and I woke up confused."
"What was the dream about?" When Ryan said nothing, Dr. Acobas continued, "I told you in our first session, everything you say stays within these walls. I won't repeat anything to anyone. By law, I can only breach that confidence if you are a danger to yourself or to someone else."
Ryan swallowed.
"This will only work if you trust me."
Ryan tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch.
"What was your dream about?" repeated the doctor in a firm voice.
Ryan looked into the doctor's eyes and then sank into the soft leather couch. He was so tired of keeping it all a secret. Whether or not the doctor could help him no longer made a difference to him. Ryan was simply tired of keeping it all bottled up inside, especially when so many people were prying for the details. At least the doctor couldn't repeat anything. At least the doctor wouldn't judge Ryan. He swallowed again and scratched his chin.
"You won't tell the Cohens anything?"
"Not a word."
So Ryan leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and described his dream. When he finished that one, he described another and then another. When he got tired of talking, he fell back into the couch and stared at the silent therapist.
"What do you think they mean?" the doctor finally asked.
Ryan shook his head. He wasn't ready to answer that.
Dr. Acobas seemed to understand, because he continued, "Are any of your dreams memories?"
Ryan tried to hide his dismay, but slowly nodded his head. "The dream about the potted plant. That was a memory."
"Why do you think it ended with Sandy standing over you with a raised hand?"
"I – I – I don't know," he stuttered.
"You know. You're afraid to say it," pushed the therapist.
"Fine," Ryan yelled. "I'm afraid that Sandy will turn out to be like the other assholes in my life."
"Good."
"Good?" shouted Ryan. "What's good about that?"
"Good that you can finally express it out loud. You needed to say it out loud."
"And what the hell good will that do me? Is it going to change the way I feel? Is it going to make my life easier?"
"It's a start, Ryan. It's just a start." Dr. Acobas glanced at his watch and then asked, "was your father abusive too, or was it just your mother and her boyfriends?"
"My dad only got mean when he had a bottle of beer in his hand."
"Was that often?"
Ryan chewed on his lips then shook his head. "No. I don't think so."
"How old were you when he left?"
"He went to jail when I was about nine."
"When did your mother's first boyfriend come around?"
"Before he was even sentenced. He never made bail. A cop was shot during the robbery."
"And did this first boyfriend hit you?"
Ryan nodded.
"Did he hit your older brother?"
Ryan nodded again.
"How did your mother react?"
"She didn't," said Ryan.
"How did that make you feel?"
Ryan didn't answer right away, not because he was afraid or belligerent, but because he wanted to give the best answer.
"I hated her for it."
"So why did it bother you that she threw you out?" Dr. Acobs leaned back in his chair and crossed his leg. "Seems to me, it was a way out. You could have waved good-bye and started a life of your own."
"I don't know." There was surprise in his voice, as if he had not thought of that before. "I guess because she was my mother and I wanted her to act like my mother."
"Does Kirsten act like the mother you wanted Dawn to be?"
Ryan nodded.
"Does Sandy act like the father you wished you had?"
He nodded again, but said, "And Seth is the brother I wished I had, but how long is it going to last?"
A buzzer went off and the secretary's voice came over the speakerphone. "Dr. Acobas, your next patient is waiting."
"I'm sorry Ryan, but we'll have to pick this up next time. You did very well today. Sandy and Kirsten would be proud."
After dinner, Sandy and Kirsten told the boys that they were going out for an evening on their own. They left a little early to grab the ice cream, which Kirsten was craving, but they were headed back to Dr. Acobas's office to discuss Ryan.
They both felt uncomfortable in the therapist's office and kept fidgeting to find the best position. Neither was used to the therapist's couch and if Ryan didn't so desperately need the help, they would have yanked him from the sessions as soon as they left the office.
When Dr. Acobas entered, Sandy stood to shake the man's hand. "Thank you for seeing us tonight."
"No problem," said the therapist. He smiled at Kirsten. "Good evening."
"Good evening," she repeated with a smile. She preferred waiting for Ryan in the waiting room.
"You understand," the doctor said, getting right down to business, "that everything Ryan says to me is in confidence. I cannot repeat anything he has told me."
Both Sandy and Kirsten murmured in agreement.
"That said, Ryan and I have made tremendous strides in just two sessions. He's rather a textbook case."
Kirsten sucked in her breath. "He was abused."
"I know," said the doctor.
"He's not just a case study," Sandy said angrily. "He's a boy."
"I didn't mean it that way. His symptoms are textbook as are many of his reactions. Ryan is afraid of being abandoned again. You gave him a home, but he's thinking how long will it last?"
Sandy and Kirsten turned to each other and then back at the doctor. Kirsten inched her hand forward and let it fall into Sandy's open hand.
Later they sat in the car discussing what the therapist had said and what they could do to help Ryan. Kirsten leaned back on the soft leather headrest of Sandy's BMW and looked up at the open sky. It was a clear night and much of the smog had cleared, allowing the twinkling stars to show. It was close to midnight before they came to any sort of conclusion.
"Seth will love the idea," said Kirsten.
"He will," Sandy said with a smile. "But we'll discuss it with him anyway before we talk to Ryan."
"Do you think this is what Ryan wants?"
"Well find out when we ask him. In the meanwhile, I'll ask Rachel to start on the paperwork."
Sandy pulled into the driveway and turned the ignition off.
"You know Sandy," Kirsten said, placing her hands on her slightly protruding belly, "if he says yes, our family will finally be complete when the baby is born."