Marauder Mayhem
A/N: Hi everybody! My name's Raven and I'll be your Harry Potter Freak today! Yes, I am VERY obsessed with all things Harry Potter, especially Sirius Black. He will always be my favorite character. This fanfic is about the Marauders when they were in their 7th year at Hogwarts. Please feel free to IM or email me on AOL if you're confused about something or just wanna talk about HP (VulpixRaven@aol). Please review and tell me how I'm doing. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I obviously don't own any HP stuff. you all know that cuz you're not stupid, and even if ya are, it's okay! However, I do own Raven McKinnon and a few other made up characters along the way.
Songs: Sometimes I have songs that a character is singing or dancing to. In this chapter there is "Witchy Woman" by The Eagles and "Dirty Denim" by The Donnas.
Chapter 1 - August 1st
"Padfoot!"
Sirius spun around. "There he is!" He and James hugged like brothers.
"How was your summer?" inquired James of his best friend.
"Summer? She was awesome. And I also met a girl named Autumn; she was good, too."
"Jesus Christ, Sirius! How many girls could you have possibly gotten in two months?" exclaimed James, ruffling his black hair and straightening his glasses.
"I lost count," said Sirius, nonchalantly.
"Womanizer!" a voice called from behind them.
They both spun around this time to see sandy-haired Remus Lupin. "Moon- pie!" exclaimed Sirius pulling his other best friend into a hug.
"I thought you said you couldn't make it, Moony," said James.
"Mum let me leave work early. I only just made it," said Remus.
"Where's Pete?" asked Sirius.
"He left a week after you did. Switzerland with his folks," said James.
"Sounds better than Germany with mine," said Sirius, coldly.
"Where they terrible?" asked Remus.
"Don't know how I survived a whole month with those pricks," Sirius said, running his fingers through his black hair, making it fall into his dark brown eyes. "I can't wait till my birthday. I'm getting outta that fucking house forever."
"But who would take you in?" James grinned.
"Uh. you."
"Anytime, Padfoot. I have your room all ready for ya," said James, clapping Sirius on the back. They started walking down the alley, away from their meeting place in front of Quality Quiddich Supplies.
"So how about you gentlemen? Get any ladies?" asked Sirius, turning to wink at them both.
James and Remus exchanged glances. "One," they both said together.
"Really?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows twice. "You finally get Evans, Prongs?"
James sighed. "No, but I've got a new game plan this year."
"And what would that be?" inquired Sirius.
"You'll see. Let's just say I've got an insider."
"Alrighty then," said Sirius, doubtfully. He then shifted his gaze upward and did a double take. "What the hell is that?"
James and Remus grinned at each other again. "Unplugged. Brand new club," said James. "Wanna go in?"
"Hell yeah!" shouted Sirius, leading the way. As he opened the door, they were all blasted backwards by a volume of music from inside the club. Sirius' eyes widened. "Holy shit! This is awesome!"
"You haven't even seen the dancers yet," said James, winking at Remus.
"Okay, what's with you two?" Sirius spun around, staring from James to Remus.
"You'll see in a minute."
"You haven't discovered a forbidden love between the two of you or something, have you?" said Sirius, joking.
"What?" James and Remus exclaimed.
"Well. the way you both keep looking at each other and winking is freakin me out!"
"Are you a homophobe, Padfoot?" asked Remus.
"No! I don't hate gay guys!"
"So you love em?" joked James.
"No! I just don't hate em! You guys didn't turn into fudge packers while I was gone, did you?" asked Sirius, hoping it was all a joke.
"No, Padfoot, Remus and I are all wrong for each other," said James.
"Well I could have told you that! So what's the deal then?"
"Would you just come in here? You'll see in a second," said Remus, pushing Sirius through the door.
"This better not be a gay bar," teased Sirius as he stumbled into the club.
"Say that now," said James as Sirius caught sight of a beautiful girl with long black hair as she disappeared through a door that led backstage. Four guys walked onto the stage and started up a song.
"Raven, get your ass out here," one of them said as he pounded on the backstage door. Then he started playing his guitar with the other three members of his band. The black haired girl came out of the door again with her hair in a half ponytail and walked onstage next to the singer as he sang:
"Raven hair," he reached up and pulled the scrunchi out of her hair and let it fall over her shoulders as he continued, "and ruby lips, sparks fly from her fingertips," Raven rolled her eyes and smiled, issuing silver sparks from her fingers. "Echoed voices in the night, she's a restless spirit on an endless flight." Raven started to walk around the stage as all the guys gathered around to watch her. She stepped down from the stage and started milling through the audience. "Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, see how she flies," Raven grabbed a broom from some guy who was carrying one over his shoulder and proceeded to fly slowly around the room. "Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, she got the moon in her eyes." She got off the broom and kicked it back to its owner. "Well I know you wanna love her, but let me tell you, brother, she's been sleepin in the devil's bed." Raven laughed and smiled deviously at the singer. "And there's some rumors goin round, someone's underground. She can rock you in the nighttime till your skin turns red. Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, see how high she flies. Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, she got the moon in her eyes."
The song ended and Raven went backstage again. Sirius stared after her. "I think I'm in love," he teased.
"Yeah, I'm sure you are. And what would you do if I told you she's going to Hogwarts this year?" asked James.
Sirius smiled widely, "I'd kiss you, Jay, even though this isn't a gay bar!"
James jumped back. "Then I guess I won't tell you. I gotta take a piss."
"Oh, me too, man," said Remus, following James to the bathroom.
Sirius stood alone next to the backstage door.
Raven came out of the door a few minutes later in a completely different outfit and looked around.
When she didn't find what she was looking for, she walked over and sat with some other girls at a table.
Sirius looked at her and sighed. "Make a move," he said under his breath as he walked over and sat in the chair next to her.
"Did it hurt?" he asked, flashing her a smile.
Raven turned to look at him with a vacant expression on her face. "Did what hurt?"
"When you fell from heaven," he said, slyly, smiling even wider.
Raven rolled her eyes and downed the rest of her drink. She had heard this pick-up line one too many times before. "Yeah, like a bitch," she replied, dryly.
"Where? I could kiss it and make it all better."
Raven grinned. She had never heard this comeback. "You're offering to kiss my ass, then?"
"If need be. Whatever you like," replied Sirius.
Raven let out a small laugh. "Do you even know my name, stud?"
"Of course I do! Why would I hit on you without knowing your name?" asked Sirius, unconvincingly.
"Well, I'll make you a deal. If you can tell me my name in three guesses, I'll sleep with you," she said, raising her eyebrows once at him.
"Can I have your word on that?" Sirius leaned forward.
"Cross my heart," she answered confidently.
"Great. Let's see. you're name is." Sirius thought for a minute, "Jayme?"
"Swing and a miss."
"Alicia?"
"Strike two."
Sirius looked at the ceiling for an answer. "Bertha?"
Raven laughed. "Loser."
"That's your name?" joked Sirius.
"Uh, no, that's your name," she said as she stood from her chair. "Three strikes, you're out."
"At least I went out swinging."
"Better luck next time," she said as she got up from her chair and went backstage again.
Sirius sighed as James and Remus made their way back over to him. "That was a first," he said as he stood up again.
"What?" asked Remus.
"Nothin," he replied. A new song came on and Raven came out of the backstage door again. "Jesus Christ, she's beautiful!" Sirius hung his head.
James smiled as he made eye contact with Raven and they started walking towards each other as "My Girl" started playing:
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Well, I guess you'd say: what can make me feel this way?" "How do I look?" asked Raven as she stopped in front of James. He brought his head down so that they foreheads touched. "Like gold." He spun her around and they started dancing to the song. "It's my girl. Talkin 'bout, my girl. My girl. I've got so much honey the bees envy me. I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees."
They danced until the end of the song and then Raven threw her arms around James and hugged him. He pulled her into a kiss.
"Wow. Miss me?" giggled Raven when he finally let go of her.
"Yeah," he said as he kissed her again.
Then he led her over to where Sirius was still standing with a vacant expression on his face.
"Hi, Moony!" said Raven, hugging and kissing Remus, too.
"Raven McKinnon, I want you to finally meet Sirius Black," said James.
Raven took one look at Sirius and burst out laughing. "You're Sirius?"
"In my better days, yeah, I am," answered Sirius, slightly embarrassed.
"Wait, you two know each other?" asked James, confused.
"Oh yeah, we're old friends. Right, Sirius?"
Sirius cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah," he answered uncomfortably. He knew she was going to tell James what he'd just done.
"How the hell do you know each other?" asked James.
"Oh, he just hit on me," said Raven, coolly.
"He-you did?" James turned to Sirius, who bit his bottom lip and looked up at the ceiling. James laughed. "And how did he do?" he asked, turning back to Raven.
"Crashed and burned," conveyed Raven, beginning to laugh again. "It wasn't pretty."
"Aw, poor Sirius. I should have warned you, man. She's a man-eater. She does that to everyone in here."
"Hey, can you blame me? I work in a bar for Christ's sake. A girl's gotta watch out for herself," defended Raven. "Besides, that pick-up line was ancient. 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?'" mimicked Raven.
At this, James burst out laughing, too. "Sirius, I thought you were good with girls!"
"Normal girls," teased Sirius.
Raven scoffed. "What did you say?"
"Nothin. So, can I guess your name now?"
"Nope, game's over."
"What?" asked James.
"Never mind."
"So, I take it you finally gave up on Evans?" asked Sirius.
"What? Hell no. This is my new game plan," he said, pointing to Raven.
"Make her jealous? I don't think that's gonna work, Jay."
"No. Raven is Lily's best friend," said James, winking at Sirius.
"When did all this happen? How did you guys all meet?" asked Sirius, still very confused.
"A week after you left is when we saw her again," Remus explained.
"Again?"
"It's a long story," said Raven. "I've known James since I was a baby. Our parents were best friends. We lived right next door to each other, actually. But then my parents died and I had to go live with my uncle in America."
"But now she's back and we're inseparable again," added James.
"So how does Moony know her?" asked Sirius.
"I met her the summer after our fourth year," answered Remus.
"My uncle got married in London and I showed up on his doorstep trying desperately to get away from my new step brother," joked Raven.
"You were in France that year, I think," said James to Sirius.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "And I'll never hafta go on another fucking family vacation again if I can help it."
"Where the hell is Raven?" yelled an eccentric looking man out the backstage door so that Raven could hear him clearly.
"Good old Gus. He fire you yet this month?" questioned James.
"Not yet. And I stress yet! I gotta go work."
Then Gus spotted Raven. "McKinnon! Don't bring your boyfriends in here. You know my policy on that."
"And what exactly is your policy, Augustus?" asked Raven, walking towards him. "That if you're not getting any then no one can?" She disappeared through the door.
Gus rolled his eyes and turned to the singer of the band that sang "Witchy Woman." "How many times have I fired her?"
"Five or six?" guessed the singer.
"Eight!" said Raven, reappearing next to them and winking at Sirius. "We're on, Anthony," she said to the singer.
"Yep," he replied. They walked off behind the stage.
"Like her, hey?" James asked Sirius.
"Is that a joke?"
They were interrupted by the start of the next song. It was Raven's band and Raven started to sing:
"You look like you only slept for an hour. You smell like you haven't taken a shower. And your hair is so dirty. It makes you look like you're thirty. Your pants are slung way too low. I see stuff I don't wanna know. I wonder why you're so moody. Is it because you got no booty? Baby, please you must be outta your mind. Do I look like I want your dirty denim? Listen up, I'm only sayin this one more time. Can you hear me sayin I don't want you dirty denim? I hate to say it, but they're all the same, thinkin everybody knows their name. But how can they break my heart, if I can't even tell them apart. I can tell that you think I'm impressed. But do you think you're gonna get me undressed? Cuz if ya do, I got bad news: I wasn't winkin, that was just the booze. I don't want your, I don't need your. I don't want your, I don't need your. You paid two hundred dollars to look like that? You oughta check out the laundromat!"
"Oh my god, Prongs, how could you not tell me about her? I've never met anyone like her before. She's gorgeous, she's got a beautiful voice-"
"She shot you down," interrupted James.
"Yeah, that was different."
"Well get used to it," said Raven, suddenly standing behind him. "Sirius, ya smoke?"
"Yeah," he answered.
"C'mon," she said, tugging his sleeve.
"What?" he asked, taking a few steps forward.
"C'mon!" she tugged his sleeve a little harder. Raven led Sirius through the backstage door, down a hallway, and to a door that had her name on it.
"Your dressing room?" Sirius asked.
"Yep."
"What're we doin in here?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.
Raven held up the pack of Newport Lights she had just gotten from a drawer. Then she went back into the hallway, with Sirius behind her, and out the door at the end. Sirius stepped out after her, onto the grass. Raven sat on a bench and lit a cigarette, and Sirius did the same.
He took a breath. "Menthol?"
"It's all I ever smoke," she answered.
"I've never tried one. Figured they'd be gross."
"They're not." She handed him her cigarette, and he took a drag.
"Refreshing," he said. "Surprisingly refreshing."
Raven laughed. "So does James get on your case about smoking like he does mine?"
"Uh, yeah. Big time."
"I told him to fuck off."
"Me too!" said Sirius. "Exact words!" They both laughed this time.
"So what's your deal?" asked Raven.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all I know is that you're James' best friend in the whole world, you're a troublemaker, Jay told me to stay away from you-"
"What? He told you that?" interrupted Sirius.
"Yep."
"Dammit! And do you always do what he tells you?"
"No."
"Oh good!"
"But it doesn't mean I always do the opposite, either," Raven added quickly.
"So what exactly did he tell you about me?"
"He said, 'love em and leave em' is your motto."
Sirius scoffed. "Well that's his motto, too!"
"Oh, I know."
"But I think he might not do the leavin as soon if he ever got Evans."
"He will."
Sirius shook his head. "She hates his guts."
"No she doesn't. She pretends to because she's ashamed that she wants him," explained Raven.
"How do you know this? Did she admit it?"
"I'm a girl. I just know these things." Sirius gave her a doubtful look. Raven flicked her cigarette into the grass and lit another. "Okay, maybe she's not head over heels yet, but she hasn't seen him in awhile, and I've been teaching James a few things."
"Like what?" asked Sirius.
"Well, the first thing that turned her off about him, she told me this, was his arrogance."
"My best friend isn't arrogant!" Sirius also lit another cigarette.
"I know that, when he's around us. But when she's around, he doesn't know how to act, so he shows off really bad. And it comes off as arrogance."
"Do you take Legilimency?" wondered Sirius.
"No, I just understand people really well, I guess."
"Yeah, it's kinda freaky. So you got a boyfriend yet?"
Raven rolled her eyes. "Don't even try it, Black."
"What? I'm just asking!" defended Sirius.
"I'm not your type, believe me."
"Yes you are! You're everyone's type!"
Raven let out a laugh. "You gonna give me some more of your brilliant pick- up lines? Cuz I guarantee you I've heard most if not all of them."
Sirius scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. "No you haven't."
"Try me," she challenged, looking sideways at him.
Sirius let out a laugh and slid over next to her. "So what are the chances we that we could engage in anything more than just conversation?"
Raven smiled. "Slim to none."
Sirius perked up. "So you're tellin me there's a chance?"
A/N ON WHY I'M WRITING THIS: FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW VERY WELL THAT THIS IS CONSIDERED MARY-SUEISM. I STARTED WRITING THIS FANFIC 5 YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS 14 AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A MARY-SUE WAS. NOW THAT I DO KNOW, I DON'T MIND IT TOO MUCH, BUT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MARY-SUE'S EITHER DON'T READ THIS, OR GIVE THE ENTIRE STORY A CHANCE AND TRY TO OVERLOOK IT. I DO THINK IT GETS BETTER WITH THE CHAPTERS I'VE ADDED ON. I WROTE ABOUT 15 CHAPTERS OF THIS WHEN I WAS 14 AND THEN DECIDED TO PICK THIS BACK UP LAST YEAR. I REALLY LIKE HOW SIRIUS' PERSONALITY TURNED OUT, AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WRITING THIS JUST BECAUSE IT'S MARY-SUEISTIC. ALSO, I REALIZE THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF SONGS/MOVIES/THINGS THAT DID NOT FIT IN THE MARAUDER ERA. FOR EXAMPLE IN THIS CHAPTER, "DIRTY DENIM" WASN'T WRITTEN UNTIL THIS CENTURY AND I ALSO REFRENCE MANY MOVIES FROM THE '90'S/00'S. I USED TO POST THIS FANFIC AS A JOURNAL ENTRY ON BLURTY.COM AND YOU COULD LIST SONGS/MOVIES THAT WENT ALONG WITH YOUR ENTRY FOR THAT DAY. THIS IS WHAT PROMPTED ME TO INCLUDE THESE SORTS OF THINGS IN MY FANFIC. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, SIMPLY IGNORE IT. I WRITE FANFICTION AS A HOBBY, NOT A RESEARCH PAPER. IF YOU DON'T LIKE MARY-SUEISM, PLEASE READ MY FANFIC, RENEGADE INSTEAD. I JUST STARTED WRITING IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. IT'S ABOUT SIRIUS AFTER PRISONER OF AZKABAN WHEN HARRY RECEIVES TROPICAL BIRDS FROM HIM. SORRY FOR THE REALLY LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE, I'M JUST KIND OF SICK OF GETTING REVIEWS TELLING ME TO "DO SOME RESEARCH", LOL.
A/N: Hi everybody! My name's Raven and I'll be your Harry Potter Freak today! Yes, I am VERY obsessed with all things Harry Potter, especially Sirius Black. He will always be my favorite character. This fanfic is about the Marauders when they were in their 7th year at Hogwarts. Please feel free to IM or email me on AOL if you're confused about something or just wanna talk about HP (VulpixRaven@aol). Please review and tell me how I'm doing. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I obviously don't own any HP stuff. you all know that cuz you're not stupid, and even if ya are, it's okay! However, I do own Raven McKinnon and a few other made up characters along the way.
Songs: Sometimes I have songs that a character is singing or dancing to. In this chapter there is "Witchy Woman" by The Eagles and "Dirty Denim" by The Donnas.
Chapter 1 - August 1st
"Padfoot!"
Sirius spun around. "There he is!" He and James hugged like brothers.
"How was your summer?" inquired James of his best friend.
"Summer? She was awesome. And I also met a girl named Autumn; she was good, too."
"Jesus Christ, Sirius! How many girls could you have possibly gotten in two months?" exclaimed James, ruffling his black hair and straightening his glasses.
"I lost count," said Sirius, nonchalantly.
"Womanizer!" a voice called from behind them.
They both spun around this time to see sandy-haired Remus Lupin. "Moon- pie!" exclaimed Sirius pulling his other best friend into a hug.
"I thought you said you couldn't make it, Moony," said James.
"Mum let me leave work early. I only just made it," said Remus.
"Where's Pete?" asked Sirius.
"He left a week after you did. Switzerland with his folks," said James.
"Sounds better than Germany with mine," said Sirius, coldly.
"Where they terrible?" asked Remus.
"Don't know how I survived a whole month with those pricks," Sirius said, running his fingers through his black hair, making it fall into his dark brown eyes. "I can't wait till my birthday. I'm getting outta that fucking house forever."
"But who would take you in?" James grinned.
"Uh. you."
"Anytime, Padfoot. I have your room all ready for ya," said James, clapping Sirius on the back. They started walking down the alley, away from their meeting place in front of Quality Quiddich Supplies.
"So how about you gentlemen? Get any ladies?" asked Sirius, turning to wink at them both.
James and Remus exchanged glances. "One," they both said together.
"Really?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows twice. "You finally get Evans, Prongs?"
James sighed. "No, but I've got a new game plan this year."
"And what would that be?" inquired Sirius.
"You'll see. Let's just say I've got an insider."
"Alrighty then," said Sirius, doubtfully. He then shifted his gaze upward and did a double take. "What the hell is that?"
James and Remus grinned at each other again. "Unplugged. Brand new club," said James. "Wanna go in?"
"Hell yeah!" shouted Sirius, leading the way. As he opened the door, they were all blasted backwards by a volume of music from inside the club. Sirius' eyes widened. "Holy shit! This is awesome!"
"You haven't even seen the dancers yet," said James, winking at Remus.
"Okay, what's with you two?" Sirius spun around, staring from James to Remus.
"You'll see in a minute."
"You haven't discovered a forbidden love between the two of you or something, have you?" said Sirius, joking.
"What?" James and Remus exclaimed.
"Well. the way you both keep looking at each other and winking is freakin me out!"
"Are you a homophobe, Padfoot?" asked Remus.
"No! I don't hate gay guys!"
"So you love em?" joked James.
"No! I just don't hate em! You guys didn't turn into fudge packers while I was gone, did you?" asked Sirius, hoping it was all a joke.
"No, Padfoot, Remus and I are all wrong for each other," said James.
"Well I could have told you that! So what's the deal then?"
"Would you just come in here? You'll see in a second," said Remus, pushing Sirius through the door.
"This better not be a gay bar," teased Sirius as he stumbled into the club.
"Say that now," said James as Sirius caught sight of a beautiful girl with long black hair as she disappeared through a door that led backstage. Four guys walked onto the stage and started up a song.
"Raven, get your ass out here," one of them said as he pounded on the backstage door. Then he started playing his guitar with the other three members of his band. The black haired girl came out of the door again with her hair in a half ponytail and walked onstage next to the singer as he sang:
"Raven hair," he reached up and pulled the scrunchi out of her hair and let it fall over her shoulders as he continued, "and ruby lips, sparks fly from her fingertips," Raven rolled her eyes and smiled, issuing silver sparks from her fingers. "Echoed voices in the night, she's a restless spirit on an endless flight." Raven started to walk around the stage as all the guys gathered around to watch her. She stepped down from the stage and started milling through the audience. "Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, see how she flies," Raven grabbed a broom from some guy who was carrying one over his shoulder and proceeded to fly slowly around the room. "Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, she got the moon in her eyes." She got off the broom and kicked it back to its owner. "Well I know you wanna love her, but let me tell you, brother, she's been sleepin in the devil's bed." Raven laughed and smiled deviously at the singer. "And there's some rumors goin round, someone's underground. She can rock you in the nighttime till your skin turns red. Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, see how high she flies. Whoo-hoo, witchy woman, she got the moon in her eyes."
The song ended and Raven went backstage again. Sirius stared after her. "I think I'm in love," he teased.
"Yeah, I'm sure you are. And what would you do if I told you she's going to Hogwarts this year?" asked James.
Sirius smiled widely, "I'd kiss you, Jay, even though this isn't a gay bar!"
James jumped back. "Then I guess I won't tell you. I gotta take a piss."
"Oh, me too, man," said Remus, following James to the bathroom.
Sirius stood alone next to the backstage door.
Raven came out of the door a few minutes later in a completely different outfit and looked around.
When she didn't find what she was looking for, she walked over and sat with some other girls at a table.
Sirius looked at her and sighed. "Make a move," he said under his breath as he walked over and sat in the chair next to her.
"Did it hurt?" he asked, flashing her a smile.
Raven turned to look at him with a vacant expression on her face. "Did what hurt?"
"When you fell from heaven," he said, slyly, smiling even wider.
Raven rolled her eyes and downed the rest of her drink. She had heard this pick-up line one too many times before. "Yeah, like a bitch," she replied, dryly.
"Where? I could kiss it and make it all better."
Raven grinned. She had never heard this comeback. "You're offering to kiss my ass, then?"
"If need be. Whatever you like," replied Sirius.
Raven let out a small laugh. "Do you even know my name, stud?"
"Of course I do! Why would I hit on you without knowing your name?" asked Sirius, unconvincingly.
"Well, I'll make you a deal. If you can tell me my name in three guesses, I'll sleep with you," she said, raising her eyebrows once at him.
"Can I have your word on that?" Sirius leaned forward.
"Cross my heart," she answered confidently.
"Great. Let's see. you're name is." Sirius thought for a minute, "Jayme?"
"Swing and a miss."
"Alicia?"
"Strike two."
Sirius looked at the ceiling for an answer. "Bertha?"
Raven laughed. "Loser."
"That's your name?" joked Sirius.
"Uh, no, that's your name," she said as she stood from her chair. "Three strikes, you're out."
"At least I went out swinging."
"Better luck next time," she said as she got up from her chair and went backstage again.
Sirius sighed as James and Remus made their way back over to him. "That was a first," he said as he stood up again.
"What?" asked Remus.
"Nothin," he replied. A new song came on and Raven came out of the backstage door again. "Jesus Christ, she's beautiful!" Sirius hung his head.
James smiled as he made eye contact with Raven and they started walking towards each other as "My Girl" started playing:
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Well, I guess you'd say: what can make me feel this way?" "How do I look?" asked Raven as she stopped in front of James. He brought his head down so that they foreheads touched. "Like gold." He spun her around and they started dancing to the song. "It's my girl. Talkin 'bout, my girl. My girl. I've got so much honey the bees envy me. I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees."
They danced until the end of the song and then Raven threw her arms around James and hugged him. He pulled her into a kiss.
"Wow. Miss me?" giggled Raven when he finally let go of her.
"Yeah," he said as he kissed her again.
Then he led her over to where Sirius was still standing with a vacant expression on his face.
"Hi, Moony!" said Raven, hugging and kissing Remus, too.
"Raven McKinnon, I want you to finally meet Sirius Black," said James.
Raven took one look at Sirius and burst out laughing. "You're Sirius?"
"In my better days, yeah, I am," answered Sirius, slightly embarrassed.
"Wait, you two know each other?" asked James, confused.
"Oh yeah, we're old friends. Right, Sirius?"
Sirius cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah," he answered uncomfortably. He knew she was going to tell James what he'd just done.
"How the hell do you know each other?" asked James.
"Oh, he just hit on me," said Raven, coolly.
"He-you did?" James turned to Sirius, who bit his bottom lip and looked up at the ceiling. James laughed. "And how did he do?" he asked, turning back to Raven.
"Crashed and burned," conveyed Raven, beginning to laugh again. "It wasn't pretty."
"Aw, poor Sirius. I should have warned you, man. She's a man-eater. She does that to everyone in here."
"Hey, can you blame me? I work in a bar for Christ's sake. A girl's gotta watch out for herself," defended Raven. "Besides, that pick-up line was ancient. 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?'" mimicked Raven.
At this, James burst out laughing, too. "Sirius, I thought you were good with girls!"
"Normal girls," teased Sirius.
Raven scoffed. "What did you say?"
"Nothin. So, can I guess your name now?"
"Nope, game's over."
"What?" asked James.
"Never mind."
"So, I take it you finally gave up on Evans?" asked Sirius.
"What? Hell no. This is my new game plan," he said, pointing to Raven.
"Make her jealous? I don't think that's gonna work, Jay."
"No. Raven is Lily's best friend," said James, winking at Sirius.
"When did all this happen? How did you guys all meet?" asked Sirius, still very confused.
"A week after you left is when we saw her again," Remus explained.
"Again?"
"It's a long story," said Raven. "I've known James since I was a baby. Our parents were best friends. We lived right next door to each other, actually. But then my parents died and I had to go live with my uncle in America."
"But now she's back and we're inseparable again," added James.
"So how does Moony know her?" asked Sirius.
"I met her the summer after our fourth year," answered Remus.
"My uncle got married in London and I showed up on his doorstep trying desperately to get away from my new step brother," joked Raven.
"You were in France that year, I think," said James to Sirius.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "And I'll never hafta go on another fucking family vacation again if I can help it."
"Where the hell is Raven?" yelled an eccentric looking man out the backstage door so that Raven could hear him clearly.
"Good old Gus. He fire you yet this month?" questioned James.
"Not yet. And I stress yet! I gotta go work."
Then Gus spotted Raven. "McKinnon! Don't bring your boyfriends in here. You know my policy on that."
"And what exactly is your policy, Augustus?" asked Raven, walking towards him. "That if you're not getting any then no one can?" She disappeared through the door.
Gus rolled his eyes and turned to the singer of the band that sang "Witchy Woman." "How many times have I fired her?"
"Five or six?" guessed the singer.
"Eight!" said Raven, reappearing next to them and winking at Sirius. "We're on, Anthony," she said to the singer.
"Yep," he replied. They walked off behind the stage.
"Like her, hey?" James asked Sirius.
"Is that a joke?"
They were interrupted by the start of the next song. It was Raven's band and Raven started to sing:
"You look like you only slept for an hour. You smell like you haven't taken a shower. And your hair is so dirty. It makes you look like you're thirty. Your pants are slung way too low. I see stuff I don't wanna know. I wonder why you're so moody. Is it because you got no booty? Baby, please you must be outta your mind. Do I look like I want your dirty denim? Listen up, I'm only sayin this one more time. Can you hear me sayin I don't want you dirty denim? I hate to say it, but they're all the same, thinkin everybody knows their name. But how can they break my heart, if I can't even tell them apart. I can tell that you think I'm impressed. But do you think you're gonna get me undressed? Cuz if ya do, I got bad news: I wasn't winkin, that was just the booze. I don't want your, I don't need your. I don't want your, I don't need your. You paid two hundred dollars to look like that? You oughta check out the laundromat!"
"Oh my god, Prongs, how could you not tell me about her? I've never met anyone like her before. She's gorgeous, she's got a beautiful voice-"
"She shot you down," interrupted James.
"Yeah, that was different."
"Well get used to it," said Raven, suddenly standing behind him. "Sirius, ya smoke?"
"Yeah," he answered.
"C'mon," she said, tugging his sleeve.
"What?" he asked, taking a few steps forward.
"C'mon!" she tugged his sleeve a little harder. Raven led Sirius through the backstage door, down a hallway, and to a door that had her name on it.
"Your dressing room?" Sirius asked.
"Yep."
"What're we doin in here?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.
Raven held up the pack of Newport Lights she had just gotten from a drawer. Then she went back into the hallway, with Sirius behind her, and out the door at the end. Sirius stepped out after her, onto the grass. Raven sat on a bench and lit a cigarette, and Sirius did the same.
He took a breath. "Menthol?"
"It's all I ever smoke," she answered.
"I've never tried one. Figured they'd be gross."
"They're not." She handed him her cigarette, and he took a drag.
"Refreshing," he said. "Surprisingly refreshing."
Raven laughed. "So does James get on your case about smoking like he does mine?"
"Uh, yeah. Big time."
"I told him to fuck off."
"Me too!" said Sirius. "Exact words!" They both laughed this time.
"So what's your deal?" asked Raven.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all I know is that you're James' best friend in the whole world, you're a troublemaker, Jay told me to stay away from you-"
"What? He told you that?" interrupted Sirius.
"Yep."
"Dammit! And do you always do what he tells you?"
"No."
"Oh good!"
"But it doesn't mean I always do the opposite, either," Raven added quickly.
"So what exactly did he tell you about me?"
"He said, 'love em and leave em' is your motto."
Sirius scoffed. "Well that's his motto, too!"
"Oh, I know."
"But I think he might not do the leavin as soon if he ever got Evans."
"He will."
Sirius shook his head. "She hates his guts."
"No she doesn't. She pretends to because she's ashamed that she wants him," explained Raven.
"How do you know this? Did she admit it?"
"I'm a girl. I just know these things." Sirius gave her a doubtful look. Raven flicked her cigarette into the grass and lit another. "Okay, maybe she's not head over heels yet, but she hasn't seen him in awhile, and I've been teaching James a few things."
"Like what?" asked Sirius.
"Well, the first thing that turned her off about him, she told me this, was his arrogance."
"My best friend isn't arrogant!" Sirius also lit another cigarette.
"I know that, when he's around us. But when she's around, he doesn't know how to act, so he shows off really bad. And it comes off as arrogance."
"Do you take Legilimency?" wondered Sirius.
"No, I just understand people really well, I guess."
"Yeah, it's kinda freaky. So you got a boyfriend yet?"
Raven rolled her eyes. "Don't even try it, Black."
"What? I'm just asking!" defended Sirius.
"I'm not your type, believe me."
"Yes you are! You're everyone's type!"
Raven let out a laugh. "You gonna give me some more of your brilliant pick- up lines? Cuz I guarantee you I've heard most if not all of them."
Sirius scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. "No you haven't."
"Try me," she challenged, looking sideways at him.
Sirius let out a laugh and slid over next to her. "So what are the chances we that we could engage in anything more than just conversation?"
Raven smiled. "Slim to none."
Sirius perked up. "So you're tellin me there's a chance?"
A/N ON WHY I'M WRITING THIS: FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW VERY WELL THAT THIS IS CONSIDERED MARY-SUEISM. I STARTED WRITING THIS FANFIC 5 YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS 14 AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A MARY-SUE WAS. NOW THAT I DO KNOW, I DON'T MIND IT TOO MUCH, BUT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MARY-SUE'S EITHER DON'T READ THIS, OR GIVE THE ENTIRE STORY A CHANCE AND TRY TO OVERLOOK IT. I DO THINK IT GETS BETTER WITH THE CHAPTERS I'VE ADDED ON. I WROTE ABOUT 15 CHAPTERS OF THIS WHEN I WAS 14 AND THEN DECIDED TO PICK THIS BACK UP LAST YEAR. I REALLY LIKE HOW SIRIUS' PERSONALITY TURNED OUT, AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WRITING THIS JUST BECAUSE IT'S MARY-SUEISTIC. ALSO, I REALIZE THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF SONGS/MOVIES/THINGS THAT DID NOT FIT IN THE MARAUDER ERA. FOR EXAMPLE IN THIS CHAPTER, "DIRTY DENIM" WASN'T WRITTEN UNTIL THIS CENTURY AND I ALSO REFRENCE MANY MOVIES FROM THE '90'S/00'S. I USED TO POST THIS FANFIC AS A JOURNAL ENTRY ON BLURTY.COM AND YOU COULD LIST SONGS/MOVIES THAT WENT ALONG WITH YOUR ENTRY FOR THAT DAY. THIS IS WHAT PROMPTED ME TO INCLUDE THESE SORTS OF THINGS IN MY FANFIC. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, SIMPLY IGNORE IT. I WRITE FANFICTION AS A HOBBY, NOT A RESEARCH PAPER. IF YOU DON'T LIKE MARY-SUEISM, PLEASE READ MY FANFIC, RENEGADE INSTEAD. I JUST STARTED WRITING IT A FEW MONTHS AGO. IT'S ABOUT SIRIUS AFTER PRISONER OF AZKABAN WHEN HARRY RECEIVES TROPICAL BIRDS FROM HIM. SORRY FOR THE REALLY LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE, I'M JUST KIND OF SICK OF GETTING REVIEWS TELLING ME TO "DO SOME RESEARCH", LOL.