Disclaimer: ..Yes, I'm Jk's male counterpart…-cough-

Chapter 20 : A Confession's Consequence

A brief moments silence spiralled into an endless eternity of wonder and apprehension as Severus tensed his fingers against the leather of the chair he had been lounging in. Tension wrought his body, as he stared back at the small 6th year, Morganna. He waited anxiously for words to spill forth out of her mouth and assure him that she had already known, not that he felt he deserved any reassurance in this hopeless situation.

The eternity had sprawled over a matter of seconds and Severus backed up in his chair as tears began to glisten in Morganna's eyes. What was she crying for! Damnable! Just damnable!

She appeared to him as a foolish little girl, as her foolish little tears began to spill over her cheeks, and he found himself warning the part of him, skilfully buried away, that was sure to give her sympathy. Her tears would win none of his compassion.

Seeing her cry challenged his own emotions, and stirred them intensely. He was only aware of his own heart as a despairing ache swelled beneath his chest, which rose and fell, trying to moderate his breathing.  His mind screamed ardent threats to himself not to succumb to the enchantment she wove and award her with any empathy, her tears alone would not earn it.

All the while the only expression he had presented her with was one of agitation and irritancy, for interrupting his studies with her talk of love and things related. The weakness in their sex, Severus thought momentarily, their stupid obsession with love and their habit of falling into it very easily.

She was leaving, as though she had felt his hate for her tears emanate, desperate to hide them from him as they refused to be restrained.

Quickly Severus's fingers had curled underneath the massive encyclopaedia and he was heaving it off his lap so he could rise to his feet and pursue. If she believed she loved him, he was just going to have to prove her wrong. What a nasty shock she was in for, he thought nastily, when she discovered love was a destructive emotion and not the beautiful rosy one found in those trashy little novels that he knew she and Narcissa indulged themselves in.

Whatever she was playing at, she was playing dangerously with him.

He sprinted after her, until by the lake he was able to slow to a jog, as she had slowed in pace. If he had known her final destination this exhausting little chase needn't have taken place. This had to stop somewhere and he impatiently shot his hand out and grabbed her by the elbow. Before he could begin unleashing the thoughts that were pressing their way out of his mind she'd shaken him off and started off in the other direction. She had to make things difficult, he thought bitterly.

"Where are you going!" He demanded vehemently, as if it was his ultimate right to know her every move and thought. And there was the dangerous thing, now he knew he commanded her love. Such power over such a helpless trusting person struck excitement in his mind briefly as he watched the object of his thoughts.

She had her wand out and she was waving it at him. He didn't know whether to read it as threat or not, but the words that answered his demanding were not those of a curse.

"To pack!" She exclaimed, before his hand grasped her arm once more. Severus already knew his dark purpose as he pulled her back to him so they were no more than a foot apart. His empty glare fell upon her face, tear streaked and riled.

"What do you mean to pack?" He asked softly, weaving a dangerous underlying threat into his tone, if she was indeed careful enough to pick it up.

"I mean to pack." She replied, incensed. "I'm leaving, Severus. I thought I could just say it, and whatever you did wouldn't matter, and I could just get on with life, but I was wrong. I can't. I can't stay here, so close to you. I have to get away from you!"

You silly little girl.

Was her education here really worth throwing away over him? He wasn't that special, to have gained a place in her heart and yet... here she was. It would come to pass, as all things did, he reminded himself, and so he mustn't be stupid enough to believe she loved him. But then, he argued… she believed she loved him, for the moment, and how he might delight in playing with that. How he could twist her innocent little heart, bestow upon her his pain. Presently consumed by anger Severus looked down into her upturned face fiercely as she tried once more to pull away, but his grip was becoming iron. Black met blue.

Severus heard himself murmur a vulgar exclamation under his breath softly before bringing his mouth down upon hers. His mind pained for a moment. He'd warned himself not to give her any sympathy, but then he promised himself this was not sympathy, this was cruelty. His heart lay silent.

When he released her mouth from his she was still staring up at him. If she had initially given him any response, he hadn't noticed, he didn't care. He preferred it that way, forcing the kiss upon her, taking it without permission. However now he'd taken one, one would not suffice. He was set to dominate her, to hurt her for daring to love him.

She didn't deserve it but she just happened to be the one to suffer from the eventual emerging of his anger that had accumulated over a long time. And now he was in a position where he could take revenge. He bent down and stroked his lips over her again, gentler now as his thoughts began to settle sensibly. Free to take a little control the obsession he had with Morganna, not for what he could do to her, but for the person she was flowed through his body and refreshed the terrain his destructive mind had littered. Then he remembered reality, and the person of reputation and responsibility he had been, not the hungry Death Eater he was becoming. Now he was able to pull himself into check, pushing away from her, eyes wide. Possible consequences of their tryst playing out before him, Severus whirled on his booted heel and made for the castle. He was being as errant as she now, and had therein turned the table, their little games becoming his to lay claim to. He had no doubt that he was going to receive all the blame for this, not that he believed the blame should fall anywhere else. Selfishly though, he was going to take comfort from her, that someone had at some stage loved him, as he was.

"What are you doing?" Morganna questioned after him quietly.

"I'm going to confess to Akira, and hope to god she forgives me," Before someone else lets her know... He replied, not bothering to turn to address her.

A soft sad little laugh sounded behind him, "You bastard."

Severus movements halted suddenly, feet freezing where they were. After moment he pivoted where he was, around to face her. "What did you say?" He rumbled in his deep baritone threateningly.

"I said, Severus, you bastard. And you are, believe me. How dare you? You kiss me, just playing with my poor little heart? Build it up so you can smash it down even worse? How is that the act of a friend – and you did tell me you were my friend." Her voice was bitter and it rang out clearly. Severus began to feel regret build up in his stomach, and knot together. "Go away, Severus. Go back to your little fiancée, if she's wise, she'll kick you out on your arse, but if she loves you half as much as I do, she won't."

She walked towards him, but then past him. Severus couldn't deny that her statement held nothing but truth, but it couldn't be left at just that.

"Morganna?" She was done with him evidently. "Morganna!"

Drawing a calming breath forcefully, Severus turned out the lake which was beginning to freeze over as Christmas continued to approach. How could something so peaceful and serene have hosted such a tremulous scene? The foolish foolish girl, Severus thought absently holding his arms at the elbow. The darkness and hate wrapped itself up into a tight ball inside and squeezed at his heart, reminding him of who he was. A bastard, no more worthy to live than your average vermin ridden animal… he almost laughed. But it was so true, so true.

He thought the stories that were passed around about him and Lucius were enough to ward her away from friendship, ward everyone away for that matter. Why didn't she just listen to rumours, believe them like a good little girl and stay the hell away.

He feared that her revelations might be misread by him at some point, and he might desire to use her as he pleased. He considered her his to take, even if their little encounter had changed her heart and mind, he'd already branded her with his kiss.

He'd kissed plenty of other Slytherin girls, most of them he'd never bothered to remember, but he hadn't desired to possess any of them any time afterwards.

This was clearly why it was so dangerous.

Yes, he couldn't leave it at that. Akira passed out of his mind again and he began back to the castle to convey this to Morganna. She couldn't leave just yet…

His footfalls were heavy and constant as he crunched over the gravel onto a walkway. But his weren't the only.

Lucius was approaching at his usual confident pace, sauntering along as if he owned the castle and all the people in it. Didn't matter if the statement wasn't true for the moment, it would be one day. The smaller boy sauntered alongside Severus in silence, oozing smugness into the surrounding atmosphere.

"Severus," He acknowledged finally, a small, wicked smile playing onto his pale lips.

"Lucius," Severus replied evenly, running through a carefully composed list of ways to excuse himself. He didn't feel he really wanted Lucius to accompany him to Morganna.

Though, from Lucius's very presence, Severus absorbed more darkness to his being and gathered more ill will to Morganna, though despite this his quest was of course not to hurt Morganna physically not directly in any case. Could it really be his fault if she was naïve? Of course not. Then it wouldn't be his fault.

"Are you coming with me tonight?" Lucius asked, becoming excited by the prospect of the coming night, the iniquity spreading to his eyes. Raids and the like.

Since their involvement they'd been out several times, been pulled up by Dumbledore, warned, skipped classes, overslept et cetera but then Severus's illness had hampered his movements about the place and the pair had seemed to settle. But with Severus's improvement the games had begun again. Severus also felt a spark of excitement hit his spine at the prospect, the activities requiring violence was an aphrodisiac to him.

"No, I should think not." Severus replied finally, mind centring on Morganna.

Lucius raised his chin hotly to study his friend incredulously, 'Why not' ready to slip from his slithery mouth, and then he captured the matching impiety in Severus's expression.

"Other plans have we?" Lucius inquired mimicking Severus's always soft and velvety tone.

A smirk curved the left side of Severus's mouth upwards a little ways, "It would seem that way," He rejoined, in the same but more natural tone of his silky voice.

"And what- So sorry, I've just seen a mudblood I must I attend to." As they stepped into the entrance hall they were presented with the image of Lily Evans skittering through into the Great hall. Lucius ignored Severus's small barely audible disapproving sigh, as he followed in his irritatingly self-assured meander. Severus knew the moment he'd turned down Lucius's offer, Lucius had lost complete interest in him, thankfully.

However this did leave Severus to his own devices. Quickly he fled from the hall before another distraction presented itself. 

Severus found himself at the door of Morganna's dormitory in a number of minutes, totally disregarding the fact that he was in the girls' area and what would be done if he was caught by a Professor.  Professors were particularly easy to fool though, when it came to the student's little escapades and jaunts they were extremely blind. He could do whatever he liked concerning Morganna now, as far as he was concerned, and he did, opening her door without a considerate knock or permission.  He couldn't be sure she was going to be there, but he did indeed find her. She was sobbing, but still moving actively moving about her room. Her insufferable tears struck guilt in him, but the darkness within discarded the emotion and brought him back around to his primary reason for seeking her out. He glanced briefly around the chaos that was her room now, the suitcase, and the items flung in it carelessly. Stupid stupid little girl! Does she think she can go now...? I think not. He felt anger rise within him, nobody could have out on a situation when it didn't suit them!

"You can't go! Not just because of this!" He shouted at her, moving to reverse the efforts of her packing.

"Just because of this? God, Severus, you are blind. I can't take it anymore. I am leaving, end of story, end of discussion." He backed away from her packing when she began shaking a finger at him. "It's not fair. You think I should stay here, keep on being your friend? You're not worthy of that, your little performance out there just proves it."

The same little spirit inside him made an effort at cleaning the trail of evil desire and thoughts of destruction within Severus and he began to remember the reality of the situation. This had not started out how he had intended it, and that was probably for best.

"You can get on with your life." He refused to believe that someone could be so weak that they couldn't move on over this, or that she actually loved him that much.

'What in the hell do you think I'm trying to do? I am trying to get on with my life. Away from you! How am I supposed to "get on with it" with you right here?'

Severus began to pluck out of the air the right words to compose his next retort, but he was promptly interrupted by Morganna's infernal owl Gom, carrying something of some importance to her. To her, his presence seemed to sink into the background as the reply from her father dominated and commanded her attention.

As she sunk onto her bed, a new wave of sobs escaping her slender body, Severus was moving to retrieve the letter and read it himself. She'd asked to leave, and her father had refused her. Severus felt triumphant. Good, she couldn't escape this then. If he couldn't, neither could she.

She didn't have the right to up and leave, not by a long shot in his opinion.

"He's not letting you go," Severus remarked, when done with the letter. He didn't intend to sound pleased with her misfortune, but he did.

"Get out of my sight," She ordered heatedly, and for once he obeyed a command from a considerable lesser and retreated, leaving her to her solitude. No, he amended in his head, she still had that irritating pest of a bird who no doubt disliked him and probably liked him even less now.

Severus slunk down to the common room, deflated, where he found his sinful partner in crime reclining leisurely on one of the great leather couches, looking very self important. he quirked a brow questioningly when Severus oozed on over from the girls' dormitories, and flopped onto the couch opposite.

Severus draped a leg languidly over the arm of the sofa and placed his head in his right palm indolently, considering his grey eyed friend. "On second thought I think I'll come on that raid,"

Lucius grinned sneeringly in pleasure.


Author's Notes:  So now we are getting into the actual events. That was exceptionally hard, but enjoyable to write. So yes the Death Eater junk is having a effect on him for the worse, and no he was no being particularly romantic when he kissed Morganna.

Severus, while previously a lot calmer develops darker intentions for everyone, which probably won't settle down until he is much older. But some kindness and benevolence lives on somewhere. We need some reason to dislike him... he wasn't exactly the victim of the story.

 The above is Retold from Severus's point of view.