First Love
A songfic
By: Na-chan
Warning: Angst.
Note: The song is in italics.
Disclaimer: Aya and everyone else does not belong to me.
~~~
I love you.
Why can't you say these three simple words?
No, I can't pressure you to tell me–they'd be meaningless then. I've waited, you know, for you to be ready. But I've come to terms with myself that maybe you'll never be ready. Maybe you never loved me in the first place. Maybe this is just a one-sided love, and I'm hoping against hope that you feel something for me.
It's not your fault. I'm the one to blame. I pushed myself on you, that much I admit. But I love you. I still do. But it pains me to see that I'm pulling you down. You have a right to live freely. I've been selfish in trying to be part of your life. I'm pathetic that way.
I have no confidence, no belief. I'm worthless without anyone to dictate my actions. You're absolutely right for pointing that out. The others would never have said that to my face. I cry like there's no tomorrow too. You probably hate me cause I'm so sensitive.
Sometimes I want to just end it all. Just forget my feelings for you so that my life would go back to being plain and boring, and not this confusing jumbled piece of jigsaw. But I've kept on enduring. Because sometime ago, you told me to hold on to you. And I did.
But I'm letting go…
Tomorrow, at this time
Where will you be?
Who will you be thinking about?
~~~
Shibuya park, 6:00 PM
She placed the pen down and crumpled the piece of paper, a strange surge of courage welling up inside of her. A press of a number and then came his voice. She memorized it, for it would be the last time she would hear it and not feel immense pain. Then it struck her that all she got was the answer machine, and she laughed it off. The beep would come sooner or later, and she decided to do away with the lengthy speech she had prepared earlier.
With a shaky voice, she began, "It's me, Aya. I'll make this short then, since…nevermind. I like you a lot Rei, but it seems I've been more of a nuisance to you than anything else." She tried to quash the sudden lump in her throat, and continued, but with less confidence, "I'm sorry if I've become a burden to you. And…" A hesitant pause, "thank you for everything, Rei. You've made me happy, in a way I can't explain."
Tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you
The crowd in the park had thinned visibly, and she was the only person who remained near the fountain. The other park-goers were busy retreating towards the streets. No one would see her cry. " I'll never forget the times we've shared but I know this can't go on forever. I won't bother you anymore, and I'll tell Ran to stop getting on your case. Goodbye." It had sounded so final. She stifled the inevitable sobs though. She would not shed tears for him anymore.
The paused time is
About to start moving
There's many things that I don't want to forget about
And Aya held her breath as she awaited the beep that would indicate that it was over. But it never came.
You will always be inside my heart
You will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Author's Notes: Short, just the way I like it. Too depressing though. Listen to Utada Hikaru's First Love and you'll feel the exact same way. Oh yeah, the song is not mine…it belongs to the artist mentioned above and translated by the people in animelyrics.com