Authors Note:

The last 3 chapters are the musings of the 32 year old potions master Severus Snape.

This however starts the story off and we go back to Severus in 1983 when he was a 3rd year and these are his journal entries.

The timeline is 10 years further than in the book. As Severus was born in 1960 and the Harry potter series started in 1991. It just fits better with our role playing timeline. Do keep in mind this is based on a series of roleplays that have been running since November 2001. I suck I know it don't bother telling me that.

Chapter 4 –Severus Snape who is sick of his life

September 1983

I can't be bothered finding out the date.

I only just found this so excuse me for not updating in a while.

Got back to Hogwarts a week ago, I was hoping I mightn't have to go back to this god forsaken hole, But here I am with absolutely no quills very little ink and a huge stack of parchment. Can you see the irony there? So much parchment and absolutely nothing to write with. I'm hoping to god I don't lose this quill, or break it… I have to learn not to put my thrilling trips to Diagon Ally off in future. I should have made the house elves get some when my tutor sent them off for my school books.

God I hate that place. No I hate shopping full stop. I feel like a five head bloody fish out of water in places like those.

On a different but slightly related matter I've noticed my wardrobe has been getting interesting lately. I only realised when un-packing that the majority of the clothing and robes I own are black (I'm not referring to my black school robes though)

Not that I'm terribly interested in the colour of robes, I leave that up to Lucius.

Oh and speaking of the devil incarnate himself it seems he is hell bent on making this year miserable for me. He is still pursuing that Narcissa girl, and over the last week I've been his messenger Monkey... Why can't he tell her himself.

A girl who transferred from that French place... Christ I've forgotten its name... Ah yes Beauxbatons... Has joined the Slytherins this year. I met her on the first night, only briefly but I must admit she is a very beautiful girl. But out of the question, she is a 2nd year. I've seen her around; Lucius says I stare at her like a love sick dog. I think that boy is full crap if nothing else. He thinks she is a veela and has warned me away from Morganna claiming their "kind" use veela charms to walk all over men. Hello she is 12 for crying out loud.

He talks about her as if she isn't a bloody human.

Oh yes, and that's her name Morganna Montaque, or Anna as some other people call her.

I'm somewhere close to killing Lucius; he had managed to piss me off so severely, so early in the year. Can 13 year olds go to Azkaban?

I think I've gone back to a different school. The topic for most of all the conversations held in the Slytherin common room is dark arts. What have these people been drinking?

I don't recall it being this way last year. Not much else has been happening- The story of my life huh?

-Severus Snape

11:17pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 10th  1983

It has been 4 years since my mother died. The weather and place are different but the feeling is very much the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 13th 1983

Don't be expecting me to be writing often; I don't have the time anymore.

3rds year were paired with the 2nd years to help with study, its was only for a week so there you go. I'll give you three guesses as to who I got paired up with. Give up? I was paired with the French girl Morganna. And no I'm not saying that is bad thing. It gave me a chance to talk to her at least. Come on I'd look like an idiot if I just sauntered up to her while she was with her friends and struck up a conversation. I'm not that moronic. If I did then there would be the whole "Snape has a crush on the French girl" thing going around. It happened when I first established a friendship with Lily. Speaking of Lily I was talking to her a few days ago. She seems to have made friends with the French girl. I need to find out more about this girl. I do know she is rather nice, and I have confirmed she is veela, but not man eating... as Lucius said. The dormitory is getting really messy, I can't goddamn stand mess, well other peoples mess. I found Aeolus's dirty laundry in my trunk yesterday. I wonder if these people aren't really dung beetles in disguise or something, less than 2 weeks and our dorm is covered in dirty laundry, papers and other assorted rubbish

Divination tomorrow. Yuck...  Charms is alright this year, they are actually teaching us something and we are doing some duelling. They have a new teacher this year, Professor Flitfly or something... no Flitwick... little runty man.

Am pleased to report I am no longer Messenger monkey.

Go the power of Verbal abuse!

-Severus Snape

4:20pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 15th 1983

Can't sleep but I don't have much to write about. I've been talking to Morganna more often. And I've avoided the whole "Snape has a crush on the French girl" thing... well at least to my knowledge I have.

I don't think I'm Severus anymore. I've become someone else, or have I just changed… Or... and here is the ultimate question, Was I ever really Severus?

Bloody prat James Potter has been hanging around lately, I think he is up to something.

He is such a prat, I can't stand the sight of the bloody boy, he doesn't lift a damn finger yet he gets what he wants, rats in the sewerage work harder than he does. Potter just spends his time with his sidekick ape Black pranking everything that moves. I'd really like to see them expelled one day. I seriously hope Lily doesn't read this. I'm rather fond of my hair length; I don't need more threats from her to cut it off.

Severus Snape- Who wishes he didn't have divinity

1:34am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 27th 1983

I haven't written in a while I know. Forgive me Forgive me.

Lily confessed yesterday that she had a crush on someone. I knew something was going on, she was never really concerned with what other people thought of her but lately she has been pretty self conscious. Lucius has been harassing me for talking to Lily, oh and he has been criticising my hair... how can he criticise how I look? They say God made man in his image. It'd be a pretty sad outlook for Christians all over the globe if god looked remotely like Lucius. Something is going on I know it, Lucius never had a problem with my talking to Lily before, he just had a problem, A mental one.

Things have been pretty slow and quiet.

I haven't seen much of Morganna but we are all pretty much busy with school work

Severus Snape- Who is becoming an insomniac

4:52 am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 2nd 1983

I am going to have complete rant

Lucius is being a prat and showing off to everyone now that Narcissa has shown slight interest in him. I wish he would open his bloody eyes and realise NOBODY GIVES A FLYING…..

No swearing Severus.

I've been swearing a lot this year. I never ever swore before I came to Hogwarts. Which brings me back to the whole "I've changed" thing.

I am not a Severus Snape... I don't know what I am. Cold bastard comes to mind a lot.

I have caught up with Morganna however. It's good to talk to her. She understands. I complain too much though I fear. Oh well who cares, I don't. Bloody Potter has been around pranking. 5 Slytherin seniors had their drinks spiked by some disgusting substance. I suspect it was supposed to be a potion of some sort. The seniors didn't change, they just got sick. A failed potion obviously. God I hate them. Full moon yesterday, that Lupin character disappeared again, not like I care much. I am so sick of divination, one night I'm going up into that bloody tower and I'm going to smash every tea cup I can find.

Go the smashing of china!

-Severus Snape the tea cup murderer

6:20pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 19th 1983

I lost this book again. What have I got to update? Nothing much has happened. I still hate divination but I'm on better terms with Lucius now. He does have some intelligence. He just doesn't use it often. I had to sleep in the Common Room last night.  Bloody Evan Rosier snoring again and our dorm has become one huge rubbish tip. I reckon other people are dumping their stuff in our dorm... because I don't think 4 people alone could generate that sort of mess. Dung beetle heaven. My hair was attacked this morning, some one cast a spell on it and it went red. It took me about half and hour to find a counter curse, I was NOT going to class with red hair. Can't these people think of anything original, the hair prank is old. You'd think people would learn but I think I'm going to have to put a sign on my forehead that reads "Mess with the hair and die"... or that might be a temptation for The Potter Morons to do something.

I hate hate hate potions with the gryffindors; I'm going to kill the potions master if he pairs me with another incompetent Gryffindor. I've been feeling more murderous than usual is that normal? I can't find anything else to complain about. I'm off to take a painkiller and pray to go the rubbish doesn't drown me after I go to bed

- Severus Snape who wishes it were Saturday

10:30pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 27th 1983

Potion assements yesterday, I've never seen so many burns in my whole entire life.

They have decided to hold a Halloween ball this year. Lucius has been fussing over asking Narcissa. I think I'll just sulk and do some essays I don't desire to make a prat of myself by asking out some giggly girl then getting all dressed up to spend the night watching the seniors get sloshed on butter beer. Who would I take anyway? Aeolus doesn't plan on going. We can sulk in the library and try and get some books out of the restricted area.

Oh the thrill of stealing books

I'm too sarcastic for my own good

Damn you Severus Snape damn you!

 P.s: The food in this place is getting worse every year

-Severus Snape

1:30pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 3rd 1983

Blog

I feel like ranting- no sleeping

In fact I feel nothing

I ended up attending the ball with Scarlet North-Romatti, one of Narcissa's mindless little friends. She talks too much, pretty face.. But talks too much. I was considering drowning myself in someone's drink but lets be realistic, I had to stay and listen to this girl go on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I was wondering where Morganna was. I found a stash of quills. Yay for me. Lucius spilt a bottle of ink on our floor. Can't wait for dorm inspections. We'll be in detention for the rest of our natural lives. Why do these things happen to me?

Colour of the day: Silver

Idiot of the Day: Frank Longbottom

Evil letter: b

I feel light headed, and I need to study. I think something was put in my drink.

-Severus Snape the evil Elephant

50:34fm??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 11th 1983

I hate the number 11. Just to clear this up I am not an evil elephant, some drink spiking had been going on that day. Narcissa and her friends have been hanging around our "group" as Lucius calls it. Most of the girls are nice. I was talking to one of the girls for a long time last night. Akira... damn I've forgotten her last name. No matter, I think I scared her anyway, but she was nice.

I'm so confused, who the hell am I?! I am a bloody shell that everyone calls Severus Snape, Oh that reminds me, everyone has taken to calling me Sevvy. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. No shortening of my name please people.

I have taken to being particularly nasty to Gryffindors especially 1st years. What can I say, I'm a bastard.

-Severus Snape who has finally snapped

5:45pm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

December 25th  1983

If I ever met my father I would smack him all around Europe . How dare he do this. How dare he bring me into this world and just leave me with this life. How dare he kill her when she did all he asked. I am never going to have children. I mean how could a screw up raise a child to be anything else but a screw up?

What is the point in making journal entries anymore? Nobody cares and even if they did    I wouldn't want them to read any of this.

-Severus Snape who is sick of his life

1:30am