Scott killed the engine and was about to assist the professor from the car when Jean offered to help.
"I'll do it," Jean said, telekinetically lifting the professor to his wheelchair.
"Are you still practicing?" her mentor asked.
"Yes, I use tk doing chores, when no one's looking of course. And at least twice a week, I try to do those telepathic exercises you taught me."
Charles smiled, pleased. "I'm glad you're still making it habit."
"I'm afraid if I don't I might forget how to control them and end up hearing things again."
"And we certainly don't want that to happen," Charles agreed, remembering the last time when Jean's powers grew out of control. She most dreadfully caused havoc with her mind. It was why he was not supportive of her decision to leave the institute in the first place. He knew how her powers overwhelms her at times, even if she had been in control of them over the years by undergoing those relentless trainings. But in the end, Charles didn't have a choice but to see her go. And he felt saddened as if his own child was abandoning him.
Charles loves all his students equally but unconsciously he had gained favorites among them (though he would be the last to admit that to himself) And Jean no doubt is one of them. She had always been special to him for a lot of reasons. Jean was his first student, the first one that he had taken in. The first one he had taught and guided before the dozens of others came along. And because they shared the same gift of telepathy, Charles felt a connection with her. He treated her as his protégé. He knew the wonders and curses this ability can bring and withheld no barriers in handing down his knowledge to her.
Charles had also thought that of all the students, Jean was one of those who firmly believe in their mission of mutant and humanity's coexistence. That's why it came a shock to him when she approached him one afternoon and firmly told him that she wanted leave. He listened to her reasons but knew that there were more to that. But she wasn't ready to tell him and thus he just left it at that.
Hank got out of the car and started to push the professor inside the institute.
Jean hung back. "You guys go ahead. I just want to take a walk. It's beautiful out here."
"Ok, don't stay out too long though. Looks like this snow won't be letting up soon," Hank said.
Scott started to go in but then changed his mind. He turned to Jean and hesitantly asked, "Do you mind if I walk with you?"
Jean looked at him surprised. "Of course not." For the past couple of days they were happily catching up with each other's lives but somehow a barrier still stood between them.
"You were kind of quiet tonight," Scott observed.
"No, I wasn't."
"Come on, Jean," Scott lightly said, "Two years didn't make me know you less."
Jean fell silent. They just had a dinner with the team. Jean was having a good time until Sarah showed up.
Jean was so surprised when a pretty blue-eyed girl with straight blonde hair dropped by their table and kissed Scott on the lips. Scott smiled in return. Jean was taken aback, as Scott had never mentioned Sarah to her before. Jean proceeded to just plaster a smile on her face all throughout the night before anybody would suspect that she was bothered by it.
That girl kissed Scott for pete sakes! Her Scott. Jean tried to push the gnawing feeling down that she knows is jealousy. Jean reproached herself. She was the one who broke it off. She had no right to feel jealous.
"I was just tired."
"Okay."
"So um, you and Sarah," Jean said, "How long have you been going out?"
Scott replied, "A couple of weeks but nothing really serious yet."
Good. "She seems, uh nice."
"Yeah she is. When I first asked her out, she knew I was a mutant but that didn't bother her at all."
Jean heard the lilt and considered that maybe this wasn't just "nothing really serious".
The only nice thing about their meeting was that Sarah mentioned she had heard a lot about Jean from Scott.
Yes, Sarah had heard a lot about the best friend, Jean glumly thought, nothing more than a friend. A best friend who, come to think of it, hadn't actually been close to her supposedly best bud lately. So technically they're not even considered as that. Jean sighed.
Scott looked at her oddly, "Hey, come on. Tell me what's bothering you."
"It's us, Scott," she replied.
Scott's heart skipped a beat. Was she...?
"I mean, we haven't been exactly opening up to each other. I know we ended our, um relationship pretty badly, but it's sad that I had to lose my friend too."
Scott exhaled.
Jean continued, "I've been really lonely. Two whole years. I mean since I was 12 years old, you were my closest friend. We're always together. I always come to you when I had troubles. I tell you almost everything--"
"Almost?" Scott asked with a smile.
"There are still some things you don't know, Summers," Jean said darkly.
"I beg to differ." Scott said teasingly.
Jean gave a small smile.
Scott glanced at her. "But yeah, I know what you mean. I missed you too. A lot. I guess we took the consequence of not being able to go back to where our friendship left off. I was just so sure that we'll end up together that I never really thought about what would happen if the couple thing didn't work out."
"You were that sure?" she asked softly.
"I thought you were too."
"I thought I was."
"Then why?"
Jean knew what he was asking about but at the moment really didn't want to talk about it.
Scott faced her. "I still want to know. I mean I understand that you wanted to live a life beyond the x-men but I know you're still holding back something. You of all people are a follower of Professor's dream. You believe in it at times when even I didn't. But you suddenly changed your mind. Why?"
Jean avoided his gaze. "As selfish as my reasons are, I just wanted a life apart from the team. I still believe at what you're doing. I just want to experience something more."
Scott shook his head. He won't be taking any more of this excuse. "Experience something more what? More worthwhile?" he sarcastically asked.
"If you envision me to be someone who's so perfect, who's so secure in her future and unselfish in her actions, I hate to burst your bubble but I'm not," Jean retorted.
"I didn't say that."
"Then stop telling me I was wrong to leave," said Jean, her voice rising.
"I didn't say that!" Scott said exasperatedly.
"You're not but I can see it all over your face."
Scott turned to face her. "Look, Jean, I'm still trying to understand why you left. In some ways I still feel sore about it."
Jean fell silent. A snowflake softly landed on Scott's eyebrow. Without thinking, Jean reached up and gently brushed it away. Scott was a bit taken aback with the affectionate gesture.
Scott spoke in a softer tone. "You weren't wrong for leaving. There's no contract that said you have to stay. I just want to know why."
Jean hesitated. "I was sacred."
Of all the answers he didn't expect that.
"Of what?"
"Of how serious we're going."
Scott looked confused. "Of how serious we were going? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it wasn't a reason to break up with you. I didn't know how to say it. I still had feelings for you. I was just scared when loving you almost... I don't know... almost hurts." Jean paused, looking at how Scott was feeling. But he remained silent. Or rather baffled.
"That mission we had against Sinister. When you got into a coma for a week. It scared the hell out of me. When I thought I was about to loose you...I was a wreck, Scott. And when you woke up, I was so relieved and happy, but then another mission came and put us in the same position."
"I know this is what we signed up for. I mean, if anyone should know, we should. The two of us had been doing this before anyone else in the team. But at that time, I just couldn't take it anymore." Jean shook her head, wondering if she actually made sense to him. She left because of too much love? Because of its intensity?
"It sounds crazy but it was how I felt. Every mission made me worry. And the feeling was making me feel trapped and suffocated. I needed to get away."
Jean took a deep breath. It wasn't only that. At that time, there were those dreams. Nightmares where Jean sees herself hurting everyone she cared for. She'd be consumed by flames, hungry for power, eager for destruction.
It was a secret that she never told anyone, not even Scott.
Scott frowned. "So I was suffocating you?" he asked, confused and hurt.
"No!" Jean replied guiltily. She sighed. "I mean, yeah sort of, but it's not just you. It was our dreams, our plans, our rapport - It was all too much."
Scott pursed his lips. "You should have told me that we were going too fast."
"But would you understand if I told you at that time?"
"Not really. But I still wish you were honest with me."
"I didn't even understand myself at that time. I just felt that I had to get away somehow before I go crazy."
"So that's why you had been touchy at those last couple of weeks. I thought I did something wrong especially when you left suddenly like that."
Jean sighed. "I understand if you're mad-"
Scott cut in, "I'm not mad, Jean. Confused but not mad. Jeez, I mean how could I be when your reason for leaving was because you cared too much." Hating to see Jean this sad, Scott gave Jean an exaggerated shrug. "But you sure do know how to give an excuse. You end up getting me all flattered."
Jean's mouth twitched. "It's the truth. Besides, that's not the only reason. The genetics program was a big factor. I really wanted to live on my own, at least for a while. I wanted to try new things. I wasn't lying."
"Yeah, yeah. Now that's what you're telling me," Scott mockingly waved it off. "Awhile ago, you were saying a different thing - buttering me up and telling me that you love me too much. Tsk, tsk"
"Oh, don't get fresh with me, Summers." Jean warned while the hand behind her back caught a floating fat ball of snow. Without warning Jean threw it at a startled Scott.
"Oh great," Scott groaned as he promptly knelt down to scoop up snow with both hands, "You know I always lose in this."
And he was right. Before he can even throw any snowballs at her, a dozen had already pelted him, coming at all sides.
"Jean! This is unfair!"
After a few more rounds, snow covered Scott finally caught up with her and took the opportunity to grab her feet. Unbalanced, Jean gave a yelp as she fell down on the soft snow, while Scott fell on top of her. Their bodies were pressed together now and their faces were inches apart. The comical expressions were now absent from their faces. Jean was desperately trying to see his eyes. But it lasted for only a few seconds. Scott rolled over and just laid beside Jean.
They laid there for a long time while the snow kept on falling on top of them. It was a peaceful silence, something that Jean missed between them. She was glad she finally told him all this.
But there was something else.
"Scott?"
"Hmm?"
"From our link, there were times... a couple of instances when I picked up some thoughts from your mind... about marriage."
Scott's eyes widened. He thought he had hidden those thoughts well from the telepath.
"Those were just thoughts passing by, sure I entertain the possibility but that doesn't mean I'd propose."
"But it felt so real."
"You're the telepath, you know a person doesn't always act on their thoughts."
"I know, but those thoughts, they really took me by surprise." Then she asked what Scott knew was coming. "But were you about to ask at that time?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
Jean smiled ruefully. "And if you asked, I might say yes."
"And that's bad?" he asked, mock aghast.
"We were too young."
"You could have just said no if the question came."
"And you won't be hurt by it?"
"I would. But when you left, that hurt too."
"This is all your fault."
Scott raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"Why do you have to think about this marriage stuff?"
"Like I said those were just thoughts. You're just being the telepath that you are, opening up this rapport between us," he blamed teasingly.
Jean smiled and they fell silent once more.
"So Scott."
"Yeah?"
"We're okay now right?" She turned to look at him.
"Do you even have to ask? Of course we are."
"I mean, can we now put all these awkward stuff behind us and start being friends again?"
Scott smiled at her. "That's what we've been doing for the past hour."
"So we're good," she assessed.
"Yeah, we're good."
Jean smiled contentedly. "Good."
After awhile, Scott sat up. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting cold and wet."
He offered his hand to Jean, and Jean took it but instead of getting up she pulled Scott down hard. Not expecting that, Scott fell face down to the snow.
"Jean!" he laughed. But she already got a head start.
***
Charles chuckled as he saw his two students romping around in the snow with reckless abandon. When the group had eaten out earlier, both seemed to be matured twenty something adults. Jean seemed to have grown up a lot, talking about her genetics research and studies and how she was living alone. And Scott, he had been so serious lately, always brooding about one thing to the next, immersing himself in the leadership role of the team. But seeing them like this, they had become children again. Not unlike the ten year old girl and the twelve year old boy that he had first taken in.
"I haven't seen Scott like this in a long time," Ororo commented as she and Charles had been watching them from the window for a couple of minutes now. "Nobody else can pull Scott out of his shell like Jean can."
"Remember how inseparable they were when they were kids?" Charles asked.
Ororo looked at him. "You missed them being children, aren't you Charles?" Ororo asked.
"Yes, the years seem to pass by so quickly. And now my x-men have all grown up. I sometimes wonder. I wonder if I had done right raising them in this hostile environment. They had to face all these problems that most people twice their age haven't even encountered in their wildest imagination. I sometimes ask myself what right did I have to put them in this situation wherein they could have been easily hurt or killed in any given day. And if they walked off without any physical injuries, perhaps mentally or emotionally damaged from all the harshness they had faced in life in such an early age."
Ororo thought carefully from where all this came from all of the sudden. Then looking outside the window she knew. "This has something to do with Jean leaving, hasn't it?"
"I discouraged her from moving away, but now seeing her back, how she looked so happy being independent, how grown up she is, I wonder if all are better off without having to live under the constraints of constant missions and battles."
"Do you still doubt yourself, Charles? After all this time? You have raised them to be wonderful people, as you can now see-- in control and confident in their lives because of your help. Yes, they were raised in a harsh environment but all these only made them stronger and wiser. And in the matter of whether or not they feel complied to follow the dream, they can choose to leave this business if they wanted to, as Jean has. They have minds of their own, and they choose to follow you, to follow the dream."
A shriek and a hoot was heard from outside as the two racing figures continued to pelt each other with snow. Charles smiled, comforted, for the moment, at Ororo's words and contented at the sight of his two students.
***
Note: I'm almost finished with Chapter 3 but I still have loads of homework to do (yes, on Christmas break! How inhumane.) so I'm not sure when I can put it up. But it won't be too far off. Oh, and thanks for the feedbacks. Keep 'em coming.