Chapter 4 - Double Escapes
"I didn't expect Sauron to be so generous! And by the way, who in the hell did that toothbrush magic? It can't be you, isn't it?" Tom said, while they made they way to the secret exit in the mountains.
"OF COURSE it wasn't me! Who knows, but who cares?" John replied.
They got out at last from the shadow of the Dark Tower. Every few seconds, Mt. Doom would rage a fiery blast of fire-rocks, tainting the sky with a reddish glow. Their skin burn with the heat, even though the mountain was hundred of miles away.
Suddenly, they felt eyes on them. Many eyes.
***
"NAZGUL NUMBER EIGHT. SEND TWO THOUSAND ORCWS TO KILL THE TWO BANNANAS OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE. BUT BE CAREFUL, THEY KNOW MAGIC." Sauron yelled to his old-fashioned-and-ultra-huge-walkie-talkie while he picked his nose furiously. He stuck a lump of his nose-shit onto the phone and said: "IF YOU FAIL, TASTE MY SHIT." Screams in Mordor chorused together. "AND RETRIEVE THE PHOTOS THEY'VE."
***
A row of dark shapes marched towards them. There were a total of one hundred and ninety nine orcs (one slipped away of watch the final contest of "The Mordorian Idol").
"You two nasty little humans shallzz diezz!" an orc with a candle on his head, who is Gollum's previous life, cackled.
Just then, some of the photos slipped out from John's backpack.
"AWW! NASTY LITTLE HUMANS!! THEY HAS THE PHOTOS OF US BATHING AT HOTSPRING INNZ LAST WEEK!!" the orc screamed.
A commotion rippled in the orc army. Then, Tom had an idea.
"If you don't let us off, we shall hand them over to the "Wacky Middle Earthlians" magazine for posting!" he said.
"Yeah, and all of you will be the biggest joke in Middle Earth!" John added.
So in the end, the orcs let them off. (another disaster survived!)
"Hey what a good deal! Getting free naked orcs photos and an obstruct less path in Mordor!" John said, his tears flowing with gratefulness.
"Yeah! Maybe Sauron isn't that evil afterall," Tom replied. "That adds a new saying to Middle Earth: 'Not all of tasted batman's shit will die of mental depression'"
"Yeah, very funny, John," John said mockingly.
"No. Not really when I'm face-to-face with a 100 Kilograms pile of slimy maggots-filled shit."
A huge blob of a Highly-Familiar-Looking brownish matter landed a few seconds before, spraying a rain of watery dung. ("Oh, he just ate Oreo's cookies," Tom said.) Sauron, in the form of a winged batman, circled in the air.
"SHIT!! MY AIMING TODAY ISN'T VERY GOOD TODAY!" Sauron hissed.
"RUN!" they both creamed at the same time and headed for the closest cover available. Then, a voice boomed from everywhere:" LISTEN TO ME, SAURON."
"GOD? NOOO! GOD IS TALKING TO ME!" Sauron cried. "FORGIVE ME, LORD, FOR MY SINS!!"
The voice continued: "DO YOUR BOWEL SYSTEM A FAVOUR BY EATING A SLIM- DUNG PILL EVERYDAY.!"
("Shit!! Our movie file had been infected by a "Slimy-dung" computer virus!" the movie director, Pimple Jackson, yelled.)
Sauron did a summersault in the air and dive towards the trench where two maniacs, who were looking a some photos, were hiding.
"OH NOOO! HE'S COMING STRAIGHT AT US!!" John screamed so loud that his lungs burned.
"AND LOOK AT THAT SCARY PAIR OF ARMPITS! AN EXPLOSION OF ARMPIT HAIR!!" Tom added.
They slammed their eyes shut and did not want to think of what that will happen next.
"SAURON! STOP YOUR FOOLISHNESS!" a voice roared from the distant mountains.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Sauron demanded and stood on a hill, facing the source of the sound.
"THE ANGEL OF 'THOU-SHALT-NOT-URINE-STRAIGHT-INTO-THE-TOILET-BOWL-BUT- DOWN-THE-SIDE'. I'M HERE TO STOP YOU FROM KILLING THE INNOCENTS."
An expression of pain seized Sauron's face. "FORGIVE ME, THE ANGEL OF 'THOU-SHALT-NOT-URINE-STRAIGHT-INTO-THE-TOILET-BOWL-BUT-DOWN-THE-SIDE'! I ADMIT THAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN URINING STRAIGHT INTO THE TOILET BOWL INSTEAD OF DOWN THE SIDE!" he confessed and wpied away his tears.
"GOOD, GOOD. IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOUR MISTAKES, SAURON. (do you know that everyone's suffering from noise pollution because of you?!) WHAT ABOUT THE TWO LITTLE KIDDIES DOWN THERE?"
Sauron looked at the two tiny dots below him. "I WILL LET THEM GO."
So, again, they got away safely.
"I didn't expect Sauron to be so generous! And by the way, who in the hell did that toothbrush magic? It can't be you, isn't it?" Tom said, while they made they way to the secret exit in the mountains.
"OF COURSE it wasn't me! Who knows, but who cares?" John replied.
They got out at last from the shadow of the Dark Tower. Every few seconds, Mt. Doom would rage a fiery blast of fire-rocks, tainting the sky with a reddish glow. Their skin burn with the heat, even though the mountain was hundred of miles away.
Suddenly, they felt eyes on them. Many eyes.
***
"NAZGUL NUMBER EIGHT. SEND TWO THOUSAND ORCWS TO KILL THE TWO BANNANAS OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE. BUT BE CAREFUL, THEY KNOW MAGIC." Sauron yelled to his old-fashioned-and-ultra-huge-walkie-talkie while he picked his nose furiously. He stuck a lump of his nose-shit onto the phone and said: "IF YOU FAIL, TASTE MY SHIT." Screams in Mordor chorused together. "AND RETRIEVE THE PHOTOS THEY'VE."
***
A row of dark shapes marched towards them. There were a total of one hundred and ninety nine orcs (one slipped away of watch the final contest of "The Mordorian Idol").
"You two nasty little humans shallzz diezz!" an orc with a candle on his head, who is Gollum's previous life, cackled.
Just then, some of the photos slipped out from John's backpack.
"AWW! NASTY LITTLE HUMANS!! THEY HAS THE PHOTOS OF US BATHING AT HOTSPRING INNZ LAST WEEK!!" the orc screamed.
A commotion rippled in the orc army. Then, Tom had an idea.
"If you don't let us off, we shall hand them over to the "Wacky Middle Earthlians" magazine for posting!" he said.
"Yeah, and all of you will be the biggest joke in Middle Earth!" John added.
So in the end, the orcs let them off. (another disaster survived!)
"Hey what a good deal! Getting free naked orcs photos and an obstruct less path in Mordor!" John said, his tears flowing with gratefulness.
"Yeah! Maybe Sauron isn't that evil afterall," Tom replied. "That adds a new saying to Middle Earth: 'Not all of tasted batman's shit will die of mental depression'"
"Yeah, very funny, John," John said mockingly.
"No. Not really when I'm face-to-face with a 100 Kilograms pile of slimy maggots-filled shit."
A huge blob of a Highly-Familiar-Looking brownish matter landed a few seconds before, spraying a rain of watery dung. ("Oh, he just ate Oreo's cookies," Tom said.) Sauron, in the form of a winged batman, circled in the air.
"SHIT!! MY AIMING TODAY ISN'T VERY GOOD TODAY!" Sauron hissed.
"RUN!" they both creamed at the same time and headed for the closest cover available. Then, a voice boomed from everywhere:" LISTEN TO ME, SAURON."
"GOD? NOOO! GOD IS TALKING TO ME!" Sauron cried. "FORGIVE ME, LORD, FOR MY SINS!!"
The voice continued: "DO YOUR BOWEL SYSTEM A FAVOUR BY EATING A SLIM- DUNG PILL EVERYDAY.!"
("Shit!! Our movie file had been infected by a "Slimy-dung" computer virus!" the movie director, Pimple Jackson, yelled.)
Sauron did a summersault in the air and dive towards the trench where two maniacs, who were looking a some photos, were hiding.
"OH NOOO! HE'S COMING STRAIGHT AT US!!" John screamed so loud that his lungs burned.
"AND LOOK AT THAT SCARY PAIR OF ARMPITS! AN EXPLOSION OF ARMPIT HAIR!!" Tom added.
They slammed their eyes shut and did not want to think of what that will happen next.
"SAURON! STOP YOUR FOOLISHNESS!" a voice roared from the distant mountains.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Sauron demanded and stood on a hill, facing the source of the sound.
"THE ANGEL OF 'THOU-SHALT-NOT-URINE-STRAIGHT-INTO-THE-TOILET-BOWL-BUT- DOWN-THE-SIDE'. I'M HERE TO STOP YOU FROM KILLING THE INNOCENTS."
An expression of pain seized Sauron's face. "FORGIVE ME, THE ANGEL OF 'THOU-SHALT-NOT-URINE-STRAIGHT-INTO-THE-TOILET-BOWL-BUT-DOWN-THE-SIDE'! I ADMIT THAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN URINING STRAIGHT INTO THE TOILET BOWL INSTEAD OF DOWN THE SIDE!" he confessed and wpied away his tears.
"GOOD, GOOD. IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOUR MISTAKES, SAURON. (do you know that everyone's suffering from noise pollution because of you?!) WHAT ABOUT THE TWO LITTLE KIDDIES DOWN THERE?"
Sauron looked at the two tiny dots below him. "I WILL LET THEM GO."
So, again, they got away safely.