Chapter XIV: Link, Link, and a Kid Who Thinks He's Link
In the Deku Tree's meadow, all was quiet…till Link showed up in his magic blue thingy.
Link: YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! DING-DONG, MIDO IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then a tree sprouted out of the ground, right beneath his feet and sent him flying into the air.
Link: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Thud)
Link: Owwwwwww.
Deku Tree Sprout: Hai!
Link: Wha???
Deku Tree Sprout: Since you cured the forest of evil, I can grow and flourish. Thanks a lot!
Link: Huh?
Deku Tree Sprout: Now I'm gonna tell you all this important stuff!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link ran away as fast as he could, and he eventually ran into a familiar "friend"…
Cabin Fever Kokiri: HAI!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Oh great. Not you again!
Kokiri kid: Yeah, we thought after going outside his cabin fever would clear up, but it just seems to get worse.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: MY COMPUTER CRASHED INTO THE WALL OF CHINA!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: …
Kokiri Kid: We think he has brain damage.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: BRAINS ARE 75% HOLE PUNCHER!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid: But anyway…the forest cleared up so we're happy now, but still no sign of Saria. Or Mido…but not like we miss him!
Cabin Fever Kokiri: THE COWS ARE INVADING THE SPACE NEEDLE!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHAHAHOHOHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Well, guess what? MIDO IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid: Dead!?!?!? How, when?!?
Link: We had a fight and I won!
Kokiri Kid: ………
Link: Um…aren't you happy?
Cabin Fever Kokiri: HAPPINESS COMES FROM A CHIP ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid: Happy?!? No, I'm BEOYND happy!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone, MIDO IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Kokiri: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Singing to the tune of "Ding-dong the witch is dead") Ding-dong, Mido is dead! The wicked old pig is dead!
Cabin Fever Kokiri: PIGS FLY ROCKET SHIPS INTO SKYSCRAPERS!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Kokiri and Link: …
Kokiri Kid: Um…LET'S HAVE A PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Kokiri and Link: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cabin Fever Kokiri: GOATS ALWAYS WIN THE LOTTERY!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Later that night…
The Kokiri had lit a bonfire and were all dancing around it, singing "Ding-dong, MIDO IS DEAD!!!!" There were those of them, though, that preferred just to sit by the fire and roast marshmallows. So, the partied, and partied, and partied some more…till someone ruined the fun…
Link: Hey, where'd all the marshmallows go!?!
All the Kokiri and Link look up at the top of one of the tree houses and see a little green figure holding a large bag of marshmallows.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: MARSHMALLOWS ARE ATTACKING THE MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He held the bag above his head.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: THEY CALL UPON THE POWER OF…PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Kokiri and Link: ???
Cabin Fever Kokiri: AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He tossed the bag of marshmallows into the fire.
All Kokiri and Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE MARSHMALLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cabin Fever Kokiri: MY TASK HAS BEEN ACHIEVED!!!!!!! CHEETAHS SING MY NAME IN PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, all the Kokiri were trying to restrain Link from killing the Cabin Fever Kokiri.
Link: HE KILLED MY MARSHMALLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid: No, you can't! Even if he is annoying, no Kokiri has ever been killed in the forest!
Link: What about Mido?
Kokiri kid: Oh…um, yeah. I forgot about him.
(Pause)
Link: I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
He tried to run to the Cabin Fever Kokiri, but accidentally tripped and fell on top of someone.
Bacon Kokiri: Awwwww man! You knocked over my bacon!
All the Kokiri and Link look at the Bacon Kokiri.
Bacon Kokiri: What?
Link: You have…bacon?
Bacon: Yeah.
Link: Forget the marshmallows! Let's eat BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the Kokiri: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they began to roast bacon over the fire…but then…
Cabin Fever Kokiri: LEMONADE COMES FROM HOSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Wha-AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
The Cabin Fever Kokiri had turned on a nearby hose and was spraying water everywhere. And he even got the bonfire.
Link and all the Kokiri: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: All right THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!! HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kokiri Kid: NO!!!! YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!
(Pause)
Link: Why?
Kokiri Kid: Because…just because!
Link (energetically): Ok!
Bacon Kokiri: Awwww, my bacon is wet.
Kokiri Kid: Well, it's getting late anyway. I'm going to bed.
All the other Kokiri: Yeah, us too.
They all go in their houses and leave Link standing there.
Link: Um…bye.
He walks towards the exit to the forest, and strangely enough, looks back towards the forest with a sad look on his face. He sighs.
Link: Wait, is this me!? I don't get sentimental!
But even though he said that, he couldn't deny it. He wanted to live in his peaceful forest again, and not have to worry about the fate of the world. But he had no choice. He was the Hero of Time, chosen by the Master Sword, and he was Hyrule's only hope. So he left. And he just kept on walking, without any clue of where to go.
Link: Um…Navi? Where are we going?
Navi: Huh?
Link: I mean…where's the next sage?
Navi: …
Link: Navi?
Navi: I dunno…uh oh.
Link: Do you think we should go ask someone?
Navi: Who?
Link: I was just gonna ask you that.
Navi: Um…we could try the Temple of Time.
(Pause)
Link: Why?
Navi: …JUST DO IT!!!!!!!
Link (energetically): Ok!
So Link and Navi race to the Temple.
(Fellowship Theme)
Ned: Iowoveuoooooo!!!!!!!!!
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they run, and run, and Link runs into a wall, and they run, till they get to the room where the Master Sword was. He found Sheik sitting there playing a GBA.
Sheik: Oh, hai.
Link: …Why is everyone doing that?
Sheik: Dunno, but it's fun!
Link: Oh. (Energetically) Ok!
Sheik: So you defeated the evil and returned peace to the forest?
Link: Um…I killed Mido.
Sheik: REALLY!?!?!?!? YAY!!!!!-um…I mean, that's great.
Link: Yeah, I know.
Sheik: Oh yes, let me tell you something.
Link: Where the next sage is?
Sheik: Um…no.
Link: Darn it.
Sheik: First, let me tell you this. See this stone here?
Link: Yeah.
Sheik: This stone is called the Pedestal of Time, where the Master Sword once rested. And you, the Hero of Time, now bear that sword. Together with the Ocarina of Time, the Master Sword can transport you across two time periods: One, when you were a young child, and two, into the current form you are now. This will be vital to solving the riddles of the Sages. To do so, all you need to do is return the Master Sword to this stone, and you will go back in time seven years.
Link: Cool! You mean I'm like a walking time machine!?!
Sheik: No, the Master Sword is like a time machine, along with the Ocarina of Time.
Link: Oh darn it.
Sheik: Now, there will come a time when you will need to return here swiftly. This is a melody that will return you to here when that time comes.
Sheik played a tune and Link followed perfectly.
Sheik: Good. Now, the next place you should attempt to return peace to is a dangerous one. You should go to Death Mountain. Ganon has enslaved the Goron people and is threatening to feed them to a mighty dragon, called Volvagia. I have seen the Goron's City myself, and it seems deserted. But I saw one, solitary Goron rolling around the second level of the City. You should go see him. He is the son of the Goron leader, Darunia. You should head there immediately.
Link (energetically): Ok!
Sheik: Link, we shall meet again.
And Sheik disappeared in a flash of light.
Link: So, I just put this back here and…
(Seven years previous…)
Link: Whoa!!! Look! I'm cute again!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!! And then I do this!
He pulls the sword back out again.
(Seven years later…)
Link: Look! Now I'm fat again!!! This is great!
(Seven years previous…)
Link: Now I'm cute…
(Seven years later…)
Link: And now I'm fat!
Navi: Stop it already! We have to go save the Gorons!
Link: All right, all right! You don't need to be so bossy you know!
Navi: If I wasn't, then we'd never get anywhere.
Link: …Good point. On to the mountain then!
(Fellowship Theme)
So they began the long trek to the mountain. After about a day and a half, they reach the foot of the mountain.
Link: Well, let's go up.
So they climb, and climb, and climb, and Link trips over a rock, and they climb and climb, and a rock runs into Link, and they climb and climb, and Link gets lost on one of his "shortcuts" and they climb and climb and take the road to the city, the one that you have to go strait then take a right at the third rock, then go left after the first wood pole, another left at the next rock, then walk backwards to the wood pole and circle it twenty-three and a half times, and after all that, go southeast towards the cliff over there and walk along the border until you reach a second wood pole then tell it the password: bob, and then the city will appear over to the left. So after all of that, they enter the city.
Link: Hello? Anybody home?
He walks along the second level until he hears something behind him.
Link: What's that noise?
He turns around and gets knocked over by a rolling Goron.
Link: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(Thud)
Link: Hey! Stop right there!
Goron: I'm not listening to you, minion of Ganon!
Link: Hey, I'm no minion of Ganon! I'm Link, the Hero of Time!
Goron: Really!?!
Link: Yeah!
Goron: Hi! I'm Link!
Link: Hey! I've already been through this before, I'm Link!
Link: But I'm Link.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: I'M LINK!!!!! AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Hey how'd you get here!?!
Cabin Fever Kokiri: MY MOTHER DROVE A FELL BEAST!!!!!!!!!! BUHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: …Aren't those the things the Nazgul ride?
Cabin Fever Kokiri: NO!!! THE CAREBEARS KILLED THEM ALL!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Go away.
Cabin Fever Kokiri: AHAHAHAHAH-WHAT?!?!?! pop
Link: Bye! Now, back to the argument. I'M LINK!!!!
Goron Link: But I'm Link too. My daddy named me after you, because you were so brave!
Link: Oh, did he really? Well, I am brave!
Goron Link: But now…daddy went off to the Fire Temple to save all the Gorons…but He hasn't come back yet…I-I'm worried about daddy…sniff sniff
Link: Hey, um…where is the Fire Temple?
Goron Link: sniff It's in the center of the mountain, but there's a secret entrance into the temple n daddy's room.
Link: Well, tell you what. I'll save your dad and the Gorons.
Goron Link: You will!!!
Navi: You will!?!?!?
Link: Sure!
Goron Link: Oh thank you! But you'll need this to stand the heat of the Temple. Here…
He handed Link…
Music: Du du da duuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!
Link: Yay! A red tunic!
Goron Link: That's called a Goron's Tunic. It's made from Dodongo stomach so to keep heat out. In fact, that one is made especially out of the King Dodongo that you killed seven years ago!
Navi: Hey! I KILLED THA-
Link grabbed Navi and stuffed her into his hat.
Link: That's cool. Anyway, I'd better get to the Temple!
Goron Link: Good luck! And please, save us Gorons!
Link: All right!
He headed for Darunia's room.
Navi: What is with you!?! You actually are going to do something for someone else!?!
Link: Well, that's what I'm supposed to do, aren't I? I am the Hero of Time you know.
Navi: Well yeah, but…It's just…weird…
Link got to the room and noticed a statue that was put in an odd position. He moved it aside and found a path to the heart of the Mountain.
Link: Ok Navi. Don't look. I've gotta put my Red tunic on.
Navi: Well you're wearing a white body suit basically!
Link: So!?! DON'T LOOK!
Navi: Whatever.
Link threw on the Goron tunic and ran through the path. He eventually got to a bridge and as he was crossing it, Sheik fell from the…sky?
Link: Whoa! How'd you do that!?!
Sheik: Game programming.
Link: Figures.
Sheik: I don't have much to say except to learn this song. It will bring you back here if you have need to.
Sheik played a song and Link played the same.
Sheik: Well Link…be careful.
Link: Um…ok!
And Sheik disappeared in a flash of white light.
Link: Well, everyone sure seems worried about me! I'm so special!
Navi: Either that or they don't want you to die cause you're the Hero of Time.
Link: You ruin all my fun you know that?
Navi: It's what I'm here for!
Link: All right. Let's get this over with!
He climbed down the ladder to the Temple. But he didn't notice a dark shape that followed him in…
END OF CHAPTER