Disclaimer: I don't own any LOTR Characters.

Note:!!!!!WARNING- This chapter is graphic, contains self mutilation. !!!!!!

Chapter 5~ Beads of blood~

You lived it.

You loved it.

You loathed it.

You felt your veins

being pulled out.

Your soul carved out

with malice, your heart

now vacant.

Your hair dyed black

with revenge.

Your face painted

with blood.

Your back tattooed with

black tears.

Your heart was pierced with

delusional love.

You felt worthless.

You wanted to be God.

So you tried to

end it all.

But death would refuse you.

Your knees bled as

you fell to the ground pleading.

You were tired of the pain.

So many years of life.

Worst part of all,

You didn't have to live it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"This is really good!" Gimli took another bite of chicken.

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full." Legolas muttered

"Deal with it." Gimli smiled, food was stuck between his teeth. Legolas rolled his eyes and waited till Gimli finished eating. Gimli indicated he was finished by burping loudly.

"So when do want to leave?" Legolas looked at Gimli

"Well, I don't want to leave until we find more about Lady Charity." Gimli said. Legolas let out a sigh.

"Legolas, give it time... or else you could give her a nudge" Gimli laughed. Legolas just frowned. The hobbits walked into the dining room.

"So are we doing our daily gossiping? So who's it about now?" Pippin excitingly, Sam pulled out an apple and glared at Pippin, immediately Pippin shut his mouth.

"We're going to go drink a couple of pints, want to come?" Merry asked.

"Aragorn and Haldir are coming too." Frodo said. Legolas looked at Gimli.

"Sure we'll go." Gimli got up, and saw Legolas walking away.

"Where are you going?" Gimli yelled out to Legolas.

"I've got to go check up on Lady Charity, go ahead of me!" Legolas yelled back.

*********************************

Charity was sitting on her window sill, it was a dangerous thing to do, but she didn't care. She just gazed at the trees and mountains, there was hardly any sunlight as it was setting. She turned her head upwards to see the sky, it was a light blue color, a partial moon was starting to appear.

"Lady Charity what are you doing!" Legolas ran up to her and grabbed her forearm. She fiercely pulled her arm from Legolas' grasp, she could feel Legolas' eyes burn through her.

"Sorry"

"I've come to tell you I'm going with the others for some drinks, Arwen will still be here if you need anything. Unless, you want to come?" Legolas said in a dull voice. Charity shook her head. Legolas knew that was coming, he turned around and made his way to the door, but something caught his eye. He walked towards her dresser, and saw a dagger. The handle had two dragons twirling upwards.

"Where'd you get his?" Legolas held the dagger in his hand.

"Aragorn gave it to me, for protection, just in case." Charity leaned her head towards the wall. Legolas nodded, and put the dagger back onto her dresser. He walked out the room, closing the door slowly, leaving her alone.

********************************

Legolas walked into bar and smoked overwhelmed him. He looked around and saw the usual, men drunk or else getting drunk. Slurring conversations, a couple women started to look at Legolas flirtatiously. Legolas tried to give them a sincere smile and walked pass them. 'Where are they?' Legolas didn't have to look for long, he saw two familiar hobbits jumping and singing on a table. 'Wow, they're drunk already' Legolas took a seat next to Haldir.

"So have you decided where you're traveling first, with Gimli?" Haldir asked.

"Gimli doesn't want to leave now, he wants to stay and find out more about Lady Charity." Legolas said

" I see." Haldir and Legolas both watched the hobbits for awhile. Aragorn walked towards the table and handed them two glasses.

"So you decided to join us, I'll be right back. I'll go get another drink for you." Aragorn walked back to the bartender.

"Aragorn and Arwen are getting married soon, what do you plan to give them?" Haldir questioned Legolas.

"I'm not sure yet." Legolas shrugged.

"Speaking of marriage, have you found anyone."

"No, I don't understand why I have to find someone now. I mean, I'm immortal. I have a long time to find someone!" Legolas said

"I see. Well, you know, your father is going to push you a bit." Haldir looked at him. The two dancing hobbits made their way towards Haldir and Legolas.

'This is going to be a long night.' Legolas thought to himself.

*********************************
Charity sat at her window sill, staring out into space. She blinked and realized that she'd been sitting there since sun set. The moon was already out and the sky was a dark blue, but she could still see outlines of clouds. Charity turned her head around, it was dark in her room. She carefully turned her body around, her hands placed behind her on the ledge, and placed her legs into the room. She got up and lit a candle.

'It's probably getting really late, I should get to bed' She yawned. Charity grabbed a comb and sat on the bed, she started combing her long hair in silence. She decided to go and wash up, she took the dagger Aragorn had given her just in case, the door creaked as she opened it. Walking down the hallway, all you could hear were her foot steps.

'Okay, I have to turn right at the big painting...where's the painting?' Charity had found the bathroom before without difficulty, but now she was lost. Charity walked around for a while, but she still couldn't find the bathroom, she looked ahead of her and saw an outline of someone. It was getting closer, Charity started to step back.

"Oh, hi Lady Charity!" Merry came out of the darkness, and walked closer towards Charity. Merry was walking wobbly 'Yup, he's drunk'

"You know, humans are so easy to read. Their emotions are just out there!" Merry slurred his words.

"But, you on the other hand are really difficult to read! Then again, are you really human? I mean if you are the daughter of uh...what his name again...anyway, you aren't an elf either!" Merry pointed at Charity, she gave him an odd look. 'What is he talking about?'

"I wonder why you were sent away? I mean you'd be pretty safe here in Middle-earth, ya know?" Merry hiccuped. Charity started to question herself.

"Maybe you where a bad child!" Merry laughed, but stopped.

"Oh, I got to go find a bathroom!" The little hobbit scurried away.

Charity stood there and felt her heart pounding.

'What was he talking about? No, he's drunk, but why am I here then?' Charity started to walk slowly.

'What if he was telling the truth, what if I lived that horrible life for nothing?' Charity started to tremble.

She could feel anger rinsing through her body, 'I was tormented for nothing, NOTHING! What bastard would do this to me!'

'No, no, calm down, calm down.' She was making her way downstairs when her vision started to blur.

'No, please, not now! No more' Charity grabbed the railing.

**Flashback**

The room was warm, and filled with people. Little kids would be sitting on their parent's lap as they all listen intently to the music. At the end of each song people would stand and cheer. Today was her big day the blue-eyed girl thought to herself. She had been practicing everyday since she found out she'd be doing a big solo in front of a big crowd. She played it so much, she had gotten it perfect. She imagined the big day, she would play her part perfectly, and the conductor would be so happy with her. People would praise her, about how she did so well in her solo. This brought a smile to the blue-eyed girl's face. Across from her, was the brown-eyed girl. She mouthed a 'good luck' and winked, the blue-eyed girl smiled, she wouldn't let anyone down today.

The conductor tapped his baton on his stand, to get the band's attention. Everyone looked at the conductor intently, he waved a 1-2-3-4, and the band started to play. It was beautiful music, everyone thought. The blue-eyed girl put her flute up to her mouth and waited, she counted 3234 2232 1234. The rest of the band lowered their volume for the solo, everyone expected what the blue-eyed girl would do at the rehearsals, play it perfectly. The sound that the band expected was a major, but when the blue-eyed girl played, she let out a squeaky minor. The blue-eyed girl tried again, and again, she tried to play a different note, she tried to keep her rhythm at the same time. What was going on? She had gotten it perfect before! The blue-eyed girl panicked. She could hear laughter throughout the crowd. The conductor gave her a questioning look, then raised his baton to indicate the band to play louder, to drown out the horrid solo. The blue-eyed girl put her instrument on her lap, and gazed at her music. At the end of the song, the band bowed and got off the stage. The blue-eyed girl looked for her mother, she was talking to some of the other moms. The blue-eyed girl slowly walked up to her mother.

"Good try." They brown-eyed girl said, the blue-eyed girl smiled. The blue-eyed girl tugged lightly on her mother's shirt. Her mother turned around and smiled.

" Oh, there's my precious angel!" Her mother said.

"You tried your best!" The other mothers said to her, giving her a thumbs up. The blue-eyed girl just thanked them.

The blue-eyed girl and her mother made their way out of them music room, and out of the building. They headed to the blue car. The blue-eyed girl lifted her hands to open the door, when someone hit her in the head, smashing her head forwards onto the window. She dropped her music folder and case, the papers fluttered to the ground, her flute rolled onto the ground, dented. She heard someone say "worthless" The blue-eyed girl could feel blooding dripping down her face.

**End of flashback**

Charity stubbled down the stairs, one hand clutching her head, the other grasping the railing. She was gasping for air, her vision was so blurry. Her mouth became dry, she closed her mouth to try to get moisture. She struggled walking across the dining room, sometimes slamming against the wall. Through the blurriness, she was able to see two big doors, the doors to the outside world. She managed to gather enough strength to open the door, as soon as she got outside she dropped onto all fours.

"Too much, too much." Charity breathed heavily.

"Too much, I must release." She screamed out. She struggled to get up and started walking, she picked up her pace till she was running. She didn't know where she was running towards, she ran as fast as she could with her head down. She kept repeating "too much" She ran past the garden, almost slamming into some benches. She took a sharp turn and made a sudden stop, in front of her was a huge fountain. There was a statue, of two people looking at each other. The water that poured from the fountain glistened, but there was steam arising. Charity stepped closer to the fountain, the steam was cool. She took her hand and dipped it into the water, it was ice cold, she took her hand out immediately. The water glistened in the moonlight, she felt the coldness of the water numb her hand. She wiped her hand onto her night gown, she stood and thought for a moment. Then she put a foot on the ledge of the fountain, and brought her other leg up, she stood up. The coldness crept up to her feet. She forced herself to look at her reflection.

****************

Legolas had decided to leave the bar early, he had already seen enough drunk men and drunk hobbits. When he got to the castle, he decided to quickly check up on Charity. As he made his way to her room, he passed by Merry who was desperately getting to the bathroom. Legolas quietly opened the door and peeked in, he didn't see her on the bed. Legolas stepped in and looked around. She wasn't in the room, he stood in silence until he heard someone scream. He turned around and looked in the hallway, no one. He went into Charity's room again and looked out the window, he heard someone running, he looked down and saw a figure running. Legolas quickly turned his head to look for the dagger Aragorn gave her, it wasn't on her dresser. What if she's being attacked? Legolas broke into a sprint.

**************

Charity put one leg into the water, coldness swept through her body, she put her other leg in. Then she kneeled down, she started to shiver. 'Who am I?' Charity looked down at her reflection, it was blurry. Charity took her fist and pounded it into the water, dissipating her reflection.

'Too much' she kept thinking. Charity took a deep breath and put her head in the water, the coldness spread down her neck and spine. It felt like millions of glass shards stabbing her face. Her once dry hair was wet. She tried to hold her breath as long as she could.

"Enough!" Charity screamed out as she lifted her head from the water, but she quickly took another breath and brought her whole body into the water. Her body was going numb, this time she held her breath till her body couldn't take it, her mouth snapped open and water started to flood her lungs. Charity quickly kneeled up and coughed up water. She was weary, and cold. Charity sluggishly got up and sat on the ledge of the fountain shivering, her teeth chattering. She glanced into the water and saw the dagger, the dagger that Aragorn had given her. She must've dropped it, her trembling hand reached into the icy water and picked it up. It felt heavy, she looked at it and flipped it onto it's other side. A sudden sharp pain filled her head. She moaned in agony, her back hunched over and her head down to her knees. She breathed heavily, with her eyes tightly closed.

"I...I haven't done this for a while." Charity whispered to herself, She lifted her head and took the dagger with her right hand. She was still shivering, she could see her breath. Charity brought her left arm in front of her, and slowly brought the dagger up to her arm. She let the point of the dagger give her a cut, a small cut. She brought the dagger up to her skin again, this time the start of the dagger was to her skin, she put a little pressure on the dagger and let if glide through her skin, she made the dagger only slice half of its length. Charity felt her skin split, and a searing pain coiled her arm. She watched as red crimson tears started to seep out and slide down her arm, into the water. When the blood fell into the water, it turned into a solid circle from the coldness, a bead. Charity watched as the beads sank to the ground.

'I've always been afraid to let the blade go all the way' Her eyes widened as she could hear heavy breathing, she stood up and turned around. Legolas was running towards her. Charity thrust her legs forwards, her legs felt like blocks of ice. Legolas thought someone else would be there attacking her, but Charity was alone.

She made her way to the other side of the fountain, and quickly brought the blade up to her wrist. She grasped the handle tightly and put pressure on the blade.

"No! Charity! No!" Legolas was across from her, he noticed blood splattered on the ledge, he also got into the water. He tried to get closer to her as fast as he could.

"Legolas, stay where you are, or else." As Charity spoke, her lips started to split open. Legolas stopped dead in his tracks, he could see Charity's grasp get tighter as she slowly slid the blade on her skin. Charity applied more pressure, the blade was getting closer to her vein. Blood spilled out of her, her blood caused ripples in the water. Legolas could see her flesh tearing, he turned his head away. Legolas couldn't just stand there and let her do this to herself. He had to think of something.

"I don't understand, the last few days you were fine." Legolas quietly said.

"Then you're a fool!...No I'm the fool. Fate will never let me have peace! I was a fool to think that I would be happy." Charity hissed. She slit her wrist in anger, she let out a little whimper. Then she let the blade meet her wrist again and started to cut again. Legolas felt so much sadness around her, it even saddened him.

"You're scared aren't you?" Legolas said. Charity shook her head. Her hairs were like icicles, even the water that started to drip off the tip of her hair froze.

" I know you're scared, Charity please let go of the dagger." Charity paused, then shook her head. Legolas was trying everything to get to attract her attention, nothing was working. Charity started to loose focus, so she closed her eyes and thought of the pain, she felt the blade erupt her skin. Legolas's voice was deafening. She was lost in her nightmare, until.

"I saw you smile for the first time." Charity's eyes snapped open, the blade still at her wrist.

"Yesterday, do you remember?" Charity tried to gain her focus again. No, she did not want to be distracted by this elf, but she could feel herself slipping from the nightmare.

"Charity, please let go of the dagger. We can get the warden to heal your arm."

"No, not the warden, he'll tell everyone." Charity shook her head.

"Okay, that's fine. I can do it, I promise I won't tell anyone what happened tonight." Legolas said in a serious tone. Charity licked her lips, she could taste blood. She stood, watching her arm bleed. Charity dropped the dagger and heard it splash into the water. Tiredness took over her, she sat down. Her arm was on her lap, the blood spilled onto her nightgown.

"Legolas I don't know how you could stand immortality. I feel so tired, tired of life. My body feels so aged, my eyes look so sunken. Even though I've had a full night of sleep, I'm always tired. I feel like I've lived so long, when in fact I've only lived a few years. In your eyes I'm probably still a newborn." Charity said saddened. Legolas couldn't help but feel pity for her.

Legolas slowly walked over to Charity, he cautiously picked up the dagger out of the water. 'Aragorn may want this back' Legolas helped Charity out of the water, they both made their way into the castle, Legolas walked ahead of her.

Legolas had gotten several blankets for Charity, she looked like a giant marshmallow with all the blankets wrapped around her. Legolas was quickly going through every medicine drawer, trying to find a green vial. He walked to the other side of the room and opened more drawers, until he found the vial, he also pulled out some leaves. Charity sat in the hair, shivering and still bleeding. Her hair began to thaw. Legolas put all the materials on the table next to Charity. He knelt down before her, with a bucket of water in his hands.

"I'll need your arm." Charity hesitated for a moment, but pulled her arm out from all the blankets. Legolas washed the excess blood off, the blood swirled in the bucket of water, turning it red. He opened a vial and dumped the contents onto her arm. The liquid slowly made its way down her arm, taking blood with it. Legolas crunched the leaves and spread it onto her arm.

"This should help slow the bleeding." He looked at Charity, her eyes were half open.

"Charity, you have to stay awake. Wait till your body warms up again, then you can sleep." Legolas tightly wrapped the bandages onto her wrist and arms, then tore the leftovers with his teeth. Charity was finding it hard to stay awake.

"You know Charity, you're the first." Charity slightly raised her head.

"What?"

"I've been appointed to many tasks. Protecting people, guarding places. Gandalf asked that you not be harmed. I promised to do so and protect you from anything. I've killed many of my enemies, orcs, wargs. But this time, I wasn't ready. The only harm to you, is yourself. I've never delt with that. You're the first task I've ever failed." Legolas said with downcast eyes. Charity felt somewhat guilty. She looked at him, she could see the candle light flicked on his face. Charity was about to say something, but her lip started to split open again. She bit her lip . Legolas looked up at her.

"Oh, your lips are bleeding. Hold on." Legolas looked through some more drawers, he pulled out a bottle, the liquid was clear and think.

"Arwen has a tendency to use this a lot. Here, give me your finger." Charity tried to open her hand, but they were still frozen into a fist.

"Oh, um. Then you don't mind if I..." Legolas said a little nervous. Charity looked at him with her usual blank expression.

Legolas cleared his throat, he opened the bottle and let a drop of the liquid fall onto her finger. He brought his finger up to her face, and lighty pressed his finger onto her bottom lip. A pearl of sweat slid down Legolas's face. Legolas spread the oil onto her bottom lip, he could feel the roughness of her lips, the deep cracks. Then his finger touched her upper lip, he did the same thing.

"Done" Legolas whispered. Charity rubbed her lips together. Legolas watched.

"Thanks" Charity looked at her feet.

"You can sleep now." Legolas started picking up the supplies. Charity curled up, and moved around before she was still. Legolas, as quietly as he could, put all the supplies back in the drawers. He blew some candles out, but he kept some candles lit. Legolas sat on the chair across from Charity. Legolas closed his eyes, he was tired.

'Charity leads a grim path, if she does not take some control, I may have to do this again' Legolas glided his hands through his hair, he took a deep breath.Something was poking his back so he reached behind him and pulled the object out. It was the dagger, Legolas heard Charity shift in her seat. He returned his eyes onto the dagger, his reflection stared back at him. He looked at it for a long time, a thought crossed his mind.

'What does it feel like to cut yourself?'

~!~Please Review~!~ Thanks for the great reviews so far!

A bit sappy, but I hope you liked it!