A Funny Frontier Tale
By Super Karoru
Chapter 5: Attack of the Evil Dub Selves!
Now onward to our tale!
--
When we last left our heroes, they had been blasted to different places in the Digital World by the Cactusmon. Takuya then went to complain to the author at Karoru Corporations to demand not to be severely injured anymore, but he ended up being severely injured anyway. Now Takuya and Izumi are walking in yet another desert. Creative, ne?
--
Takuya and Izumi were walking along in the desert to continue onward on their "quest" or whatever the hell it is they're doing. Anyway, as they were walking along and Takuya had a song stuck in his head and was humming it.
"What song is that?" asked Izumi.
"Snoozer, Penelope, Panda, Howdy, Oxnard, Bijou, and Boss! Let's go!"
"Er... Takuya?"
"Zernoo! Penepelo! Zobs! Dapan! Nihou! Whee! Hamtaro! Hamsters! Ham-Ham! Ticki-ticki! Koosh-koosh! Sunflower! Fwee! Hamtaro!"
"..."
"Ohh, let's make a wish! Ooooo! Oooooo! Make it come truuuuuue!"
"Ta-ku-ya..."
"Singing along with us is all you do! Come on and be the very best! Ooo! Ooo! Get a hundred on your test! All of your dreams will come true!"
"Takuya!"
"Come on and sing this secret spell! It's just for you! Think of all the love we'll bring! Hamtaro will know just what to do! This will be our song! Come on and-"
"TA-KU-YA!"
But it was no use. Takuya was naming all the hamsters while dancing around and shakin' his groove thang.
"... Please tell me that the author didn't just say that Takuya was shakin' his groove thang," said Izumi.
You heard me, woman!
"No comment," said Izumi.
The Trix Rabbit's gone crazy! He's got a chainsaw!
"... What?"
Oops, false alarm.
"Ookay. That was weird." Takuya shook his head.
"Very weird," agreed Izumi.
They're actually agreeing with other! Now that's weird. Speaking of weird...
"Hey, what's that?" Takuya asked as he pointed to two far-off objects in the distance.
"I... don't... know," said Izumi.
The figures seemed to be getting closer.
"What the fu--" said Takuya, who was once again cut off by Izumi.
"Don't say that word!"
"I was just going to say funk."
Izumi slapped her forehead.
"What... or who are they?" asked the goggleboy as the figures were getting ever closer.
"They look like... humans! Could it be the others?"
"No... wait a minute! They look like... like... us!"
And indeed it was them. So there stood another Takuya and Izumi in front of Takuya and Izumi!
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
"You... you... you're me!" shouted a shocked Takuya to the other Takuya.
"No, you're me!" shouted the other shocked Takuya to Takuya, but he was speaking in English! But... aren't they all speaking English right now? Oh, forget it.
"Who are you?!" the Takuyas asked each other at the same time.
"I'm Takuya!"
"And I'm Takooya!"
"Takooya?"
"Yep, Takooya."
"Er, I think you're pronouncing it wrong."
"But I've always said it this way!"
"But... it's wrong."
"I beg to differ. Your name is the one that's wrong!"
"Hey! I'm the original, so of course I'm right!"
"Says who?"
"Says me!"
"Shut up!" yelled the two Izumis.
"So, you're another Izumi?" asked Izumi.
"No, I'm Zoe."
"Zoe? Evil dub name! Ack!" screamed Izumi as she fell to the ground.
Takuya, Takooya, and Zoe slowly blinked.
"So exactly who are you?" questioned Takuya, pointing at the two.
"We're you, only in the dub!" answered Zoe and Takooya.
"Don't you see..." began Takuya.
"Yes, it's..." responded Izumi.
"Our evil dub selves!!" they both screamed, while waving towards the sky in a frenzy.
Zoe and Takooya were once again confused as Takuya and Izumi were on the ground foaming at the mouth. And as much as I enjoy typing this conversation, let's see what Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki are doing, shall we?
--
Meanwhile at... um, let's say a jungle! Yes, a jungle... ah heh.
Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki were... guess what! Walking around in a jungle! Clever, eh? Anywho, they were just walking along. Lalalalalala. Then, for no apparent reason, they started to hear bongo drums in the background.
"Hey, why are there bongo drums in the background?" asked Junpei.
"We're in a jungle, aren't we?" commented Kouji.
The bongo drum music started to get louder. They could hear someone sing.
"Look to the past as we head towards the future! To reclaim the Digital World!"
"Huh?"
"With strength in ourselves! And trust in each other! We live by the lessons we've learned!"
"We do?" asked Kouji.
"As we work toward one solution! Through Spirit Evolution!"
"Oookay..." said Tomoki.
"I am the one! I am the one!"
"Who's the one?" asked Junpei.
"Digimon! Forever united as one! Digimon!"
"What the heck?" they all asked.
"Through us let your Spirit Evolve!
"..."
"The world's for us all! Da, da, da, da, Di-gi-mon!"
When the song ended, bandana boy, jump suit guy, and the carbon copy of Takeru, bandana boy, and jump-suit guy were standing there weirded out of their minds. Then suddenly from the trees emerged... me! No, just kidding. It was another Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki standing in front of Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki!
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
Woah, I'm getting déjà vu.
"Who... who are you?!" asked the shocked Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki.
"I'm J.P.!"
"I'm Tommy!
"And I'm Koji, without the 'u' and pronounced slightly different!"
"J.P.?"
"Tommy?"
"Koji?"
"What kind of names are those?!"
"Hey! They're good names!"
"But who are you?" asked Kouji.
Their counterparts sighed and said, "We're you, only in the dub!"
"Don't you see..." started Junpei.
"Yes..." responded Kouji.
"It's..." said Tomoki.
"Our evil dub selves!!"
Koji, J.P., and Tommy stood dumbfounded as Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth.
The Chosen Children apparently have rabies. Now, let's head towards that forest they were in at the beginning of chapter four to check up on what Neemon and Bokomon are doing.
--
Blah, blah, blah.
Neemon and Bokomon were just standing around in the forest. Well, actually, Neemon was standing around while Bokomon was running around like a frantic lunatic.
"This is bad! Very bad!" Bokomon carried on. "We've been separated from the others! They don't know anything about the Digital World! Who will be there to help them?! What if they get lost?! What if they're behind a bush and they don't have enough leaves?! What about when a Digimon attacks?! Who will inform them?! Oh right, the Narrator... But it's the principle of the matter!"
"Bokomon, can you tell me what color my eyes are?" asked Neemon.
"You don't have eyes, you dolt!" he shouted as he snapped Neemon's pants yet again.
"Ouchie!"
"Ah, that Neemon's an idiot isn't he?" said another voice from a distance, but it was in a really annoying British accent.
"Hey, I'm not an idiot!" said another voice, but it sounded like JarJar Binks with laryngitis. "I just lack that thing that goes in my head... what was it called again?"
"Huh?" asked Bokomon and Neemon, puzzled.
Two figures emerged from the trees who were another Bokomon and Neemon in front of Bokomon and Neemon!
You probably know what's next, don't ya?
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Hello, me!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
"What? Who? When? Why? How?" screamed Bokomon and Neemon.
"We're you, only in the dub!" said the other Bokomon and Neemon.
"But-but -- your voices! They're terrible!"
The other Bokomon and Neemon shrugged.
"Don't you see, Neemon..."
"Uh, I think it's..."
"Our evil dub selves!!"
Yeah, you guessed it. They both fell to the ground foaming at the mouth while the dub versions of Neemon and Bokomon just shook their heads. Now the Digimon have rabies!
Back to Takuya and Izumi and their counterparts.
--
"There's only one thing to do, Izumi!" exclaimed Takuya.
"Yes, only one thing!"
"We must get rid of our evil dub selves!" they both shouted as they dubbed evil grins (oh, I'm so clever) and pulled a large assortment of weapons out from behind their backs. One has to wonder how they got there!
"Uh oh..."
--
To make a long and pretty much gruesome story short, all the Chosen Children (not to be confused with Digi-Destined), Bokomon, and Neemon chased their evil dub counterparts to the very ends of the desert/jungle/forest into the dark plotholes never to be seen by the light of day ever again! But since this is only a fictional story, that technically never happened, so we're all screwed! There's just no justice in the anime world. ::dramatically wipes away a tear:: ... Back to Takuya and Izumi again.
--
"Well, this was quite an interestingly pointless chapter," noted Izumi.
"Yay! I wasn't severely injured! Whoo hoo!" shouted a happy and hyper Takuya.
"Well, technically you were."
"How so?"
"Your evil dub counterpart, of course!"
"... Damn, you're right!"
"Life is cruel, no?"
"Quite."
And so they continued onward on their crazy quest.
End of chapter 5.
::notices that people are staring:: Hm? Oh, the end narration thing? Er... it's my day off! Nothing else to see here! Move along now, move along!
By Super Karoru
Chapter 5: Attack of the Evil Dub Selves!
Now onward to our tale!
--
When we last left our heroes, they had been blasted to different places in the Digital World by the Cactusmon. Takuya then went to complain to the author at Karoru Corporations to demand not to be severely injured anymore, but he ended up being severely injured anyway. Now Takuya and Izumi are walking in yet another desert. Creative, ne?
--
Takuya and Izumi were walking along in the desert to continue onward on their "quest" or whatever the hell it is they're doing. Anyway, as they were walking along and Takuya had a song stuck in his head and was humming it.
"What song is that?" asked Izumi.
"Snoozer, Penelope, Panda, Howdy, Oxnard, Bijou, and Boss! Let's go!"
"Er... Takuya?"
"Zernoo! Penepelo! Zobs! Dapan! Nihou! Whee! Hamtaro! Hamsters! Ham-Ham! Ticki-ticki! Koosh-koosh! Sunflower! Fwee! Hamtaro!"
"..."
"Ohh, let's make a wish! Ooooo! Oooooo! Make it come truuuuuue!"
"Ta-ku-ya..."
"Singing along with us is all you do! Come on and be the very best! Ooo! Ooo! Get a hundred on your test! All of your dreams will come true!"
"Takuya!"
"Come on and sing this secret spell! It's just for you! Think of all the love we'll bring! Hamtaro will know just what to do! This will be our song! Come on and-"
"TA-KU-YA!"
But it was no use. Takuya was naming all the hamsters while dancing around and shakin' his groove thang.
"... Please tell me that the author didn't just say that Takuya was shakin' his groove thang," said Izumi.
You heard me, woman!
"No comment," said Izumi.
The Trix Rabbit's gone crazy! He's got a chainsaw!
"... What?"
Oops, false alarm.
"Ookay. That was weird." Takuya shook his head.
"Very weird," agreed Izumi.
They're actually agreeing with other! Now that's weird. Speaking of weird...
"Hey, what's that?" Takuya asked as he pointed to two far-off objects in the distance.
"I... don't... know," said Izumi.
The figures seemed to be getting closer.
"What the fu--" said Takuya, who was once again cut off by Izumi.
"Don't say that word!"
"I was just going to say funk."
Izumi slapped her forehead.
"What... or who are they?" asked the goggleboy as the figures were getting ever closer.
"They look like... humans! Could it be the others?"
"No... wait a minute! They look like... like... us!"
And indeed it was them. So there stood another Takuya and Izumi in front of Takuya and Izumi!
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
"You... you... you're me!" shouted a shocked Takuya to the other Takuya.
"No, you're me!" shouted the other shocked Takuya to Takuya, but he was speaking in English! But... aren't they all speaking English right now? Oh, forget it.
"Who are you?!" the Takuyas asked each other at the same time.
"I'm Takuya!"
"And I'm Takooya!"
"Takooya?"
"Yep, Takooya."
"Er, I think you're pronouncing it wrong."
"But I've always said it this way!"
"But... it's wrong."
"I beg to differ. Your name is the one that's wrong!"
"Hey! I'm the original, so of course I'm right!"
"Says who?"
"Says me!"
"Shut up!" yelled the two Izumis.
"So, you're another Izumi?" asked Izumi.
"No, I'm Zoe."
"Zoe? Evil dub name! Ack!" screamed Izumi as she fell to the ground.
Takuya, Takooya, and Zoe slowly blinked.
"So exactly who are you?" questioned Takuya, pointing at the two.
"We're you, only in the dub!" answered Zoe and Takooya.
"Don't you see..." began Takuya.
"Yes, it's..." responded Izumi.
"Our evil dub selves!!" they both screamed, while waving towards the sky in a frenzy.
Zoe and Takooya were once again confused as Takuya and Izumi were on the ground foaming at the mouth. And as much as I enjoy typing this conversation, let's see what Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki are doing, shall we?
--
Meanwhile at... um, let's say a jungle! Yes, a jungle... ah heh.
Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki were... guess what! Walking around in a jungle! Clever, eh? Anywho, they were just walking along. Lalalalalala. Then, for no apparent reason, they started to hear bongo drums in the background.
"Hey, why are there bongo drums in the background?" asked Junpei.
"We're in a jungle, aren't we?" commented Kouji.
The bongo drum music started to get louder. They could hear someone sing.
"Look to the past as we head towards the future! To reclaim the Digital World!"
"Huh?"
"With strength in ourselves! And trust in each other! We live by the lessons we've learned!"
"We do?" asked Kouji.
"As we work toward one solution! Through Spirit Evolution!"
"Oookay..." said Tomoki.
"I am the one! I am the one!"
"Who's the one?" asked Junpei.
"Digimon! Forever united as one! Digimon!"
"What the heck?" they all asked.
"Through us let your Spirit Evolve!
"..."
"The world's for us all! Da, da, da, da, Di-gi-mon!"
When the song ended, bandana boy, jump suit guy, and the carbon copy of Takeru, bandana boy, and jump-suit guy were standing there weirded out of their minds. Then suddenly from the trees emerged... me! No, just kidding. It was another Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki standing in front of Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki!
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
Woah, I'm getting déjà vu.
"Who... who are you?!" asked the shocked Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki.
"I'm J.P.!"
"I'm Tommy!
"And I'm Koji, without the 'u' and pronounced slightly different!"
"J.P.?"
"Tommy?"
"Koji?"
"What kind of names are those?!"
"Hey! They're good names!"
"But who are you?" asked Kouji.
Their counterparts sighed and said, "We're you, only in the dub!"
"Don't you see..." started Junpei.
"Yes..." responded Kouji.
"It's..." said Tomoki.
"Our evil dub selves!!"
Koji, J.P., and Tommy stood dumbfounded as Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth.
The Chosen Children apparently have rabies. Now, let's head towards that forest they were in at the beginning of chapter four to check up on what Neemon and Bokomon are doing.
--
Blah, blah, blah.
Neemon and Bokomon were just standing around in the forest. Well, actually, Neemon was standing around while Bokomon was running around like a frantic lunatic.
"This is bad! Very bad!" Bokomon carried on. "We've been separated from the others! They don't know anything about the Digital World! Who will be there to help them?! What if they get lost?! What if they're behind a bush and they don't have enough leaves?! What about when a Digimon attacks?! Who will inform them?! Oh right, the Narrator... But it's the principle of the matter!"
"Bokomon, can you tell me what color my eyes are?" asked Neemon.
"You don't have eyes, you dolt!" he shouted as he snapped Neemon's pants yet again.
"Ouchie!"
"Ah, that Neemon's an idiot isn't he?" said another voice from a distance, but it was in a really annoying British accent.
"Hey, I'm not an idiot!" said another voice, but it sounded like JarJar Binks with laryngitis. "I just lack that thing that goes in my head... what was it called again?"
"Huh?" asked Bokomon and Neemon, puzzled.
Two figures emerged from the trees who were another Bokomon and Neemon in front of Bokomon and Neemon!
You probably know what's next, don't ya?
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Hello, me!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"
"What? Who? When? Why? How?" screamed Bokomon and Neemon.
"We're you, only in the dub!" said the other Bokomon and Neemon.
"But-but -- your voices! They're terrible!"
The other Bokomon and Neemon shrugged.
"Don't you see, Neemon..."
"Uh, I think it's..."
"Our evil dub selves!!"
Yeah, you guessed it. They both fell to the ground foaming at the mouth while the dub versions of Neemon and Bokomon just shook their heads. Now the Digimon have rabies!
Back to Takuya and Izumi and their counterparts.
--
"There's only one thing to do, Izumi!" exclaimed Takuya.
"Yes, only one thing!"
"We must get rid of our evil dub selves!" they both shouted as they dubbed evil grins (oh, I'm so clever) and pulled a large assortment of weapons out from behind their backs. One has to wonder how they got there!
"Uh oh..."
--
To make a long and pretty much gruesome story short, all the Chosen Children (not to be confused with Digi-Destined), Bokomon, and Neemon chased their evil dub counterparts to the very ends of the desert/jungle/forest into the dark plotholes never to be seen by the light of day ever again! But since this is only a fictional story, that technically never happened, so we're all screwed! There's just no justice in the anime world. ::dramatically wipes away a tear:: ... Back to Takuya and Izumi again.
--
"Well, this was quite an interestingly pointless chapter," noted Izumi.
"Yay! I wasn't severely injured! Whoo hoo!" shouted a happy and hyper Takuya.
"Well, technically you were."
"How so?"
"Your evil dub counterpart, of course!"
"... Damn, you're right!"
"Life is cruel, no?"
"Quite."
And so they continued onward on their crazy quest.
End of chapter 5.
::notices that people are staring:: Hm? Oh, the end narration thing? Er... it's my day off! Nothing else to see here! Move along now, move along!