Chapter X: To the Temple! (Fellowship Theme)
Our heroes-
Link: Ahem!
Oh fine, our HERO and his faithful fairy-
Link: AHEM!
All right. Our hero and some other thing that's following him are walking next to the river towards the castle, and for once, they're creepily silent.
Link: Hey Navi.
Navi: What.
(Pause)
Link: What's a date?
(Long pause)
Navi: You're too young to know.
Link (Energetically): Ok!
After some walking they reach the castle gates. Link is about to walk in until he remembers something.
Link: AHH!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the land of the rappers!!!
Navi: You're not still afraid of them, are you?
Link: Of course! I mean, they're scary!
Navi: Come on, you've been through the stomach of a huge tree, the cavern of doom, and the belly of a gigantic fish and you still are afraid to go through a stupid little town!?!
Link: Yep!
Navi: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they stand there for a really long time until suddenly, a horse comes galloping across the bridge, strait towards Link.
Link: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!
He runs over to the side and catches a glimpse of Zelda and Impa riding the horse. Zelda's playing her GBA and Impa seems to be trying to talk to her.
Impa: Zelda, don't you have something to do?
Zelda (monotonously): Uh huh.
Impa: Something IMPORTANT?!?
Zelda (monotonously): Uh huh.
Impa grabs the GBA and throws it into the moat.
Zelda: HEY!!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!!
She grabs an Ocarina from Impa and throws it into the most.
Zelda: HA!!!!
Impa: That's what I wanted you to do!
Zelda: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! You never let me get back on you. Why couldn't you do it anyway?
Impa: Game programming.
Zelda (giving Impa an evil look): I hate you.
Link: Hey! Cool GBA!
Navi: You're not going to get the GBA, you have to get the Ocarina.
Link: Darn it, you spoil everything!
Then all of a sudden, someone riding on a horse appears right in front of Link.
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE MAN WITH THE BIG NOSE FROM MY DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man With the Big Nose: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE BOY WTH NO PANTS FROM MY DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Hey! It's not my fault Kokiri don't wear pants.
Man With the Big Nose: Well it's not my fault I have a big nose!
(Silence)
Link: Hi.
Ganondorf: Hai.
(Silence)
Link: So…whatcha doin?
Man With the Big Nose: Nothing. Just chasing some girl so I can get some Ocarina and claim the Triforce so I can rule the world.
Link: Oh…sounds fun.
Man With the Big Nose: Actually, it's quite tiring.
Link: Oh.
(Silence)
Link: My name's Link.
Man With the Big Nose: I'm Ganondorf.
Link: Nice name.
Ganondorf: You too.
(Some more silence)
Ganondorf: Well, I'd better get going.
Link: Nice to meet you, Ganondorf.
Ganondorf: You too.
Link: Bye.
Ganondorf: Tootles.
And he rode off.
Link: He seemed like a nice person.
Navi: You idiot!!! That was Ganondorf!
Link: I know.
Navi: No! I mean, he's the man you're trying to stop!
Link: Oh. Whatever!
Navi: ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just get the Ocarina!
Link (energetically): Ok!
He swam down and picked up the Ocarina. Suddenly, he was transported into a dream-like Temple, with Zelda standing next to him.
Zelda: Hey Link.
Link: Hi Zelda.
Zelda: Here's a song that you'll need to learn perfectly like you somehow always do.
Link: Ok!
Zelda played some notes and Link followed perfectly like he somehow always does.
Zelda: That song's called something like the Song of Time.
Link: Cool.
Zelda: Kay, now go to the temple. See ya.
Link: Bye.
He now appeared back on the bridge, and, being in a good mood, walks into the castle town, not even noticing that he is.
Link: La di da-wait! Where are we?
He looks around and sees that he's in the Castle Market.
Link: AHHHHHHHHH-hey! There're no rap dudes!
Random Guy: Yeah, today we're doing the middle-age theme.
Link: Oh. Well, I'd better get going to the Temple-
Random Guy: NO!!!!!!!! You have to get a shield first!
(Pause)
Link: Why?
Random Guy: Because you'll have no shield if you don't.
(Pause)
Link: Why?
Random Guy: Because you're gonna lose all your stuff.
(Pause)
Link: If I'm gonna lose all my stuff, then wouldn't I lose the shield too?
Random Guy: Uh…no.
Link: How's that?
Random Guy: Er, game programming?
Link (energetically): Ok!
So Link follows the Random Guy into a shop called Bazzar. He walks up to the counter.
Link: Hi!
The guy behind the counter leans over to see Link. He's really big and muscular.
Bazzar: Hai.
Link: …
Bazzar: Would you like to buy something?
Link: Sure. Got any shields?
Bazzar: Yep. You know Fred, don't you?
Link: Who?
Bazzar: You know, the guard who forgot to tell you about the shield thing?
Link: Oh him. Yeah, I know him.
Bazzar: Ok, then I'll give you a discount.
Link: How much?
Bazzar: It's normally 80, but I'll give it to you for 70.
Link: Ok.
He hands him the rupees.
Bazzar: Whoa! How'd a kid like you get so much money?!?
Link: I cut lawns.
Bazzar: Oh.
So Link headed towards the Temple. As he walked inside, he saw the interior of the humongous Temple. It was very plain, made of black and white bricks and with tall pillars leading to an altar in the back of the hall.
Link: Well, I'm here. So I guess I'll just play the song.
He played the Song of Time and the Spiritual Stones somehow magically place themselves into the altar. The door ahead opened up.
Link: Cool.
He walked in and saw a single beam of light falling onto a sword stuck upright in a pedestal in the middle of the room.
Link: Oooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Cool sword!
Navi: That's the Master Sword dummy.
Link: Oooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Master Sword!
He goes up and pulls it out of the pedestal with no trouble at all. Then suddenly a blue beam of light surrounds him and all becomes white.
Ganon: Thanks for showing me to the Triforce kid. I really appreciate it.
Link: Huh?
Ganon: Now I can rule the world!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Uh oh. I don't think I like you anymore.
Ganondorf: Awwwwww. But I'm a really nice guy!
Link: Yeah well, whatever.
Ganon: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
END OF CHAPTER
END OF PART I