----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Into the Abyss
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks her and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Will anyone be able to help her from her depression? Moreover, is the reality that she sees actually REAL?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) Bwaha. As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.
Etcetera: haha, i finally updated! well i hope you like the fic! Any idea who's gonna get her out of this mess? hmmm.... :) Well, actually I don't really know yet, too. :op Give me some suggestions if you want. :) Anyway, this is angsty but i promise it's gonna have a good ending! Please review! ESCAFLOWNE rules!!!! ^_^ emails welcome at sab_shob@yahoo.com. Please I don't really like very violent flames. o_0
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 1:
I try to run away,
But my problems still hover behind
Like my shadow...
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)
Hitomi's POV:
Home... what is home...? They say it's where the heart is...
My home... It was where my father, mother, and brother was...
Father. God... I'm so sorry...
Home is where the heart is. It's true. All the love, the joy I've ever felt -- was at home. In fact, my heart is still there... still in my home. I just wish that I would also be there with my heart. Instead, I'm here. In the cold, desolate world. Not a jacket to keep me warm. Not an aota of happiness to keep me safe. The feeling of the rain dropping hard on my skin is the only thing that keeps me company. Where am I to go now? What's anywhere without a home?
Yukari. My best friend. She's been there for me ever since. Maybe... she'll help me just one more time.
Narrator's POV:
The emerald-eyed girl walked along, now with a destination in mind. She was tired. She felt like she was trudging along quick sand instead of a cemented sidewalk. Her senses were clouded by demons of guilt and despair. All she could hear now was the deafening silence. Even the sounds of the zooming cars and the consequent splashing of the water were blocked from her hearing.
As she continued on her lethargic walk, she let her mind wander around to something that could at least provide her some hope. [I'd be welcome there anytime. But going back there would be nothing short of impossible and...] Hitomi felt a wave of shame. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she massaged her temples with her shivering hands. [God! How could I be such a coward to think of running away at a time like this? I need to settle things with my mother and I have to see if my brother's okay.]
"Mother..." Hitomi said with grief.
She soon found herself looking at Yukari's residence. There was a sign with Yukari's last name engraved in it. She gazed at the cozy house and rang the doorbell, her sight locked on nothing particular. Soon, a woman opened the door just enough to peek into the visitor. The creases on her face showed that she was of age. "Ah, Hitomi-chan! Long time no see! We've missed having you for dinner. Have you and Yukari-chan been corresponding through mail? Oh and look at your clothes. They're drenched. Come in for a second before you catch the cold of death!"
"Um.. thank you but I'm okay... Um, what do you mean mail...?", Hitomi's eyes widened in sudden scrutiny. "You mean Yukari's not here?"
"Oh, you didn't know? She went to Europe to study. Amano's family has been kind enough to find her a place to stay. They assure me that she's fine. Didn't Yukari-chan tell you?"
"No. I... I've been away... I've...", Hitomi faltered. She was at a loss for words.
"Oh...", Yukari's mother slightly frowned. "No wonder my little child was a little apprehensive of leaving."
"Well then...! I'll just give you her address, okay?", Yukari's mother brightened up a little, not wanting to add any more grief to the person in front of her. She knew that Yukari's best friend was in a slump. But because of what, she had no idea. Somehow, she felt that it wasn't the time to pry.
"Hitomi-chan, why don't you stay for dinner?"
"Oh, wow I'd love to but I wouldn't want to bother you..."
"Oh no bother! I'll just give Mrs. Kanzaki a ring and tell her that you'll be eating here!", Yukari's mother said matter-of-factly. It was obvious that Hitomi was a regular visitor at her house.
"Oh no! No no no, don't call... I mean I... I think I better go now..", Hitomi said nervously.
Hitomi ran like she was participating in a track meet, leaving a very confused woman behind.
"Hitomi... you forgot the address...", the older woman said softly, still at a shock at the girl's queer behavior.
[Yukari's gone... She went with Amano-senpai...]
[She loves Amano, I know that, and I don't want to deny her her happiness...]
[But why couldn't she wait?]
[Selfish... That's what I am. I want everything to turn out for my convenience. God, why am I like this?!]
Hitomi still continued to run. Running from what, she didn't know. She felt like she was running away from everything, from her pain... her fears... her life. But like an ominous shadow, they just followed her wherever she went. Soon, her legs started to feel wobbly and her fatigue had directed her to rest. She went to a nearby tree, brushed her hair with her still trembling hands and leaned on the oak tree. The tree's bark was rough enough to cause discomfort to any person, but Hitomi didn't seem to mind, even if her whole weight was pushed onto it.
Hitomi looked up at the sky. The rain didn't seem to let up. It seemed to find solace in the pain it brought with it. As if to add to the tense atmosphere, the sky grew darker. What time was it? Hitomi couldn't tell. She didn't have to. She knew it was going to be night forever in her life. And then, as her sporadic breathing started to relax, she felt what she thought was the worst sensation in the world... loneliness. And she realized that was what she was running away from previously.
*******
Somehow, when the sky is dark, and the wind is howling bitterly, and the cold is stinging in your skin, emotions... especially the bleak ones... are felt at a higher amplitude. And at this point in time, Hitomi felt that she was at that certain situation. She felt her mind falling into a dark abyss, deeper... and deeper in extreme speed. Thoughts and images flashed before her, of the dead corpse of her father, of Yukari's smile fading into the horizon as she waves goodbye, and the most painful image of all: of a mother's hate toward an offspring.
At that moment, when she saw her mother's lifeless eyes once again, her mind finally reached the very bottom, where demons roam and hunger for flesh... for innocence.. for weak and tired souls like Hitomi's. A deathly voice whispered at the back of her head, coaxing her to the seemingly inevitable... [You can end all this easily, you know...] A smirk made its way across Hitomi's face, as it grew larger and progressed into a cackle. "Now why didn't I think of that...!"
She dug through her pocket and saw what she needed to be free... a swiss army knife. And it was the larger version, the one with the sharper blade. [Perfect...]
I won't let it show
Sacrifice the tortures
Orchestral tear cash-flow
Increase delete escape defeat
It's all that matters to you
Cotton case for an iron pill
Distorted eyes when everything is clearly dying
Burn my knees and...
Burn my knees and pray
~ 'Emotion Sickness' by Silverchair
The aftermath of a forest burning. That was what Hitomi's eyes were like at the moment. It wasn't even flaming with passionate anger or with self-hate. What she mirrored now was the forest after the red orange had engulfed it. Dim. Devoid of beauty. Any trace of life gone.
She gently felt the edge of blade, as if she was meditating and serenity was embracing her. [Mamoru... You said I'd be needing this to protect me. At least you were right about me needing it.] The irony of it all caused her to chuckle once more. It dripped with such bitterness that it could scare even the maniacal silver-haired Dilandau.
[It's time...]
The cold metal was touching her skin ever so closely.
[In a few minutes, I'll be free.]
She felt a strange sense of peace but it was only temporary. Suddenly, her heart was beating fast again. She jolted, like a candle flame that was disturbed by the wind.
[I never knew you were such a coward, Hitomi. Is this really the girl who saved a world? This wreck?]
[Who... Who are you?]
[I'm your worst enemy. I'm... _you_.]
[Wh..What?]
[Enough of the 20 questions already. This isn't Larry King Live, you know. Just look at you! You're a mess! And you think killing yourself would help in any way? When you leave this earth, all the demons of your past are still going to haunt you. Don't think they'll just disappear.]
[But... I...]
[What a weakling. You make me sick. Selfish piece of s*it! And what about Mamoru, huh? What is he going to do if he loses all the family he's got? And your mother?]
[Stop it!], Hitomi hissed in her mind.
[Weakling...]
[No!]
[Coward...]
[I'm going to end this all now.]
It was strange how one instant could change the future.
With one slash, the optimistic girl who had inspired so many lives, was on her way to the end of the tunnel. Was it fate? Was it really her time? She knew it wasn't. She just felt scared so she decided to do what was best for her. Her inner self continued insulting her strength. But she knew soon, the voices will die. Along with her.
Deep red splattered Hitomi's uniform like a sick design.
More and more, she lost blood until she felt colder than before.
[Alone... and cold.]
At that moment, she had died.
At least her heart and soul did.
Now she just had to wait for her vessel to die with them.
Her vision started to blur, until it completely turned black.
Her last thoughts were those that would not bring her to a very beautiful place.
[I am a coward.]
a/n: cliffhanger! Did Hitomi die? well i guess all of you know that she didn't. But what exactly happens is still a mystery right? anyway, the chapter's short i know. I'm just not used to writing long chapters but i'll try to write more next time. Please review! Tell me who you want Hitomi to end up with! That will determine how the next chapters will go. '_'
Title: Into the Abyss
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks her and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Will anyone be able to help her from her depression? Moreover, is the reality that she sees actually REAL?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) Bwaha. As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.
Etcetera: haha, i finally updated! well i hope you like the fic! Any idea who's gonna get her out of this mess? hmmm.... :) Well, actually I don't really know yet, too. :op Give me some suggestions if you want. :) Anyway, this is angsty but i promise it's gonna have a good ending! Please review! ESCAFLOWNE rules!!!! ^_^ emails welcome at sab_shob@yahoo.com. Please I don't really like very violent flames. o_0
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 1:
I try to run away,
But my problems still hover behind
Like my shadow...
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)
Hitomi's POV:
Home... what is home...? They say it's where the heart is...
My home... It was where my father, mother, and brother was...
Father. God... I'm so sorry...
Home is where the heart is. It's true. All the love, the joy I've ever felt -- was at home. In fact, my heart is still there... still in my home. I just wish that I would also be there with my heart. Instead, I'm here. In the cold, desolate world. Not a jacket to keep me warm. Not an aota of happiness to keep me safe. The feeling of the rain dropping hard on my skin is the only thing that keeps me company. Where am I to go now? What's anywhere without a home?
Yukari. My best friend. She's been there for me ever since. Maybe... she'll help me just one more time.
Narrator's POV:
The emerald-eyed girl walked along, now with a destination in mind. She was tired. She felt like she was trudging along quick sand instead of a cemented sidewalk. Her senses were clouded by demons of guilt and despair. All she could hear now was the deafening silence. Even the sounds of the zooming cars and the consequent splashing of the water were blocked from her hearing.
As she continued on her lethargic walk, she let her mind wander around to something that could at least provide her some hope. [I'd be welcome there anytime. But going back there would be nothing short of impossible and...] Hitomi felt a wave of shame. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she massaged her temples with her shivering hands. [God! How could I be such a coward to think of running away at a time like this? I need to settle things with my mother and I have to see if my brother's okay.]
"Mother..." Hitomi said with grief.
She soon found herself looking at Yukari's residence. There was a sign with Yukari's last name engraved in it. She gazed at the cozy house and rang the doorbell, her sight locked on nothing particular. Soon, a woman opened the door just enough to peek into the visitor. The creases on her face showed that she was of age. "Ah, Hitomi-chan! Long time no see! We've missed having you for dinner. Have you and Yukari-chan been corresponding through mail? Oh and look at your clothes. They're drenched. Come in for a second before you catch the cold of death!"
"Um.. thank you but I'm okay... Um, what do you mean mail...?", Hitomi's eyes widened in sudden scrutiny. "You mean Yukari's not here?"
"Oh, you didn't know? She went to Europe to study. Amano's family has been kind enough to find her a place to stay. They assure me that she's fine. Didn't Yukari-chan tell you?"
"No. I... I've been away... I've...", Hitomi faltered. She was at a loss for words.
"Oh...", Yukari's mother slightly frowned. "No wonder my little child was a little apprehensive of leaving."
"Well then...! I'll just give you her address, okay?", Yukari's mother brightened up a little, not wanting to add any more grief to the person in front of her. She knew that Yukari's best friend was in a slump. But because of what, she had no idea. Somehow, she felt that it wasn't the time to pry.
"Hitomi-chan, why don't you stay for dinner?"
"Oh, wow I'd love to but I wouldn't want to bother you..."
"Oh no bother! I'll just give Mrs. Kanzaki a ring and tell her that you'll be eating here!", Yukari's mother said matter-of-factly. It was obvious that Hitomi was a regular visitor at her house.
"Oh no! No no no, don't call... I mean I... I think I better go now..", Hitomi said nervously.
Hitomi ran like she was participating in a track meet, leaving a very confused woman behind.
"Hitomi... you forgot the address...", the older woman said softly, still at a shock at the girl's queer behavior.
[Yukari's gone... She went with Amano-senpai...]
[She loves Amano, I know that, and I don't want to deny her her happiness...]
[But why couldn't she wait?]
[Selfish... That's what I am. I want everything to turn out for my convenience. God, why am I like this?!]
Hitomi still continued to run. Running from what, she didn't know. She felt like she was running away from everything, from her pain... her fears... her life. But like an ominous shadow, they just followed her wherever she went. Soon, her legs started to feel wobbly and her fatigue had directed her to rest. She went to a nearby tree, brushed her hair with her still trembling hands and leaned on the oak tree. The tree's bark was rough enough to cause discomfort to any person, but Hitomi didn't seem to mind, even if her whole weight was pushed onto it.
Hitomi looked up at the sky. The rain didn't seem to let up. It seemed to find solace in the pain it brought with it. As if to add to the tense atmosphere, the sky grew darker. What time was it? Hitomi couldn't tell. She didn't have to. She knew it was going to be night forever in her life. And then, as her sporadic breathing started to relax, she felt what she thought was the worst sensation in the world... loneliness. And she realized that was what she was running away from previously.
*******
Somehow, when the sky is dark, and the wind is howling bitterly, and the cold is stinging in your skin, emotions... especially the bleak ones... are felt at a higher amplitude. And at this point in time, Hitomi felt that she was at that certain situation. She felt her mind falling into a dark abyss, deeper... and deeper in extreme speed. Thoughts and images flashed before her, of the dead corpse of her father, of Yukari's smile fading into the horizon as she waves goodbye, and the most painful image of all: of a mother's hate toward an offspring.
At that moment, when she saw her mother's lifeless eyes once again, her mind finally reached the very bottom, where demons roam and hunger for flesh... for innocence.. for weak and tired souls like Hitomi's. A deathly voice whispered at the back of her head, coaxing her to the seemingly inevitable... [You can end all this easily, you know...] A smirk made its way across Hitomi's face, as it grew larger and progressed into a cackle. "Now why didn't I think of that...!"
She dug through her pocket and saw what she needed to be free... a swiss army knife. And it was the larger version, the one with the sharper blade. [Perfect...]
I won't let it show
Sacrifice the tortures
Orchestral tear cash-flow
Increase delete escape defeat
It's all that matters to you
Cotton case for an iron pill
Distorted eyes when everything is clearly dying
Burn my knees and...
Burn my knees and pray
~ 'Emotion Sickness' by Silverchair
The aftermath of a forest burning. That was what Hitomi's eyes were like at the moment. It wasn't even flaming with passionate anger or with self-hate. What she mirrored now was the forest after the red orange had engulfed it. Dim. Devoid of beauty. Any trace of life gone.
She gently felt the edge of blade, as if she was meditating and serenity was embracing her. [Mamoru... You said I'd be needing this to protect me. At least you were right about me needing it.] The irony of it all caused her to chuckle once more. It dripped with such bitterness that it could scare even the maniacal silver-haired Dilandau.
[It's time...]
The cold metal was touching her skin ever so closely.
[In a few minutes, I'll be free.]
She felt a strange sense of peace but it was only temporary. Suddenly, her heart was beating fast again. She jolted, like a candle flame that was disturbed by the wind.
[I never knew you were such a coward, Hitomi. Is this really the girl who saved a world? This wreck?]
[Who... Who are you?]
[I'm your worst enemy. I'm... _you_.]
[Wh..What?]
[Enough of the 20 questions already. This isn't Larry King Live, you know. Just look at you! You're a mess! And you think killing yourself would help in any way? When you leave this earth, all the demons of your past are still going to haunt you. Don't think they'll just disappear.]
[But... I...]
[What a weakling. You make me sick. Selfish piece of s*it! And what about Mamoru, huh? What is he going to do if he loses all the family he's got? And your mother?]
[Stop it!], Hitomi hissed in her mind.
[Weakling...]
[No!]
[Coward...]
[I'm going to end this all now.]
It was strange how one instant could change the future.
With one slash, the optimistic girl who had inspired so many lives, was on her way to the end of the tunnel. Was it fate? Was it really her time? She knew it wasn't. She just felt scared so she decided to do what was best for her. Her inner self continued insulting her strength. But she knew soon, the voices will die. Along with her.
Deep red splattered Hitomi's uniform like a sick design.
More and more, she lost blood until she felt colder than before.
[Alone... and cold.]
At that moment, she had died.
At least her heart and soul did.
Now she just had to wait for her vessel to die with them.
Her vision started to blur, until it completely turned black.
Her last thoughts were those that would not bring her to a very beautiful place.
[I am a coward.]
a/n: cliffhanger! Did Hitomi die? well i guess all of you know that she didn't. But what exactly happens is still a mystery right? anyway, the chapter's short i know. I'm just not used to writing long chapters but i'll try to write more next time. Please review! Tell me who you want Hitomi to end up with! That will determine how the next chapters will go. '_'