A Funny Frontier Tale - Where in Bizzaro World, this is a soap opera, and nobody wears any pants!
Disclaimer: I don't own Frontier, you know the drill by now.
A Funny Frontier Tale
By: Karoru Karukaro
Chapter 26: An Epilogue of Epic Proportions
Now onward to our tale!
---
Once upon a time, there was a group of fictional people who ran about acting out of character and getting into zany plots that went absolutely nowhere. This was the strange saga of AFFT, which wasn't really a saga since there was nothing in it to call it a saga. Many months would pass and nothing would happen, the characters in this setting floating in limbo, waiting for the lazy author with other things to do to once again sit at her computer to bring these creatures to life. Most of this time, a brick wall stood in the pathway to a good idea, so the author would have to get a very large mallet to smash through this wall. Now that we've made it to the other side, instead of writing this chapter, I'm really tired from smashing down that wall! It wasn't just a clever metaphor I used, you know.
"Can just we continue with the story?" Lucemon asked, beginning to get impatient.
But alas! From all that brick wall smashing, I have forgotten from where we have left off!
The evil angel sighed and turned towards his henchmen. "You hear that? She doesn't know where to begin!"
"Who's he talking to?" Dynasmon whispered to Rhodo. The pink one shrugged with a baffled look on his face.
Then, Lucemon-sama, I suppose we'll have to start fresh.
"Sounds like a plan to me! As long as we don't go retail shopping again..." He glanced towards RhodoKnightmon.
"What? What about my shopping? Are you going against my interests?!"
"Personally, I've always wanted to become a lumberjack," Dynasmon confessed, closing his eyes and nodding seriously. When he opened his eyes, he was met with strange stares from the others. "Whaaaaaat?"
---
"I miss my superhero tights," Kouichi mused to his brother.
"In all honesty, that shade of aqua didn't go with your hair color," Kouji stated matter-of-factly.
"Really?"
"Once again, I am innocent, naive, and confused," Tomoki sighed.
The members of the studio audience laughed.
Tomoki faced the camera. "Seriously! Could someone PLEASE fill me in here?!"
The members of the studio audience laughed again.
In the Cherubimon posse, the group was discussing what should be their latest attack to surprise the Chosen Children. Alas, it wouldn't be that much of a surprise since they were standing right there huddled in front of them. They were also unware of a red-panted spy in the midst...
"Before you ask, no 'dazzling entrances'," Cherubimon stated.
"Awwwwwwww!!"
Bokomon held a walkie-talking waiting Neemon's transmission of what the enemy was talking about. They wouldn't be taken by surprise! "Bookman to Stupid Dude! What did they say?"
"Something about frazzling an entryway!"
"Okay, I say we make an highly complicated attack pattern, then close in on 'em, and STRIKE!"
"Stupid Dude to Bookman! They're sewing a highly-liked pattern on their sweaters! And something else about a spike!"
"It must be their code!" Bokomon mused.
"Do you know the Muffin Man?" Arbormon asked.
"Do we know a puffin, Bokomon?"
"GASP! THEY'RE USING A PUFFIN AS THEIR SECRET WEAPON! I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME!"
"Alright, team, let's get out there and win!" Cherubimon posed.
"Sure thing, coach!"
They all high-fived each other, then separated out like a football team.
"I think they want to play hockey with a broach!"
"Oh, they're a clever bunch, all right."
"Chosen Children!" Cherubimon roared, catching everyone's attention. With the spotlight on him, he grabbed a microphone out of thin air, and pointed dramatically at the kids. "I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
---
Meanwhile, the Chibi Beast Senseis had ceased wandering aimlessly about the town, and were currently taking a break under a patch of trees in the park. The group was very tired and their feet were stinky. They expected a calming, cooling wind to conveniently blow by to sooth their frazzled nerves, but when nothing of the sort came, that made them even more annoyed. Garmmon had dozed off, KaiserLeomon was sipping what remained of his tea, Vritramon and Shutumon were lounging on tree branches, while Bolgmon and Blizzarmon weren't really doing anything revelvant.
"I've been thinking," Vritramon broke the silence.
Bolgmon looked up from his resting place. "Oh, really? That's a change of pace."
Vritramon ignored him. "I believe I'm at a mid-life crisis. Heck, we all might be!"
"But I don't like crisis!" Shutumon protested.
"Perhaps we need to do something else with our lives."
KaiserLeomon joined the conversation, "He does have a point."
"Then what would we do?" Blizzarmon questioned. Everyone looked up at Vritramon for an answer, but he was absentmindedly picking away at the tree bark.
"Ahem!"
"Ah! ... You actually expect me to know that?"
Everyone else slapped their foreheads.
"Let's just all take a nap without worrying about stuff," Shutumon suggested. "Because I don't like to think too much. It makes my brain itch."
Garmmon continued snoring.
"Well, Garmmon seems to like that idea!" Vritramon noted.
Everyone cornily laughed like they do in cartoons. Oh, Vritra, you silly fellow!
---
Takuya and Cherubimon were sitting in the middle of the town square, each holding their hand of cards.
"Why cards? Can't we just kick your ass like always!?"
"I've had a change of heart about violence," Cherubimon confessed. "Now, puny human, YOUR LIFE POINTS SHALL BE MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
"We might be here a while..." Mercuremon noted.
---
Garmmon suddenly awoke. He stood up and looked in all directions, alert with senses keen. When he fixated on one direction, a deep growl sounded in his throat.
"What is it, brother?" KaiserLeomon questioned worriedly.
"My Yu-Gi-Oh senses are tingling." He began to froth at the mouth.
KaiserLeomon looked to the others for an answer. "Yu-Gi-Oh senses?"
Vritramon answered without even opening his eyes. "You don't know? Garmmon despises each and every version of Yu-Gi-Oh -- Japanese or English -- and when he senses it in his vicinity, he goes positively crazy. Destroying every speck of evidence, and he won't stop until he's done. It's quite amusing to watch, actually."
"Oh! Remember that time he attacked that nun?" Bolgmon laughed.
"Yeah!"
Everyone joined in the laughing, except for KaiserLeomon. He didn't really see what was so funny. He turned his head towards his brother for a better explanation, but he discovered that Garmmon wasn't there anymore...
"I think we've got a problem, ol' chaps."
---
Meanwhile at somewhere else!
The Sadmon scientist cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together in an also typical evil fashion. Even an evil aura radiated around in his vicinity, causing his fellow workers to step a few feet away from him.
Sadmon scientist stopped his evil laughing for a moment, and faced the readers. "I bet you thought you weren't going to see me again, didn't ya? Well, you were WRONG!" His evil laughing continued, and his assistants took a few more steps back.
One of the assistants choose to step up, interrupting his boss' gloating. "Sir, the plot-device-powered cannon is almost complete."
"Yeeeesss!!" Cue the pelvic thrusts.
"One problem."
"A problem?"
"We don't have a power supply."
"... didn't you just say that it was powered by the Plot Device?" The scientist stopped his pelvic thrusts and raised an eyebrow.
"Well, yes... but it needs some extra juice."
"You can't just plug it into a wall socket?"
"I'm afraid not, sir."
"Damn. Well, figure something out!"
"Why not you?" the assistant questioned.
"I'm busy at the moment." The head honcho of the operation turned away from his lowly worker, and trotted off towards his room. The worker shrugged and went back to business. Meanwhile, in the Sadmon scientist's room, he was busy writing in his journal. Ever since he came into the Digital World as a Sadmon, he decided to keep a personal journal for his equally personal thoughts. Since he was too cheap to actually get a real therapist, talking to an inanimate object was going to have to do.
'Dear journal,
I am sad. The Plot Device Cannon Thingy that needs a better name still won't work. And I think I'm getting a rash in my lower regions. I knew I shouldn't have switched from the brand of soap I typically use.
Note to self: after the destruction of the moral fibers of Happyville, go to the store and discreetly buy some cream. ... and Cheetos.'
Surely, if anyone should see this Sadmon's thoughts, many laughs would escape his fellow workers... even though they're sad. It would just be that funny!
Back to the gang!
---
Cherubimon turned to Ranamon, who was standing behind him with the other Evil Hybrids. "Are his Life Points mine yet?"
"For the last time, NOT YET!"
"This is boring," Kouji noted. Suddenly, a lightbulb popped over his head, shining brightly. "I've got an idea! Why don't we find a new-spiffier-über-ultimate-cool-awesome evolution that'll just blow everyone out of their socks! But here's the catch, only me and Takuya get to evolve."
Junpei, Izumi, and Tomoki's eyes widened in horror. "Nooooo~!!"
"I've got a campaign like this, ya know!" Junpei stated angrily.
The group held up signs, reading: 'Go secondary characters!'
"We will NOT be pushed into the background! No no no! No background, no!"
"Did you hear something?" Kouji asked Takuya.
"Huh? Nope, not me."
The three's protests got louder.
Kouichi addressed his brother with a question, "Am I a secondary character as well?"
"Hmm..." The bandana boy tapped his chin in thought. "Not really, you've got more of a co-starring role on The Takuya and Kouji Show."
"Oh goodie!"
---
Garmmon stormed down the town's streets, still foaming at the mouth, madly searching for the source that caused his temporary insanity.
"RABBLERABBLERABBLE!!"
"Garmmon's the Hamburglar?" Blizzarmon randomly questioned.
"That's 'robble robble'. He said 'rabble rabble'," Bolgmon answered.
"My bad."
Ba-bum-ching.
---
"Are his Life Points mine NOW?"
"NO!"
---
Sadmon scientist continued to write in his journal, sitting in the farthest dark corner of his quarters. "Maybe I need some Prozac..."
---
Lucemon clapped his hands together, getting the two Royal Knight's attentions. "Okay, guys, I got an idea. It's super. A super idea. Are you listening? You better be listening to this idea. Listen, listen, listen! Are you listening yet? C'mon! It's suuuuuper!"
Dynas and Rhodo raised an eyebrow, looking towards each other, then back to their leader.
"I'm so totally gonna evolve on their asses over there," Lucemon pointed to the two duelists, "and it's so totally gonna be the most dazzling entrance you ever did see, but I need you guys as backup, ya dig?"
"Lucemon-sama, why did you suddenly start becoming blatantly out of character?" Dynasmon questioned with a worried tone in his voice.
Lucemon blinked a few times, staring up at the muscleman. "What the hell are you talking about? Nothing is going to disrupt this plan, so get to work!"
"That's more like it!" RhodoKnightmon commented.
Lucemon turned around to examine their target before attacking. They were still in the same positions: on the ground with cards yelling crap at each other. A blood-thirsty grin appeared on Lucemon's face as his eyes twinkled with maniacal glee.
"It's show time."
---
The duel continued onward, the two contentors focused on victory. Nothing allowed to hinder their limits, nothing allowed to give them papercuts, nothing allowed to break their concentration--
All of a sudden, RhodoKnightmon's voice echoed over a convenient speaker, reaching the ears of citizens far and wide, whether they wanted to listen to Rhodo's random announcement or not.
"Ladies and gentlemen, humans, fellow Digimon, and freaks of nature! We present to you..."
Cherubimon looked up and raised a twitching eyebrow. "This better be good!"
"Lucemon-sama and his faithful Royal Knights!"
The two minions and the future dictator of the Digital World marched out for everyone to see. Lucemon pointed at the group, not caring that he interrupted a duel of GREAT IMPORTANCE!
Cherubimon's eyebrow's twitch remained. "Oh, it's just you."
Lucemon about keeled over right there from shock due to that comment. He managed to regain his composure, putting his hands on his waist and tapping his foot in annoyance. "What do you mean JUST ME?!"
"I meant what I meant. Now do you mind? I'm in the middle of a duel." He turned back to his cards to plot his upcoming move.
Lucemon swelled up in anger, his eyes growing red and his teeth grinding together. "Nobody talks that way to Lucemon!"
The Evil Hybrids looked around at each other, shared an all-knowing look, then proceeded to run for their lives into a nearby alley. The Chosen Children and everyone else in the vicinity did the same thing. The sky began to get dark and stormy. Lightning crashed, and rain poured from the evil angel's wrath.
Cherubimon looked up, deciding to pay attention to the crazed controller. "Do you mind? You're getting my cards wet."
"YAAAARRR!!" Lucemon shouted from frustration.
"Yo ho, Mr. Pirate, blow me down!"
"That does it! My dazzling entrance has been turned into a shamble! And that makes me angry..."
"Is he going to evolve?" Dynas loudly questioned from the bush he was hiding behind.
"Dammit, Dynasmon, you ruined the suspense!"
*Lucemon Slide Evolve to... Lucemon Falldown Mode!*
Lucemon FDM marched over to Cherubimon in his new form and grabbed him by the collar, causing his precious cards to fall to the newly soaked ground.
"Now, Cherubimon, I came here for a challenge. Am I going to have to fight YOU?"
The dark bunny did a double take in the dictator's grasp. "Lucemon, are you nuts? You don't want to fight me, I'm on the same mission as you!" He jabbed the Digimon in the chest.
"And just what mission would that be?"
"Killing those meddling Chosen Children, of course!" Cherubimon clenched his fists. "They interfere with our dark designs!"
Lucemon FDM loosened his grip. "Hmm, I like the way you think. Now, just where are those blasted kids--AAHHH!!"
KaiserGreymon had snuck up behind Lucemon FDM and slashed his sword into his back, knocking both the bosses to the ground.
MagnaGarurumon appeared beside him. "Wow, Takuya, you actually did something smart."
"Horray for me!" KaiserG cheered.
Lucemon FDM rose from the ground, scowling. "We'll see who'll be cheering after I'm done with you!"
"Uhm, yeah, what he said!" Cherubimon piped in.
Both the villians lunged at KaiserG and MagnaG. Pow, wham, bam, and other cheesy sound effects!
Izumi watched the fighting from the alley the others had run into. "Here we go again, they get all the credit, we get pushed aside..." She noticed something in her hands and looked down. "Huh? Where'd these pom-poms come from?!"
Junpei looked at her, also holding a pair of his own. "You better get used to 'em, at this rate."
Lucemon FDM grabbed KaiserGreymon by the shoudlers, and gave him a firm kick in the gut, causing the Digimon to fly backwards and collide into MagnaGarurumon. The two crashed into a grove of trees nearby, becoming buried under the foliage. The rain from earlier still poured down onto the battlefield.
Cherubimon looked over at the temporarily crushed warriors and pouted. "No fair, I wanted ta do dat!"
Lucemon FDM erupted in a typical evil hearty laugh. "Oh yeah, who's bad!" He paused for a moment, obviously waiting for something. He turned around to his two minions, giving them a deadpan look. "That's your cue."
"Oh, right!"
The two shuffled out. Their poses looked quite silly, offering thumbs-up to their boss. "YOU'RE bad, Lucemon-sama!"
"Damn right!" More evil laughing, blah blah blah, we've been through this a million times before.
Cherubimon continued his pouting, witnessing the scene. He turned to the Evil Hybrids. "How come you guys don't ever do entrances like that for me?"
Ranamon scoffed. "Come on, we've never made a joke about your big ears, what more do you want from us?"
Cherubimon gasped in a high-pitched tone, covering his head with his massive hands. "Are my ears really that big?"
---
Back in the lab.
The Sadmon scientist decided to cease his journal musings for today to check up on the power progress on the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ (newly named).
"So, how goes the accomplishment?" he asked a nearby worker.
The worker looked up from his notepad. "Oh, good news, sir, the machine is now fully completed!"
"Even though I am a highly acclaimed Sadmon, I must dance for joy at this news." And he did as such. Much shaking of his groove thing occured. He stopped for a moment to inquire, "So, tell me, what did you use for the power supply?"
"Oh, the solution was simple, really. We took the awesome and incredible powers of two triple-A batteries and a 40 watt bulb."
Sadmon scientist did not rejoice at this news, however. He gave a serious stare at the worker. "Be a real scientist, and replace it with something else more... realistic." Tears brimmed at his eyelids. "Meanwhile, if you need me, I'll be in my room watching Oprah." He proceeded to run off, sobbing. A door slam was heard in the distance.
Another assistant approached the one who was the bearer of bad news. "I told ya' we shoulda used those D batteries."
---
"Must... kill... Yu-Gi-Oh..."
Vritramon groaned. "It sure is taking us a while to get there. Maybe his senses are off."
"Maybe he needs to go potty," Shutumon wondered. "Whenever something just doesn't feel right, a sit on the potty can always make it better."
---
"Enryuugeki!!"
"Starlight Velocity!!"
KaiserGreymon and MagnaGarurumon were giving it all they had towards the two villians, while their noble fans cheered them on!
"Go Takuya, Takuya, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can. Kouji, Kouji... uhm... he's a man too," Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki, and Kouichi droned on the sidelines. Bokomon and Neemon accompanied them on the drums.
Meanwhile, Dynasmon and RhodoKnightmon were cheering on their favorite leader.
"Go, Lucemon-sama!!" Dynasmon cheered.
RhodoKnightmon pouted, and tapped his foot in frustration. "They get all the fun! I wanted to kick some good guy tushie too!"
"Don't worry about it, we've done enough of that already," Dynasmon grinned (if he could). "Just, er, stand there and look pretty."
RhodoKnightmon lit up at the word 'pretty'. "Oh, I can do that!" He twirled around in his pink ensemble, as if he were modeling on a runway.
Dynas slapped his forehead at the scene. "That's not what I meant!"
"But you said--"
"Forget what I said."
"Oh, you're such a doodie head person!"
As for the Evil Hybrids? They hijacked a van and got as far away from the current commotion as possible.
---
Sadmon scientist returned to the main workstation, wiping away a few stray tears with his sleeve. Regaining his composure, he clapped his hands together, and inspected the machine's current state. "So, what have we got in the power supply now?"
The current assistant figeted under her boss' gaze. "Well, sir, we didn't want to use up anymore lightbulbs or batteries, and we're on a tight budget, so we grabbed someone's lunch bag and... we used a baked potato."
Sadmon scientist blinked, then shrugged indifferently. "Eh, I'm not picky."
"But, sir--"
"I - said - I'm - not - picky." He cleared his throat and shouted, "Fire up the Machine!"
Knobs were turned, buttons pushed, lights flashed and blinked up the clunky contraption as it whirred and buzzed with activity. Sadmon scientist took his not-so-rightful place in the head seat on top of the thing. He moved levers back and forth, aiming the crosshairs at their target: Happyville.
"Everyone ready? It's all or nothing!"
"Sir, yes sir!!"
"Ready..."
---
KaiserGreymon dealt another blow to Lucemon FDM, yet he returned with an uppercut, knocking him silly once more.
MagnaGarurumon and Cherubimon were currently having a staring contest. Except with MagnaG, missles were involved.
Pom-poms continued to be waved, even in the fierce rain.
---
"... Aim..."
---
"Paradise Lost!"
BAM! The two ledgendary warriors were now reverted to their human states with Lucemon FDM's super attack. Cherubimon grabbed them both by the collars of their shirts and flung them over towards the others, laughing menacingly the whole time. Izumi helped Takuya to his feet, while Kouichi assisted Kouji.
"Now, you stupid humans, prepare to be destroyed!" the lipstick-wearing fiend announced.
"Well, Bokomon, it's been nice knowing ya..." Neemon hugged the best pal he ever knew.
Bokomon embraced him back. "You too, Neemon!"
---
"FIRE!!"
---
"YU-GI-OH!!" Garmmon roared as he jumped out from the bushes, the other Chibi Beast Senseis still following him.
Alas, his psychotic quest was put to an immediate halt as he noticed a huge white beam coming right towards the town. And as everyone knows, if you see a huge white beam heading right towards you, it's most likely not Santa Claus.
"Oh... shit. RUN!!"
Everyone in the town turned around to face their doom and DRAMATICALLY GASPED.
Takuya turned to Izumi, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Ya know, now would be the perfect time to tell the others now that it's a dramatic scene and everything!"
"Good idea."
"Guys, we have something to tell you," Takuya stated loudly for the others to hear. The beam began to get closer.
"You're gay?" asked Junpei, practically out of nowhere.
"... no."
"Izumi-chan is gay?"
"No!" Izumi responded.
"You're asexual?"
"We're a couple, you dolt!"
They all blinked and stared at them. A couple. A couple, they said. Takuya and Izumi weren't sure how they would respond, but they expected Junpei to at least comment, with his crush on Izumi. Also, there's a freakin' beam about to blast them all! The shock factor is at its peak by now, most likely.
"... I still wish Takuya was gay."
The blast made its impact.
---
Kouichi began to awake. He groaned as he rubbed his head, as a sudden ray of sunlight shone right into his eyes. The boy attempted to survey his surroundings, but he was still too dazed to figure out where he was. Or if he was dead or alive, for that matter. Blinding sunlight was all around, the ground was rough, tropical palm trees danced in the breeze, and the buildings had... eyeballs on them?
"Well, wherever we are, I don't think we're in Happyville anymore," Kouichi noted to himself and the studio audience.
Luckily, Bokomon and Neemon were also awake -- Kouichi wouldn't be completely without company. They were also dazed, so the only course of action was to half-crawl, half-wobble over to Kouichi. At the moment, he wasn't paying them any attention, now that he was leaning over his newly-discovered brother and fretting over his unconscious state.
"Maybe you need to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscia-ma-tation!" Neemon suggested.
Bokomon shook his head. "No, no, remember what happened last time..."
"Why? What happened?"
"Forget it. Let's just say that was an awkward situation."
"I TOLD you that wasn't the right end!"
"MOVING ON."
Not hearing the two Digimon, Kouichi's mind raced with the possible ideas of what happened to his brother.
'I sure hope he didn't fall down any stairs. THOSE BASTARD STAIRS!! No, wait, we were shot with some beam, weren't we? Hmm... then he could have brain damage! Who would take care of him if he did? Well, me, of course... mmm...'
Neemon nudged his friend. "I think Kouichi's gone off in Lala Land."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Bokomon commented with a half-lidded stare.
"You're welcome!"
---
"Been a while since we've been here, huh?" Vritramon commented to Shutumon. Both were sitting in beach chairs wearing straw hats. They were also sipping fruit drinks out of coconut halves and lounging under an umbrella, enjoying the welcoming soothing wind.
Shutumon nodded. "Prexactly, Vritra-kun!"
"What do you two think you're doing?" Bolgmon asked as he leaned over on the back of Vritramon's chair.
"What's it look like we're doing?" the dragon answered. "We're relaxing! Even us Chibi Beast Senseis need vacations, too, y'know."
"But we haven't done ANYTHING. We haven't even succeeded in our new mission which isn't so new anymore!"
"Well, tell that to the author." Vritramon leaned further into the confines of his chair, bringing his newly acquired hat over his face. Bolgmon sighed, realizing that he was now being ignored.
"Ya know," Shutumon began to think (you can hear the gears turning), "maybe we need a new mission! Perhaps... the forces in the universe are telling us something? Let's do something else with our duties!"
"Isn't that what Vritramon just stated in the beginning of this chapter?" Bolgmon questioned.
"Anyway, I'm all for superheroing!"
This caught Vritramon's attention, as he looked towards her with a smirk on his face. "That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day."
"YAY ME!" She glomped her Vritra-kun, causing him to turn blue yet again.
"Gah... ack... heellp..."
"Aren't they the cutest couple?" Blizzarmon walked up to note. Bolgmon just shook his head.
---
Back in Happyville. Well, the remains of Happyville, anyway.
Sadmon scientist looked up over his baracade to see what damage he had dealt to his enemy. He noticed that the buildings still stood, yet where citizens had previously been standing, billows of dark smoke were rising from the ground, as if tiny explosions had occured all over the area. The scientist took this to mean that his plot-driven device had vaporized any living creature in its path. That WAS the plan, right? But alas, even though he had achieved what had taken at least over one chapter's worth of work, there was still an emptiness that originated deep inside the demented Digimon. It spread throughout his body and brought him even more sadness than he had originally been feeling due to his namesake. In other words, it had been a complete waste of time -- and he knew it. He hadn't wanted to zap everyone in the village to microscopic bits. He wanted to zap them into typically-sized bits so he could strut over there and say, 'Well, goodness, it looks like you've been ZAPPED BY A SADMON, BIOTCH!!'. Truely a different priority than what had just occured.
"Cripes."
And so, that was the end of Happyville and its citizens. Well, kinda. But still, the people that are reading this sentence rejoiced at the news. The radical rambling of happiness would stop radiating from the raging rambos that made up that community. But where are they now? Hell, I don't know, so why are you asking me?
Sadmon scientist sighed, leaning over on the crazy contraption's control panel. "What we really need is more excitement around here. A plot twist, you could say..." His eyes wandered around his seat. As realization hit, he mentally slapped himself. "Of course!"
After minor adjustments, the settings of the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ were set to 'SUPER ZAPPINGS OF THE ENTIRE DIGITAL WORLD... YO'.
*BZZ-APP!*
The whole world was engulfed in white.
---
"Huh, I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I had brain damage and you were taking care of me, Kouichi. But it felt... awkward."
The others had just woken up. Kouichi uncomfortably chuckled after hearing about his younger brother's dream.
"So, you two have been a couple this whole time, hmm? Behind our backs?" Junpei addressed Takuya.
"Yep. But even I don't know why we kept it a secret, really."
"Interesting..."
"So, um, you're fine with it? You're not going to murder me in the middle of the night with a butcher knife now that you know Izumi's my girlfriend?"
"Oh, no, of course not... as long as Izumi-chan is happy. But now that you've given me the idea..."
Takuya laughed nervously.
"Scandalous," Tomoki grinned innocently into the camera.
"Erm, is everything white, or is it just me?" Izumi questioned, interrupting everyone else.
"Ack, you're right!" Kouichi didn't like the color white. He didn't know why, but he just didn't.
"Whatever," Kouji said, not caring about colors.
"Suddenly, I have the urge to say something intelligent instead of exclaiming random words!" Neemon frantically waved his arms around, panicked squeals coming out of him. Thoughts were running around in his head. Actual coherent thoughts, and not just the random thought of a pig flying across the skyline or a random word like, oh, 'RABBLEBLARSQUEE' and the like.
"And I have no witty retort to that." Bokomon let this thought sink in, then clasped his hands to his face and GASPED. "Something is seriously wrong here!!"
"DUN DUUUUUNNNN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!" Junpei boomed towards the currently white sky.
Everyone stopped and gave him a blank stare.
"What? It seemed fitting."
---
Lucemon (normal), The Royal Knights, and Cherubi & Co. were now in a shiny glowing castle place, obviously confused.
"How'd we get here?" Arbormon questioned.
Ophanimon made her way down a conveniently placed starway, and cleared her throat, getting all the villians' attentions.
"MY LOVE!" Cherubimon bounded forward, kneeling before her, wagging his tail. "Have you summoned us here to congratulate us on our apparent victory against the Chosen Children?" He gave her a toothy grin.
The glowing angel rolled her eyes behind her helmet. "No, Cherubimon. You know how I feel about violence."
"Oh, oh, of course! Violent? Me? Are you kiddin'! I'm about as passive as a cuddly lamb." He began crawling around the floor and pretended to graze to prove his point. The Evil Hybrids watched in amusement.
"He's putty in her hands..." Grottomon noted.
"I like her style!" Ranamon grinned.
"Control yourself, Cherubimon," Ophanimon ordered in half-amusement, half-disgust. "Now, you all may be wondering why you ended up here of all places after the Sadmon's Plot Device ray blasted to all, correct?"
Her answer was the blank stares of all the present Digimon.
"Yes, quite. Anyway, now that the Sadmon scientist has used the Plot Device on the entire Digital World, all that which was out-of-balance has been balanced, the cracks have been repaired, and basically everything's all hunky-doory."
"So why are you telling -us- this?" Lucemon questioned. "I'm sure those do-gooding humans would rather hear this news."
"Speaking of good, that's why you're here." She stepped back behind her throne and pulled out a few dozen mops and buckets. "To pay back your debts to society for all the trouble you've caused, you have to do community service. I've tried tracking down all those other villians -- like that overbearing writer's block, but he's seemed to disappear... anyway! Tut tut, you all must be off to work. And your first line of work is... Isle Delfino!"
"Awwww, MAAAAAAANNN!!"
---
"Your dun dun duuunnn seemed unnecessary, Junpei, everything seems so at peace," Bokomon noted as he looked out onto the ocean from the newly rebuilt Isle Delfino. The real color had returned to everything, turns out the first feelings from the group were just side effects.
Yes, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the sun was sunny, the sand was sandy, and the water was wet! Even a rainbow stood out on the waters being all prettyful.
"I like rainbows," Tomoki said. Takuya, who was standing next to him, took a step back from him.
Everyone took a moment to soak in the scenery and wallow in their accomplishment that they really didn't accomplish, but they did anyway since they're the protagonists, gosh darnit!
Takuya wrapped his arm around Izumi. "Well, this turned out for the best, didn't it?"
"Yeppers!" Izumi agreed.
"Hey, Takuya, got a butcher knife on ya?" Junpei innocently asked, stepping up behind the couple. Takuya ran off screaming.
Kouji looked down into the ocean water, trying to hide his sadness.
"What's wrong, Kouji?" Kouichi asked.
"Well, is this it? I mean, we've seen a lot of crazy shit these past twenty-six chapters, but is this all we're going out with? A few jokes? So what do we do now?"
"I see what you mean. It just doesn't have that... what's the word I'm looking for..."
"Oomph!" Tomoki piped in.
"Yeah, that's the one!"
Suddenly, upbeat music started playing in the background, yet still appropriate for an ending theme.
Bokomon sighed, "So we're going out with a song and dance number? Typical."
"Yay!" Neemon clapped excitedly.
"So, we've reached the end,
Of our tale,
We can't accomplish anymore,
This plot's all done!
Was it a lot?
I don't know!
Could we have done more... ?
Probably so~
But let's not talk about that!
Da da da dun da dah!
We've had our laughs,
We've had our tears,
Some of us even questioned our sexuality!"
"What? I didn't do that," Kouji stated with an eyebrow raised.
Kouichi tried not to look shocked. "You're kidding!"
"But we're doooooone!
We're done with this tale,
We set out what we were supposed to do for this particular story,
And THAT is what we did!
Do do doo doo doo!
We could have abandoned our mission long ago,
Leaving it out in limbo,
But did we do that?
No! Hell no!
We did it anyway!
It may have taken a while, but hey, it still got done,
So... yay for us!
Fwee dee de dee dee!
So we're done,
We're all through,
We'd better get a salary or something, but!
Just - let - us - be - dooooooooone!! Goodbye, folks!"
---
"Mopping is so not my forte," RhodoKnightmon tsked.
The two servants were currently cleaning the new graffiti spills on Isle Delfino's fine paved walkways.
"Just shut up and do your job. You missed a spot," Dynasmon nodded towards a splotch on the pavement in Rhodo's vicinity.
RhodoKnightmon slammed his mop back into the bucket, splashing water all over the pavement and his boots. He turned to face his so-called friend angrily. "You can't tell me what to do!"
"Oh yeah? Watch me. Clean up at spot, you pink ho!"
"GASP!! I challenge you... to a mop duel!"
"You're on, pinky!"
As the two not-so-normal Digimon duked it out with mops, Lucemon was hearing the commotion behind him and sighed. He pulled out a tape recorder. "Note to self: get new bodyguards that can't talk or feel."
Dynasmon's foot kicked the bucket full of inky water upwards and accidently onto Lucemon's head.
"Note to self: do it before the sequel comes around."
---
"Hey, Takuya, we're going to go check into one of those hotels to just take a break for... several days. You coming?"
"Sure, 'zumi, I'll be right there."
Izumi smiled and walked towards the local hotel with the others, while Takuya looked out towards the sunset and admired the colors. Especially the reds and yellows... He reached into his pocket to pull out a silver device. Flipping it open, it lit one single flame. A devious smirk appeared on his face as he looked back and forth from his lighter to the bamboo-built hotel. He began to walk towards the building, a different stride in his step.
"It'll be great to crash for a few days... But I sure hope they don't accuse me of any hotel fires... Heh heh heeeeh."
¤ The End ¤
Disclaimer: I don't own Frontier, you know the drill by now.
A Funny Frontier Tale
By: Karoru Karukaro
Chapter 26: An Epilogue of Epic Proportions
Now onward to our tale!
---
Once upon a time, there was a group of fictional people who ran about acting out of character and getting into zany plots that went absolutely nowhere. This was the strange saga of AFFT, which wasn't really a saga since there was nothing in it to call it a saga. Many months would pass and nothing would happen, the characters in this setting floating in limbo, waiting for the lazy author with other things to do to once again sit at her computer to bring these creatures to life. Most of this time, a brick wall stood in the pathway to a good idea, so the author would have to get a very large mallet to smash through this wall. Now that we've made it to the other side, instead of writing this chapter, I'm really tired from smashing down that wall! It wasn't just a clever metaphor I used, you know.
"Can just we continue with the story?" Lucemon asked, beginning to get impatient.
But alas! From all that brick wall smashing, I have forgotten from where we have left off!
The evil angel sighed and turned towards his henchmen. "You hear that? She doesn't know where to begin!"
"Who's he talking to?" Dynasmon whispered to Rhodo. The pink one shrugged with a baffled look on his face.
Then, Lucemon-sama, I suppose we'll have to start fresh.
"Sounds like a plan to me! As long as we don't go retail shopping again..." He glanced towards RhodoKnightmon.
"What? What about my shopping? Are you going against my interests?!"
"Personally, I've always wanted to become a lumberjack," Dynasmon confessed, closing his eyes and nodding seriously. When he opened his eyes, he was met with strange stares from the others. "Whaaaaaat?"
---
"I miss my superhero tights," Kouichi mused to his brother.
"In all honesty, that shade of aqua didn't go with your hair color," Kouji stated matter-of-factly.
"Really?"
"Once again, I am innocent, naive, and confused," Tomoki sighed.
The members of the studio audience laughed.
Tomoki faced the camera. "Seriously! Could someone PLEASE fill me in here?!"
The members of the studio audience laughed again.
In the Cherubimon posse, the group was discussing what should be their latest attack to surprise the Chosen Children. Alas, it wouldn't be that much of a surprise since they were standing right there huddled in front of them. They were also unware of a red-panted spy in the midst...
"Before you ask, no 'dazzling entrances'," Cherubimon stated.
"Awwwwwwww!!"
Bokomon held a walkie-talking waiting Neemon's transmission of what the enemy was talking about. They wouldn't be taken by surprise! "Bookman to Stupid Dude! What did they say?"
"Something about frazzling an entryway!"
"Okay, I say we make an highly complicated attack pattern, then close in on 'em, and STRIKE!"
"Stupid Dude to Bookman! They're sewing a highly-liked pattern on their sweaters! And something else about a spike!"
"It must be their code!" Bokomon mused.
"Do you know the Muffin Man?" Arbormon asked.
"Do we know a puffin, Bokomon?"
"GASP! THEY'RE USING A PUFFIN AS THEIR SECRET WEAPON! I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME!"
"Alright, team, let's get out there and win!" Cherubimon posed.
"Sure thing, coach!"
They all high-fived each other, then separated out like a football team.
"I think they want to play hockey with a broach!"
"Oh, they're a clever bunch, all right."
"Chosen Children!" Cherubimon roared, catching everyone's attention. With the spotlight on him, he grabbed a microphone out of thin air, and pointed dramatically at the kids. "I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
---
Meanwhile, the Chibi Beast Senseis had ceased wandering aimlessly about the town, and were currently taking a break under a patch of trees in the park. The group was very tired and their feet were stinky. They expected a calming, cooling wind to conveniently blow by to sooth their frazzled nerves, but when nothing of the sort came, that made them even more annoyed. Garmmon had dozed off, KaiserLeomon was sipping what remained of his tea, Vritramon and Shutumon were lounging on tree branches, while Bolgmon and Blizzarmon weren't really doing anything revelvant.
"I've been thinking," Vritramon broke the silence.
Bolgmon looked up from his resting place. "Oh, really? That's a change of pace."
Vritramon ignored him. "I believe I'm at a mid-life crisis. Heck, we all might be!"
"But I don't like crisis!" Shutumon protested.
"Perhaps we need to do something else with our lives."
KaiserLeomon joined the conversation, "He does have a point."
"Then what would we do?" Blizzarmon questioned. Everyone looked up at Vritramon for an answer, but he was absentmindedly picking away at the tree bark.
"Ahem!"
"Ah! ... You actually expect me to know that?"
Everyone else slapped their foreheads.
"Let's just all take a nap without worrying about stuff," Shutumon suggested. "Because I don't like to think too much. It makes my brain itch."
Garmmon continued snoring.
"Well, Garmmon seems to like that idea!" Vritramon noted.
Everyone cornily laughed like they do in cartoons. Oh, Vritra, you silly fellow!
---
Takuya and Cherubimon were sitting in the middle of the town square, each holding their hand of cards.
"Why cards? Can't we just kick your ass like always!?"
"I've had a change of heart about violence," Cherubimon confessed. "Now, puny human, YOUR LIFE POINTS SHALL BE MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
"We might be here a while..." Mercuremon noted.
---
Garmmon suddenly awoke. He stood up and looked in all directions, alert with senses keen. When he fixated on one direction, a deep growl sounded in his throat.
"What is it, brother?" KaiserLeomon questioned worriedly.
"My Yu-Gi-Oh senses are tingling." He began to froth at the mouth.
KaiserLeomon looked to the others for an answer. "Yu-Gi-Oh senses?"
Vritramon answered without even opening his eyes. "You don't know? Garmmon despises each and every version of Yu-Gi-Oh -- Japanese or English -- and when he senses it in his vicinity, he goes positively crazy. Destroying every speck of evidence, and he won't stop until he's done. It's quite amusing to watch, actually."
"Oh! Remember that time he attacked that nun?" Bolgmon laughed.
"Yeah!"
Everyone joined in the laughing, except for KaiserLeomon. He didn't really see what was so funny. He turned his head towards his brother for a better explanation, but he discovered that Garmmon wasn't there anymore...
"I think we've got a problem, ol' chaps."
---
Meanwhile at somewhere else!
The Sadmon scientist cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together in an also typical evil fashion. Even an evil aura radiated around in his vicinity, causing his fellow workers to step a few feet away from him.
Sadmon scientist stopped his evil laughing for a moment, and faced the readers. "I bet you thought you weren't going to see me again, didn't ya? Well, you were WRONG!" His evil laughing continued, and his assistants took a few more steps back.
One of the assistants choose to step up, interrupting his boss' gloating. "Sir, the plot-device-powered cannon is almost complete."
"Yeeeesss!!" Cue the pelvic thrusts.
"One problem."
"A problem?"
"We don't have a power supply."
"... didn't you just say that it was powered by the Plot Device?" The scientist stopped his pelvic thrusts and raised an eyebrow.
"Well, yes... but it needs some extra juice."
"You can't just plug it into a wall socket?"
"I'm afraid not, sir."
"Damn. Well, figure something out!"
"Why not you?" the assistant questioned.
"I'm busy at the moment." The head honcho of the operation turned away from his lowly worker, and trotted off towards his room. The worker shrugged and went back to business. Meanwhile, in the Sadmon scientist's room, he was busy writing in his journal. Ever since he came into the Digital World as a Sadmon, he decided to keep a personal journal for his equally personal thoughts. Since he was too cheap to actually get a real therapist, talking to an inanimate object was going to have to do.
'Dear journal,
I am sad. The Plot Device Cannon Thingy that needs a better name still won't work. And I think I'm getting a rash in my lower regions. I knew I shouldn't have switched from the brand of soap I typically use.
Note to self: after the destruction of the moral fibers of Happyville, go to the store and discreetly buy some cream. ... and Cheetos.'
Surely, if anyone should see this Sadmon's thoughts, many laughs would escape his fellow workers... even though they're sad. It would just be that funny!
Back to the gang!
---
Cherubimon turned to Ranamon, who was standing behind him with the other Evil Hybrids. "Are his Life Points mine yet?"
"For the last time, NOT YET!"
"This is boring," Kouji noted. Suddenly, a lightbulb popped over his head, shining brightly. "I've got an idea! Why don't we find a new-spiffier-über-ultimate-cool-awesome evolution that'll just blow everyone out of their socks! But here's the catch, only me and Takuya get to evolve."
Junpei, Izumi, and Tomoki's eyes widened in horror. "Nooooo~!!"
"I've got a campaign like this, ya know!" Junpei stated angrily.
The group held up signs, reading: 'Go secondary characters!'
"We will NOT be pushed into the background! No no no! No background, no!"
"Did you hear something?" Kouji asked Takuya.
"Huh? Nope, not me."
The three's protests got louder.
Kouichi addressed his brother with a question, "Am I a secondary character as well?"
"Hmm..." The bandana boy tapped his chin in thought. "Not really, you've got more of a co-starring role on The Takuya and Kouji Show."
"Oh goodie!"
---
Garmmon stormed down the town's streets, still foaming at the mouth, madly searching for the source that caused his temporary insanity.
"RABBLERABBLERABBLE!!"
"Garmmon's the Hamburglar?" Blizzarmon randomly questioned.
"That's 'robble robble'. He said 'rabble rabble'," Bolgmon answered.
"My bad."
Ba-bum-ching.
---
"Are his Life Points mine NOW?"
"NO!"
---
Sadmon scientist continued to write in his journal, sitting in the farthest dark corner of his quarters. "Maybe I need some Prozac..."
---
Lucemon clapped his hands together, getting the two Royal Knight's attentions. "Okay, guys, I got an idea. It's super. A super idea. Are you listening? You better be listening to this idea. Listen, listen, listen! Are you listening yet? C'mon! It's suuuuuper!"
Dynas and Rhodo raised an eyebrow, looking towards each other, then back to their leader.
"I'm so totally gonna evolve on their asses over there," Lucemon pointed to the two duelists, "and it's so totally gonna be the most dazzling entrance you ever did see, but I need you guys as backup, ya dig?"
"Lucemon-sama, why did you suddenly start becoming blatantly out of character?" Dynasmon questioned with a worried tone in his voice.
Lucemon blinked a few times, staring up at the muscleman. "What the hell are you talking about? Nothing is going to disrupt this plan, so get to work!"
"That's more like it!" RhodoKnightmon commented.
Lucemon turned around to examine their target before attacking. They were still in the same positions: on the ground with cards yelling crap at each other. A blood-thirsty grin appeared on Lucemon's face as his eyes twinkled with maniacal glee.
"It's show time."
---
The duel continued onward, the two contentors focused on victory. Nothing allowed to hinder their limits, nothing allowed to give them papercuts, nothing allowed to break their concentration--
All of a sudden, RhodoKnightmon's voice echoed over a convenient speaker, reaching the ears of citizens far and wide, whether they wanted to listen to Rhodo's random announcement or not.
"Ladies and gentlemen, humans, fellow Digimon, and freaks of nature! We present to you..."
Cherubimon looked up and raised a twitching eyebrow. "This better be good!"
"Lucemon-sama and his faithful Royal Knights!"
The two minions and the future dictator of the Digital World marched out for everyone to see. Lucemon pointed at the group, not caring that he interrupted a duel of GREAT IMPORTANCE!
Cherubimon's eyebrow's twitch remained. "Oh, it's just you."
Lucemon about keeled over right there from shock due to that comment. He managed to regain his composure, putting his hands on his waist and tapping his foot in annoyance. "What do you mean JUST ME?!"
"I meant what I meant. Now do you mind? I'm in the middle of a duel." He turned back to his cards to plot his upcoming move.
Lucemon swelled up in anger, his eyes growing red and his teeth grinding together. "Nobody talks that way to Lucemon!"
The Evil Hybrids looked around at each other, shared an all-knowing look, then proceeded to run for their lives into a nearby alley. The Chosen Children and everyone else in the vicinity did the same thing. The sky began to get dark and stormy. Lightning crashed, and rain poured from the evil angel's wrath.
Cherubimon looked up, deciding to pay attention to the crazed controller. "Do you mind? You're getting my cards wet."
"YAAAARRR!!" Lucemon shouted from frustration.
"Yo ho, Mr. Pirate, blow me down!"
"That does it! My dazzling entrance has been turned into a shamble! And that makes me angry..."
"Is he going to evolve?" Dynas loudly questioned from the bush he was hiding behind.
"Dammit, Dynasmon, you ruined the suspense!"
*Lucemon Slide Evolve to... Lucemon Falldown Mode!*
Lucemon FDM marched over to Cherubimon in his new form and grabbed him by the collar, causing his precious cards to fall to the newly soaked ground.
"Now, Cherubimon, I came here for a challenge. Am I going to have to fight YOU?"
The dark bunny did a double take in the dictator's grasp. "Lucemon, are you nuts? You don't want to fight me, I'm on the same mission as you!" He jabbed the Digimon in the chest.
"And just what mission would that be?"
"Killing those meddling Chosen Children, of course!" Cherubimon clenched his fists. "They interfere with our dark designs!"
Lucemon FDM loosened his grip. "Hmm, I like the way you think. Now, just where are those blasted kids--AAHHH!!"
KaiserGreymon had snuck up behind Lucemon FDM and slashed his sword into his back, knocking both the bosses to the ground.
MagnaGarurumon appeared beside him. "Wow, Takuya, you actually did something smart."
"Horray for me!" KaiserG cheered.
Lucemon FDM rose from the ground, scowling. "We'll see who'll be cheering after I'm done with you!"
"Uhm, yeah, what he said!" Cherubimon piped in.
Both the villians lunged at KaiserG and MagnaG. Pow, wham, bam, and other cheesy sound effects!
Izumi watched the fighting from the alley the others had run into. "Here we go again, they get all the credit, we get pushed aside..." She noticed something in her hands and looked down. "Huh? Where'd these pom-poms come from?!"
Junpei looked at her, also holding a pair of his own. "You better get used to 'em, at this rate."
Lucemon FDM grabbed KaiserGreymon by the shoudlers, and gave him a firm kick in the gut, causing the Digimon to fly backwards and collide into MagnaGarurumon. The two crashed into a grove of trees nearby, becoming buried under the foliage. The rain from earlier still poured down onto the battlefield.
Cherubimon looked over at the temporarily crushed warriors and pouted. "No fair, I wanted ta do dat!"
Lucemon FDM erupted in a typical evil hearty laugh. "Oh yeah, who's bad!" He paused for a moment, obviously waiting for something. He turned around to his two minions, giving them a deadpan look. "That's your cue."
"Oh, right!"
The two shuffled out. Their poses looked quite silly, offering thumbs-up to their boss. "YOU'RE bad, Lucemon-sama!"
"Damn right!" More evil laughing, blah blah blah, we've been through this a million times before.
Cherubimon continued his pouting, witnessing the scene. He turned to the Evil Hybrids. "How come you guys don't ever do entrances like that for me?"
Ranamon scoffed. "Come on, we've never made a joke about your big ears, what more do you want from us?"
Cherubimon gasped in a high-pitched tone, covering his head with his massive hands. "Are my ears really that big?"
---
Back in the lab.
The Sadmon scientist decided to cease his journal musings for today to check up on the power progress on the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ (newly named).
"So, how goes the accomplishment?" he asked a nearby worker.
The worker looked up from his notepad. "Oh, good news, sir, the machine is now fully completed!"
"Even though I am a highly acclaimed Sadmon, I must dance for joy at this news." And he did as such. Much shaking of his groove thing occured. He stopped for a moment to inquire, "So, tell me, what did you use for the power supply?"
"Oh, the solution was simple, really. We took the awesome and incredible powers of two triple-A batteries and a 40 watt bulb."
Sadmon scientist did not rejoice at this news, however. He gave a serious stare at the worker. "Be a real scientist, and replace it with something else more... realistic." Tears brimmed at his eyelids. "Meanwhile, if you need me, I'll be in my room watching Oprah." He proceeded to run off, sobbing. A door slam was heard in the distance.
Another assistant approached the one who was the bearer of bad news. "I told ya' we shoulda used those D batteries."
---
"Must... kill... Yu-Gi-Oh..."
Vritramon groaned. "It sure is taking us a while to get there. Maybe his senses are off."
"Maybe he needs to go potty," Shutumon wondered. "Whenever something just doesn't feel right, a sit on the potty can always make it better."
---
"Enryuugeki!!"
"Starlight Velocity!!"
KaiserGreymon and MagnaGarurumon were giving it all they had towards the two villians, while their noble fans cheered them on!
"Go Takuya, Takuya, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can. Kouji, Kouji... uhm... he's a man too," Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki, and Kouichi droned on the sidelines. Bokomon and Neemon accompanied them on the drums.
Meanwhile, Dynasmon and RhodoKnightmon were cheering on their favorite leader.
"Go, Lucemon-sama!!" Dynasmon cheered.
RhodoKnightmon pouted, and tapped his foot in frustration. "They get all the fun! I wanted to kick some good guy tushie too!"
"Don't worry about it, we've done enough of that already," Dynasmon grinned (if he could). "Just, er, stand there and look pretty."
RhodoKnightmon lit up at the word 'pretty'. "Oh, I can do that!" He twirled around in his pink ensemble, as if he were modeling on a runway.
Dynas slapped his forehead at the scene. "That's not what I meant!"
"But you said--"
"Forget what I said."
"Oh, you're such a doodie head person!"
As for the Evil Hybrids? They hijacked a van and got as far away from the current commotion as possible.
---
Sadmon scientist returned to the main workstation, wiping away a few stray tears with his sleeve. Regaining his composure, he clapped his hands together, and inspected the machine's current state. "So, what have we got in the power supply now?"
The current assistant figeted under her boss' gaze. "Well, sir, we didn't want to use up anymore lightbulbs or batteries, and we're on a tight budget, so we grabbed someone's lunch bag and... we used a baked potato."
Sadmon scientist blinked, then shrugged indifferently. "Eh, I'm not picky."
"But, sir--"
"I - said - I'm - not - picky." He cleared his throat and shouted, "Fire up the Machine!"
Knobs were turned, buttons pushed, lights flashed and blinked up the clunky contraption as it whirred and buzzed with activity. Sadmon scientist took his not-so-rightful place in the head seat on top of the thing. He moved levers back and forth, aiming the crosshairs at their target: Happyville.
"Everyone ready? It's all or nothing!"
"Sir, yes sir!!"
"Ready..."
---
KaiserGreymon dealt another blow to Lucemon FDM, yet he returned with an uppercut, knocking him silly once more.
MagnaGarurumon and Cherubimon were currently having a staring contest. Except with MagnaG, missles were involved.
Pom-poms continued to be waved, even in the fierce rain.
---
"... Aim..."
---
"Paradise Lost!"
BAM! The two ledgendary warriors were now reverted to their human states with Lucemon FDM's super attack. Cherubimon grabbed them both by the collars of their shirts and flung them over towards the others, laughing menacingly the whole time. Izumi helped Takuya to his feet, while Kouichi assisted Kouji.
"Now, you stupid humans, prepare to be destroyed!" the lipstick-wearing fiend announced.
"Well, Bokomon, it's been nice knowing ya..." Neemon hugged the best pal he ever knew.
Bokomon embraced him back. "You too, Neemon!"
---
"FIRE!!"
---
"YU-GI-OH!!" Garmmon roared as he jumped out from the bushes, the other Chibi Beast Senseis still following him.
Alas, his psychotic quest was put to an immediate halt as he noticed a huge white beam coming right towards the town. And as everyone knows, if you see a huge white beam heading right towards you, it's most likely not Santa Claus.
"Oh... shit. RUN!!"
Everyone in the town turned around to face their doom and DRAMATICALLY GASPED.
Takuya turned to Izumi, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Ya know, now would be the perfect time to tell the others now that it's a dramatic scene and everything!"
"Good idea."
"Guys, we have something to tell you," Takuya stated loudly for the others to hear. The beam began to get closer.
"You're gay?" asked Junpei, practically out of nowhere.
"... no."
"Izumi-chan is gay?"
"No!" Izumi responded.
"You're asexual?"
"We're a couple, you dolt!"
They all blinked and stared at them. A couple. A couple, they said. Takuya and Izumi weren't sure how they would respond, but they expected Junpei to at least comment, with his crush on Izumi. Also, there's a freakin' beam about to blast them all! The shock factor is at its peak by now, most likely.
"... I still wish Takuya was gay."
The blast made its impact.
---
Kouichi began to awake. He groaned as he rubbed his head, as a sudden ray of sunlight shone right into his eyes. The boy attempted to survey his surroundings, but he was still too dazed to figure out where he was. Or if he was dead or alive, for that matter. Blinding sunlight was all around, the ground was rough, tropical palm trees danced in the breeze, and the buildings had... eyeballs on them?
"Well, wherever we are, I don't think we're in Happyville anymore," Kouichi noted to himself and the studio audience.
Luckily, Bokomon and Neemon were also awake -- Kouichi wouldn't be completely without company. They were also dazed, so the only course of action was to half-crawl, half-wobble over to Kouichi. At the moment, he wasn't paying them any attention, now that he was leaning over his newly-discovered brother and fretting over his unconscious state.
"Maybe you need to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscia-ma-tation!" Neemon suggested.
Bokomon shook his head. "No, no, remember what happened last time..."
"Why? What happened?"
"Forget it. Let's just say that was an awkward situation."
"I TOLD you that wasn't the right end!"
"MOVING ON."
Not hearing the two Digimon, Kouichi's mind raced with the possible ideas of what happened to his brother.
'I sure hope he didn't fall down any stairs. THOSE BASTARD STAIRS!! No, wait, we were shot with some beam, weren't we? Hmm... then he could have brain damage! Who would take care of him if he did? Well, me, of course... mmm...'
Neemon nudged his friend. "I think Kouichi's gone off in Lala Land."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Bokomon commented with a half-lidded stare.
"You're welcome!"
---
"Been a while since we've been here, huh?" Vritramon commented to Shutumon. Both were sitting in beach chairs wearing straw hats. They were also sipping fruit drinks out of coconut halves and lounging under an umbrella, enjoying the welcoming soothing wind.
Shutumon nodded. "Prexactly, Vritra-kun!"
"What do you two think you're doing?" Bolgmon asked as he leaned over on the back of Vritramon's chair.
"What's it look like we're doing?" the dragon answered. "We're relaxing! Even us Chibi Beast Senseis need vacations, too, y'know."
"But we haven't done ANYTHING. We haven't even succeeded in our new mission which isn't so new anymore!"
"Well, tell that to the author." Vritramon leaned further into the confines of his chair, bringing his newly acquired hat over his face. Bolgmon sighed, realizing that he was now being ignored.
"Ya know," Shutumon began to think (you can hear the gears turning), "maybe we need a new mission! Perhaps... the forces in the universe are telling us something? Let's do something else with our duties!"
"Isn't that what Vritramon just stated in the beginning of this chapter?" Bolgmon questioned.
"Anyway, I'm all for superheroing!"
This caught Vritramon's attention, as he looked towards her with a smirk on his face. "That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day."
"YAY ME!" She glomped her Vritra-kun, causing him to turn blue yet again.
"Gah... ack... heellp..."
"Aren't they the cutest couple?" Blizzarmon walked up to note. Bolgmon just shook his head.
---
Back in Happyville. Well, the remains of Happyville, anyway.
Sadmon scientist looked up over his baracade to see what damage he had dealt to his enemy. He noticed that the buildings still stood, yet where citizens had previously been standing, billows of dark smoke were rising from the ground, as if tiny explosions had occured all over the area. The scientist took this to mean that his plot-driven device had vaporized any living creature in its path. That WAS the plan, right? But alas, even though he had achieved what had taken at least over one chapter's worth of work, there was still an emptiness that originated deep inside the demented Digimon. It spread throughout his body and brought him even more sadness than he had originally been feeling due to his namesake. In other words, it had been a complete waste of time -- and he knew it. He hadn't wanted to zap everyone in the village to microscopic bits. He wanted to zap them into typically-sized bits so he could strut over there and say, 'Well, goodness, it looks like you've been ZAPPED BY A SADMON, BIOTCH!!'. Truely a different priority than what had just occured.
"Cripes."
And so, that was the end of Happyville and its citizens. Well, kinda. But still, the people that are reading this sentence rejoiced at the news. The radical rambling of happiness would stop radiating from the raging rambos that made up that community. But where are they now? Hell, I don't know, so why are you asking me?
Sadmon scientist sighed, leaning over on the crazy contraption's control panel. "What we really need is more excitement around here. A plot twist, you could say..." His eyes wandered around his seat. As realization hit, he mentally slapped himself. "Of course!"
After minor adjustments, the settings of the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ were set to 'SUPER ZAPPINGS OF THE ENTIRE DIGITAL WORLD... YO'.
*BZZ-APP!*
The whole world was engulfed in white.
---
"Huh, I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I had brain damage and you were taking care of me, Kouichi. But it felt... awkward."
The others had just woken up. Kouichi uncomfortably chuckled after hearing about his younger brother's dream.
"So, you two have been a couple this whole time, hmm? Behind our backs?" Junpei addressed Takuya.
"Yep. But even I don't know why we kept it a secret, really."
"Interesting..."
"So, um, you're fine with it? You're not going to murder me in the middle of the night with a butcher knife now that you know Izumi's my girlfriend?"
"Oh, no, of course not... as long as Izumi-chan is happy. But now that you've given me the idea..."
Takuya laughed nervously.
"Scandalous," Tomoki grinned innocently into the camera.
"Erm, is everything white, or is it just me?" Izumi questioned, interrupting everyone else.
"Ack, you're right!" Kouichi didn't like the color white. He didn't know why, but he just didn't.
"Whatever," Kouji said, not caring about colors.
"Suddenly, I have the urge to say something intelligent instead of exclaiming random words!" Neemon frantically waved his arms around, panicked squeals coming out of him. Thoughts were running around in his head. Actual coherent thoughts, and not just the random thought of a pig flying across the skyline or a random word like, oh, 'RABBLEBLARSQUEE' and the like.
"And I have no witty retort to that." Bokomon let this thought sink in, then clasped his hands to his face and GASPED. "Something is seriously wrong here!!"
"DUN DUUUUUNNNN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!" Junpei boomed towards the currently white sky.
Everyone stopped and gave him a blank stare.
"What? It seemed fitting."
---
Lucemon (normal), The Royal Knights, and Cherubi & Co. were now in a shiny glowing castle place, obviously confused.
"How'd we get here?" Arbormon questioned.
Ophanimon made her way down a conveniently placed starway, and cleared her throat, getting all the villians' attentions.
"MY LOVE!" Cherubimon bounded forward, kneeling before her, wagging his tail. "Have you summoned us here to congratulate us on our apparent victory against the Chosen Children?" He gave her a toothy grin.
The glowing angel rolled her eyes behind her helmet. "No, Cherubimon. You know how I feel about violence."
"Oh, oh, of course! Violent? Me? Are you kiddin'! I'm about as passive as a cuddly lamb." He began crawling around the floor and pretended to graze to prove his point. The Evil Hybrids watched in amusement.
"He's putty in her hands..." Grottomon noted.
"I like her style!" Ranamon grinned.
"Control yourself, Cherubimon," Ophanimon ordered in half-amusement, half-disgust. "Now, you all may be wondering why you ended up here of all places after the Sadmon's Plot Device ray blasted to all, correct?"
Her answer was the blank stares of all the present Digimon.
"Yes, quite. Anyway, now that the Sadmon scientist has used the Plot Device on the entire Digital World, all that which was out-of-balance has been balanced, the cracks have been repaired, and basically everything's all hunky-doory."
"So why are you telling -us- this?" Lucemon questioned. "I'm sure those do-gooding humans would rather hear this news."
"Speaking of good, that's why you're here." She stepped back behind her throne and pulled out a few dozen mops and buckets. "To pay back your debts to society for all the trouble you've caused, you have to do community service. I've tried tracking down all those other villians -- like that overbearing writer's block, but he's seemed to disappear... anyway! Tut tut, you all must be off to work. And your first line of work is... Isle Delfino!"
"Awwww, MAAAAAAANNN!!"
---
"Your dun dun duuunnn seemed unnecessary, Junpei, everything seems so at peace," Bokomon noted as he looked out onto the ocean from the newly rebuilt Isle Delfino. The real color had returned to everything, turns out the first feelings from the group were just side effects.
Yes, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the sun was sunny, the sand was sandy, and the water was wet! Even a rainbow stood out on the waters being all prettyful.
"I like rainbows," Tomoki said. Takuya, who was standing next to him, took a step back from him.
Everyone took a moment to soak in the scenery and wallow in their accomplishment that they really didn't accomplish, but they did anyway since they're the protagonists, gosh darnit!
Takuya wrapped his arm around Izumi. "Well, this turned out for the best, didn't it?"
"Yeppers!" Izumi agreed.
"Hey, Takuya, got a butcher knife on ya?" Junpei innocently asked, stepping up behind the couple. Takuya ran off screaming.
Kouji looked down into the ocean water, trying to hide his sadness.
"What's wrong, Kouji?" Kouichi asked.
"Well, is this it? I mean, we've seen a lot of crazy shit these past twenty-six chapters, but is this all we're going out with? A few jokes? So what do we do now?"
"I see what you mean. It just doesn't have that... what's the word I'm looking for..."
"Oomph!" Tomoki piped in.
"Yeah, that's the one!"
Suddenly, upbeat music started playing in the background, yet still appropriate for an ending theme.
Bokomon sighed, "So we're going out with a song and dance number? Typical."
"Yay!" Neemon clapped excitedly.
"So, we've reached the end,
Of our tale,
We can't accomplish anymore,
This plot's all done!
Was it a lot?
I don't know!
Could we have done more... ?
Probably so~
But let's not talk about that!
Da da da dun da dah!
We've had our laughs,
We've had our tears,
Some of us even questioned our sexuality!"
"What? I didn't do that," Kouji stated with an eyebrow raised.
Kouichi tried not to look shocked. "You're kidding!"
"But we're doooooone!
We're done with this tale,
We set out what we were supposed to do for this particular story,
And THAT is what we did!
Do do doo doo doo!
We could have abandoned our mission long ago,
Leaving it out in limbo,
But did we do that?
No! Hell no!
We did it anyway!
It may have taken a while, but hey, it still got done,
So... yay for us!
Fwee dee de dee dee!
So we're done,
We're all through,
We'd better get a salary or something, but!
Just - let - us - be - dooooooooone!! Goodbye, folks!"
---
"Mopping is so not my forte," RhodoKnightmon tsked.
The two servants were currently cleaning the new graffiti spills on Isle Delfino's fine paved walkways.
"Just shut up and do your job. You missed a spot," Dynasmon nodded towards a splotch on the pavement in Rhodo's vicinity.
RhodoKnightmon slammed his mop back into the bucket, splashing water all over the pavement and his boots. He turned to face his so-called friend angrily. "You can't tell me what to do!"
"Oh yeah? Watch me. Clean up at spot, you pink ho!"
"GASP!! I challenge you... to a mop duel!"
"You're on, pinky!"
As the two not-so-normal Digimon duked it out with mops, Lucemon was hearing the commotion behind him and sighed. He pulled out a tape recorder. "Note to self: get new bodyguards that can't talk or feel."
Dynasmon's foot kicked the bucket full of inky water upwards and accidently onto Lucemon's head.
"Note to self: do it before the sequel comes around."
---
"Hey, Takuya, we're going to go check into one of those hotels to just take a break for... several days. You coming?"
"Sure, 'zumi, I'll be right there."
Izumi smiled and walked towards the local hotel with the others, while Takuya looked out towards the sunset and admired the colors. Especially the reds and yellows... He reached into his pocket to pull out a silver device. Flipping it open, it lit one single flame. A devious smirk appeared on his face as he looked back and forth from his lighter to the bamboo-built hotel. He began to walk towards the building, a different stride in his step.
"It'll be great to crash for a few days... But I sure hope they don't accuse me of any hotel fires... Heh heh heeeeh."
¤ The End ¤