Chapter Six I'll Have No Moria Cheek
It was the Fellowship's last night in Chip'n'Dell. Spirits were low, as no-one except Aragormless seemed pleased that they were going to their certain, messy and most likely dragged-out deaths at Saurondemort's hands. Aragormless and Kelly were floating around on Cloud Nine, though. Well, Aragormless was. Kelly was floating on Cloud Eight-And-A-Half, the cloud of greedy, money/fame grabbing, soon-to-be queens. But either the fact that his betrothed didn't love him was no concern for Trotter, or he really was too stupid to notice. The odds were 2:1 on the latter being true at the Chip'n'Dell casino.
Fido now sat in his room alone, glumly staring at the floor and trying not to think about Ring-pulls, D'orcs, Mordors-Less Windows, or other nasty things that'll stab you as soon as look at you.
A knock came on his door.
"Who is it?" asked Fido.
"Uncle Bigblo"
Fido got up and unlocked the door, and let his uncle in, who was holding some oddly shaped parcels.
"What are they?" asked Fido.
"Just a few odds and ends for my favourite nephew to take on his perilous journey." said Bigblo, giving the parcels to Fido.
"I wouldn't even be going on a perilous journey if it wasn't for you." Fido grumbled, but unwrapped Bigblo's presents nonetheless, finding them to be a Rabbit-sized lightsaber and a bullet-proof vest.
"The lightsaber glows blue when D'orcs are close, you know," Bigblo informed him. "And even when they aren't. Shoddy elf workmanship, they don't make them like they used to. But it will turn a nice shade of purple if you pester George Lucas enough."
Suddenly Smelly and Pipsqueak burst into the room, grinning, and locked the door behind them.
"What's going on...?" began Fido, when Smelly shushed him.
"Give it five more seconds." he said gleefully to Pipsqueak, and they stood with their ears to the door, listening.
What they were listening for became apparent roughly four and a half seconds later.
A scream of rage came from Barometer's quarters, and they heard a distinct cry of "PINK!?!"
"What did you do?" asked Fido.
"Aragormless' red cape somehow found its way into Barometer's white washing. Nothing to do with us, of course." said Smelly.
"Of course." echoed Pipsqueak.
Fido rolled his eyes in the manner of Tomboy Dill. They hadn't even left Chip'n'Dell and already there was tension in the Fellowship, and now Smelly and Pipsqueak had decided to become practical jokers (mind you, they were hardly Oxford graduates before). And Fido had the sneaking suspicion that Barometer wouldn't be the only member of the Fellowship to be 'Smelly- and-Pipsqueaked' in the weeks to come.
Sighing, he ushered them all out of his room, and sat down heavily on the bed. Pulling the covers over his head, he lay back and tried to get a decent night's sleep before he left Chip'n'Dell the next day. Unfortunately, his room was next door to Dill's, and she chose that particular moment to start a two-hour karaoke session with Leggylass. Fido groaned into his pillow and put his little Rabbit paws over his ears, to no avail. If this was to be his companions' behaviour for the duration of their quest, Fido wouldn't need to give the Ring-pull away to go mad.
The next day the assorted members of the Fellowship assembled before Ozzy before they left Chip'n'Dell.
"Ahsposethisisgoobye, burrAhjustwantyootaknoAhfinkyou'reall proper noble fordointhis, y'know? Idiots, bu' propanobleones."
"You're too kind," gushed Aragormless, who, as one of the many people who could not decipher Ozzy's speech, assumed the elf had just complimented him. The group said farewell to Ozzy, Kelly and Bigblo, and the other Chip'n'Dell guests who had turned up to watch the Fellowship's departure, and soon the Company began striding away from Chip'n'Dell towards the bleak, sticky, uninhabited lands that lay between there and the Mouldy Mountains.
**********
The Fellowship decided to take the route along the western side of the Mouldy Mountains until they reached the Gap of Ronan, and from there they would go on to Mordors-Less Windows. Well, I say 'the Fellowship'; it was actually Gangwarf who decided, and he had continually poked the rest of them until they agreed with him.
The Fellowship marched south for many days, without incident, and without seeing any of Saurondemort's servants. They did see a couple of suspicious looking caterpillars and a weedy little fox, but they might have just been Civil Servants.
As the company neared the Gap of Ronan, however, evil omens began to appear on their path. Each morning the company noticed more suspiciously D'orc- like footprints on the road, more evil pigeons flying overhead, and many more AOL sign up disks arriving in the post. Eventually Gangwarf caught on.
"Curses and cuticles! I do believe the foul wizard Sorryman has caught our scent! We shall have to revise our course." He said, sitting down heavily on a rocky outcrop and pulling from his back pack an antiquated Ye Olde Route-Finder™.
"Now, let me see.... We're in Aregion, heading for Mordors-Less Windows.... Alternate routes..." he muttered, sporadically jabbing buttons on the machine. After five minutes, he started whacking it with his wand, and finally cast it over his shoulder into a bush.
"Alas, I fear the evil of Sorryman has corrupted my Route-Finder." Said the wizard.
"Nay," whispered Leggylass to Fido, "I stole the batteries for my Walkman."
The rest of the company deliberated what course they should take now that the Gap of Ronan was out of the question, and the Route-Finder was broken.
"We could take the pass of Caradhtop." Suggested Gangwarf, referring to the snowy topped mountain of Everest proportions behind him.
"In this skirt?" said Dill "You've got to be kidding me."
"We could just go back?" said Barometer hopefully. Everyone glared at him.
"What about the Mines of Morris-Dancia?" said Aragormless.
"Only a deranged D'orc with a death wish would go there, King Boy." Snapped Gangwarf, throwing some killer alliteration at the ranger.
"Oy, the vizard is right. I pity the schmuck who has to open the doors on that can of vorms." Said Grouchi, forebodingly.
The next day the company came upon the gigantic doors of Morris Dancia, which is called Custard Doom in the dwarfish tongue. It was made by the dwarves in the Fabled First Age of Middly Squat Earth, which explains why its architecture had all the gracefulness and decorum of an obese sheep. The ceilings were low, the floors were mossy and infested with silverfish, and the air was dank. Which, unsurprisingly, makes it a great deal pleasanter than most public swimming pools.
The doors, being of dwarfish make, were notoriously difficult to locate, and could only be seen when the person who wished to enter could tell the difference between solid rock and cardboard. Ingenious folk, those dwarves. Gangwarf, being one of the few people who possessed this quality, immediately strode up to the doors and spoke the magic words:
"Abra Cadabra, Skoda Lexus Rover
Half a pound of tuppeny rice
Pop goes the stock market"
He shouted awesomely to the great gates. Nothing happened. Dill sighed. Barometer shuffled his feet. Pipsqueak started to eat his ear out of boredom.
"This is very complex magic," said Gangwarf haughtily, "which obviously needs a few minutes to warm up!"
A few minutes soon turned into an hour, and the company still sat outside the mines. Gangwarf sat away from the rest, meditating beside the door, and occasionally kicking it out of frustration. Suddenly Leggylass leapt up, and put some coins in the slot next to the door, beneath the large neon sign which read: 'Insert coins to enter the Mines'.
"Of course!" cried Gangwarf as the doors swung open, the Fellowship sprinting hastily into them. They were not inside for five seconds when the heavy cardboard doors shut behind them with a resounding 'pfft', and they had no choice but to continue through the darkness of the mines.
It was as black as a Labrador's belly inside, so Gangwarf muttered a small charm to light the end of his wand. Of course, this had as much effect on the darkness as goat armed with a wooden spoon has against a dragon. Luckily, Barometer's still neon pink clothes provided the Fellowship with ample light to see with, and so they started trudging along the winding track that lead through Morris-Dancia.
As they walked along, Lamb noticed the track was actually divided into small sections by many pieces of wood, that ran in between two long pieces of metal. He commented upon this to Gangwarf. After hitting Lamb with Pipsqueak for scaring him, the wizard explained the purpose of the tracks.
"Well, the mines were first built under the command of the great dwarf king Durin-Duran," he began.
"Who was known to the elves as Durin the Break." Added Leggylass.
"Who originally wanted a transport system that would go through the entire Mouldy Mountains," continued Gangwarf, "thus making commuting to the best mining spots much easier. Well, the caverns beneath Mount Caradhtop seemed the best place for Durin-Duran's plans on the drawing-board, and for a few years the dwarves accumulated much material wealth as they could, they sold high and bought low, bathed in molten gold every day, and all was good. But then disaster struck, and the dwarves had to flee from Custard-Doom, and it was given the name Morris-Dancia, to strike fear into the heart of anyone who wished to go there."
"Cripes," said Fido, "that's one heck of a story. But what made the dwarves leave so suddenly?" Gangwarf did not reply.
Assuming he'd gone deaf again, Fido repeated himself loudly, only to incur the wrath of the rest of the party.
"Could your voice be any louder? Keep it down, shorty!" said Dill angrily.
"But why did the dwarves leave?"
"Insurance salesmen vouldn't leave us alone, or D'orcs invaded." Said Grouchi shiftily. "I don't remember vhich." And he would say nothing more, no matter how many times Fido questioned him, tripped him up or stuck rude signs on his back.
Eventually they came to a point where the railroad track divided, and went down two separated tunnels, when Gangwarf stopped suddenly.
"Shoot." He said. "I've just realised I've forgotten my towel." And he sat down and went no further.
To pass the time until Gangwarf overcame this crisis, the others gathered round and roasted marshmallows (and occasionally one of Gangwarf's smaller Dancing Goblins) over Grouchi's cigar. Presently, the Fellowship realised that the air had become more red, glowing and sparkly than they had previously noticed, and Grouchi's cigar had nothing to do with it.
"What be a happenin'?" asked Lamb nervously. But before anyone could hit him a great and terrible noise filled the mines:
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?"
The song began. Suddenly Leggylass cried out in terror.
"Argh! A Bangle!" she said.
Aragormless and Barometer gasped.
"Not the Eternal Flame monster?" Dill whispered in terror.
"We should really be running now." Noted Smelly. Ignoring him, Gangwarf grabbed Grouchi by his moustache.
"You little creep! Did you know about this?"
"So I knew, so sue me! You're the first customers we dvarves have had in decades!"
"Running would be a good choice, given the present situation." Said Smelly. Realising no-one was listening; he grabbed his marshmallows and scampered away into the tunnel on the left. The song got louder, and Smelly hastily reappeared out of the tunnel, a horde of vicious, short and spotty faced D'orcs rushing after him, their war-knives gleaming in the gloom. And their war-forks and spoons, too. When they drew their war-cups and saucers, it was too much for the Fellowship, and they decided to bravely run for it.
They dived into the right hand tunnel, and dashed down it like a cheetah that's just digested several medium sized jars of Nescafé, the D'orcs and their horrifying cutlery only inches behind. They suddenly came to a great chasm, with a spindly rope-bridge across it, and the exit fortunately just on the other side.
Aragormless, Barometer, Dill, Grouchi, Leggylass and the Rabbits leapt across, and turned in horror to see Gangwarf step onto the bridge, only to have the Bangle step onto it before he could get across. The wizard turned to face the great towering monster.
"You cannot pass," he said, "unless, that is, you answer three questions!" The Bangle twitched slightly, but nodded, and Gangwarf proceeded to ask his questions. The Fellowship glanced at each other puzzled.
"What....... is your name?" said Gangwarf piercingly.
"Bangle." Said the Bangle.
"Correct. What..... is your quest?" said the wizard.
"To kill everything I can in a fiery inferno." answered the Bangle threateningly.
"Correct." Squeaked Gangwarf. "What....... is the average air speed of a dragon?" he asked after a pause.
The Fellowship held it's breath, knowing that if the Bangle answered correctly they would be char-grilled.
"Don't worry," said Barometer, checking Fido's script. "No-one gets crispy fried for another two books." Meanwhile, the Bangle looked worried.
"I don't know!" it wailed finally.
"Incorrect." Grinned Gangwarf, as the piece of wood beneath the Bangle gave way, and it dropped into the bottomless pit below the bridge.
"Works every time." the wizard said smugly as he made his way towards the other side of the bridge.
"Ingenious, Gangwarf," said Pipsqueak, "but what is the average air speed of a dragon?"
"Y'know, I don't know. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!" said Gangwarf as the bridge gave way beneath his feet and he fell into the pit.
"Ooops." Observed the Rabbit.
"Farewell, Warfie, we barely knew ye." Sang Aragormless sadly.
"Time to make like my ends and split, I think." said Dill, as countless D'orc war-teapots whooshed passed her ears.
"Lets." Said Leggylass, and the rest of the company dashed through the fire- exit at the back of the Mines, into the bright, gooey sunlight flooding the next chapter.
It was the Fellowship's last night in Chip'n'Dell. Spirits were low, as no-one except Aragormless seemed pleased that they were going to their certain, messy and most likely dragged-out deaths at Saurondemort's hands. Aragormless and Kelly were floating around on Cloud Nine, though. Well, Aragormless was. Kelly was floating on Cloud Eight-And-A-Half, the cloud of greedy, money/fame grabbing, soon-to-be queens. But either the fact that his betrothed didn't love him was no concern for Trotter, or he really was too stupid to notice. The odds were 2:1 on the latter being true at the Chip'n'Dell casino.
Fido now sat in his room alone, glumly staring at the floor and trying not to think about Ring-pulls, D'orcs, Mordors-Less Windows, or other nasty things that'll stab you as soon as look at you.
A knock came on his door.
"Who is it?" asked Fido.
"Uncle Bigblo"
Fido got up and unlocked the door, and let his uncle in, who was holding some oddly shaped parcels.
"What are they?" asked Fido.
"Just a few odds and ends for my favourite nephew to take on his perilous journey." said Bigblo, giving the parcels to Fido.
"I wouldn't even be going on a perilous journey if it wasn't for you." Fido grumbled, but unwrapped Bigblo's presents nonetheless, finding them to be a Rabbit-sized lightsaber and a bullet-proof vest.
"The lightsaber glows blue when D'orcs are close, you know," Bigblo informed him. "And even when they aren't. Shoddy elf workmanship, they don't make them like they used to. But it will turn a nice shade of purple if you pester George Lucas enough."
Suddenly Smelly and Pipsqueak burst into the room, grinning, and locked the door behind them.
"What's going on...?" began Fido, when Smelly shushed him.
"Give it five more seconds." he said gleefully to Pipsqueak, and they stood with their ears to the door, listening.
What they were listening for became apparent roughly four and a half seconds later.
A scream of rage came from Barometer's quarters, and they heard a distinct cry of "PINK!?!"
"What did you do?" asked Fido.
"Aragormless' red cape somehow found its way into Barometer's white washing. Nothing to do with us, of course." said Smelly.
"Of course." echoed Pipsqueak.
Fido rolled his eyes in the manner of Tomboy Dill. They hadn't even left Chip'n'Dell and already there was tension in the Fellowship, and now Smelly and Pipsqueak had decided to become practical jokers (mind you, they were hardly Oxford graduates before). And Fido had the sneaking suspicion that Barometer wouldn't be the only member of the Fellowship to be 'Smelly- and-Pipsqueaked' in the weeks to come.
Sighing, he ushered them all out of his room, and sat down heavily on the bed. Pulling the covers over his head, he lay back and tried to get a decent night's sleep before he left Chip'n'Dell the next day. Unfortunately, his room was next door to Dill's, and she chose that particular moment to start a two-hour karaoke session with Leggylass. Fido groaned into his pillow and put his little Rabbit paws over his ears, to no avail. If this was to be his companions' behaviour for the duration of their quest, Fido wouldn't need to give the Ring-pull away to go mad.
The next day the assorted members of the Fellowship assembled before Ozzy before they left Chip'n'Dell.
"Ahsposethisisgoobye, burrAhjustwantyootaknoAhfinkyou'reall proper noble fordointhis, y'know? Idiots, bu' propanobleones."
"You're too kind," gushed Aragormless, who, as one of the many people who could not decipher Ozzy's speech, assumed the elf had just complimented him. The group said farewell to Ozzy, Kelly and Bigblo, and the other Chip'n'Dell guests who had turned up to watch the Fellowship's departure, and soon the Company began striding away from Chip'n'Dell towards the bleak, sticky, uninhabited lands that lay between there and the Mouldy Mountains.
**********
The Fellowship decided to take the route along the western side of the Mouldy Mountains until they reached the Gap of Ronan, and from there they would go on to Mordors-Less Windows. Well, I say 'the Fellowship'; it was actually Gangwarf who decided, and he had continually poked the rest of them until they agreed with him.
The Fellowship marched south for many days, without incident, and without seeing any of Saurondemort's servants. They did see a couple of suspicious looking caterpillars and a weedy little fox, but they might have just been Civil Servants.
As the company neared the Gap of Ronan, however, evil omens began to appear on their path. Each morning the company noticed more suspiciously D'orc- like footprints on the road, more evil pigeons flying overhead, and many more AOL sign up disks arriving in the post. Eventually Gangwarf caught on.
"Curses and cuticles! I do believe the foul wizard Sorryman has caught our scent! We shall have to revise our course." He said, sitting down heavily on a rocky outcrop and pulling from his back pack an antiquated Ye Olde Route-Finder™.
"Now, let me see.... We're in Aregion, heading for Mordors-Less Windows.... Alternate routes..." he muttered, sporadically jabbing buttons on the machine. After five minutes, he started whacking it with his wand, and finally cast it over his shoulder into a bush.
"Alas, I fear the evil of Sorryman has corrupted my Route-Finder." Said the wizard.
"Nay," whispered Leggylass to Fido, "I stole the batteries for my Walkman."
The rest of the company deliberated what course they should take now that the Gap of Ronan was out of the question, and the Route-Finder was broken.
"We could take the pass of Caradhtop." Suggested Gangwarf, referring to the snowy topped mountain of Everest proportions behind him.
"In this skirt?" said Dill "You've got to be kidding me."
"We could just go back?" said Barometer hopefully. Everyone glared at him.
"What about the Mines of Morris-Dancia?" said Aragormless.
"Only a deranged D'orc with a death wish would go there, King Boy." Snapped Gangwarf, throwing some killer alliteration at the ranger.
"Oy, the vizard is right. I pity the schmuck who has to open the doors on that can of vorms." Said Grouchi, forebodingly.
The next day the company came upon the gigantic doors of Morris Dancia, which is called Custard Doom in the dwarfish tongue. It was made by the dwarves in the Fabled First Age of Middly Squat Earth, which explains why its architecture had all the gracefulness and decorum of an obese sheep. The ceilings were low, the floors were mossy and infested with silverfish, and the air was dank. Which, unsurprisingly, makes it a great deal pleasanter than most public swimming pools.
The doors, being of dwarfish make, were notoriously difficult to locate, and could only be seen when the person who wished to enter could tell the difference between solid rock and cardboard. Ingenious folk, those dwarves. Gangwarf, being one of the few people who possessed this quality, immediately strode up to the doors and spoke the magic words:
"Abra Cadabra, Skoda Lexus Rover
Half a pound of tuppeny rice
Pop goes the stock market"
He shouted awesomely to the great gates. Nothing happened. Dill sighed. Barometer shuffled his feet. Pipsqueak started to eat his ear out of boredom.
"This is very complex magic," said Gangwarf haughtily, "which obviously needs a few minutes to warm up!"
A few minutes soon turned into an hour, and the company still sat outside the mines. Gangwarf sat away from the rest, meditating beside the door, and occasionally kicking it out of frustration. Suddenly Leggylass leapt up, and put some coins in the slot next to the door, beneath the large neon sign which read: 'Insert coins to enter the Mines'.
"Of course!" cried Gangwarf as the doors swung open, the Fellowship sprinting hastily into them. They were not inside for five seconds when the heavy cardboard doors shut behind them with a resounding 'pfft', and they had no choice but to continue through the darkness of the mines.
It was as black as a Labrador's belly inside, so Gangwarf muttered a small charm to light the end of his wand. Of course, this had as much effect on the darkness as goat armed with a wooden spoon has against a dragon. Luckily, Barometer's still neon pink clothes provided the Fellowship with ample light to see with, and so they started trudging along the winding track that lead through Morris-Dancia.
As they walked along, Lamb noticed the track was actually divided into small sections by many pieces of wood, that ran in between two long pieces of metal. He commented upon this to Gangwarf. After hitting Lamb with Pipsqueak for scaring him, the wizard explained the purpose of the tracks.
"Well, the mines were first built under the command of the great dwarf king Durin-Duran," he began.
"Who was known to the elves as Durin the Break." Added Leggylass.
"Who originally wanted a transport system that would go through the entire Mouldy Mountains," continued Gangwarf, "thus making commuting to the best mining spots much easier. Well, the caverns beneath Mount Caradhtop seemed the best place for Durin-Duran's plans on the drawing-board, and for a few years the dwarves accumulated much material wealth as they could, they sold high and bought low, bathed in molten gold every day, and all was good. But then disaster struck, and the dwarves had to flee from Custard-Doom, and it was given the name Morris-Dancia, to strike fear into the heart of anyone who wished to go there."
"Cripes," said Fido, "that's one heck of a story. But what made the dwarves leave so suddenly?" Gangwarf did not reply.
Assuming he'd gone deaf again, Fido repeated himself loudly, only to incur the wrath of the rest of the party.
"Could your voice be any louder? Keep it down, shorty!" said Dill angrily.
"But why did the dwarves leave?"
"Insurance salesmen vouldn't leave us alone, or D'orcs invaded." Said Grouchi shiftily. "I don't remember vhich." And he would say nothing more, no matter how many times Fido questioned him, tripped him up or stuck rude signs on his back.
Eventually they came to a point where the railroad track divided, and went down two separated tunnels, when Gangwarf stopped suddenly.
"Shoot." He said. "I've just realised I've forgotten my towel." And he sat down and went no further.
To pass the time until Gangwarf overcame this crisis, the others gathered round and roasted marshmallows (and occasionally one of Gangwarf's smaller Dancing Goblins) over Grouchi's cigar. Presently, the Fellowship realised that the air had become more red, glowing and sparkly than they had previously noticed, and Grouchi's cigar had nothing to do with it.
"What be a happenin'?" asked Lamb nervously. But before anyone could hit him a great and terrible noise filled the mines:
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?"
The song began. Suddenly Leggylass cried out in terror.
"Argh! A Bangle!" she said.
Aragormless and Barometer gasped.
"Not the Eternal Flame monster?" Dill whispered in terror.
"We should really be running now." Noted Smelly. Ignoring him, Gangwarf grabbed Grouchi by his moustache.
"You little creep! Did you know about this?"
"So I knew, so sue me! You're the first customers we dvarves have had in decades!"
"Running would be a good choice, given the present situation." Said Smelly. Realising no-one was listening; he grabbed his marshmallows and scampered away into the tunnel on the left. The song got louder, and Smelly hastily reappeared out of the tunnel, a horde of vicious, short and spotty faced D'orcs rushing after him, their war-knives gleaming in the gloom. And their war-forks and spoons, too. When they drew their war-cups and saucers, it was too much for the Fellowship, and they decided to bravely run for it.
They dived into the right hand tunnel, and dashed down it like a cheetah that's just digested several medium sized jars of Nescafé, the D'orcs and their horrifying cutlery only inches behind. They suddenly came to a great chasm, with a spindly rope-bridge across it, and the exit fortunately just on the other side.
Aragormless, Barometer, Dill, Grouchi, Leggylass and the Rabbits leapt across, and turned in horror to see Gangwarf step onto the bridge, only to have the Bangle step onto it before he could get across. The wizard turned to face the great towering monster.
"You cannot pass," he said, "unless, that is, you answer three questions!" The Bangle twitched slightly, but nodded, and Gangwarf proceeded to ask his questions. The Fellowship glanced at each other puzzled.
"What....... is your name?" said Gangwarf piercingly.
"Bangle." Said the Bangle.
"Correct. What..... is your quest?" said the wizard.
"To kill everything I can in a fiery inferno." answered the Bangle threateningly.
"Correct." Squeaked Gangwarf. "What....... is the average air speed of a dragon?" he asked after a pause.
The Fellowship held it's breath, knowing that if the Bangle answered correctly they would be char-grilled.
"Don't worry," said Barometer, checking Fido's script. "No-one gets crispy fried for another two books." Meanwhile, the Bangle looked worried.
"I don't know!" it wailed finally.
"Incorrect." Grinned Gangwarf, as the piece of wood beneath the Bangle gave way, and it dropped into the bottomless pit below the bridge.
"Works every time." the wizard said smugly as he made his way towards the other side of the bridge.
"Ingenious, Gangwarf," said Pipsqueak, "but what is the average air speed of a dragon?"
"Y'know, I don't know. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!" said Gangwarf as the bridge gave way beneath his feet and he fell into the pit.
"Ooops." Observed the Rabbit.
"Farewell, Warfie, we barely knew ye." Sang Aragormless sadly.
"Time to make like my ends and split, I think." said Dill, as countless D'orc war-teapots whooshed passed her ears.
"Lets." Said Leggylass, and the rest of the company dashed through the fire- exit at the back of the Mines, into the bright, gooey sunlight flooding the next chapter.