A Funny Frontier Tale
By Super Karoru
Chapter 10: Super Kouji Sunshine!
Now onward to our tale!
--
Narrator: Long ago, the Digital World was guarded by the Legendary Warrior Ten. Now, their spirits are rising again...
The song FIRE!! plays and we all dance and sing along.
Title: A Funny Frontier Tale! (As if it isn't obvious by now)
Takuya (v/o): Chapter 10! Super Kouji Sunshine!
With that out of the way, how about we get to the real story?
--
As the sun rose over the desert horizon, the morning rays reach the oasis where we last left Takuya and Izumi, who were in a rather scandalous situation. By remarkable coincidence (again), they awoke to begin the next installment of their quest.
"Woah, I just had the weirdest dream," Takuya stated, rather disoriented. "We were singing a parody of a song from Aladdin. But that would be so stupid and corny!"
"Uh, I don't think the singing part was a dream, Takuya," Izumi commented.
"You mean we actually sang?!"
"Unfortunately..."
"But it moved the plot along, didn't it?"
"That would be the only good thing."
Yay for ruined romantic scenes!
By another coincidence, an interdemensional rift opened above the couple, producing a lit Bomb-Omb. Upon its crash, it exploded. Takuya and Izumi's clothes were now charred.
"Well, that's a way to start the day, huh?" Takuya said, waving away the smoke.
After the debris cleared, Takuya noticed something on the sand behind Izumi.
"Hey, what's that?" Takuya said as he got up to inspect whatever it was.
"Looks like a note," she responded.
The note read: Greetings! Come and enjoy the tropical resort of Isle Delfino!
"Isle Delfino?" they both said in unison.
"Where have I heard that name before?" Takuya pondered as he got into a pondering pose.
"Who cares? It said a tropical resort! That's got to be better than this crazy desert deathtrap! Let's go!" Izumi said dramatically as she grabbed Takuya by the arm.
"Um, but how the hell are we gonna get there?"
Then suddenly another rift (plothole) opened up with a sign over it that said: Use this plothole to get to the tropical resort of Isle Delfino!
They both just shrugged and stepped in.
--
Da da da da dun dunnn da da dunn daaaaaaaaaaah!!
--
Takuya and Izumi had arrived at the tropical resort of Isle Delfino. The sun was shining! The water was clear, clean, and pristine! The sand was sandy! And the palm trees were palm-treey. Everything was perfect! Well, except for the weird multi-colored graffiti that was all over the place.
"My, this author's all for descriptions, isn't she?" said a familiar voice of a familiar Digimon who familiarly snaps Neemon's pants.
Takuya and Izumi looked over toward the voice and standing there was Bokomon and Neemon and Kouji and Junpei and Tomoki and there's too many ands.
"I guess you guys got the same note?" Kouji asked the new arrivals.
"Yeah. Weird," responded Takuya.
"But it's a tropical island," grinned Izumi.
"So that means..."
"It's beach bonanza time!" exclaimed the CCs.
Just when they were about to strip down to go skinny dipping, they heard…
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
"Huh?"
A funky looking guy with bright blue rubbery skin, little eyes, and a big nose stepped out, blocking their path. It was a Pianta!
"You can't go one step further!" shouted the Pianta.
"And just why not?" demanded Izumi.
"Because there's trouble on Isle Delfino!"
"Gasp! Trouble?"
"Yes! Trouble! Haven't you noticed all the graffiti everywhere?"
"Well, now that you mention it..."
"And that's why you can't… Gasp!"
Everyone looked around frantically.
"You!" He pointed at Kouji. "You look just like the criminal terrorizing our happy little Isle Delfino!"
"What the fook are you talking about?"
"Kouji! I didn't know you had a secret life of crime!" exclaimed Takuya.
"I don't have a secret life of crime!"
"What does fook mean?" asked Tomoki, scratching his head in confusion.
"I haven't had a line in this chapter yet," grumbled Junpei.
"Quiet! Let the weirdo speak!" shouted Izumi.
"Are you talking about me?" asked Neemon.
"Hellooooooo!" shouted the blue dude. "You're under arrest, you bandana person!"
"But I didn't do anything!" Kouji claimed, holding his hands out in front of him.
"Unless you have a secret life of crime!" exclaimed Takuya.
"I don't have a fookin' secret life of crime!"
"What does fook mean?!" Tomoki asked again.
"Would you all stop with the exclamations!!" shouted Junpei.
"But if Kouji doesn't have a secret life of crime, then who does?"
"I think we've established that no one has a secret life of crime, Takuya," Bokomon sighed.
"Would you all be quiet and let the weirdo speak?!" screamed Izumi.
"Who, me?" asked Neemon.
"Quiet, Bakamon!" Bokomon snapped Neemon's pants again.
"Ouchie!"
The Isle Delfino weirdo's right eye was now twitching. "Someone just arrest the bandana person!"
"ENOUGH!!" shouted another voice from the statue in the town square. Huge blobs of multi-colored graffiti were fired at the Chosen Children.
Everyone screamed as they dodged the projectiles.
"Who did that?" Kouji asked to no one in particular.
Then the criminal revealed himself to be…
…
…
…
(dun dun dun)
"Kouichi?!" exclaimed Kouji very dramatically.
"Yes, it is I! Kouichi!" the boy laughed.
Kouji sweatdropped. "Kouichi, what the fook do you think you're doing?"
"Well, I know I'm supposed to be all possessed and evil and stuff and then turn good and all that, but I got another evil streak! And well, you know how it is with those evil streaks..."
Kouji blinked. "Actually, I don't..."
The Pianta frantically looked back and both between Kouji and Kouichi. "I can't tell them apart!" He fainted from confusion.
"So what do we do now?" Kouji asked the group.
Toadsworth suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "You must defeat your brother using this high-tech water cannon," the old fart explained.
"What?" questioned Kouji, who was wondering whether to believe a talking mushroom or not.
"I said you have to defeat your brother using this high-tech water cannon," he explained again as he held up the device for all to see.
"Can't I just Spirit Evolve and kick his ass that way?"
"No, you have to use the water cannon. That's how it is in the game!"
"He's right, you know," Kouichi said.
The high-tech water cannon started talking in a high-pitched robotic voice, "Greetings. I am FLUDD." FLUDD proceeded with scanning his new 'master'. "User identified as Kouji."
"All right, all right. I'll do it," said Kouji. "But I am not wearing the overalls!"
"Why, do they clash with your outfit?" Kouichi questioned.
"No, it matches, it just rides up after a while."
Toadsworth cleared his throat, not appreciating that tidbit of information. "One more thing I forgot to mention. To actually begin this assignment, you must first say the line."
"What line?"
"The line."
Kouji didn't like where this was going. He sighed. "Supaa Kou-ji Sun-shine! Whoohoo!" he exclaimed in his best Mario impression.
No one was around to hear that lovely rendition, luckily, as they had already started their holiday.
--
Meanwhile, in a dark secret canyon hideout.
The Evil Hybrids were in their secret liar doing Evil Hybrid-type-things.
Grottomon was over in the corner holding a little hand-held mirror, beholding his vasige. "You know, I was thinking about getting plastic surgery to get rid of my huge nose..."
"Ha! You think that's bad!" said Ranamon from over on the other side of the room. "At least you don't Spirit Evolve into a drag queen!"
"I have it worse!" shouted Mercuremon. "I have no face! All I have is lips on a mirror, which is my head."
"Um, shouldn't we be doing Evil Hybrid type-things?" asked Abormon.
"Right! This is no time for chit-chat!" Grottomon said as he tossed the mirror behind him. It crashed on the floor.
"Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Seven years bad luck!" shouted everyone but Grottomon. Grottomon raised an eyebrow.
"I need to steal some spirits!" Grottomon shouted like an angry drunk. "Golemon! Come!"
Two Golemon were on the computer over in the corner.
"Aww, but we're feeding our Neopets!" they said in unison. Grottomon slapped his forehead.
"You morons! We've got to go steal those kids spirits!" the huge-nosed one shouted.
"Hey, have you ever noticed that when we're in the show, we're artificially created?" asked Golemon #1 to Golemon #2.
"Yeah! That sucks," responded Golemon #2.
"Let's just go!!" shouted everyone but Grottomon and the Golemons.
"Okay, okay!"
And so Grottomon, the two Golemon, Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Arbormon ran out in their evil-ish fashion.
"I'm surrounded by idiots..." grumbled Cherubimon from the ceiling.
--
And we're back on Isle Delfino! The trees were green! The sun was sunny! The sand was sandy! And the water was wet!
"WE KNOW!" shouted Takuya, Junpei, and Tomoki, who were now lying in lounge chairs on the beach in their swimsuits. Izumi was currently in the changing rooms.
Then (dramatic music plays) the Evil Hybrids made a dazzling entrance! But how'd they get there so fast? Ah, details, details... The Team Rocket music started playing in the background.
"Prepare for trouble! And make it double!" said the evil Digimon.
"To cause the Digital World devastation!" said Grottomon.
"To steal all spirits within our nation!" said Ranamon.
"To announce the evils of truth and love!" said Mercuremon.
"To obey the orders of Cherubimon-sama!" said Abormon.
"Grottomon!"
"Ranamon!"
"Mercuremon!"
"Arbormon!"
"The Evil Hybrids team stealing spirits at the speed of light! Surrender them now or you're in for a fight!"
"Golemon! That's right!" said the two Golemon.
Takuya, Tomoki, and Junpei started in bafflement.
"At least they didn't sing," commented Takuya.
The others nodded.
"It's not fair. I just know I'm going to be emotionally scarred after this quest is over," Tomoki said in a saddened manner.
"Come on, let's just Spirit Evolve and kick their asses," said Takuya, obviously bored.
And so, la dee da da, they Spirit Evolved into Agnimon, Blitzmon, and Chakmon. Blitzmon and Chakmon started fighting Ranamon, Mercuremon,and Arbormon. And Grottomon ran off with the two Golemon coming with him and Agnimon went after them. Ooo, fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! BLOODSHED!
--
"WAH HAH HA!! You'll never catch me, Kouji!" said Kouichi as he amazingly leaped tall buildings in a single bound, eventually leading them into the town square.
"How high can he jump?!" exclaimed Kouji.
Kouichi sprung on the nearest and highest rooftop, leaving Kouji on the ground dumbfounded.
"How am I supposed to get up there?"
"You can use the hover mode, you know," stated the FLUDD.
"Crazy contraption," the boy grumbled to himself.
Kouji used the super hover mode thingy to gain some height. Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Kouji!
"WAH HAH HA!" laughed Kouichi from another rooftop.
"I'll get you soon enough, you dastardly fiend!"
"Um, I beg your pardon, but we're almost out of water," said FLUDD.
The bandana-boy looked down and realized he was about fifty feet in the air over the water canal into the island.. and was about to fall. "Oh, crap."
--
"Get back here, you freaky little gnome!" shouted Agnimon while still pursuing Grottomon.
"Nyahahahahahahaha!" laughed Grottomon. Damn! Why'd those stupid Golemon have to fall in the water and melt?! "Nyahaha ha HA! You shall feel my wrath! Taste my fury! Um... get a butt kickin'!"
Grottomon stopped and turned around, causing Agnimon to stop in annoyance. Grottomon looked like he was trying to pull something out of the ground, but to no avail. He started swearing to himself, while Agnimon raised an eyebrow.
"Hey! Where's my big mallet-thingy that always seems to pop out of the ground?"
"Um, we're standing on a concrete road," said Agnimon.
Sure enough, they were standing on concrete. Grottomon swore again.
"I think I have a spare over near the dressing rooms..." said the gnome as he made a dash for the changing area.
"The dressing rooms?" Agnimon questioned. "But isn't that where Izumi... Oh, sh--!"
--
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH..."
SPLASH!
Kouji had just fallen from the sky into the canal, becoming completely soaked.
"Screw this stupid FLUDD and its shoddy instruction manual that you have to be trilingual to read! Spirit Evolution, Wolfmon!"
"Eeep!" said Kouichi.
"Licht Seiger!"
--
"Golden Thunder!" shouted Blitzmon as he powered up his fists with electricity. Ranamon just splashed a little water on him, thereby electrocuting him.
"GAHAHAACKAKAKA!" He fell on the ground, twitching.
"Help! I'm melting!" said the puddle that was left of Chakmon. I guess little snowman bears and hot tropical islands don't mix.
The three Evil Hybrids blinked. "Well, that was easy."
--
"Grottomon's heading right where Izumi is getting dressed! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!"
Grottomon made a leap for the female dressing rooms and was right over the building.
"Oh no you don't, you perverted little gnome!"
Agnimon rushed at Grottomon with an aerial attack, sending them both downward toward the roof of the female changing area at full speed.
Grottomon yelped at the sight of the oncoming roof at his face.
"Oh no!"
--
"Why am I getting that episode 15 feeling?"
--
Swearing and screams were heard during the fall.
--
WHAAM! CRASH! PAIN!
After the dust cleared from the crash, it left one wide-eyed Agnimon, an opened-mouthed Grottomon and one half-exposed and Izumi.
"Sweet mother of Vritramon! I didn't mean for this to happen, Izumi!"
"GET OUT!"
Agnimon did as told, dragging Grottomon behind him.
"Spirt Evolution, Fairymon!" was heard from inside.
Agnimon was freaking out while Grottomon was still shocked.
Fairymon burst forth from the dressing rooms with pure fairy fury.
"Izumi, I swear! The freaky gnome! It was him! You're scaring me! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that thing like I accidentally did in episode 15!"
Then Agnimon got on his knees and scooted up to Fairymon, grabbing her around the waist and begging for forgiveness with gushing tears. This surprised her a bit.
"Aw, I'm not going to kill you or anything, Taku. What, are you scared of me or something?"
"Oh, nonono…" He nervously laughed.
"Anyway, let's get that freaky little gnome!"
"Hell yeah!"
They both stepped towards him. Grottomon was still lying on the ground, shocked with mouth agape. Agnimon kicked him a bit with his foot, but he didn't move.
"Methinks he doesn't get out too much," Agnimon commented.
Fairymon kicked him a good distance toward the other side of the island.
"Now let's find the others and resume lounging around like a bunch of lazy bums!" Fairymon commanded.
"Hell yeah!"
--
Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Abormon were standing around looking bored at the charred Blitzmon and the melted Chakmon.
"Blub... blub... blub..." said the puddle formally known as Chakmon.
"Now what?" asked Arbormon.
The three noticed something falling from the sky and heading right towards them.
"Look up in the sky! It's a bird!" said Abormon.
"It's a plane!" said Mercuremon.
Ranamon squinted. "No. ... It's just Grottomon."
Grottomon crashed right into them, somehow causing a chain reaction and blasting them all to somewhere else!
" Looks like the Evil Hybrids team are blasting off agaaaaain!"
Ping!
Agnimon and Fairymon discovered their fallen comrades.
"Uhhhhh..."
Twitch. Twitch.
Glub. Glub.
"Well, I'd better get a mop..." said Fairymon.
Fairymon mopped up Chakmon while Agnimon poked Blitzmon with a stick.
"Hee hee. Poke poke," said Agnimon.
Wolfmon appeared on the scene, looking quite happy.
"Well, that takes care of that!" he said, wiping his hands with his scarf.
"What happened to Kouichi?" asked Agnimon.
--
"Get me down from here!!"
Kouichi was on the other side of the island, currently tied-up and hanging upside down from a tree.
"Kouji, get back here! You can't do this to me, dear brother! I thought we had a bond!"
--
"He had other stuff to do," said Wolfmon.
They all stood around for a minute or so.
"So... why aren't we de-evolving?" asked Fairymon.
The Pianta who had previously fainted appeared to explain, chuckling nervously. "Well, um, y'see, we've got a bit of a communications problem here on Isle Delfino… and it might just be affecting your D-Scanners. So… you might be stuck like that for a little while."
"Gasp! We're trapped!" exclaimed Agnimon.
"In our Digimon forms!" exclaimed Fairymon.
"On Isle Delfino!" exclaimed Wolfmon.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
But wait, where are Bokomon and Neemon in the midst of this chaos?
--
Bokomon and Neemon had been pampering themselves in a nearby spa. At the moment, they were wearing mud beauty masks with cucumber slices over their eyes, while getting manicures.
"I feel pretty!" said Neemon.
End of chapter 10.
The less said the better. Stay tuned, stick around, and other similar phrases for "DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE", so you may read the next enlightening chapter of A Funny Frontier Tale!