I see from your reviews that you all liked the last chapter. That's good! I hope I will continue to get good reviews in spite of the horrible and unbelievable things Stitch will be doing in the next few chapters. Whoops! Almost gave the story away!
Disclaimer: The statues and carvings used in this chapter were inspired (well, taken) from a book from the Sword of Truth series. I do not own them in any way, shape or form. (And when you get right down to it, who would? They're nasty.)
Lilo was bored of being suspended and grounded. She looked around the house, hoping Stitch might have decided to go back to normal again so they could have some fun. He was nowhere to be found. "Pleakley, where's Stitch?" Lilo finally asked.
Pleakley looked up from the table he was dusting for the thirteenth time. "The little monster went into town to get some flowers. He's got a big date with Angel tonight!"
"Oh yeah…" said Lilo, remembering. "I forgot, it's been on the calendar for the last week hasn't it?"
Pleakley started getting stars in his eye. "And this means I'll have another chance at making America's Mushiest Home Romances! I would have gotten a prize-winning video last time for sure, if they hadn't spotted me and eaten my camera. But THIS time," he said, holding up a new video camera. "I will follow them in a disguise so brilliant they'll never recognize me!"
"Can I come?" Lilo begged. "Watching a mushy date's GOTTA be better than staying inside all day doing nothing!"
Pleakley shook his head. "Nuh-uh, no way! Nani said you were grounded, meaning you cannot leave this household for any reason!"
"Actually, is meaning she cannot leave household without adult supervision," said Jumba as he walked into the room. "And if both of us are there to be taking care of her, I am sure Big Girl will not mind at all."
Pleakley looked unsure. "I don't know…maybe we should ask Nani to be safe."
Jumba snorted. "She's working overtime tonight. I am not seeing any reason to bother her with more stress, especially seeing as how tight she is being stretched already. We will leave note to let her know where we are and what time we will be back. Okie-dokie?"
"Well…all right." Pleakley said reluctantly.
"Yeah, this is gonna be great!" Lilo said eagerly. If only she knew how wrong she was.
Experiment 624, now known as Angel, had been one of Jumba's greater successes. (Much better than that good-for-nothing 625, even if technically he is more powerful.) Designed to change good to evil with her magical song, she had originally been put to use by Dr. Hamsterviel to seduce Stitch and recruit all of the reformed experiments for his army. Nobody, including Angel had expected her to actually fall for Stitch. Angel ruined Hamsterviel's plan and was recaptured by Gantu, but Stitch had saved the day once again, rescuing her just before she could be teleported to the mad scientist's laboratory.
Angel would have moved in with Stitch, but Nani said (quite sensibly) that they couldn't afford to feed ANOTHER ravenous genetic experiment with their limited budget. So, she ended up living in the town playhouse, where she could put her excellent singing talents to use in musicals. And it was to this playhouse where Stitch, wearing his 'Kenny' costume, drove up in the souped-up family jeep. Angel was waiting for him on the theatre steps in her disguise as 'Angela', created from a blond wig and a few kiddy clothes to hide her alien anatomy. She hopped in the seat next to Stitch. "Hey bushi bu," she said, licking his cheek in greeting.
"Hey Angel," he said, licking her back. He handed her some flowers. She ate them, finding them delicious. "I think this'll be an interesting date. I've got everything planned out to make it a really special evening!"
"Really? Where do we start?" asked Angel, eager at the prospect of a romantic night with her mate.
"Well, first we have to go to dinner. I'm sure you'll love the place."
"The Dumpster behind the Movie Theater?" she asked hopefully.
He frowned. "Uh, no, a bit better than that."
She licked her lips. "The dumpster behind McDonalds?!"
Stitch stared at her. "No! No dumpsters!"
"But we usually have dinner out of a Dumpster! I like eating from them!" she complained.
"Not anymore. A lady of your elegance should dine somewhere truly worthy of her grace," he said flatteringly.
She gasped. "THE JUNKYARD!" she exclaimed gleefully.
He slapped his forehead. "For the last time, we are not eating garbage!"
Her ears drooped. "Then where else can we go?"
"You'll see." With that, he turned the ignition and drove off.
Just a few blocks away, Jumba, Lilo, and Pleakley sat in the family's other non-enhanced jeep, where they had listened to the conversation through the use of a bug Jumba had planted in Stitch's jeep before the date. "So what's going on?" asked Lilo from the back seat.
"626 is taking 624 out to dinner. Said something about it being a 'special night'," Jumba explained.
"And he also said he was taking her somewhere other than their usual trashcan and Dumpster spots. Maybe they're going to a fancy restaurant or something! Someplace truly romantic!" said Pleakley happily. "I can't wait to get the footage for this!" Taking the wheel, the one-eyed alien drove after the experiments.
Angel looked at her dish with distaste. "When you said we were going someplace special, this wasn't really what I had in mind," she muttered, poking the plate of unidentifiable edibles with a claw.
Stitch looked around with a frown. "We're in the Paradise, the finest restaurant on the island. What's not special about it?"
Angel shrugged. "Well, usually when you have a 'special' date planned we go eat some really good (and greasy) food from an inexpensive fast food restaurant like McDonalds (or from a garbage can). Not that I'm complaining about the restaurant or anything, but I thought you couldn't afford going to a place this nice on Nani's limited salary."
He smiled. "Don't worry, I have everything covered." He picked up one of the numerous forks and knives and used it to cut off a piece of the food on his plate. "Aren't you going to try this? It's really quite good."
Lacking knowledge of proper eating utensils, Angel just picked up her dish and stuffed it in her mouth, plate and all. As she crushed the porcelain and unidentifiable food bits between her teeth and then tried to swallow it, her face turned a bit greenish. "Er…hey Stitch, isn't that Gantu?" she said, pointing in a random direction.
"Where?" Stitch turned around. Angel quickly poked her head under the table, threw up, then sat back up, looking innocent as Stitch turned back around, a suspicious look on his face. "I didn't see Gantu."
"Sorry, my mistake. I was looking at the sushi bar." Stitch raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Angel gave him a non-threatening innocent grin. He shrugged and went back to eating.
Neither of them noticed Lilo, Jumba and Pleakley were watching them from the next table over. Pleakley's "brilliant" new disguise consisted of a horrible wig, a pair of glasses hanging around his neck because there was nowhere else for them to hang from, and the hideous clothes Stitch had made. Jumba was wearing the dress and makeup he had worn at Pleakley's wedding, along with a female wig. "This is boring," Lilo groaned. "Pleakley, is romance supposed to be this dull?"
Pleakley frowned. "No," he said as he lowered the video camera. "No it's not."
Jumba tugged at his dress. "Somebody please remind me why I am wearing ugly female disguise again?"
"Because they'll never expect you to be dressed up like a girl and me like a boy since we usually do it the other way around, so they'll never suspect it's us!" said Pleakley. "It's a foolproof plan!"
"Maybe so, but only if 626 and 624 are being fools. And I am not programming them to be stupid enough to fall for idiot disguises," said Jumba, crossing his arms.
Pleakley got angry at the insult to his 'brilliant' disguises. "No, but you are programming them to be evil, violent, and obnoxious weapons of mass destruction with no sense of proper romance whatsoever!"
Jumba laughed. "I know, aren't they beautiful?"
"Beautiful? Beautiful?! Flowers are beautiful. Paintings are beautiful. Experiments made by an idiot scientist are not-" That was as far as he got, because Jumba leaped out of his seat at the "idiot" crack and started throttling Pleakley's scrawny neck.
Not wanting Stitch and Angel to notice the fight and realize they were being followed, Lilo quickly intervened. "Uh, Unc-I mean, Aunt Jumbina, you know you're not supposed to do Simpsons parodies in public!"
Jumba hesitated, suddenly realizing he was being watched by various diners. "Eh…Simpsons parody…yes, yes, of course…did not know what I was thinking…" Jumba laughed nervously, patted the frazzled Pleakley on the head (nearly knocking off the wig) and sat down quietly. Lilo sighed.
Stitch continued eating his strange unidentifiable meal while the still-hungry Angel began chewing on the tablecloth, finding it had a better flavor than her dinner. A waiter walked up with a bottle of wine. "Our finest champagne, as you ordered, sir." He poured the bottle's contents into a pair of glasses, handed them to the experiments, and walked off.
"What's this?" asked Angel, sniffing the glass dubiously.
"It's an Earth alcoholic beverage called 'champagne'. It is usually drunk during especially romantic occasions. I thought it would be appropriate," said Stitch as he sipped from his glass.
She blushed. "Aw, that's sweet!" She examined the glass. "Alcohol, eh? Jumba never let me have any back at the lab. I wonder why." She shrugged and swallowed the champagne in one gulp, then threw the glass in too for good measure.
Jumba gasped. "Oh no! 624 is drinking alcohol!"
"What's so bad about that? Is she going to get drunk and act all funny like those people on TV?" asked Lilo.
"Eh? No, no, all my experiments are designed to stay sober at all times. That way they are always being razor-sharp and ready for action. But as side-effect, if any of them drinks alcohol it causes a chemical reaction resulting in…"
Angel's stomach growled. "Huh, that felt weird-" Suddenly, her muscles clenched. She turned her head and belched out a ten-foot stream of flame, setting a nearby table on fire and melting the nearby Sunburned Tourist's ice cream sundae. As the customers screamed and started running, the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers activated, dousing the fire and leaving everything very wet. A group of employees came to the table, looking angry. Angel's ears drooped. "Eh heh…excuse me?"
"…That." Jumba finished as the damp wedding dress began sticking to his skin.
"Ohhhh…so that's why you don't let Stitch have beer when you're watching football!" said Pleakley.
"No, I corrected the glitch while designing 626. I just don't want him drinking my liquor," said Jumba smugly.
Stitch looked angry. "Angel, look what you've done! You've gone and embarrassed us!"
"Sorry," she said, drooping even further.
"Sir, I don't suppose you can pay for the damage?" asked the maitre d' angrily.
Stitch checked his wallet. "I'm afraid not. But we'll be more than willing to work off the damages. Isn't that right, Angel?"
She nodded. "Absolutely. Look, over there, a distraction!" As everyone's heads turned, Angel grabbed the confused Stitch by the arm and ran out of the restaurant.
Jumba laughed happily. "Ah, leaving without paying bill! How evil! Come, let us be going. We do not want to be losing them."
As they got up, a waiter seemed to materialize from nowhere. "Your bill, madam."
Jumba looked at the piece of paper and started sweating. "Ah…yes, of course…holding on one minute…" He reached into his pocket, pulled something out, and flung it to the ground. It exploded, creating a huge cloud of smoke that covered everything. In all the confusion, Jumba grabbed Lilo and Pleakley and ran outside.
Once they were out in the fresh air, Pleakley expelled the nasty smog from his fragile lung sacs. "What was that?" he wheezed.
Jumba chuckled. "Smoke bomb. Am always carrying one or two around in case of emergencies."
"Shh!" Lilo hissed, holding a finger to her mouth. "Stitch and Angel are arguing over there!" The two aliens quickly shut up. They hid behind a nearby shrub to listen.
"What did you do that for?!" said Stitch angrily.
"I was TRYING to save our date and avoid working in the kitchens!" She shot back.
"We wouldn't have to work in the kitchen if you hadn't lit that table on fire!"
"I didn't even know I HAD fire breath! Then again, this may explain how 625 burnt that sandwich of his one time after drinking alcohol…" Stitch was starting back towards the restaurant. "Wait! Where are you going?"
He frowned at her. "I have to go back inside and work off the damages."
She looked at him as if he had grown another head (Although if he had been 627, that wouldn't have been very unusual). "What are you, NUTS?! We've just made a clean getaway! You don't break out of prison then show up the next day to turn yourself in, that's just crazy!"
"It's not crazy, it's honorable." He started back for the entrance. Angel stopped him again.
She sighed. "Stitch…look, how about this? Let's finish up our date and go home. Tomorrow when I get some time, I'll come back over and work off the debt. Would that satisfy your honor?"
He nodded. "Yes, but only if you promise. Do you promise to do it?'
"I promise."
He frowned. "Your fingers are crossed."
She rolled her eyes and uncrossed them. "Fine, I promise I'll come back tomorrow and work off the damages."
"Good. Let's get on to the next part of our special night." He walked over to the jeep. Angel smirked, uncrossed her antenna, and joined him. Jumba could not resist chuckling softly from behind the bush.
Stitch parked the car near the movie theater. "Here's our next stop!"
Angel looked at the movie posters. "Ooh! That new James Bond movie is out! Can we see it? Please?" She begged Stitch.
Stitch looked up at the poster, which showed the terrified-looking Bond being held at gunpoint by several furious women with the title "Hell Hath no Fury" written on it. "We'll see…" Taking that to mean a yes, she yelped happily and hugged him. He smiled, pushed her off, and walked to the ticket booth. Angel was happily thinking about making out with Stitch in the theater to the sound of gunshots and explosions when she clearly heard him say "Two tickets for the Teletubbies Movie please!"
"Huh?" Angel's euphoria ended abruptly. Stitch came over holding two tickets. She looked at him in confusion. "Stitch, I thought we were going to see the new Bond movie!"
He shook his head. "It's an R-rated movie."
"…So?"
"So it's full of evil and corrupting imagery of sex. It is sinful, so we should avoid it at all costs."
She stared at him. "…Okay, but how does that justify buying tickets to a movie that critics agree worldwide to be the worst film ever made?"
"I wanted us to see a movie that was politically correct and non-offensive to anyone of any race, gender, religion, or political affiliation. This is it!" He said, waving the tickets.
Angel's antenna drooped. "But Stitch, that'll be boring…"
"It may be boring, but it'll save our souls from damnation. Come along now." He led the miserable Angel inside.
An hour and a half later, they exited the theater. "That was horrible," Angel said in disgust.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad," Stitch responded.
She stared at him. "How was that not bad? The movie was eighty minutes of pure idiocy and baby talk! And you wouldn't kiss me even once while we were watching," she complained.
Stitch shrugged. "I was too busy paying attention to the plot."
Angel gave him a look. "What plot? It was a Teletubbies Movie! The very concept of plot doesn't exist in their world!"
As Stitch and Angel continued arguing on their way to the jeep, the trio of spies exited the theatre, looking similarly disgusted. "If I ever see another Teletubby again, I think I'll puke," said Lilo, holding her stomach. She noticed the poster for the movie they had just seen. Turning green, she ran back inside and headed for the bathroom.
Pleakley was just plain confused. "I-I don't understand. Why…why was there a human baby's face in the sun? And what language were those aliens speaking? I've never heard such gobbledygook before!"
Jumba shrugged. "That is all it was being, pure gobbledygook. Movie had no point whatsoever, but did give me excellent idea for evil genius experiment!" He took out a notepad and started scribbling in it.
Pleakley grabbed the notepad and ripped it to pieces. "Oh no! I remember what happened the last time that you made a new experiment! You promised you would never make another one!"
"Ah…yes, am supposing I did," Jumba said apologetically. "I am being sorry, Pleakley. Old habits die hard." Pleakley seemed to accept this and looked away. Jumba smirked. Little does he know I am already writing up the blueprints in my mind! An experiment with the power to seduce children and use a hypnotic screen to turn them against their parents, creating an unstoppable army of little ones across the galaxy…pure genius! He thought evilly. Lilo returned from the bathroom, and they went back to their jeep to eavesdrop on Angel and Stitch.
"So where are we going next?" asked Angel, not having very high prospects for the rest of the night.
"We're going someplace special," was the reply.
Angel sighed. "That's what you said about the restaurant and the theatre. How do I know this next place will be any different?"
"I promise," he said, putting an arm around her. He smiled. "Come on Angel, don't you trust me? When I say the next stop is special, I MEAN it."
Angel's ears perked up a little as she began hoping, against all logic, that maybe this night would end happily after all. "Of course I trust you, Stitch. Okay. Let's go."
"That's my girl." He licked her cheek and started the car. They drove off, followed by the three spies.
Pleakley looked as if he would sing. "Yes! Finally, real romance!"
"What do you mean?" asked Lilo.
"The last time I followed Stitch and Angel on a date, they finished at a special spot on the beach that nobody else knows about, a secret cove hidden from most eyes. It's absolutely beautiful there, especially when the moon is positioned just right, to illuminate the water and cause the place to dance with light…" He wiped away a tear. "The little monster must be taking her to that cove! It's the only other place I can think of that would be THAT special to him!" He held up his camera. "This time they won't break my camera when I tape them there! Jumba, follow that jeep!"
"We are already following them," the genius pointed out.
"…Oh. Right. Well…keep following them! America's Mushiest Home Romances here we come!"
Angel looked around despondently. When Stitch had said they were going someplace REALLY special, she had assumed he was taking her to their secret cove, a special place that held deep meaning to both of them. (Partly because it's where they first made love)
Instead, he had taken her to the town's local Church of Ban-Kar. It looked like your typical church, with pews and pillars with vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows, but it looked much more grisly than any other religious center on the island. The walls were covered in horrible carvings of people being whipped by grinning demons; twisted, deformed, and crippled humans suffering in pain; other people running on all fours and attacking women and children; more people reduced to walking skeletons covered in sores, and still more people throwing themselves into graves. A large carving on the floor depicted men gouging out their own eyes after seeing the perfect light of Ban-Kar, and men who had not blinded themselves being torn apart by demons. A huge statue sat behind an altar at the back of the church, depicting a heap of dead bodies being pierced by a huge lightning bolt. She shuddered. The entire building seemed to be a mammoth testimony to human suffering and death. Why would anyone possibly want to be a part of this religion?
Hoping to find solace from the gruesome horrors of the church, she turned to Stitch, who was sitting next to her on the hard, uncomfortable pew. He wasn't much better than the statues at the moment, locked in silent prayer to whatever horror this church was dedicated to. Every time she had tried to talk to him, he had firmly silenced her. Feeling somewhat small and insignificant, her ears and antenna drooped. She wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.
The three spies felt no different. "Uh, Jumba, can we go home now?" Lilo asked. "I mean, I'm not scared or anything, but it's probably way past my bed time…"
Jumba looked uneasy. "I am agreeing with you, Little Girl. I am starting to get creeped out as well. And when evil genius who is spending spare time designing living weapons of mass destruction and chaos is creeped out, is very bad sign."
"No!" exclaimed Pleakley, focusing his camera on the experiment couple. "I will not leave until they do something romantic! I will not let another night of spying be wasted! I…WILL…MAKE IT TO AMERICA'S MUSHIEST HOME ROMANCES!" Frightened, Lilo and Jumba shifted a few feet away from Pleakley.
Angel finally got fed up. "Stitch!" she hissed. He frowned and ignored her. "Stitch!" she growled, even louder.
"What?" he asked, annoyed.
"Was this really your idea of a special night?" she asked angrily.
He looked confused. "What's wrong with it?"
"First we go to some fancy restaurant with a horrible meal neither of us can afford, then you take me to see the movie that will probably win an Academy Award for Worst Film in the History of the Universe, and finally you take me to this…this…" She gestured at the hideous artwork, at a loss for words. "This…obscene temple! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to give me the worst date of my life as an incentive to break up with you!" Stitch said nothing. Angel was horrified. "Stitch…Stitch, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're going through a tough time. Or you're having personal problems. Or…or anything else, but please, not that."
Stitch looked at her. "Angel, do you see this magnificent church around us?"
Trying not to panic, she looked around. "It's a little hard to miss."
"It was built by the Order of Ban-Kar. The religion I have recently joined."
"Yeah…" she said, hoping this was leading somewhere other than her worst fears.
"As a new member of the Order, I am forbidden any sexual relationships for five years. I tried to make this night as nice for you as possible, so it would soften the blow."
Angel was shocked. "You mean…you really are breaking up with me?" He nodded. She started to get angry. "You're breaking up with me for…for this?!" she said, waving at the horrible statue at the back of the church. "You're leaving me for this monstrosity?! Does this place really offer you more fulfillment and happiness than I ever could?"
"Yes." Angel was stunned. "I must admit, the time I had with you was fun, but I have more important things to worry about now. I'm sorry, Angel."
She held his hand. "Stitch…you told me once that you loved me. That I was another reason for you to get up every morning. You said you needed me." She looked down. "I thought you meant it."
He pushed her hand off. "I did mean it at the time. But I have only now seen how wrongly I've been living my life up to this point. I was wasting my life on silly things until I heard the word of Ban-Kar. Now that I have seen His light, I must put this opportunity He has given me to good use by spreading His word throughout the world. Love would only hold me back. That's why junior initiates are not allowed sexual relationships." He shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I don't need you anymore. I've found something more worthwhile to fix my heart on."
Angel felt her eyes tearing. "Stitch…" she begged.
"Goodbye Angel." He didn't look at her. He didn't even sound sorry to end a relationship that had vastly improved both their lives and made them tremendously happy together. Those two words were all it took to shatter Angel's heart into exactly six hundred and twenty six pieces. She ran from the church, unwilling to let anyone see her cry. Stitch did not seem to notice her absence and resumed his praying.
The three spies were dumbstruck. They all sat in silence, trying to deny what had just happened. But in the end, they knew it was true. Jumba sighed sadly. "Come, Little Girl. It is time to go home. Let us leave this place of evil." He gently took Lilo, who had started to cry, and led her towards the exit.
Pleakley sniffed, tears streaming from his one eye. In a sudden burst of rage, he smashed his video camera on the floor. "I'll NEVER get on America's Mushiest Home Romances!" he bawled, running after the others.
The priests and other followers of Ban-Kar stared at the fleeing alien in confusion. Stitch, seemingly untouched by anything around him, continued to pray.
Okay…I'm sure all of you are going to hate me for what I just wrote. But I PROMISE there's a good reason for all this, and our favorite lovebirds will get back together in the end. I'm as big an Angel and Stitch fan as anyone else, so don't think I hate this coupling. Please don't leave flames, and bear with me okay? Everything will work out in the end.