Title: Just to talk Part XIV
Author: Nan
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Mac/Harm
Spoilers: Take It Like a Man
******************************************************************
She was trapped. Some sort of feral animal caught unwittingly in a simple cage. She looked around the room. Small with one curtain bedecked window. A single bed with a flowered comforter. An old dresser in the corner. Her slacks and sweater adorning the back of an over stuffed chair. Her purse was on the seat.
She longed to turn on her bedside light, wake her hosts and tell them she was returning to her hotel room. But it was 0035 Zulu and the middle of the night here. How could she disturb them after all their kindness?
For Mac, four and half hours of sleep was enough to take the edge off her mental exhaustion. She had been tired, so tired that she had just kick off her shoes, sloughed off her outer clothing and stumbled into bed without washing her face or brushing her teeth.
She hugged her arms around her legs and rested against the headboard. Her overactive mind needed something to do. Against her will, it was replaying the events of the previous day and evening. The memorial, the accidental meeting of Daniel, her confession over dinner. Most important, she could see the shock and revulsion of the couple as she relayed the events of Paraguay.
She knew she should feel something. Anything. Disdain for the Wood's naivety, sympathy for their loss. But instead she was numb, a reaction she now recognized as defensive. It was her rebellious psyche again. Tucking away strong emotions in a misguided attempt to protect her. Only to haunt her at a later date.
Through the dim of the room, she could see something green glowing in her open purse. It was the blinking light of her cell phone, indicating it was still waiting. She scooted her legs over the side of the bed, stood up and walked over to pick it up.
She dialed a familiar number adding the overseas digits to ensure completion. Laying back down on the bed and pulling the comforter around her, she listened for the connection.
*********
0055 Zulu
Georgetown, Washington DC
Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
Harm took a rag and wiped it across his brow. Both Mattie and Jen weren't much help when it came to moving heavy furniture. He heard his cell phone ring.
"Rabb."
"Harm? It's Mac." He stopped up short. Her voice was like a warm hug.
"Mac!" he said. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten your promise to call."
"I didn't forget. I've just been busy," she said. Just then there was a particularly loud squeal from Mattie. Along with the music from a boom box, he could barely hear Mac. "What's going on?"
"Just a minute," he said. He walked to a corner in Mac's living room. "That better?"
"Yes."
"We're at your place, Mac. Working on your bedroom."
"We?" she asked.
"Mattie, Jen and I. Actually, there is something I need to talk to you about. Mattie and Jen have been watching that show "Trading Spaces" lately... Have you seen it? They redecorate rooms for people." He was picking his words slowly.
"...and this relates to my bedroom, how?"
"They got this idea that it might be fun to..."
"... do that to my place?" He could hear the disbelief in her voice.
"Well, yes."
She admonished him. "Harm, do you ever say 'no' to those two?"
"Sure I do. I told them 'no' when they wanted to 'paint out' that oak floor in fuchsia," he said. He smiled wishing he could see her reaction.
"Who's paying for this?" she asked.
"My credit card for now," he said. "I'm hoping you like it."
"Enough to pay for it?" she asked.
"Something like that," he replied. "I'm keeping it cheap. Paint, MDF, and a little fabric. Don't worry. You like my place, right?"
"All but the louvered glass."
"I'll make a note of that. No louvered glass."
"Or glass block bathrooms."
He laughed at that. He could imagine her in a glass block bathroom. Man, could he imagine her. "How's it going over there?"
"Well, right now I'm sleeping in the guest room of Karla Robinson's brother and his wife," she said slowly.
He sat down in a chair. He tried to gauge the words and tone. "Wow. You do move fast. How did you get to know them? Did they want to know about Paraguay?"
"Yeah." There was an undercurrent of tension in her voice. He knew a revelation like that would be hard on all parties.
"You okay?"
"Probably not," she answered truthfully.
There was silence over the line. Harm cleared his voice and started to speak. "I don't know these people, Mac, but I can imagine. You can't expect them to understand it. Or rationalize it."
"How do you rationalize it?" she asked. "You were changed by what happened there, too."
More silence. He sighed. "That's easy. No one disputes that Sadik's a bad man. Don't forget that."
"I wish it was as easy as that," she said. "But it's not."
"You sound tired."
"Yeah," she agreed. "How's work?"
"We're a little short handed. Missing a senior officer."
She was smiling, he could tell. He closed his eyes, soaking in the sound of her voice.
"But you're up to the challenge, right?" she said in his ear
"Always," he agreed. "Actually, I lied. There isn't much work at all. I might even put in for some leave time, it's so slow."
"And you've heard that spring is nice in England, right?"
"Something like that."
"Harm, I don't need you coming to save me. I'm okay." He gritted his teeth at her answer. Bang. Shot down again, Hammer. She doesn't need you remember? She made that abundantly clear before. In Paraguay, as a matter of fact.
"That's right. I forgot. Maybe you should call Webb, Mac." He pulled the phone from his ear and was about to press the end button when he heard her voice.
"Harm! Harm!"
Reluctantly he put it back to his ear, "I'm still here."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. It's just... I need to do this myself. To prove I can."
He wasn't sure what to say to that. "You don't need to justify your actions to me..."
"Harm, there is no Webb. We never had much and what little it was ended a couple of days ago. Satisfied?"
It was hard to stop the next words from spilling from his errant mouth. "Like I said, you don't need to..."
Her mood changed in an instant. He could feel her fury as her words came across the connection like gunshots. "You're always putting the wrong words in my mouth! I've always wanted you to come! But how can I love you when I can't face myself?" The link ended.
He stared at the phone in his hand. Quickly, he punched out her number only to get a disconnection signal. Damn her, this was one conversation he couldn't leave unfinished.
Author: Nan
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Mac/Harm
Spoilers: Take It Like a Man
******************************************************************
She was trapped. Some sort of feral animal caught unwittingly in a simple cage. She looked around the room. Small with one curtain bedecked window. A single bed with a flowered comforter. An old dresser in the corner. Her slacks and sweater adorning the back of an over stuffed chair. Her purse was on the seat.
She longed to turn on her bedside light, wake her hosts and tell them she was returning to her hotel room. But it was 0035 Zulu and the middle of the night here. How could she disturb them after all their kindness?
For Mac, four and half hours of sleep was enough to take the edge off her mental exhaustion. She had been tired, so tired that she had just kick off her shoes, sloughed off her outer clothing and stumbled into bed without washing her face or brushing her teeth.
She hugged her arms around her legs and rested against the headboard. Her overactive mind needed something to do. Against her will, it was replaying the events of the previous day and evening. The memorial, the accidental meeting of Daniel, her confession over dinner. Most important, she could see the shock and revulsion of the couple as she relayed the events of Paraguay.
She knew she should feel something. Anything. Disdain for the Wood's naivety, sympathy for their loss. But instead she was numb, a reaction she now recognized as defensive. It was her rebellious psyche again. Tucking away strong emotions in a misguided attempt to protect her. Only to haunt her at a later date.
Through the dim of the room, she could see something green glowing in her open purse. It was the blinking light of her cell phone, indicating it was still waiting. She scooted her legs over the side of the bed, stood up and walked over to pick it up.
She dialed a familiar number adding the overseas digits to ensure completion. Laying back down on the bed and pulling the comforter around her, she listened for the connection.
*********
0055 Zulu
Georgetown, Washington DC
Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
Harm took a rag and wiped it across his brow. Both Mattie and Jen weren't much help when it came to moving heavy furniture. He heard his cell phone ring.
"Rabb."
"Harm? It's Mac." He stopped up short. Her voice was like a warm hug.
"Mac!" he said. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten your promise to call."
"I didn't forget. I've just been busy," she said. Just then there was a particularly loud squeal from Mattie. Along with the music from a boom box, he could barely hear Mac. "What's going on?"
"Just a minute," he said. He walked to a corner in Mac's living room. "That better?"
"Yes."
"We're at your place, Mac. Working on your bedroom."
"We?" she asked.
"Mattie, Jen and I. Actually, there is something I need to talk to you about. Mattie and Jen have been watching that show "Trading Spaces" lately... Have you seen it? They redecorate rooms for people." He was picking his words slowly.
"...and this relates to my bedroom, how?"
"They got this idea that it might be fun to..."
"... do that to my place?" He could hear the disbelief in her voice.
"Well, yes."
She admonished him. "Harm, do you ever say 'no' to those two?"
"Sure I do. I told them 'no' when they wanted to 'paint out' that oak floor in fuchsia," he said. He smiled wishing he could see her reaction.
"Who's paying for this?" she asked.
"My credit card for now," he said. "I'm hoping you like it."
"Enough to pay for it?" she asked.
"Something like that," he replied. "I'm keeping it cheap. Paint, MDF, and a little fabric. Don't worry. You like my place, right?"
"All but the louvered glass."
"I'll make a note of that. No louvered glass."
"Or glass block bathrooms."
He laughed at that. He could imagine her in a glass block bathroom. Man, could he imagine her. "How's it going over there?"
"Well, right now I'm sleeping in the guest room of Karla Robinson's brother and his wife," she said slowly.
He sat down in a chair. He tried to gauge the words and tone. "Wow. You do move fast. How did you get to know them? Did they want to know about Paraguay?"
"Yeah." There was an undercurrent of tension in her voice. He knew a revelation like that would be hard on all parties.
"You okay?"
"Probably not," she answered truthfully.
There was silence over the line. Harm cleared his voice and started to speak. "I don't know these people, Mac, but I can imagine. You can't expect them to understand it. Or rationalize it."
"How do you rationalize it?" she asked. "You were changed by what happened there, too."
More silence. He sighed. "That's easy. No one disputes that Sadik's a bad man. Don't forget that."
"I wish it was as easy as that," she said. "But it's not."
"You sound tired."
"Yeah," she agreed. "How's work?"
"We're a little short handed. Missing a senior officer."
She was smiling, he could tell. He closed his eyes, soaking in the sound of her voice.
"But you're up to the challenge, right?" she said in his ear
"Always," he agreed. "Actually, I lied. There isn't much work at all. I might even put in for some leave time, it's so slow."
"And you've heard that spring is nice in England, right?"
"Something like that."
"Harm, I don't need you coming to save me. I'm okay." He gritted his teeth at her answer. Bang. Shot down again, Hammer. She doesn't need you remember? She made that abundantly clear before. In Paraguay, as a matter of fact.
"That's right. I forgot. Maybe you should call Webb, Mac." He pulled the phone from his ear and was about to press the end button when he heard her voice.
"Harm! Harm!"
Reluctantly he put it back to his ear, "I'm still here."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. It's just... I need to do this myself. To prove I can."
He wasn't sure what to say to that. "You don't need to justify your actions to me..."
"Harm, there is no Webb. We never had much and what little it was ended a couple of days ago. Satisfied?"
It was hard to stop the next words from spilling from his errant mouth. "Like I said, you don't need to..."
Her mood changed in an instant. He could feel her fury as her words came across the connection like gunshots. "You're always putting the wrong words in my mouth! I've always wanted you to come! But how can I love you when I can't face myself?" The link ended.
He stared at the phone in his hand. Quickly, he punched out her number only to get a disconnection signal. Damn her, this was one conversation he couldn't leave unfinished.