Chapter XII: The Scouring of the Forest
Link and Navi have been walking towards the forest for some time now. They're almost at the forest's entrance.
Link: Hey Navi.
Navi: What.
Link: Now that I'm older, what's a date?
(Long pause)
Navi: You're too old to ask that question.
Link (energetically): Ok!
As they entered the forest, Link couldn't help but notice how quiet everything was.
Link: Hey! Where is everybody?
Then a familiar pain came from his side.
Link: OW! HEY!
He looked around for the little bush-like figure and spotted him, not far off.
Link: Oh you Deku scrubs are REALLY getting on my nerves! DIE!
He charges at him, stops, than pulls him out by his…hair?
Link: DIE!
The scrub kicks Link in the chest.
Link: OW!
Link drops the scrub and he runs off.
Deku: Hehe!
Link: Dumb Deku!
He turns around and sees that the forest is covered in little Deku holes and there are Deku Babas scattered around everywhere.
Link: AH! What happened?
Navi: Um, didn't you hear Rauru?
Link: No.
Navi: sigh The world is covered with monsters.
Link: Oh.
(Pause)
Link: Why?
Navi: Cause…HEY!
Link: Hehe!
He goes into a random house and finds three Kokiri kids hanging out.
Link: Hi.
Kokiri Kid #1: Hey.
Kokiri Kid #2: Howdy.
Kokiri Kid #3: WAZZUP!
Link stares at Kokiri Kid #3.
Kokiri Kid #3: WHERE'S MY BURRITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Um, what's his problem?
Kokiri Kid #2: Oh, he's got cabin fever.
Kokiri Kid #3: HEHEHEHAHAHAHOHAHAHEHOHOHOHEHAHAHEHOHOHHAHEHA!!!!!
Link: Um…so what happened here?
Kokiri Kid #1: Ever since some idiot named Link killed the Great Deku Tree, monsters have begun to take over our village. So we've been staying inside for a really long time cause we're afraid of them.
Link: Excuse me, I'm Link.
Kokiri Kid #1: No you're not.
Link: Yes I am!
Kokiri Kid #1: No you're not!
Link: YES I AM!
Kokiri Kid #3: I'M LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHAHAHOHOHOHAHO!!!!!!
Link: …
Kokiri Kid #1: NO YOU'RE NOT!
Kokiri Kid #3: YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid #1: Shut up. You're not Link.
Link: Yeah, because I am.
Kokiri Kid #1: Prove it!
Link: Fine!
He grabs Navi.
Link: SEE!
Kokiri Kid #3: HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE MY PICKLE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid #2: Hey! Who'd you steal that from?
Link: I didn't-ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget it.
Kokiri Kid #1: Anyway, like I was saying. Our two lead Kokiri left for the Forest Temple. We didn't really know why Mido went, though. He had been acting stranger than usual, talking to all the weird people who passed on through. He left right after Saria said that she needed to check out the Temple, cause she felt that it had something to do with the monsters. So now we're stuck here with a bunch of monsters and no one to follow.
Link: Too bad.
Kokiri Kid #2: Yeah, it sucks.
Kokiri Kid #3: I BOUGHT THE STOCK MARKET!!!!!!!!!!!! BUHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Well, I guess I'll be going now!
Kokiri Kid #1: Bye.
Kokiri Kid #2: See ya.
Kokiri Kid #3: MY MONKEY ESCAPED INTO THE MOUNTAINS!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Okbye!
He runs out…really fast.
Link: Well that was weird!
Navi: We'd better check out the Temple. It sounds like some things have been happening there.
Link: Fine.
So they go through the Lost Woods by taking Link's "Shortcut". After 1 hour and 59 minutes they reach the Forest Meadow. Link walks up to the maze and is about to go through when he hears something up ahead.
Strange Voice #1: Hey Mark. How much do you get paid?
Mark: A nickel, Dave.
Dave: WHAT?!? That's one more than I get!
Link: Hey guys. What's happening?
Mark and Dave: INTRUDER!!!
Link: What? Where?!?
Mark and Dave: CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He begins to run, but Mark and Dave catch up and whack Link with their spears.
Link: OW!!!!!! That hurts!
Mark: Duh!
Link: Oh yeah, I forgot! Your boss wanted me to give you these.
Link hands them both a bomb.
Mark: What do these for?
Link: They're your raises.
Then the bombs explode.
Mark and Dave (while flying away): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: See! You're raised into the air! Ha ha!
Navi: You know, you're not very funny.
Link: Well…I think I'm funny.
Navi: You're not.
Link: Neither are you!
Navi: I'm funnier than you!
Link: Well what do the readers think, huh?
Navi: …
Link: That's what I thought.
He marches off to find himself in the path of another one of those giant guards.
Link: Oh crud.
Moblin (the guard): INTRUDER!!!
Link: Hey! Here's a raise from your boss!
Moblin: A raise? Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!!
He blows up.
Navi: You're really milking that you know.
After awhile they get to another couple Moblins. But these ones have large clubs and look important.
Moblin #1: And just where do you think you're going?
Link: Um…to the Forest Temple.
Moblin #1: We have strict orders to not let anyone pass.
Link: Um…do you want a pay raise?
Moblin #2: Yeah!-
Moblin #1: Shut up.
Moblin #2: …
Link: But I need through!
Moblin #1: No. We have strict orders to take all intruders to the Forest Temple.
Link: …
Moblin #1: Come with us.
So Link, accompanied by the Moblins, finally reaches the Temple.
Moblin #1: Now you will stay here until our boss gives us more orders.
Link: Ok. Here's something for your trouble.
He hands them both bombs.
Moblin #2: Yay! Pay raises!
BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
Moblins #s 1 &2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Ha ha! Suckers!
Then someone falls from the sky.
Link: AH!!!!!!!!!! They're back!
Sheik: No, it's just me.
Link: Oh. Hi me.
Sheik: No! My name's Ze-Sheik!
Link: Oh.
Sheik: I bet you're wondering how to get up into the Temple.
Link: No. I was thinking about how cool it would be to blow Navi up with a bomb.
Navi: HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Hehe.
Sheik: Well…to get into the Tempe you have to use the Hookshot.
Link: Oh. Ok.
Sheik: And if you ever want to come back here, you just play this song.
Sheik plays a little tune on um…his harp and Link plays it back.
Sheik: Link, I'll see you again.
And he disappears in a flash of light.
Link: Bye!
He uses the Hookshot to grapple onto a branch that is over the entrance to the Temple, and walks into the door.
END OF CHAPTER