Chapter 16: Cold Caverns and Weird White Stuff
A/N: To begin, let me sum up Chappie 15. I'm glad most of you liked it! *BIG sigh of relief* =) That's what happens when you listen to "Shelob's Lair" while writing TLoL. =) VERY scary putting a serious chapter in a humor fiction. BUT, I guess it went well. =) It probably won't happen again soon though. Shadow Temple is still 4 or so chapters away…hehehe. ;) Anyway, VERY many thanks to ALL the reviewers! I know it always sounds like, "Yeah, he says that all the time", but I REALLY mean it! =) And special thanks to Kuradokian Princess, Skywalker05, Smea, "Bob", LastSheikah (Your review was SO nice! It made me feel better about that chappie.) =), Narquelie (Your review was SO nice too! =) Thanks a bunch!), Cozzy, Winged Knight, Melissa Ocean, JT_Slayer, SROA, Katie and all her friends, Nekomoongirl, Atagirl, and Daphnes Nohanson Hyrule (I got a review from the King! I'm so famous! ;) ). OK! Let us begin…CHAPTER 16, THE RETURN OF THE HUMOR!!!…sorta. ;) Enjoy! =)
Link descended from the air, riding his blue shiny thingy, and got outside the mountain.
Link: Whew! Finally, I can take off this darn tunic!
Link replaced his Goron Tunic with his usual Kokiri one.
Link: Dodongo skin isn't very comfortable! It makes me itch!
Navi: It looks like you're allergic to it…
Link: AHH!!! LITTLE RED SPOTS!!!!
Link and Navi reached the foot of the mountain. They noticed a large group of people there, conversing among themselves but not seeming to care about keeping their voices down.
Some Guy: It seems like the mountain's curse has been lifted! Maybe the Hero has come?
Some Other Guy: It would seem so, but if it is true, then we should see some changes around here.
Another Guy: And around the river! I've heard it's all frozen up!
Hey! It's A Girl: I've heard that too. My sister lives up near the river and she says it's been too cold to swim in lately.
Now a Guy: Well, if the Hero HAS come, then we should soon see better times…maybe even the Evil King will be dethroned?
Some Lady: Shhh! What if he hears you?
Navi: Did you hear that?
Link: What? About the free cookies?
Over to their left…
Cookie Guy: FREE COOKIES!!!! Only 19.99 plus shipping and handling!!
Navi: NO! Didn't you hear those people?
Link: No, they were speaking in some other language…
Navi: ARGHHHHH!!!!!!! The river!!! The river needs to be saved!!!
Link: Well why didn't you say that earlier?
Navi (Monotonously): …You are really stupid, you know that?
Link (Energetically): Yep! Now, TO THE RIVER!!!!!
(Fellowship Theme)
Link exited Kakariko Village and found his way to the river. He began to follow the river upstream.
Link: Follow the H2O-
Navi: NO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Pause)
Link: Follow the H2O no? That's not how it goes!
Navi: If you even start that irritating song, I swear I'll throw you into that water!
Link: Why would you do that when you saved me from the lava?
Navi: …that's…different. Now STOP!
Link: …fine.
So they continued up the river till they got to the waterfall. Link played the "cool song" and jumped into the hole that lead to Zora's Domain. Once there, he couldn't believe what he saw.
Link: WHOA!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING!!!
The entire Domain was frozen solid, lake and waterfall alike.
Link: Navi, what is that stuff?!?
Navi: WHAT???!!!???
Link: The blue stuff!
(Pause)
Navi: …YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ICE IS?!?!?!?
Link: Um…what's that?
Navi: ARGHHH!!!! You really need to get out more…
Link: But…I am out…
Navi: Noooooooo…
Link ran up a path that brought him to the King Zora's throne room. There, he found…
Link: WHOA!!!!!! Frozen fat guy!!!
King Zora was frozen solid on his throne. He was still in the same position that he was when Link last saw him seven years ago, giving Link the assumption that he had not moved for seven years.
Link: Man, it must be hard to be fat if it prevents you from moving for seven whole years…
Navi: That's it! You're gonna stop insulting people and go to where you saw Jabu-Jabu!
Link: Awwww, do I have to?
Navi gave Link an evil stare.
Link: Okok! I'm going!
Link ran down the path behind the throne, and got to a large lake that he had seen seven years ago. But it was different now. It was the coldest place he had ever been in. There were pieces of ice floating in the water, like little platforms that could be crossed, and where the Zora deity, lord Jabu-Jabu, used to rest was now a bunch of the ice slabs…no giant fish to be seen.
Link: See!?! I knew that thing I killed was his heart! I told you!
Navi: Sure, whatever.
Link: I did!
Navi: Uh huh.
Link: Wow, it's cold here…
Navi: HEY!!!
Link: Ow…not the ear again…
Navi: See over there!?! I think that's a cavern!
Link (energetically): Ok!
Link ran over to where Jabu-Jabu used to rest, which was now a sea of ice platforms. He jumped onto one and could feel his feet freezing inside his boots. He jumped over to the next platform, and the one after that. After many jumps he finally reached the cave on the other side of the lake. The cave was filled with snow and ice, even the walls and ceiling were engulfed in it. At first it was a sight to behold…then,
Link: Wow…this looks cool!
Navi: LOOK OUT!!!
Link: Didn't I tell you to stop-AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
A boulder had crashed into Link which sent him flying into the wall, and he was lost in snow as it fell down on top of him.
Link: Gefff mefff ouftff offffgh heffrfff!!!!
He popped his head back above the snow, and dug his way out.
Link: What is that stuff!?! It's all wet and cold!!!
Navi: Why me, WHY ME!!!
Link proceeded through the cave until he reached a room that was cased in a blue ice. As he walked in, three strange statues, made of ice, appeared in swirls of white, cold air.
Ice Statues: Buhahahaha!!!
The statues began to slide across the ice in strait lines.
Link: Um…ok…
Link just stood there and watched as the statues slid to his right, one to his left, and another in front of him. They stopped.
Link: Ok…
Then they all simultaneously began to blow freezing breaths towards Link.
Link: WHA?!? AHHHH!!!!!! *ching!*
Link was frozen solid by the breath of the ice statues. After awhile the ice miraculously broke and Link was free again.
Link: W-w-whoa…c-c-cold…
Ice Statues: Buhahahaha!
Link: S-s-shu-u-ut u-up!
Link swung the Master Sword vertically through the ice and cut it perfectly in two, but somehow it was still moving around the ice.
Link: Wha?
He made a few swings at the statue and after another few slices it shattered into dozens of little shards of ice. He did the same to the remainder of the statues. After they were dealt with the door ahead opened up.
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuu!!!
Link: YAY!!!
Link goes into the next room and sees a very scary sight.
Link: Wow. Very scary.
A giant blade, made of ice, is spinning in circles in the center of the room. Link kept to the wall and found two exits: one blocked by an ice wall, and another, by bars. He noticed something else in the room. There are many silver rupees all scattered about the room. He runs around, trying to collect them, while dodging the giant ice blade in the middle of the room. He gets two of the gems before he runs into a bit of trouble. Two of the rupees are in the path of the ice blade's spinning path, and another is positioned directly above the blade. He runs to the first one and then keeps running in the circular path of the ice blade. But the blade is faster than he thought and is close behind. He gets the second one and rolls under the blade to avoid it as he breaks away from the blade's path. To get the floating gem, he climbs up a brick that lies against the wall, and jumps off the top, towards the hovering rupee. He grabs it midair and as he lands, rolls to avoid the lagged end of the spinning blade. As soon as he got to the wall again,
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuu!!!!
The door opened!
Link: YAY!
Link ran into the next room, and the door closed shut behind him.
Link: Oh great. Not again…
The room was pitch black and cold to the bone.
Mysterious Voice: So, you're the boy with the green hat.
Link: Huh?
Mysterious Voice: We have some unfinished business to take care of. You have done something that angers me greatly.
Link: Uhhh…what?
Mysterious Voice: You killed my nephew. I must avenge his death.
Link: What are you talking about? Who are you anyway?
Mysterious Voice: I am…BLUE KEESE #354956864565!!!!!!!!!
Link: Ummm…what?!?
Blue Keese #354956864565: ARGHHH!!! YOU KILLED MY NEPHEW, FIRE KEESE #5341892380279!!!!!!!
Link: Who?
Blue Keese #354956864565 (getting VERY annoyed): THE GREAT FIRE KEESE!!!!!!
Link: Ohhh!!! Him!! Yeah, he was a dork.
Blue Keese #354956864565 (Now VERY agitated): THAT'S IT!!!! LIGHTS!!!!!
A flame in the middle of the room lit up to reveal dozens of Blue Keese hovering near the ceiling of the room.
Link: Oh…
Blue Keese #354956864565: ATTACK!!!!!!!!
Link: Oh crud…
All the Keese in the air swooped down towards Link. Link ran towards the wall, and pulled out his bow. He began firing at the Keese at will.
Blue Keese #354956864565: FORMATIONS!!!! FORM FORMATIONS!!!!!!
The Keese all formed a giant arrow and began to fly towards Link at high speed.
Link: AHHH!!!
Link rolled out of the way and ran towards the opposite wall. But he didn't notice that…
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Link: Wha?
He looked back to see all the Keese on the floor.
Navi: You dropped a bomb, dork.
Link: Oh. Cool!!!!
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuu!!!
The door behind Link had opened, and the flame in the middle of the room had become an eerie blue color.
Link: Whoa! What's that?
Navi: Um…a blue flame?
Link: Oh. Cool!
Link, for some reason, put some of the blue flame in two of his empty bottles. He ran back to the room with the ice blade and remembered that there was only one other door. The one behind the ice wall.
Link: Oooo! I've got an idea!
Link went over to the ice wall, avoiding the spinning blade, and opened one of his bottles that housed the blue flame. The ice wall melted away.
Link: Yay!
Link ran through the door, and again, it closed behind him.
Link: Great.
And then, something popped up out of the floor…weird…
White Wolfos: HOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Link: Hi.
The White Wolfos started to circle around Link. Then, Link poked it in the tail.
White Wolfos: ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! YOU LITTLE-*pop*
Link: Wow. That was the easiest mini boss in the game!
Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuu!!!
A chest appeared in the middle of the room, and inside was…
Music: Du du da duuuuuuaaahhhhooouuuuu…(music ends in an off key note)
Link: Uh…red slippers?
Dorothy: Hey! Those are mine!!!
She grabs them from Link's hands-
Author: Wait, wait one minute! MAJOR story problem…*scribble scribble* There! That's better!
Link opened the chest to receive…
Music: Du du da duuuuuuuu!!!!!!!
Link: YAY!!!! Boots with large metal slabs attached to them!
Author: Yep. Much better. *poof!*
Then out of nowhere, Sheik appeared!
Sheik: Hai!
Link: Whoa! Lemme guess, game programming?
Sheik: Nah, I just followed you in.
Link: Oh…figures.
Sheik: As you saw, Zora's Domain is entirely frozen over.
Link: I did?
Navi whacks Link over the back of the head.
Link: Ow…
Sheik: And the Zora people are now encased beneath the ice sheet.
Link: Bummer. Oh well!
Sheik: But I have good news!
Link: What?
Sheik: I just saved a load of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Link: …What's a car?!?
Sheik: I dunno. But I saved!
Link: Oh. (energetically) Ok!
Sheik: Oh, and I managed to save one of the Zoras from the ice.
Link: Oh. Good for him.
Sheik: No, I saved the Princess. I think her name was Ruto.
Link stares at Sheik in horror.
Sheik: What?
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sheik: Um…are you ok?
Link: Y-yeah…I'll l-live.
Sheik: Well anyway, she headed for the Water Temple. This is a song that will take you there.
Sheik played a tune and guess what! Link played it back! Weird…
Sheik: Link we'll meet again.
And sheik disappeared in a flash of light.
Link: Bye!
Link headed back out of the cavern. After he was out, he began to head towards king Zora's throne.
Navi: Where are you going!?!
Link: I dunno! I'm just…going!
So he came to King Zora, who was still frozen to his throne. Link released the other blue flame and defrosted the King.
King Zora: Ohhh YAY!!! I'm ALIVE!!! Did you save me young man?
Link: Um…yeah…
King Zora: Here.
And Link received…
Music: Du du da duuuuuuu!!!!!
Link: YAY!!! A blue tunic!!!
King Zora: That's a Zora's tunic. It's made especially from Zora scales so it will make it so you can't drown!
Link: Whoopee, just what I wanted. Another thing made of something's skin…
Navi: Come on! We have to get to that Temple!
Link: *sigh* Fine…
And Link played the song that would lead him to the Water Temple.
END OF CHAPTER
A/N…again: I'm sorry that this chapter took so long. =P We're in the middle of moving so it's hard to write thing right now. So don't expect the next one too quickly. It may come soon, it may not. (Most likely the second one…) So anyway, hoped you liked it and please review! =)