Chapter 14- Dark Entries*

(*Dark entries also happens to be the name of a gothic nightclub in Brunswick street. Fun)

October 6th 1987

There really isn't much to do in the hospital wing but write. Akira came to see me at lunch. She brought my journal with her so I may as well write in it. I'm ill. Not like I've ever been before. I'm really ill…. And I think its… fatal ill.

I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I've lost all sense of reality I think. I couldn't remember the date and I've lost 3 days of my life that I may never have again. Akira has been really supportive. She was here when I went to sleep last night, as handicapped as I was. She had her head rested on my pillow and she was singing a familiar lullaby in Hebrew.

Al slosha, Al alosha d' varim a yo lam ka yam…*

I can't remember now but I think she was crying. Not for me because I was reasonably fine apart from the fact I was so far out of it I was basically in a different country. I don't know, I've been so caught up in my own affairs that I haven't taken time to take heed of what is happening to everyone else. Something is going on with Akira, Something is going on with Lily, something is going on with Morganna, something is going on with Lucius and etc. Maybe after a week I'll recover and get my self in order again. Then I can go back to being the old Severus Snape.

Mmm, I can just remember him, the way he looked, the way he talked…. The way he acted. Yes vague as it I remember.

Playing around with ideas.  What will I do after I leave? I have to grow up pretty fast.

 I don't know why but I was thinking about my mother this morning.

Angele … Ange…….Angel

The French word for Angelic…. Angelique

I though I might name my daughter that, heaven forbid I should have children.

4 words to describe me at the moment?

Dark and broody, sad and moody.

Mmm,

Dead. A dead boy writing a dead entry in his dead journal.

Entries of the dead.

I amuse myself.

Putting a spell on my journal so no one else can open it. I trust Akira didn't read it. She wouldn't have done something like that. But I can't risk it again.

Severus Snape

6:23 pm

October 7th 1987

Madam Pomfrey tells me I will be well enough to return to the dorms soon.

I have a feeling I missed the first unit of Advanced Potions 9.

I hate hard work… especially when I have to teach myself how to do it. But hey, I taught myself how to do up my own shoelaces. I'm sure I'll manage this.

Akira didn't come to see me today. Well she did very early in the morning but I wasn't awake. An advantage of being sick-à I can sleep in.

I should do this more often.

Severus Snape

9:45pm

October 12th 1987

I had latent Tuberculosis from early July to early September. Until mysteriously it developed into the disease Tuberculosis or Consumption by the activation of the bacteria Mycobacterium tuberculosis in my lungs.

Absolutely fucking wonderful.

With the use of effective muggle drugs Rifampin or isoniazid I should be cured of it pretty quickly. I have to take a potion Impedio fusus to hinder the contagiousness of the disease.

I feel very- chemical-ish for lack of better word.

I have a really bad headache. Absolutely non related to the disease though it is… it kills.

Severus Snape

3:30pm

October 13th 1987

Madam Pomfrey let me out on the 10th.

Akira was overjoyed to see me... I was overjoyed to see her.

I love Akira.

She has been upset about something but she won't tell me.

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Lying together on a sofa in the deserted common room Severus and Akira whispered among themselves.

'I'd better go to bed now Akira…'

'No, stay here with me for a little longer Severus... you don't have to leave me again.'

'Again? I don't understand Akie-'

'Just don't…..'

Burying her face in his black robes and settling her arm across his chest she basked in the comfort he gave her as he stroked her silky red hair.

The red hair flowing between his fingers reminded Severus of Lily. It had been some time since they last conversed. He couldn't help think she might have felt used as some sort of pillar of strength then forgotten once he could stand again…. It was indeed the last thing he wanted Lily Evans to think.

Eyes drooping he felt Akira's torso convulse all of a sudden. Restricted sobs rose, broke free and she was crying.

Don't cry Akira…..

I'm not crying Severus….. you are.

(A/n: I couldn't get this across without being confusing)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But I do know something is up.

Severus Snape

11:46pm

October 15th 1987

Lily is getting her ball. She always gets her way

'Sev, I've told you I always get my way… you don't know how many people I had to bribe to get this to happen, phew…. I'm only one girl you know.'

'Woman Lily.'

"Yeah thanks Sev… I'm only one woman you know!'

I know something really easy this year, I don't have to worry about whether to go or who I'm taking.

I'm going with Akira.

Severus Snape

3:40pm

October 16th 1987

I've been thinking about the future. When I leave I'm not living in Brighton I'm going to sell the manor, and I anticipate I will get a lot for it. I can use the money to buy something London and probably work for the ministry. As what I have no idea. I was going through a pamphlet of career selections Aeolus stole off the wizardry career adviser in study yesterday. There are a lot of things but nothing particular that I want to do. There are heaps of things in the potions category that I have the prerequisite for but I really don't want to have to do anything to do with potions. I'm still dead set against the suggestion I got last year about being a Professor but I do kinda have the qualifications for it.

Akira and I had a little 'future' discussion over dinner tonight.

She kept saying… 'You first' and then she admitted that she just wanted to hear mine first so she could plan her future around me. She said it has taken her 6 years to catch me and now she is casting a big net so I can't get away. How sweet is that? Then I had this fleeting vision of us married. And to be honest I quite liked what I saw.

Mushy.

Anyway I have to go shower now, there is something up with the thermostat in the mornings so I'm taking my showers in the evening now.

Severus Snape

8:58pm

October 17th 1987

I was up until 5am this morning thinking about all sorts of things, and I've come to this conclusion. First I'll explain.

I was thinking about the future then I remembered what Sebastian said-

'The family will never stop bothering you until you are safely married off…. By your own choice or arranged... whatever comes first'

When we graduate things could change… I could lose Akira... I know I will if I don't do something. Here we have to see each other everyday because it school, we live here. But when we leave we will need to make the effort to keep in contact… and people do become lazy over time… and etc.

Then I thought about my feelings for Akira. They run deeper than I realized.

The only other person I have loved so openly and freely was my mother in a sense.

Therefore this relationship must be something else if you get what I mean.

It makes perfect sense to marry her. By your own choice or arranged… whatever comes first.

Choice comes first.

Why not? I really do think this is what I'm meant to do.

Now… to propose to her… that is all that is left.

Severus Snape.

2:30pm Divination class.

October 19th 1987

I've been overwhelmingly sick.

I don't think the drugs are working.

Madam Pomfrey wants me to see a Specialist at St Mungos.

I've finally pulled my mind together; I have a reason to be well.

I can not be sick now.

S.Snape

8:10am

October 20th 1987

Despite such Maladies I'm in a particularly good mood today. I've even been very well disposed to Lucius. Although the though has crossed my mind… I should inform Narcissa of Lucius's cheating tendencies. After all she does deserve better.

I think I am happy again.

Severus Snape

4:30pm

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Lingering, they kissed.

"People are going to wonder what we do down here all the time Akie." There was nothing but sheer amusement in Severus's tone of voice, as Akira noted before kissing him once more reminding herself he would be here tomorrow.

"Well why spoil their fun? …Let them think that them."

Severus watched with his unchanged midnight black eyes as Akira slipped off to her dormitory.

* I can't remember exactly how it goes and spelling of the words to the Hebrew lullaby might be wrong.