Chapter XIII: The Forest Fun House-I MeanTemple
Link: Hey! Are we inside or outside?
They were in a room full of trees and vines, but it was still a stone room and felt like inside.
Link: This is weird.
He walked a few feet forwards and then a couple of wolf-like creatures popped out of the ground.
Link: Whoa!
Wolfos: Hooowwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: How what?
The Wolfos charged at Link and began to circle around him.
Link: AHHHHH!!!!! They're gonna mark their territory!
Navi: Nah, they're just gonna eat you.
Link: Oh. That's not so bad-WHAT AM I SAYING???!!!??? BACK EVIL THINGS!!!!
He swung his sword around and cut just one hair off the tail of one of the Wolfos.
Wolfos #1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL TAIL!!!!!!!!!!!! pop!
Link: Bye!
Wolfos #2: NO!!!! Greg!!!!!
Wolfos #2 tried to slash Link, but he did an evasive maneuver (stepping to the left) and poked the tail of the Wolfos.
Wolfos #2: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT MY TAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pop
Link: What's with them and their tails?
Navi: They don't like them to get touched.
Link: Ooookayyyy.
Link walked into the next room, completely calm and unaware of his surroundings, when suddenly out of nowhere, something fell from the ceiling on top of Link.
Link: OW!!!!! What the?
He looked up.
Link (screeching like a little girl): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The spider started to turn around in circles, hanging from its stringy thing.
Link: STAY AWAY!!!!
He launched his Hookshot at the Skulltula.
Skulltula: pop
Link: Whew! That was close!
He walked into the next room. It was a large square-shaped room, with four torches near the center all around an…elevator?
Link: Hey, I didn't know elevators were invented already!
Navi: Um…I don't think they are.
Link: Weird.
Suddenly, the four touches burnt out and became ghosts. As soon as the lights on the torches went out, the elevator lowered into the floor.
Poe #1: Hehehehe!!!
Poe #2: Hohohoho!!!
Poe #3: Hahahaha!!!
Poe #4: Boo!!!!!!!!!
Link: Um…what's with the ghosts?
Poe #4: We're your worst nightmare!!!!
Poe #2: Yeah, we're all girls!!!!
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He runs across the room into a random door to get away from the Poes.
Link: Whew! That was scary!
Navi: Come on!
Link: AHHHHH!!!! Another one!!!
Navi: Stop it.
They go into a door across the hallway, and are now in an empty, circular room. Then a couple of things drop from the ceiling.
Link: Oh great. It's…not Bob and Jim?
Navi: Doesn't look like Bob and Jim.
The two creatures were skeletal-looking things with large shields and jagged swords.
Link: What are they?
Navi: They were once men, great kings of men.
Link: Hey! I'm the one who quotes, remember?
Navi: Yeah, but I couldn't resist! They're Stalfos.
Link: Oh.
The Stalfos attack Link, but Link holds his shield in front of him, defending all their blows. After awhile, they stop attacking.
Link: Kay, MY TURN!!!!
Link starts slashing at them wildly, but doesn't do anything because the Stalfos now are defending with their shields.
Link: Hey! I'm the only one allowed to do that!!!
He starts going crazy, and eventually, he does a strange, magic, spinny thing, which goes through the shields of the Stalfos, knocking off their shield arms.
Link: Oh! So that's what that does!
Stalfos: Huh?
They try to put their arms back on, but each time they succeed, Link knocks off the other one. After awhile, the Stalfos get tired and just give up.
Stalfos #1: Uh…I'mdead!
He lies down.
Stalfos #2: Uh, metoo!
He does the same.
Link: Oh, guess I win!
Navi: Kill them!
Link: They're already dead! Weren't you listening?
Navi: Sometimes you make me wonder if we got the wrong kid…actually, you always do.
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuuuuu!
A chest falls from the ceiling and Link gets…
Link: A key!?! What do I need a stinking key for?!?
They walk back out of the room and wander around for a while, until Link spots a door with a keyhole.
Link: Oh. I guess that's what I'd need a key for.
He opens it and goes through to find himself in a tall room with lots of ladders. He climbs, moves bricks, and climbs some more till he reaches a square room at the top but as soon as he got up the first ladder…
Blue Thing: Bahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Whoa!
He fell backwards off the cliff.
Link: OW! What was that thing?
Navi: A Blue Bubble.
Link: Oh no. Not more bubbles!!!!!
He climbed back up…carefully. He got up and saw two flying skulls with blue fire surrounding them.
Link: DIE THINGS!!!!!
Link ran at the blue bubbles, but his attacks did nothing.
Link: Huh?
The bubbles finally spotted him.
Blue Bubbles: BUAHAHAHA!!!!!
They both charged at Link.
Link: AH!
He raised his shield and once the bubbles hit it, their blue fire went out and they started flopping on the floor like fish…or something.
Link: HA!
Then Link got rid of them both.
Blue Bubbles: pop
Link looked around and spotted a door…with an eye above it.
Link: I-I-it's…HIM!!!!
Navi: Nah, that's just some switch.
Link: Oh.
They go through the door.
Eye of Sauron: Whew! They didn't notice my disguise!!!!
Frodo: Hey! It's Sauron! Everyone…ATTACK!!!!!
The Fellowship appears out of nowhere and charge the Eye.
Eye of Sauron: Oh crud.
Back with Link…
Link: Hey! What's with the hallway? It's all twisted!
Navi: Yeah…that's weird…
Link: Weeeeeee!!! Look Navi! I'm on the wall!!
Navi: Ugggg.
Link: This is like one of those places at a fair!
Navi: You mean a fun house?
Link: Dunno, probably. Weeeeeeeeee!!!!
Navi: A-r-g-hh! Why me?!
He goes through the hallway and into the next room…
Navi: HEY!
Link: Stop that!
Navi: Watch out for the monsters that hang from the ceiling.
Link: What monsters?
He looks up at the ceiling and sees nothing, then he looks down and sees a big round shadow.
Link: AHHHH! I GOT FAT!!!!
A hand falls out of nowhere and grabs Link's hat.
Link: HEY!!! THAT'S MY HAT!!!!!!!!!!
Link tugs on his hat, but the hand isn't letting go…then Link slaps it.
Hand: Owwww! WAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
Link: Stop it.
Hand: pop
Link: That'll teach you not to mess with MY hat!!!!!
He looks up at the wall and there's…
Link: A chest?!? On the wall!?!
Navi: Yeah…weird.
Link: How do I get to it?
Navi: How should I know?
Link: Oh forget it then.
He goes into the next room witch is full of weird blank pictures.
Link: Creepy.
Then he climbs down the stairs and spots another picture with a painting of one of the ghosts in it.
Link: AH! Even creepier!!!
He runs down as quickly as he can and races into the door opposite him.
Link: Whew!
Then a Stalfos falls from the ceiling.
Link: Oh great.
The Stalfos runs towards Link.
Link: sigh (does the magic, spinny thing)
Stalfos: Oh no! I'mdead!
He lies down on the ground.
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!
A chest appears.
Link: Ooooooo!
He opens it to receive…
Music: Du du da duuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!
Link: YAY!!!!!!!!!! BOW AND ARROWS!!!!!!!!!
He goes into the next room, which also has blank pictures on the walls. But Link spots the one with the ghost on it.
Link: Hey! Target practice!!!!
He launches a few arrows and in five or six tries, can bulls-eye the picture.
Link: YAY!
Then, as soon as the arrow hits the forehead of the ghost, it comes alive.
Link: AHHHHH!!!!
Ghost #2 (Amy): Hohohoho!!!!!!
Link: BACK!!!!!!
He fires an arrow and the ghost…dies?
Amy: Oh no!!!!! pop
Link: Yay! She's dead…I'm gonna go do that to the other one!
He runs back and shoots the picture of the other ghost and it comes to life.
Ghost #1 (Beth): Hehehehe!
Link: Bye.
He holds his bow to her face.
Beth: Oh crud. pop
Link: Wow! I LOVE THIS THING!!!!
He hugs his bow.
Navi: You disgust me.
Link goes back to the room with the other ghost (Amy) but finds that the door to the next room is locked.
Link: Oh great. Now what?
Navi: You probably just missed something. Try retracing your steps.
So Link goes back a room…then another…then another…until he reaches the room with the eye above the door. Link looks up at the eye, which is all bandaged up.
Link: That eye is really creeping me out!!!!!!
He shoots an arrow at the Eye and it closes.
Link: I wonder what that did?
Navi: I think I heard something in the room we were just in.
Link: Ok.
So they go back into the twisted hallway.
Eye of Sauron: Man, it's bad enough when all Middle-Earth hates you, but then some kid has to go shoot you in the eye just because he thinks you're creepy. I hate my life.
As Link and Navi go through the door and back into the hall, the first thing they notice is…
Link: Hey! It's not twisted anymore!
Navi: Yeah!
Link: Awwww, too bad.
They go through it and are now on what used to be a wall. Link notices the chest that he spotted earlier.
Link: Yay!
He opens it to get…
Link: Ooooo! Shiny gold key!
He puts it in his pocket and turns around. But after two steps he falls into a hole.
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Thud)
Link: OWWWWWW! That hurt. Hey door!
He goes through and finds another door.
Link: Hey! Another door!
And he goes through THAT door and finds…
Link: Hey! Evil hand…AH!!!! EVIL HAND!!!!
The hand goes for Link's hat.
Link: NOOOOO!!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY HAT!!!!!!!!!
He Fires at it with his trusty bow and it goes…pop
Link: Why do they all want my hat?
Navi: Yeah, it's ugly!
Link: Hey! Don't listen to her, hat. I think you're beautiful!
He hugs his hat.
Navi: …
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuu!!!!
A chest drops from the ceiling. Inside it is…
Link: Yay! The key!
Link races through another door, which leads back to the room with all the ladders. He gets to the room with the Eye.
Link: Just for fun…
He shoots the eye and runs through to the next room.
Eye of Sauron: …I'm moving.
Eventually, Link finds his way back to the room where he killed the first ghost. He unlocks the door and goes through to find himself in a room very similar to the room with the twisted hallway, except it's not twisted.
Link: This looks familiar.
He goes through a door in the back of the hall and sees…
Link: Ah! It's him again!!!! The Eye! Die eye!
Link shoots it and hears the hall behind twisting.
Link: Thanks eye! Bye!
He leaves the room.
Eye of Sauron: Ok, I leave the room, and then he finds me, and shoots me again…I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!
Link goes back through the hall, which is now twisted until he reaches the room that it leads to…and trips into a hole.
Link: NOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOTTT AAAAAGAINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
(Thud)
Link: Ow.
BOOM!!!!!!!!
Link: Whoa! What was-WHOA!!! The ceiling fell!
The roof of the room had fallen to the ground and was now rising back up to the top of the room. There were holes all over in it, as if they were put there on purpose as a difficult was of crossing.
Link: I-I have to go…through that!?!
Navi: Yeah.
Link: Great.
BOOM!!!!!!
Link: Well, here goes…it!
Link runs towards the falling ceiling just as it is beginning to rise again. He races through as quickly as he can and finds a hole to stand under just as the ceiling falls.
BOOM!!!!!!!
Link: pant pant
Then he dashes for the door on the other side of the room, but just as he reaches the door, he notices…
Link: AH! MY HAT!!!!!
He looks back and sees it on the floor a few yards back. Link makes a run for it and begins to hear the ceiling rumbling above him. He grabs his hat as the ceiling begins to fall, but has no way to make it back to the door and…
BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…
Link: I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm…NOT DEAD!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!!!
He runs back to the door and goes through.
Link: Whew!!! My poor hat! You almost got squashed!
Navi: So did you, moron! Why'd you go back for the hat!
Link: WHY!!!???!!! IT'S MY HAT!!!! I can't live without it!!!
He hugs his hat.
Navi: I can't believe you.
Link looks around. There are only two things: another blank picture and a locked door.
Link: KILL THE PICTURE!!!!!!!!
Link fires an arrow at the painting, but this time blocks fall from the ceiling, almost onto Link.
Link: What? What're these for?
Navi: Uhhhhh…FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!!!!!
Link: Um…maybe…we have to………make a Lego house?
Navi: ARGHHHHHH!!!!! NO!
Link: Oh…um…hey, why do they have pictures on them?
All the blocks had a forth of one picture on them.
Link: Ohhhhhh! It's a puzzle! (Energetically) Ok!
So Link puts it together…after fifty tries. But he gets it and the puzzle becomes…
Ghost #3 (Jo): Hahahaha!!!
Link: HA!
He shoots her with an arrow.
Jo: AHHHH!!!! pop
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuuu!!!!!
A chest falls. You all know the drill…
Link: Oh wonderful…a key.
He opens the door to the next room and finds himself…
Link: AT THE START!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT!?!
Navi: LOOK!!!!!!
Link: Didn't I tell you to stop doing that!?!
Navi: Yeah, but it's too much fun.
Link: Arghhhh…
Navi: But really, look, there's a ghost down there!
Link: Oh.
Link jumps down and goes to the ghost,
Ghost #4 (Meg): BOO!
Link: Boo hoo to you too.
He fires an arrow at her, but instead of "dieing" she splits into four ghosts, all identical to the other.
Link: Huh?
They start circling around Link.
Navi: HEY!
Link: STOP THAT!!!!!!!
Navi: You have to hit the real one! The other three are fakes!
Link: Yeah, but how do I know which one is the real one!?!
Navi: Um…it'll hurt if it hits you…
Link: Great.
He starts firing at will.
Meg Illusion #1: pop
Link: One down…
Meg Illusion #2: pop
Link: Two…
Meg Illusion #3: pop
Link: Ok three! Now…hey! Where'd the real one go?
Navi: Oh yeah. If you kill all three fake ones the real one will disappear.
Link: ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
The four Megs reappear and begin to circle Link again.
Link: All right that's it!
He pulls out a bomb.
BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Thud)
Meg: ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! pop
Link (smoking, and I mean his body, not him): HA! Thought you could outsmart me, huh! Well think again!
Navi: Anyone can outsmart you! Blowing yourself up. Pathetic.
Link: Hey, it worked though!
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!
The elevator rose to ground level again.
Link: Ok, here we go!
He rides it down to the basement and goes up to the large, locked door in front of him.
Link: That must be what this is for.
He pulls out the big, gold key he got earlier and unlocks the door. He goes in and up the stairs in front of him until he reaches a circular platform. He looks around and sees…
Link: Nothing. Well! Guess I get to go now!
He turns around but as he does, a gate to the stairs closes.
Link: Uh…uh oh!
He hears a clicking sort of noise and a voice behind him.
Mysterious Voice: Move and you die.
Link: Um…ok.
Mysterious Voice: I've been waiting a long time for this.
Link: Um…f-for what?
Mysterious Voice: Turn around. I want to see your face when you die.
Link turns around, and sees a large machine gun in his face and…
Link: YOU!!!!!!!!
Mysterious Voice: Didn't I swear I'd get you someday?
Link: MIDO!!!!!!!! So you're the one who captured Saria!
Mido: Yes. I got the sage for the Dark King, and now that I've got you, I'll become his right hand man. "Hero of Time"! What a hero! You couldn't even save one sage! Everyone will be glad you're gone! Now say good-bye, pathetic hero!
Click BOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link jumped to his right just before the blast was fired, and Mido becomes furious! He begins firing at random and Link jumps and doges all his shots. After awhile, Mido runs out of ammo and begins to quickly reload, but Link takes the time to make a savage leap at Mido and pins him to the ground.
Mido: ARGHHH!! So, you can tackle now! But can you take care of THIS!
He launches his fist into Link's eye. It instantly swells and impairs Link's vision. Mido escapes Link's grasp and gets his machine gun. Link meanwhile, is temporarily consumed with pain. He forces himself to his feet just as Mido grabs a hold of his gun. Link makes another run around the ring, stumbling while dogging Mido's fire. One of the bullets grazes his leg, and he falls to the ground.
Navi: AH! LINK!!!!!!!
With that last shot, Mido ran out of ammo again, so he stops to reload. In a flash, Link pulls out his bow and attempts to hit Mido with an arrow, even though his right eye has gone temporarily blind. It flies right between Mido's legs.
Mido: Ha! Wittle Linky can't fire his wittle bow!
Link pulls out another arrow and HITS Mido between the legs.
Mido (squealing in a really high pitched voice): Oh!!!!! OW!!!!!!!!! PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
He falls to the ground and goes, pop!
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!
A blue portal and a heart appear out of nowhere. Link crawls over to the heart and picks it up. Suddenly, his eye and leg are healed!
Link: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A MIRICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I KILLED MIDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Navi: He's himself again. Great.
He goes through the portal and arrives at a familiar place: the place where he met Rauru, in the Chamber of the Sages.
Saria: I've been waiting for you, Link.
Link: Hey Saria! Guess what, I KILLED MIDO!!!!! Cool huh!
Saria: That's great Link. I'm here to thank you. You have awakened me as a sage and cured the forest of the evil. I am forever grateful to you.
Link: Yeah, yeah, but what about me killing Mido!?!
Saria: Here, take this medallion. In it contains some of my help to you.
A green medallion falls from the sky…or ceiling…whatever.
Saria: Good-bye, Link. And thank you.
And then Link is taken away in another blue warp.
END OF CHAPTER
Link: HEY!!!! WAIT!!! WHAT ABOUT ME KILLING MIDO!!!!! Uggggg…