Author's note: This chapter was written in response to a challenge. I had to include certain funny lines, Scott singing to "Macho Man" coming out of the shower, and a reference to Kurt/Ororo romance. Hope you enjoy!
The First Annual X-Men Talent Show, Charles Xavier and Henry McCoy emceeing, was proving to be a great success. Jamie Madrox had done a marvelous performance of Weird Al Yankovic's "I Think I'm a Clone Now," Dr. McCoy had played a terribly complicated Rachmaninoff piece, and now it was Kitty's turn. The curtain opened on Bobby Drake, long frizzy red wig in place, horribly made up, wearing one of the "fat" outfits Jean had thrown away last month. The audience burst out laughing, other than Jean, Scott, and Warren, as Bobby started humming "Some Day My Prince Will Come" into the mirror he was standing in front of. He was in a mock-up of the women's bathroom on the second floor, where the showers were.
The door opened and Kurt, dressed in one of Kitty's oldest and flashiest uniforms, came in, put his hand over his heart and gasped. "Why, Jean! What HAVE you done with your hair?"
Bobby pouted into the mirror and turned to face Kurt. "My hair gets frizzy when it gets wet, okay? But that doesn't give you any reason to ask if I stuck my finger in the wall socket again. Especially since," he declaimed with a ridiculously radiant look on his face, "SCOTT isn't here to defend me."
Through laughter and catcalls, Kurt struggled to get his next line out. "I won't, I promise you." Eyes glittering with mischief, he petted "Jean" on the head. "Good horsie."
"Why, you!" Bobby as "Jean" swatted at him but missed him by miles, yet Kurt fell down anyway, shouting "Unfair!" and going through the trap door in the stage.
"Jean" started putting on even more makeup as "Kitty" crawled back up through the floor, adjusting his wig. Just then, "Jubilee" walked in, a blushing Jamie Madrox in a pretty blue ballerina tutu and slippers. "Jubilee!" "Jean" called. "Why are you wearing a tutu?"
Jamie blushed and looked at the index card in his hand. He read, "Because all the three-threes were taken?" He frowned as the crowd became silent. "What does that mean, Kitty?" he called off-stage.
Kitty hissed from the wings, "It means I should have gotten Logan to take over this part when Remy got sick, not you! Now go on with the play!"
Through more laughter and catcalls from the audience, Kurt gestured at Bobby threateningly. "You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war!"
"Jean" put away "her" makeup in a huge ugly old knapsack with a tag on it reading "Prada." "Run along and play with your fellow Powerpuff Girls, Kitty."
"Kitty" made an angry face and ran offstage as "Jubilee" went center stage and said, "I love the Powerpuff Girls!"
The curtain closed, sets were swapped out, and the curtains opened on the men's restroom. There was a large 2x4 board there, upright, with red sunglasses and a small X-uniform on. It rose a small way into the air and moved jerkily on its wires to the tune of "Macho Man," and Scott screamed. "You said you'd keep that a secret!"
"Kitty" could be seen through the small window above the men's showers, video camera in "her" hand, eagerly taping Scott the 2x4's performance. Then "Bobby" walked in, Jubilee in a brown wig, the music cut out, and the board rested itself against the wall again. She waved at it cheerily. "Hi, Scott! Hey, did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the bartender?"
"Bobby" paused. "The same thing we do every night, Scott, try to take over the world!"
Then "Warren" entered, a bright but cold Emma Frost taking the part and looking it far more than anyone else so far, soft white wings at her back, carrying balloons and filling them at the counter. "Warren" nodded to Scott the 2x4, then frowned as she filled her first balloon. "Of course I know what I'm doing. I think."
"Bobby" snickered as "Warren" pretended to listen to the board. "You never want me to have any fun. You say I shouldn't divebomb guests with water balloons all the time, Scott. Have you ever tried it, or anything else fun?"
Finally, Kitty made her appearance, fake muscles bulging, nearly covered with hair, a cigar stuck in the corner of her mouth … as "Logan." She silently walked over to the sink and started pretending to wash her hands.
"Hey, Logan," "Bobby" and "Warren" chorused. Kitty grunted and kept washing her hands.
She grunted again and took the cigar out of her mouth. "I don't like you." The board remained motionless at this comment, though some people were rolling in the aisles by now.
"So Logan. What's up?" "Bobby" clapped him on the back, and "Logan" turned around and threw him to the ground.
"Not much." He paused. "Professor's out back."
"Hey, guys! Guys!" Ororo, apparently trying to imitate Forge, burst into the restroom. "Anyone here have the video camera?"
Kurt winked from the window and sank from view, but not before "Forge" blew him a kiss.
"Bobby" shrugged, "Warren" finished filling a balloon, and the board and Kitty remained still.
"Quick, get it! The professor's sloshed and he's doing wheelies in the rose garden!" "Forge" and "Bobby" left. The board rose jerkily into the air and flew into a wall, then offstage.
"Aren't you coming?" "Warren" asked, pausing before he left.
"Nah. This looks like a job for someone else."