By Mary Eve Parker
I saw her and noticed that she was studying me. Sarah was wearing a black fuzzy robe and sweats, a pair of warm woollen socks and not to forget a beautiful smile when she noticed Mulder sleeping on her sofa. She was an amazing woman. Unfortunately.
I noticed the look on her face – she doesn't like me and I don't care. Sarah and I seem to be day and night and on the other hand we seem to be a little alike – we both had the ability to build up walls and mine was up now. I wasn't interested in getting hurt by her.
She was able to shoot this cold look at me, to stare at me like I wouldn't be there on the other hand but when she noticed Mulder's sleeping form on the sofa her look changed into a soft and caring one. Cute, but not funny. I was far away from feeling well in the situation. God, it was one of these situations Mulder had pushed me in again. On the one hand I should be happy to be away from Washington for a little while, and how often do you have the chance to go to Austria? But this sharing a room with Mulder was another thing that was really bothering me. My bed wasn't a king size but a comfortable big double bed and he would have to sleep on the smaller old sofa. Well I would tell him after a night or two that we might change but I can tell the answer right now that he won't agree with me. He is always so stubborn,
This Ms. Parker came towards me and stared at me while I gave her little daughter the bottle. Suddenly Caroline stopped sucking and she had fallen asleep while drinking. God this was a hard time for me. This was so hard, harder than I would believe that it could ever be. A baby in my arms and it was still alive. I just have gotten the report that I would never be able to give birth to a child, its not that I don't care about it, I just haven't ever thought about it. Not that anything had ever happened. Everything was platonic and it sucked. I haven't even tried, not given me a chance to try things and this really bothered me a little lately.
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I haven't had let anybody near Caroline since she was in my arms again, since I have realised that I was a mother. She was mine and only mine and it disturbed me a little to see her asleep in another woman's arms. It seemed so natural but on the other hand it was so wrong.
Before Mulder left I had asked him to hand Jarod a message of mine. I am sure that he had started to think where I would be and searching for me. I wanted him to know that I was safe with our kids.
Even now, I could hardly believe I couldn't believe that we have children together, him and me. It was something new, absolutely new for me.
"Do you want to bring her to her crib", I asked Dana and stared at her.
My little Caroline had fallen asleep while nursing; it wasn't the first time this happened but the first time in another woman's arms.
"Can I hold her a little longer?" she asked me and tried to smile.
The feeling overcome me that something wasn't right here but I didn't dare to ask what it was – she was still a foreigner for me even if she was a doctor. She wasn't a friend of mine.
Dana seemed to be a cold person, maybe the second ice queen, maybe, because I would bet that she is easier to melt down that I was and am.
We heard Mulder moving in sleep and she smiled at his winding form. Within a couple of seconds she had put Caroline into her crib and went to Mulder to put the blanket over him again. The last time he turned around he had put it on the floor.
If I saw it right, from my point of view, then she had placed a soft kiss on his forehead when she tucked it over his shoulders.
Slowly she came back and sat down opposite me at the kitchen table. I am not sure how long I stared at her but I noticed that she had a very beautiful face, strong lines and soft freckles all over and that she was hiding a beauty mark under the makeup, well the rest of makeup.
"So you are partners", I started.
"Yes we are for nearly a little over five years now."
"Hm … well so you know Fox very well."
"I guess I could say that, we are good friends."
"I am sure he is still this knight in shining armour."
"I am not sure what you mean by that if you talk about Mulder but he is still a gentleman if you mean that."
"Na … ", I had to giggle, "I didn't mean that … when we met years ago in England he was able to get every women he wanted – but he was never interested in any. I mean sure there was Phoebe … I was told … but nobody else …. I mean … well is this still the same?"
From what I saw on her face I was able to bet that she was shocked, deeply shocked by my words. Did this woman not know the man I knew?
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I was more than sure that they were more than just partners. Look at her, I thought, it has to be more than just partners. He hasn't changed a bit so how could she resist him?
Something was wrong
I can remember the time like it would have been yesterday when I met him at the Campus of Oxford, he was wearing this grey suit, which was perfect but a little small, too short to be honest. He was a tall guy and not in a sports team, except shooting. So I had the hots for him. God this seemed to be an eternity ago. Many things have changed and I have changed but he seemed to be the same.
He sat up on the sofa and now Dana was kneeling on the floor and they were talking about something. I couldn't understand it.
It was nearly eight at night and I was tired, mostly because I knew that Caro would wake up around 2 again and that I had to feed her and that even with my small belly, sleeping isn't comfortable anymore.
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I felt her eyes on me while I asked Mulder how he was. He looked pale and I asked him if he wouldn't want to lie down in the bedroom for a little while. It was cooler there and the air was better.
He nodded slowly but told me that he would want to eat something before it.
I went to the fridge, "What does he want to eat? I mean I asked you to come so at least I can cook you something nice."
"Thanks but make yourself comfortable Sarah; I will make him a snack. He isn't well so I guess he should go to bed and I will bring it when finished."
"No Dana I don't have anything to do and I really want to make him something to eat. It's fine. Sit down and relax, everything is fine."
"Please look at you, in your condition you have to rest!"
"Guess what I am doing all day long? For sure I am not at the Olympics and in no condition to climb a mountain with the twins in my belly but I am able to make him a soup."
I was standing there, staring into her incredible blue eyes. She was cold and she couldn't stand me, I was sure about that but who cares?
"Okay you can make the soup. I will bring him to bed to let him sleep a little more if this is okay with you Sarah."
She didn't say a word, just went up from her sitting position and headed to the fridge.
"Mulder get up from here and go to the bedroom," I whispered into his ear. He slowly nodded and we both moved to the bedroom. He needed a little help because he felt dizzy – his warm arm resting around my shoulders.
"So get out of these," I pointed on his jeans, "and up with you into the bed."
"Scully you are sleeping in the bed, we agreed on in that!"
"Shut up Mulder before I really tickle or kick you. You are sick, Spooky, and you should be in bed – in a bed! I really don't like sleeping on the sofa but I guess I am old enough to handle it."
"We could share this …. " - I realised he couldn't be really sick if he was teasing like this. Maybe a little sick, but not seriously ill.
Mulder had always been the kind of friend and mentor who wouldn't go into too personal areas. He always knew how much is bearable, and what would be too indiscrete – at least he was that way around me.
I watched him stepping out of the jeans and folding them neatly over a chair, his shirt joined them. Neatly. He was standing in front of me just in his dark red cotton boxershorts with little evils on the right leg. Cute. God this man was just gorgeous; I was unable to ignore that any longer.
Mulder had been the one for a long time, the only one I was really interested in but the looks he got from this "new" woman really weren't just looks. There must have been something between them, more than just something. I am not yet sure if they had a relationship or not, I am far away from being sure, but somehow it feels like that.
Something nobody wants to talk about.
"Scully," he said, looking at me. I must have been standing here for minutes staring at the wall where he'd been standing before. Hopefully he hadn't noticed.
"Yeah?" I asked silently and sat down next to him on the bed. I tucked him a little deeper under the blanket and got the second one from his bed on the sofa and put it over mine.
"Stay with me a little please! I don't want to be alone …" he was talking like a baby, a small child or maybe even a young teenager. We've been through a lot during all those years. Often I have been at his hospital bed waiting for him to wake up and he had been at mine. Somehow we couldn't be together for a long time, nor could we be apart.
"Sure Mulder, I will stay with you." I said and put my hand over his. "You shall relax a little and Sarah will bring you some soup soon."
"Sarah … ", Mulder said with a sigh, "The same as she was so many years ago."
"How did you meet?" I asked him and stared at our hands.
"You really wanna know?" I just nodded.
"I was at Oxford and one afternoon I was sitting in the park of the Girl's College waiting for Phoebe to return from the library and there I met her. She was studying law but was just visiting a friend there. Later she started to make a year in Oxford. We met a couple of times behind Phoebe's back because this woman got so jealous so easily. We've spent a couple of nights together but it wasn't serious not for her or for me. She was always a cold person, never speaking about her feelings or what was going on in her head but she was good in bed …. I can't believe that I am telling you that" – nor could I believe he is telling me that – "so we went two different ways …. I joined the FBI and she started to work at her Dad's company. I haven't heard from her in ages, till she called and asked for help. I couldn't refuse."
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I started to show early, I remembered the time when I was able to button my favourite pair of jeans. Today most of my trousers and skirts have elastics to grow with me.
Sometimes when I am in bed I imagine how it would be to have him here with me – Jarod - how it would feel to have somebody to warm your back at nights and get up when Caroline wakes up for her bottle or just somebody to talk to. I feel alone most of the time. I guess it feels a little better to have Mulder around.
He had always been the one I was able to talk to, even if not about my life. We'd been close the few weeks we were together. I never liked his girlfriend a lot. I met Phoebe once… I think that was her name. She shot me a look that told me "This is mine" referring to Mulder. I smiled at her with the knowledge that just he and I knew the truth about it.
Now I was cooking him a chicken noodle soup while she was maybe sitting at his bed or maybe even curled up around him. Who knows? I begged me to like her because she was a doctor. I will need one sooner or later but she wasn't the type of woman I could get in touch with. She was maybe too much like me. The soup was nearly cooking and I got the noodles out of the fridge to warm them up for him. I mixed the chicken soup with the noodles and put them into a high, big mug.
Slowly going to see if Caroline was still asleep, I put the bowl on the tray and a glass of orange juice and some aspirin I still had in my small pharmacy. When I opened the door to their sleeping room, I saw it.
Scully, this small red haired woman was sleeping, and Mulder had curled up around her, both under the two blankets.
It can't be ….
~PART 2 END~
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