I can't believe I got nine reviews for the last chapter alone! Thanks, guys! I suppose I should answer them before I start, huh?
Nukerisr, you've actually given me a bit of an idea. I think I could work some of Jumba's knowledge of magic into future stories…and by the way, I know nothing of music, so what's wrong with Hendrix's songs?
Anin624, I didn't stop, I just left it at a cliffhanger. By the way, I think your story Angel's Sisters is kind of neat (Even if there are a few plot holes here and there). I would mention them in a review, except that for some reason you have to be signed in to do so for your story.
Mimic, sorry, but I don't really have any details on the religion. But if you want a reason to hate them, they would ban all video games if they could because they contain 'sinful' references to religions not of Ban-Kar's making.
Piewolvesandsuch, I wasn't actually thinking of it as science vs. religion, but you can read it that way if you want. And I had no idea you were a fan of Bonnie and Clyde. Since you are, you might not be happy with what they're going to do.
Charon, would you believe I actually saw that Star Trek episode you're talking about? I thought it was funny. Especially since Data thought he was a sun GODDESS.
PIcaRDMPC, this chapter is indeed the climax, although we do have one more big event right after this one…
DanMat6288, that's actually a pretty good idea for a story you've got there. Unfortunately, I'm going to be busy with the sequel to this one. Maybe you could try writing that crossover?
HobbesViviKnuckles, if by Opaih you mean Ophis, she's actually based off an ancient Egyptian chaos serpent with a similar name. I like snakes, so I thought it would be cool to use her to help bring Stitch back to normal.
And now, on with the chapter!
***
Bored, Nani tapped her fingers on the surface of her desk. It was another slow day at her job (Whatever that may be) due to the current lack of tourists. She had still not gained her raise, she was worried about Lilo (Who had been practically comatose the last time she saw her) and the only thing for her to do was watch a super-dull golf tournament on the nearby television. So it was a relief to her when the game was interrupted by a news flash.
A reporter was standing in front of a gaping crater between two churches. "I'm reporting this breaking news bulletin live from the site where just half an hour ago, the Kauai Church of Ban-Kar somehow levitated into the air and vanished." Nani blinked. The Ban-Kar church? "An eyewitness managed to catch this bizarre event on tape." The scene immediately changed to a somewhat shaky and amateurish recording from a video camera, no doubt held by a tourist. In it, a good portion of the island's alien inhabitants, not to mention Lilo, were gathered outside the church, looking like they were going to break in at any second. Without warning, the church shook and ripped out of the ground. Shortstuff made a vain attempt to hold it down and got carried up into the sky. The rest of the group quickly headed off-camera. "As you can see, the church flew off of its foundations, taking away one of our island's most beloved thrill rides with it. This reporter's heart goes out to the ride's owner, who never got around to purchasing insurance on it." The video clip changed to show people rioting in the streets. "Worshippers of Ban-Kar all over the island have taken this as a sign that their god will soon cleanse the Earth of all evildoers and bring the world into a new utopia. For some reason, they think this is a good justification for rampaging through the town and setting fire to various other religious establishments, claiming they are temples dedicated to Ophis, their religion's devil figure. Jews, Catholics, Muslims, and members of other religious groups have put their differences aside for once and united to stop these berserk cultists before they destroy Kauai. So far, neither side is winning and hundreds of dollars are being lost in property damage. The police are helpless to stop this madness, and the mayor has declared a state of emergency." Nani moaned. Her big-sister instincts were telling her she should get home IMMEDIATELY.
"Well, that isn't something you see every day," muttered Mr. Jameson, who had entered the room without Nani noticing.
Nani quickly pounced (not literally, of course) on her boss. "Mr. Jameson, I need to get home. I'm worried my family could get hurt by this crazy riot."
Mr. Jameson looked startled. "Your family? My goodness, I completely forgot you had a large family! You must be worried sick about them. Go on; take the rest of the day off to take care of them. You wouldn't want your house to get burned down by those crazy cultists, would you?"
"Thank you!" said Nani gratefully.
As she ran for the exit, Mr. Jameson stopped her. "That reminds me, we're having a big company picnic in a couple of weeks. Why don't you bring your whole family down? I'd love to see them again, especially that nutty old great-uncle Jared! Whatever happened to him after that mutant whale shark took him away, anyway?"
"Er, he's been put in a retirement home." That wasn't too far from the truth if by retirement home one meant 'banished to torture and gruesome experimentation in the secret dungeon/laboratory of the galaxy's greatest criminal mastermind.' "I don't think he can make it."
Mr. Jameson looked disappointed. "That's a shame." Nani started to pull open the door when the boss stopped her again. "I really DID forget you had such a large family. It must be difficult to take care of them all on your current salary."
Nani hesitated. "Well, actually…"
"Why don't I give you a raise? You deserve it for all your hard work, and I suppose your family wouldn't mind being able to afford steak for dinner every now and then, am I right?" Mr. Jameson asked with a wink.
Nani was thrilled she had finally gotten a raise, but she knew she had to get home as soon as possible. "Thank you VERY much, sir. But I've really got to get going. My family and all."
He nodded. "Of course, of course. I should get going myself; I don't want my son Keoni to get hurt by these fanatics. I'm sure your sister would be upset if he were to get injured or anything, eh?" he said with another wink. Nani was somewhat surprised her boss had known about Lilo's crush, but didn't have time to inquire further. She had already dallied long enough; she had to get home!
***
"I really don't think this is a good idea," protested Gantu as 625 dragged him onto the couch. "626 will creep in here the instant I let my guard down! I can't afford to leave the experiments unguarded!"
"Relax, Big G," said the annoyed 625. "I'll watch em' for you. I'm just as strong as 626, remember? I bet I could beat him in a fight! And if he does beat me, maybe I could use that secret weapon thing you've been working on."
Gantu looked horrified. "The secret weapon?!" He grabbed 625. "Don't even think about using that thing unless we're approximately ten Earth miles away from the island! It could kill us all!"
625 shook himself free. "Okay, okay, I get the drift, no using the secret weapon." He switched on the gigantic TV screen. "Now, just sit back, relax, and watch a marathon of that stupid show you like so much. We both know you could use a little rest. I'll mind the experiments for you. Have fun." He waddled out of the room, leaving Gantu alone.
Gantu's nerves, which had been tense and on edge for weeks, slowly started to relax as the Look at This theme song started playing. Perhaps 625 is right. It's unhealthy for me to continue this ungodly vigil without at least a little break. Besides, maybe that sidekick training will finally pay off. I'm almost positive he'll be a match for 626 now! He smirked as his favorite show displayed a person who was somehow balancing an entire piano on his nose. And perhaps I've been worried about nothing all along. Maybe 626 really has just given up the fight. I don't blame him, I've been exhausted from our constant battles myself. He yawned, starting to get sleepy now that he was off his coffee buzz. He took a sip from the cup of warm milk 625 had left him. Maybe he's finally realized it's pointless to fight me.
Suddenly, the television was filled with static and changed to reveal Stitch's face. "People of Earth, greetings! I am the all-powerful Ban-Kar, and I shall bring your world into a new golden age!"
Gantu spat his milk out, spraying it all over the screen. Furious, he switched it off. "Or maybe he's even craftier than I thought! 625, get in here!"
625, who had been making a sandwich in the kitchen instead of guarding the experiments as he promised, waddled into the room. "Jeez, what is it? I thought I told you to relax!"
"There's no time to relax, we've been deceived again!"
"…We have?"
"Yes! I just saw 626 interrupt a televised broadcast. He blames to be somebody called Ban-Kar and intends to take over the world!"
625 blinked. "…Okay, that's weird. What's it got to do with us?"
"The little trog has been playing us for fools all along! He's tricked me into tricking myself into a false sense of insecurity so that I would spend so much time fortifying the ship he can easily conquer the world without my knowledge!" said Gantu angrily.
625 scratched his head. "Why the heck would he want to rule the world?"
"…I don't know, but I'm not letting him get away with this! Come, 625! We're going to go to his home to have a little 'chat' with 626…" he said evilly.
***
Up in the flying church, Stitch wrapped up his diatribe on how he would change the world. "I have been among the unbelievers, and they refuse to change! They must all perish! The heathens will burn so that the faithful may live in paradise!" He held Swirly up to the video camera that was broadcasting his message across the globe (And maybe even into space, since some aliens find Earth transmissions popular for some strange reason.). "And with the aid of this creature, born of sin but destined for greatness, I begin this new age! Join me as we enter a new era of prosperity together!" The hypnosis experiment's eyes began to swirl.
Suddenly, the entire church shook. A huge orange claw ripped through the front wall of the church, smashing the entrance to pieces. As the gigantic (yet somewhat shorter than before thanks to Jumba's shrink ray) Shortstuff stomped into the room, several machine gun-toting priests and objects that weren't firmly attached to the ground were violently sucked out through the new opening due to the change in air pressure. As the giant crab moved further into the chamber, the nose of Jumba's spaceship nudged its way through the opening, stopping when it was most of the way through. The boarding ramp lowered, and the army of experiments disembarked. "What is the meaning of this?!" Stitch asked furiously.
"Ban-Kar, we are being here to put an end to your evil plans!" Jumba proclaimed.
"You've been messing with our family for long enough. It's time for you to see what happens when you try to destroy our o'hana!" said Lilo.
"And I'll free my gushi bu from your clutches with my bare hands if I have to. Not that I actually need to use my hands, of course," said Angel, patting the dagger tied to her waist.
"And I'm just here to cheer them on. Please don't mind me," Pleakley added.
Stitch scoffed. "Your interference was not unexpected. That's one of the reasons I assembled my loyal army here to protect me. I put them in a very deep hypnotic trance, so don't even bother snapping your fingers, it won't free them."
"Then we'll just have to knock some sense into em' the old fashioned way!" said Lilo fiercely.
"I also took the liberty of freeing three of my most lethal cousins from the vault where they were imprisoned!" said Stitch, holding up the three pods he had stolen earlier. "These creatures of destruction were spawned from your sinful mind, Jookiba! Now they shall be used to purify the world of all evil!" He threw one of the pods onto the ground. "Behold 611, the ultimate super weapon!"
Yin sprayed the pod with some water. The pod glowed and swelled into a ball of light, exploding to reveal a fat, ugly experiment somewhat reminiscent of 625. He had puke-green fur that was balding in patches, two tiny squinting eyes nearly pushed to the sides of his head by a bulbous nose, a pair of long squiggly antenna zigzagging in different directions, and a deformed pair of arms growing from his back. He blinked stupidly at the world around him and spoke a single word: "Duh." He drooled and spoke again. "Duh. Duh." He started picking his nose with his tongue.
Pleakley blinked. "That's the ultimate super weapon?"
Jumba nodded. "611 is built with power to destroy entire planets. Has completely indestructible hide to protect him when he blows himself up. Unfortunately, I was having to sacrifice speed, strength, and intelligence to make skin that thick. Result is a slow, brainless creature that could get knocked over by a feather."
"If he's harmless, then why was he in the vault?" asked Lilo.
Jumba gave her a look. "Harmless? How is imbecile with power to destroy world harmless? Look at your current government leader!"
"Good point."
Somewhat vexed and embarrassed with his failure, Stitch prepared the second pod. "Well, that may not have worked, but now I will unleash a monster from the past, a demon born solely to defeat my host!" He threw the pod to the ground. "I summon you now, to serve the one you were made to defeat! 627, arise!"
Yin sprayed the pod. It exploded, revealing the familiar red and yellow form of 627. "EVIL!" he howled, tasting freedom once more.
Stitch shoved Swirly in front of 627's face. "627, obey my command! Redeem yourself by destroying these intruders!" 627 blinked, stared at Stitch, then kneed him in the groin. He laughed long and loudly as Stitch writhed on the ground in pain, then got bored and walked away.
Jumba chuckled. "Is good thing I am making 627 hypnosis proof just in case something like this happened."
Stitch groaned and got back to his feet. "Okay, that didn't go too well either. But this one will work for sure!" he said, holding up the last pod. "I found this one hidden in a secret wall safe!"
Jumba gasped. "Oh no! Not experiment 628!"
"You made a 628?!" Lilo asked angrily. "You promised you wouldn't make anymore!"
"628 was already in production when 627 was running wild. I am hating to leave things unfinished," Jumba said weakly. "628 is having powers of fifty different experiments and is also completely invincible! Not to mention it is not hypnosis-proof."
Stitch grinned. "Ah ha! Prepare to face defeat at the hands of your own creation! 628, come forth!" He threw out the experiment pod.
Yin sprayed it, and the creature that emerged from the globe of light was not what any of them (Except Jumba) had expected. Pleakley stared at the experiment in horror, wetting himself as his worst nightmare risen from the depths of hell stood at the other end of the church.
It was a finger.
A giant finger.
A giant finger with chicken legs.
628 peered around and noticed the green cyclops. "Pleakley!" it said happily.
Pleakley turned a very pale shade of green. "IT KNOWS MY NAME!" he wailed. 628 began to eagerly run towards him. Pleakley screamed and ran in the other direction, pursued by the walking finger.
Everyone watched, somewhat confused and disturbed. "That thing has the powers of fifty experiments?" asked Angel skeptically.
Jumba snickered. "No, I lied. 628 is being almost completely harmless experiment designed to scare Pleakley. Is experiment 666 that is having powers of fifty different experiments and invincibility."
"You've made that many?!" yelled Lilo.
Jumba winced. "I am thinking I should have been keeping big mouth shut."
Stitch, hearing his minions laughing at his humiliation under their breath, lost his temper. "Just kill them already!" he yelled. The experiments and remaining gun-toting humans charged. The good guys charged as well. The two armies clashed in the center of the church and began to fight for the fate of the world.
***
Nani parked her car in the driveway and ran into the house. "Lilo?" she cried. No answer. "Jumba? Pleakley?" The house remained silent. Nani searched the house from top to bottom, only to find it was empty. She looked in the kitchen and was surprised to see a note on the table. She picked it up and saw that it was in Jumba's surprisingly neat handwriting.
Dear Big Girl,Found out 626 is possessed by evil god. Went with experiments to Ban-Kar church to get him back. Brought Little Girl. No worries, she will be safe with Pleakley and myself.
Love, Jumba.
P.S. We are needing more milk. Old bottle is being expired.
Nani stared at the letter in confusion. A god? What was Jumba talking about? She almost dropped the note when she heard a loud cracking noise as the roof lifted and Gantu peeked in. He immediately pointed his ridiculously large plasma gun at her. "Where is 626?"
Nani stumbled backwards in fright. "H-he's not here."
"Really? What's that note you're holding?"
"What note?" Nani quickly held the note behind her back.
Gantu scowled. "625, retrieve that note from her!"
"Okay, okay, give me a second." 625 managed to climb through the kitchen window and walked over to Nani. Afraid to move lest Gantu shoot her, Nani didn't move as the traitorous experiment took the note from her and examined it. "He's at the Ban-Kar church."
Gantu put away his gun. "Excellent. Thank you for your time, Earthling. I'll send you a check for the roof once I get my paycheck." He let the roof fall back down and walked away. 625 quickly climbed back out the window and followed him.
Nani blinked and sat down. "Why do I get the feeling I should have destroyed that note after I read it?"
***
Jumba aimed his plasma cannon at the priests who were frantically trying to reload their empty machine guns and fired several blasts, each one hitting its target and flinging the priests all over the room. "Those were stun shots, right?" asked Lilo.
Jumba paused. "Er, stun shots…yes…yes, of course." He lied.
Hammerface slammed his giant hammerhead into the ground, attempting to smash Clip to pieces. The tiny hairball giggled and easily dodged the blow. Hammerface growled and raised his head up for another strike. Just before the hammer could hit the ground, Clip curled into a ball and rolled between Hammerface's legs. She got up and went into action, using her speed and special ability to quickly devour all of Hammerface's hair, leaving him completely bald from head to toe. The hammer-headed experiment blushed, covered his private parts, and scurried away to find something to cover himself with.
The small red draconian, Melty, looked around for somebody to fight. He immediately spotted Scales, who was slithering around in search of prey. He leaped in front of her path, growling. The serpent reared her head back with a hiss. They immediately prepared to fire their melting and poison spit attacks at each other when their eyes met. There was a pause. Without warning, both of their eyes filled with hearts. Madly in love, the two reptilians ran off to find someplace private to do their business.
Spooky transformed into a horrendous Xenomorph, one of the most feared monsters in the universe. Dripping acid from his mouth, he loomed over the terrified Topper. She squealed, shut her eyes, and activated her light as the monster lunged at her. The bright light blinded Spooky, causing him to completely miss Topper and slam into a column, knocking himself out. When she didn't feel any acid, fangs, or claws tearing into her, Topper opened her eye a crack and saw the dazed Spooky lying on the ground. She stood on his back and beat her chest victoriously.
Phantasmo cackled ghoulishly and possessed a heavy wooden pew. The large bench flung itself at Deforestator. He spun like a tornado, turning the pew into harmless sawdust as it hit him. Phantasmo flew out from the dust and possessed another pew. Deforestator destroyed this one too. Phantasmo tried a few more pews before realizing this tactic wouldn't work on somebody who was used to cutting down trees for a living and quickly looked around for something else to possess. He flew into one of the reloaded machine guns dropped by the priests and fired at Deforestator. He merely grinned and stuck his chest out. The gun shots ricocheted harmlessly off his bulletproof skin. Frustrated, the ghost experiment flew out of the gun and into one of the various grotesque statues around the room, this one of a man wielding a sword about to kill himself. Phantasmo attempted to make the stone figure step down from its pedestal and attack Deforestator, only to find he couldn't move. It was one thing to possess a doll with fully movable parts and walk around wreaking mischief, but it was a whole other thing trying to move around as a statue with no joints whatsoever. So he tried using his ghostly powers to levitate the statue off its base and throw it at his enemy, only to find it was fused to its base, which was in turn fused to the floor. He tried every other statue in the church, only to find they were all the same as the first. Defeated, he floated in the air with a sulk as Deforestator laughed at him.
Yin and Yang circled each other warily. The twins narrowed their eyes at one another, neither ready to make the first move. Reaching an unspoken agreement, they attacked at once. Yin sprayed great jets of water from his hose-like tentacles. Yang blasted great spouts of lava from his vents. The two elemental forces collided with a blast, resulting in a huge cloud of steam and a large chunk of volcanic rock falling to the ground. The two beasts of destruction summoned their great powers again, colliding with another burst of steam and volcanic rock. Five minutes later, neither of them had broken the stalemate and were starting to get tired. Yin suggested they resolve their conflict with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. However, this too proved to be a failure since Yin's hands were scrawny one-fingered limbs and Yang's toes were stubby and inflexible. Finally, they both gave up and decided to just watch the rest of the battle from the sidelines.
The massive Shortstuff faced his equally huge opponent, Sprout, in a titanic battle. The floor was too hard for Sprout to sink her roots into, so she had to improvise by ripping chunks of stone from the walls and flinging them at the immense crab. Shortstuff easily caught the rocks in his mighty claws and crushed them into dust. He advanced and grabbed her tendrils in his four claws, trying to drag the giant plant from her spot. Sprout grabbed a pair of columns with two of her tentacles and wrapped the remaining ones around Shortstuff's waist. The two titans pulled on one another, neither of them losing ground or gaining any. But in the end, it seemed it all came down to the pillars Sprout had hung onto to keep herself in place. As Shortstuff called up hidden reserves of strength and pulled Sprout forward, her tight grip pulled the columns down from their bases and brought them crashing down on her head. She wilted to the ground, defeated. Shortstuff snapped his claws in victory.
At the same time, Sparky and Richter squared off. The electric experiment summoned a powerful bolt of lightning, hurling it at the earth-shaker with all his might. Richter touched his tail to the floor, grounding him out and causing the electric current to pass through him harmlessly. He then slammed his tail into the ground, shaking the church. A long crack split open before Sparky, trying to swallow him up. He dodged it at lightning speed, charged himself with electricity, and rocketed towards Richer at incredible speeds. Demonstrating amazing reflexes, Richter swung his tail, knocking Sparky away from him and right into a column. As the lightning experiment tried to recover his senses, a chunk of ceiling dislodged by the quake fell and nearly crushed him. Richter laughed, but he was cut off when another chunk of ceiling slammed down on his head, knocking him out. Sparky shrugged and started pushing the rock off Richter, hoping his friend would be back to normal when he woke up.
Thrasher extended one of his six arms at Kixx in a spiky punch. The fighting experiment sidestepped the attack easily, beckoning for more. Thrasher fired two punches this time. Kixx jumped into the air, flipped over the spiked tentacles, and landed on his toes, still beckoning for more. Frustrated, Thrasher launched four punches. Kixx bent his knees and moved his head to the side, and the fists flew by him harmlessly. He beckoned for more. Furious, Thrasher fired all six of his arms at once. Kixx bent over backwards as the tentacles shot over him. As they started coming back, he grabbed them, surprising Thrasher. He spun like a tornado, using centrifugal force to hurl Thrasher into a column, knocking him out. Kixx bowed honorably to his defeated foe.
Heat and Slushy faced off. The ice experiment inhaled and shot a burst of ice breath at the 609th experiment. Heat's giant third eye glowed and fired a heat ray at the ice blast, melting it instantly and covering the floor with water. He advanced on Slushy, charging up another heat blast. Getting an idea, Slushy used his ice breath on the water on the floor, hardening it instantly. Heat slipped on the ice and fell on his back, allowing Slushy to cover his third eye with a layer of ice. Heat's eye glowed and warmed up, causing the ice to melt. However, by doing so he caused the ice to turn into scalding water right in his eye, burning it. He yelped and squeezed the eye shut. Slushy quickly blew out another burst of ice, freezing Heat in a solid block of ice. Slushy smirked and strutted around Heat triumphantly. His victorious moment was ruined when he slipped on his own ice and fell on his back
The two sonic experiments, Yaarp and Sample, glared at each other. Yaarp uncurled his sonic horn and unleashed a powerful sound blast that shook the entire building, nearly deafened the combatants, and cracked many windows. Sample grinned and turned up his internal volume. Then he played an amplified version of Yaarp's own sound attack from his speakerphone ears, shattering all the glass in the building, nearly deafening the combatants again, and causing several blocks to fall from the ceiling. Dazed, Yaarp fainted. Sample started doing a little victory dance, playing an annoying (though oddly catchy) tune created from various other noises.
Plasmoid fired dozens of explosive plasma orbs at Dupe. The small raccoon-like experiment uncurled the tentacle on his head, firing his cloning ray at the plasma blasts and multiplying them by a thousand, reducing them to tiny sparks of light. He then caught Plasmoid in his beam, multiplying him by two hundred and making the clones so weak their legs couldn't support their own weight. Dupe grinned, pleased that he had had one of the easiest victories of all.
Splodyhead had seen how badly the battle was faring for his side and had decided to climb up to one of the leering gargoyles high up the church wall and use it as a vantage point to rain down plasma blasts on the people below. Fortunately, Slugger flew up to stop him. "Hey No-Nose, bet you can't hit me!" the pterodactyl taunted in Turian.
"Oh yeah?" Splodyhead fired a plasma shot.
Slugger knocked it away with his bat-shaped tail. "Strike one! Come on, you can do better than that. Care to try again?"
Splodyhead growled and fired a slightly larger plasma shot. Slugger knocked it away easily. "Strike two! My students pitch harder than you, and they're in elementary school!"
Enraged, Splodyhead formed a huge ball of plasma in his nose and fired. Slugger swung his tail, knocking the ball right towards the gargoyle Splodyhead was sitting on. It exploded, sending the experiment to the ground. He hit the floor hard in an instant KO. "Strike three! Yer out!" Slugger joked.
Stitch's jaw dropped in disbelief as he looked around the room. "This isn't possible. How can I be losing?!" His expression hardened. "Well, if the fools want damnation that badly, I'll give it to them! Hacker, give me control of all nuclear missiles on this planet and fire them simultaneously! Send all these sinners to Hell!" There was no response. "Hacker?"
He turned around to see Hacker's computer was shut down. Angel stood next to it, twirling the computer's power cord in one hand. "I'm sorry, your connection has been terminated," she joked.
Stitch growled. "How could you do this to me?!"
Angel raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? How could I do this to you? How about everything you've done to us? Think of this as just retribution." She pulled out her dagger. The serpent on the blade was glowing hungrily. "And this will be the weapon to deliver that retribution!"
Horrified, Stitch backed away. "That-that's the Dagger of Ophis! How did you get that?!"
She smirked. "Would you believe Jumba actually knows a little magic? He managed to make this baby just an hour ago. Can you guess what I'm going to do with it?"
Stitch snarled. "Let's see if you're still so willing to use that once you're under my control!" He made a snatch for Swirly on the altar, only to find he wasn't there. "Huh? Where'd he go?"
"Looking for this?" Bonnie and Clyde were standing on top of the grotesque statue with the lightning bolt through it. Clyde was clutching Swirly in his mechanical arm. "We just found this lying around. I didn't think anyone would miss it."
Bonnie grinned and winked. "Hope nobody minds if we hold on to this little fella for a while. Ta!" She and Clyde quickly ran away.
Angel smirked. "Well what do you know, those two came in handy after all!" She suddenly noticed Stitch was running away. "Hey, where are you going?"
"Do you have any idea how much it HURTS to get stabbed by that thing?! I'm out of here!" he shouted as he ran through the church, darting past angry experiments that had just woken up from their hypnotic trances. He didn't even make it halfway when Sprout grabbed him around the ankle with a root and dangled him above the floor. Stitch clawed and bit at her until Kixx grabbed his arms from below and held him steady.
Angel walked over. "Okay, if Jumba was right this should free Stitch and get rid of you for good. Let's see if it works." She raised the dagger as Stitch's eyes went wide with fear. She made a light slash across Stitch's chest, barely drawing any blood. But apparently it was enough. Stitch stopped struggling and went stock-still for a moment. Then, both the dagger and the cut gave off a blinding flash of purple light as he screamed in agony. His entire body convulsed as something transparent forced its way out of his mouth and flew around the church, screaming louder and louder. The thing's speed and transparency increased as its screams rose in pitch, until finally it flew out an open window, vanishing for good. Kixx and Sprout let go of Stitch, and he fell to the ground unconscious, sleeping like a baby. Angel smiled and stroked her lover's cheek as everyone else came over to take a look.
***
627 sat against the wall, bored. He had been having quite a lot of fun watching the fighting, laughing himself sick as one by one Stitch's army went down. He had finally recovered his breath and was watching as everyone started gathering around Stitch. He sneered in disgust. "You think it's sappy too?" asked a voice. He whirled around, snarling as he saw Bonnie and Clyde next to him (Along with Swirly, but he didn't really matter). She held up her hands to show she wasn't a threat. "Relax. We just want to talk, don't we Clyde?"
He nodded. "Got that right. We've got a proposal for you that you might find worth your while."
627 sat back down, curious. "Evil?"
"It's like this. While Clyde and I were in the slammer, we got to thinking about where we're going with our lives. Now, stealing people's stuff is great, but we're tired of being small-time crooks. We want to move on to the real thing, don't we Clyde?"
"Got that right."
"We've got big plans, 627. BIG plans." She grabbed him by the shoulder. "Think of it: a gang of crooks big enough to span half the universe! A super-mob, the future of organized crime! We'll pull heists big enough to leave entire solar systems bankrupt! Every politician and public official will be in our pocket, we'll be the richest criminals in history, and best of all, we'll be able to do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want, and nobody'll be powerful enough to stop us! And we'll call it…the Bonnie and Clyde Crime Syndicate! Ain't that a nice name, Clyde?"
"Brings a tear to my eye," he quipped, wiping away a tear.
"And what does all this have to do with you, you wonder? Well, let's just say someone with your talents could go FAR in the syndicate. Just imagine all the deliciously evil things you can do as a member of the universe's most nefarious criminal organization!" said Bonnie, laying it on thick.
627 was starting to drool now. "Evil…"
She suddenly looked despondent. "But wait, I just remembered…we can't form the Syndicate, can we? After we get back to the island, they're going to put us back behind bars for a decade or more. And they'll dehydrate you and leave you to be forgotten in some cramped vault with a bunch of other experiments that just couldn't make the cut."
627 was horrified. He didn't want to be dehydrated again. "Evil evil!"
"Then again…now that I think about it, there may be a way for us to get out of here and form our Syndicate without worrying about being incarcerated again!" said Bonnie excitedly. "All that's standing in our way is that motley little group over there. But there's no way they can beat a big, strong, handsome experiment like you, is there?"
627 puffed his chest out proudly. "Evil!"
"So here's what you gotta do: Kill them. Kill every last one of them. And then we can rule the universe as the kingpins of crime. Nobody, not even that little rodent Hamsterviel, will be able to stop us."
627 grinned nastily. He was more than up to the task. "Evil evil evil!" He bounded towards his unsuspecting cousins.
Bonnie chuckled and leaned back against the wall. "Better get some popcorn Clyde honey, cause this is gonna be one hell of a good slaughter. With 383 and 627 on our side, we'll be virtually unbeatable!"
"Okay Bonnie, but I don't got any popcorn."
Bonnie stared at him blankly. "…It was a figure of speech, you idjit. This is why I'm the brains of this outfit."
***
"Is Stitch okay?" Lilo asked.
"Eh, not to worry. 626 will be fine, is simple side effect of exorcism," explained Jumba. "He will be waking up soon enough, back to his normal self."
Pleakley ran by, still chased by 628. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" he screamed.
"Pleakleypleakleypleakleypleakleypleakley…" 628 chanted as it stalked its prey.
"Should we help him?" asked Angel.
Jumba thought for a moment. "Eh, maybe in little while, is too amusing to stop just yet."
Angel turned away from the hilarious sight of Pleakley's dilemma to lick Stitch on the cheek. She knew they would be back together soon enough. Her ear twitched suddenly, hearing very soft footsteps behind her. She looked up in time to get struck in the face by an extremely powerful punch. Her head snapped to the side and she collapsed instantly. The Dagger of Ophis fell from her hand, clattering to the floor next to Stitch's head. 627 giggled maliciously. "Evil…"
Everyone had heard the punch and the dagger falling and turned around to see the evil experiment waiting for them. They saw the knocked-out Angel and immediately knew 627 meant business. Sprout grabbed him with her roots in an attempt to bind 627. He took a deep breath and spat out a huge fireball, setting Sprout on fire. She shrieked in pain as her flesh ignited, turning her into a giant blaze. Yin and Slushy frantically tried to put the fire out while 627 cracked his knuckles, inviting the next challenger. Shortstuff drove one of his feet down on 627 in an attempt to crush him. 627 grabbed the giant crab by the foot, lifted him off the ground, and hurled him at the church wall. He smashed through it and barely managed to grab onto the edge with his claw to keep himself from falling.
"Meega nala quista!" Kixx leaped into action, striking 627 with a flurry of powerful punches and kicks. 627 blocked and dodged every blow, punched Kixx in the gut, then jumped over him, using his head as a springboard. He grabbed the startled Hammerface (Who had somehow found a barrel to cover himself with) and drove his hammer down on Kixx's skull. There was a gut-wrenching crack and both Hammerface and Kixx fell to the ground, bleeding profusely from their heads.
Horrified, Plasmoid and Splodyhead launched plasma blasts at 627, hurling him into a column. Yang fired a huge jet of lava, covering 627 in liquid rock. As the rogue experiment was screaming from the burning pain, Yin and Slushy used their water and ice powers to cool the lava and harden it into solid rock. They relaxed for a second, thinking it was over. They were wrong. The rock exploded as 627 burst into the air. He sprouted a second head and spat out a jet of fire from one head and ice from the other. The ice breath struck Yang, hardening the lava he had been about to fire and trapping him in a block of ice. The fire breath struck Slushy, melting him into a puddle. He landed and dashed over to Yin, grabbing him by the neck. He poured several hundred volts of electricity into the water experiment's body, shocking him into submission. Plasmoid and Splodyhead started charging up a more powerful plasma shot, but 627 was ready for them. Before they could fire, he ran over to them and blocked Plasmoid's tail and Splodyhead's nose with his hands, preventing the plasma from escaping their bodies. It exploded, flinging the two experiments away in smoking heaps.
Scales leaped at him from behind, sinking her fangs into his arm and pumping venom into his system. 627 sneered at the attempt, his immune system was far too powerful to be overtaken by a little poison. He sprouted four more arms from his sides, grabbed Scales, and began to strangle her. Melty, desperate to save his mate, spat a blast of melting breath at 627's fourth arm. Everyone was surprised when it actually struck, causing the wicked experiment's arm to melt off of his side and lie on the ground in a pool of red liquid. 627's open arm socket instantly cauterized itself, but the damage was still done. He used Scales' body like a whip, lashing out at Melty. The end of the snake's tail wrapped around the red dragon's throat, snaring him. 627 spun like a tornado, whirling Scales and Melty around and around before hurling them across the desiccated church. They collapsed against the wall.
Thrasher grabbed 627 from behind with his stretchy arms, immobilizing the unruly experiment. Heat got in front of him and fire his heat vision at one of 627's heads. 627's four eyes lit up and he fired his own heat vision, forcing Heat's energy beam right back into his third eye. It exploded, disabling him. 627 then grabbed hold of Thrasher's arms and flung him over his body, slamming him into Heat and knocking them both out.
Topper turned on her light, blinding 627. Spooky transformed into a Xenomorph and he and Deforestator charged 627. However, one of his two heads had closed its eyes as Topper turned on her light, so could still see perfectly. He grabbed Spooky and Deforestator, beat them horribly, then ripped off Topper's light and ate it. He kicked her into a column, knocking her out.
Dupe uncurled his tentacle and started his cloning beam. 627 grabbed the tentacle and turned it back on its master, causing Dupe to accidentally multiply himself by a hundred. 627 easily defeated the hundred weakened clones and moved on to his next opponent. Clip jumped onto him and tried to shave his lovely red and yellow fur off. He grabbed her, threw her into one of his mouths, chewed her up and spat her out. He then spat a burst of plasma at her, burning her hair and knocking her out.
Phantasmo possessed a pew and hurled it at 627. It shattered against his tough body. He waited for Phantasmo to come out of the splinters and made his most gruesome scary face. Phantasmo screamed and hid in a small piece of wood. Sample and Yaarp combined their sonic powers and hit 627 with a blast powerful enough to actually knock him back a few feet. He growled and roared loudly enough to disrupt Yaarp and Sample's sound and shatter their eardrums. As they stumbled around in a daze, 627 grabbed them, pummeled them, and threw them to the ground.
Sparky grabbed 627 from behind and pumped electricity into his body. He was shocked when the evil experiment didn't seem to mind it at all. In fact, he was actually enjoying it! Sparky tried to pull away, but 627 grabbed his arm and began to greedily suck all the electricity out of Sparky's body. The electric experiment grew weaker and weaker as 627 drained away his life essence, finally falling to the ground. 627, crackling with power, turned to Richter, one of the only experiments left. To his credit, Richter tried his hardest to subdue 627. He pounded the ground again and again, shaking the church and dropping rocks from the ceiling. But it was not enough. 627 grinned and punched the floor, driving his stolen electricity into the ground. The floor beneath Richter exploded, launching him into a wall and knocking him out.
Slugger made a vain swoop at 627's heads. He dodged and spat plasma at the flyer. Slugger deflected the blast back at 627 with his tail. 627 swiped at the spit with his claws, sending it back at Slugger again. The two batted the plasma bolt back and forth, each ricochet increasing the projectile's speed. Finally, Slugger swung his tail just a millisecond too slowly and got struck by the plasma burst. He fell to the ground, defeated. 627 laughed malevolently.
Bonnie and Clyde were also laughing malevolently. "That was great!" said Clyde.
"Yeah, 627's all right! As long as he sticks with us, we're invincible!" Bonnie agreed.
"So you two are the ones who put 627 up to this?" Lilo asked angrily.
The thieving experiments turned their heads to look at the little girl. "Yeah, we did. So what?" asked Bonnie.
"Stop him right now, before he kills someone!"
Clyde smirked. "Tell you what, kid. How's about instead, you go over to 627 and let him murder you like a nice little primate?" He grabbed Lilo and threw her across the room. She landed painfully at 627's feet. "Hey 627! We've got one more for you!"
"Evil!" 627 picked up the terrified Lilo and held her above the ground. Lilo looked into 627's black, empty eyes and saw nothing but a lust to kill her. The crimson demon prepared to crush her throat with a single flex of its claws.
Suddenly, the monster's eyes widened. Trembling, he opened his hand and dropped Lilo, then collapsed. The Dagger of Ophis was protruding from his back. Lilo looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. "Stitch!"
The blue experiment grinned. "Bago!" He hugged Lilo.
Bonnie and Clyde were horrified. "He-he beat 627!" stammered Bonnie.
"Come on, we'd better get outta here before he turns on us!" said Clyde.
They ran for the exit, only to find Jumba blocking the way. "Going somewhere?"
Clyde held up Swirly, activating his hypnotic power. "Get out of our way, old man!" Bonnie hissed.
Jumba smirked and fired two plasma shots, knocking out the thieves. "Is good thing I am remembering to bring hypnosis-proof contacts," he said, popping a few lenses from his eyes.
Pleakley ran by, STILL chased by 628. "Won't somebody please help me?!" he screamed. Stitch grabbed 611 (Who was still stupidly picking his nose) and threw him at 628. The walking finger was crushed beneath the super weapon's weight, knocking it out. Pleakley sighed in relief. "Thank you, Stitch." He blinked. "Wait a minute…Stitch! You're back to normal!"
"Ih."
Everyone was surprised when Pleakley actually grabbed Stitch and gave him a big hug. "Oh, you have no idea how much I've missed you! The house is too clean and I have nothing to do anymore and-"
Pleakley was shut up when Jumba hit him on the head with his plasma cannon, knocking him out. "Takka," said Stitch as he broke free from the cyclops' noodle grip.
"Don't mention it."
Stitch seemed to notice all of the injured experiments for the first time. "Cousins okay?"
Jumba nodded. "Is nothing to worry about. Experiments heal fast, and is nothing I cannot fix."
Stitch looked relieved, then he looked at the ground. "Soka. Stitch sorry for getting possessed by evil god and ruining o'hana."
Lilo slapped him on the back. "Ah, it wasn't your fault! You couldn't possibly know it would open your body as a vessel for Ban-Kar. You'll just have to be more careful about what you read from now on, right?" Stitch nodded in agreement, feeling better. Suddenly, the whole church started shaking. Giant cracks started forming on the walls, ceiling and floor. Rubble started falling from the ceiling. "What's going on?" asked Lilo.
Jumba looked concerned. "I am thinking battle was too much for church's structural integrity. I am estimating we are having approximately five minutes to escape before the entire building collapses. We must evacuate immediately."
They worked as quickly as they could, loading the experiments onto the ship as the church started falling apart around them. Jumba didn't have the heart to tell Lilo the priests were dead, so he dragged their corpses onto the ship as well. They ran into a bit of a delay getting Sprout or Shortstuff into the ship until Jumba used his shrink ray on them, returning them to their original sizes. In the end, 627 was the only experiment left. Stitch walked over to his evil cousin, trying to decide if he should take him back or not. He pulled out the Dagger of Ophis, debating whether or not to just slit the beast's throats then and there and insure his death. He sighed, cursing his new 'good guy' conscience. "Stupidhead," he grumbled. He kicked 627 in the side, then picked him up and started carrying him back to the ship.
The church rumbled again. It was about to collapse. "626, hurry up!" Jumba yelled from the boarding ramp.
Stitch ran as fast as he could while carrying 627's weight. Without warning, the floor beneath him lurched, causing him to trip and drop 627. His body rolled a few feet away and was suddenly swallowed up by a large crack, vanishing from view. Stitch could not honestly say he was sorry to see him go. With his burden gone, Stitch picked up the pace and dashed into the ship. The boarding ramp rose into the underside of the vessel and they took off, flying away as the floating house of evil crumbled to pieces, falling to the ocean far below, taking 627 with it.
***
The overall mood of the occupants of the large red ship were fairly positive. Most of the experiments hadn't been damaged too badly in the fight with 627 and had soon recovered. Angel had immediately taken her dagger back and started making up for lost time by smothering her bushi bu with kisses. Dupe had managed to pull himself back into a single experiment, and was at full power again. Many of the other experiments wore their wounds proudly as battle scars, to indicate they had survived the wrath of 627. 611 and 628 had been dehydrated again and placed back in the vault, which Jumba promised to put heavier security on. Bonnie and Clyde were unhappily stuffed into capsules and were waiting to be sent back to jail. Lilo had stopped Jumba from dehydrating them, saying that even evil rotten criminals had a one special place where they belonged, namely prison. Sparky, Sprout, Kixx, Hammerface, Sample, Yaarp, Heat, Plasmoid, and Splodyhead were all in need of medical attention, and Jumba intended to fix them up as soon as they got home. Despite the unstable conditions of many of their cousins, everyone else couldn't help feeling happy. Stitch was back, and with him the missing piece that completed their o'hana once more. They all felt that everything was going to get better from here on.
Suddenly, the ship rocked violently. Pleakley fell out of his chair on the bridge, hitting his head on a console. "Ow! What was that?" The ship shook again.
Jumba checked his sensors. "Plasma fire! Somebody is shooting at us!"
***
Gantu chuckled, aligning his firing crosshairs so that they were directly over the big red spaceship. "I've got you now, trog…"
***
To be continued…