Author's Notes: Wow, again I just lost interest in this story and it was finally regained now. I was getting distracted by other fan fics and my original stories and well, just forgot about it. Sorry. I just think I was putting way too much detail into my last chapter so it felt like such a... chore. I'm cutting out a lot of the unnecessary detail now so hopefully these chapters will just start flying out of me. Ok, now please read and review!
Splintered Reflections
By Heather [TinySweetHeart]
--
Chapter Three: Deception Is Your Game"You've got them all convinced,
And I know it so well.
That you have missed your friends
But you can count on them.
Hold it now, you've got everyone convinced
That you're alright.
No one else is quite as wrong with it."
-- "So Beautiful" – Dashboard Confessional;
--
Tommy walked into the Freshman hall, wishing it was summer again already. Not even a full week into school yet and he already hated it. He knew why, he just wouldn't admit it to himself, because he didn't want a girl to affect him that much. And not that girl anyway. He was dressed in loose jeans and a long sleeved blue shirt with a 7 on the back, his dark hair still slightly damp. He'd been a little later then usual getting ready for school. Not on purpose of course, just he'd had too much on his mind. And he hated the fact that everything he had on his mind had a lot to do with her.
Phil was at his locker too, he must have got to school late also. He was wearing a red shirt and dark jeans and he looked over at Tommy with a groggy grin. "Hey, Tommy my man! What's up?" he called and slapped Tommy with a high five.
Tommy smiled back and responded, "Nothing. Just trying to remember what it felt like to sleep later then 6:00 o'clock."
The shorter boy snorted and said, "You and me both, amigo. I think my brains on Mexico time or something, although I've never even been there." Then, still smiling slightly, he turned back to his locker and tried to say nonchalantly over his shoulder, "So, uh, yea that's good to hear anyway. After what happened yesterday, I just wasn't sure -"
Tommy cut him off sharply, his eyebrows raised. "I'm fine. Just because Lil was a witch to me doesn't mean anything. I don't care. Really," he stated.
Phil looked less then convinced but he nodded his head. He replied, "Oh ok, well just checking. Because I called your house a few times yesterday and Dil kept saying you were busy."
Tommy laughed and countered to change the topic, "That's because I was busy, Phil. Homework, remember? That thing you never do."
Phil glanced back at him with furrowed eyebrows and said, "Home? Work? What is this crazy thing you speak of? Those are two words that should never be put together. Ever."
Tommy grinned and shrugged. "Don't worry, Phil. You'll figure it out soon enough when you start getting the 'F's," he joked.
Phil laughed and shook his head. Then, still brushing through his mess of a locker, he admitted relieved, "Just glad to hear the Angelica clone didn't wreck you, that's all."
Tommy forced on a smile and raised his arms up. "Wreck me? Come on, this is Tommy Pickles you're talking about. Has any girl ever wrecked me?" he boasted. Then the grin drifted into a scowl and he held at the straps of his backpack distractedly. "You were right though, you know. She has changed, for the worst. I don't even recognize her anymore," he went on, quietly harsh.
Phil finally finished rummaging through his locker and slammed the door closed. Looking over, he nodded and responded ruthfully, "Yup, I couldn't recognize her the day she actually told me "Jeeps were so last season". Honestly, like there was never meant to be so much air in one person's head. But I gotta go, I'm sure I'll be getting in enough trouble this year without having to be late too."
Tommy just laughed and said back, "So, see you later, man."
Phil grinned and started walking off, joking, "Yea, bye, dude. Gotta go give Kimmi a booster chair so she can see over her homeroom desk."
Tommy smiled to himself and called after Phil, "You have it bad for her!"
Phil turned to walk backwards and glower at him. "Shut up!" he shouted back and then turned around again, continuing down the corridor.
Tommy shook his head and went over to his locker, fishing through his stuff. Just 366 more days left, he sighed to himself. He could do that right? He could avoid her all year if he had to, I mean, it wouldn't be that hard. She probably didn't want to see him as much as he didn't want to see her. Well "didn't" was the optional word in this case. Because for as much as he tried to convince himself, he also knew he was trying too hard to tell himself that. Because there was still that part of him that felt electric and excited when just thinking about her. God, it was going to be a long freaking year.
--
The lunchroom was echoing with shouts and laughter. Phil and his friend, Kimmi, made their way from the lunch line, swerving to the closest available table. Phil plopped down and Kimmi tucked a leg under herself and sat down by him. She was wearing slim jeans and a baby blue and white-stripped tee shirt. Half her hair was held back in a clip while the rest fell straight to brush her shoulder blades.
Phil started picking up his slice of pizza and said, "Mr. Garrison held my head near a buzz saw last period and threatened me with bodily harm."
Kimmi didn't even look up at him as she responded flatly, feigning disinterest, "Huh. Really. Did you see my new sneakers? They're so awesome." She rose up a leg to show him her new blue basketball sneakers.
Phil cocked his eyebrows before looking at her again and repeating dramatically, "Ok, maybe you didn't hear me. Mr. Garrison, the school psychopath who I'm pretty sure spent ten years in prison, almost killed me."
Kimmi planted her foot back on the ground and rolled her dark eyes. "You know he was never is prison, that was just a rumor. And yea, I'm pretty sure you deserved whatever you got, Phil," she retorted, use to his problems that typically resulted from him saying something rude or stupid.
The boy raised his arms up and cried, "No, I was just an innocent victim, I swear! Although I did say he bares a striking resemblance to Mr. Clean. But come on, he does."
Kimmi started picking at her macaroni and cheese, or well, her yellow goop. "See, one of these days your big mouth is going to get you in trouble. Or, in this case, your head cut off with a buzz saw," she stated.
Phil glared at her before stuffing his face with food. "You know, I'm so glad you're sympathetic about this. Really am," he sighed sarcastically.
Kimmi just laughed and continued, "So anyways, this is me changing subjects. I'm so excited to go to a Boxcar Racer concert! It will be like the highlight of my life. And you don't have to tell me that's pathetic, I already know it is."
Phil grinned at her lopsided and commented, "Well as long as you know it." Then he added genuinely, "Yea I can't wait either. I just hope Tommy still wants to go."
The girl nodded her head firmly and replied bitterly, "He does. I mean, he wouldn't let... what happened yesterday affect him that much. Right? That was pretty brutal though. I mean how can Lil treat him like that? We use to be so close." She still had a hard time thinking about how Lil had turned on them, as much as she tried to convince the guys otherwise. It was like all those years of growing up together and playing in each other's backyards didn't matter to her anymore. That hurt because Kimmi had to face the facts that maybe, they had really just grown too far apart to ever be close again.
Phil groaned and looked down at his plate plaintively. "I know, I seriously think Angelica gave my sister a lobotomy, that's the only explanation. Because I swear, she's missing half her brain now. And I'm afraid I'm going to wake up one morning and the other side will be missing too and she'll be running into walls and stuff," he responded.
Kimmi looked down too and then bit her lip nervously. Nervous? Why was she nervous? It was just Phil, why did she care what he'd say or think? Still, when she spoke again, her voice sounded soft and timid. "But we're still going. Right? To the concert, I mean. Even if Tommy can't go," she said, averting her eyes back to him.
The boy glanced over at her curiously and smiled slightly. "Sure thing. Hey, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were asking me on a date, Ms. Finister! I see how it is, my undeniable charm and good looks has finally gotten to you," he teased.
Kimmi had to blurt out a laugh and scoff, "In your dreams, stud." But there was a jolt in her stomach she just couldn't stand. Because, Phil was Phil, and that's all he'd ever be. Her friend. Just like Tommy or Chuckie or... Ok, not really, because for some reason, over the summer and now, during school, she and Phil had been spending a lot of time together. It was usually all of them eating pizza or her, Tommy, and Phil playing a game of hoops. Still, lately they'd just been hanging out together because the rest of the guys were busy for some reason, and well, it had been nice. She never thought she could get along with Phil so well, because he was, well, Phil - a little obnoxious and sort of stubborn. But she could be that way too and they just seemed to click so well. It was weird and unexplainable and she was sure it was against some law of Physics. And yet, here they were, laughing and goofing off and she just couldn't stop that sinking vague feeling from swelling up.
Phil stared over at her and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You have no idea..." he responded comically.
Kimmi pretended she didn't just feel a little sharp intake of breath in her throat or her thoughts swim to places they shouldn't. She wrinkled her nose and shoved him playfully. "Sick, didn't want to know that," she snapped with a laugh.
Phil just winked and added with a smirk, "I was kidding. In my dreams, there is usually you, me, and mud wrestling."
Kimmi faked choking on her food and spluttered, "Big flirt. And I don't know if you noticed but I'm trying to eat here so I'd appreciate if you didn't make me gag." She had to remind herself that was a joke, that her heart should not be shivering so hard in her ribcage. She swallowed down her feelings and then questioned, recalling something, "Hey, Izaac Pomelin was calling me "Mary" today. What's that mean?"
Phil tried to stifle his chuckles and he responded, "You don't know? That means you're like a prude, you look like a goody goody."
Kimmi's face flushed pink and she exclaimed angrily, "What! That creep! I'm so going to punch him in the stomach the next time I see him." She couldn't believe it, that really hurt. Because she was almost certain it was true, and that was the worst pain in the world. When someone said something that hit far too close to the real thing. Because she always had done well in every class in school and really only had one boyfriend her entire life, in the third grade so that didn't even count. Because she'd always just been considered one of the guys and that sort of put her off limits to most boys. She blinked over at him, trying to hide the doubt in her tone when she questioned, "You... you think I'm all goody goody?"
Phil could tell she was really feeling hurt by what Izaac said and shook his head, angry at the idiot who had done that to her. "No, Izaac's just a jerk," he responded with a scowl. She smiled back faintly and looked at him thankfully. Then he added with a grin, "Anyone can tell you're a slut."
Kimmi laughed and punched him on the shoulder roughly. "Awww thanks. You always know the right thing to say," she responded sarcastically. He really did though, even if he did always end up making everything into a joke.
Just then Tommy came over to their table, just having grabbed his lunch from his locker after forgetting to do so this morning. "Hey, guys," he greeted the two with a smile.
Kimmi looked over and grinned back. "Hey, Tommy. We saved you a seat," she chortled and patted the chair near her other side.
Tommy nodded and put down his lunch and backpack. "Thanks. I'll be right back," he told them and then headed towards the vending machines to buy a drink. His mom always forgot to pack him one so he usually ended up buying one. He headed over to a soda machine and started glancing over the choices before finally pressing for a Slice.
"You hate orange soda."
He turned to see Lillian behind him, having stepped in line in back of him sometime while he didn't notice. He had a feeling this wasn't a coincidence, that she wanted to talk to him and needed an excuse. She could just act like she needed to get a drink and no one would suspect she was talking to a guy her friends didn't approve of because he didn't happen to be a popular Senior.
Tommy glared at her blankly and replied a little too coldly, "Yea well, things change."
Her hazel eyes looked hazed with regret and she nodded softly. "I guess so. So, uh, about yesterday -" she began to say, looking down at her hands.
She looked so beautiful, he thought absently. Her caramel hair was all down and wavy and she was just wearing fitted jeans and a green and pink stripped tank top, but somehow she looked better then ever to him. God, why did he have to think that? It just frustrated him even more and he interrupted sharply, "Don't. You said what you said and hey, so what. No big deal."
Lillian gazed up at him through her eyelashes and smiled slightly. "Ok, good. Because I'd like to be friends still, Tommy. Just like before," she replied gladly.
Stop it; stop trying to make me like you. Stop trying to make me think you're who you use to be, when I know you're not. When I know you've changed and it will never be the same. "Yea a friend huh? A friend you can pretend you don't know in public? I don't want a friend like that," he responded with a frown, his face fighting to stay stone and hard.
Her eyes swelled and she started to object, "What? No, it wouldn't... I wouldn't -" But it was true and she knew it and the words blistered with sour pain in her throat.
Tommy stared at her and his eyes were edges of sadness and hurt. "Then how come you keep looking back to see if Angelica and her friends aren't looking over here? I get it, Lil. Just don't try to talk to me anymore and I'll do you the favor and pretend I don't know you," he said evenly. He turned and grabbed his soda can. Then he walked off, brushing by her without even giving her a second glance.
Lillian couldn't help but watch after him, her lips parted and her mind reeling. She didn't want to hurt anyone, she never meant to. It was just something that was expected of her now that she was a part of a selected group. Why couldn't they understand that and be happy for her? Why did everything feel like a jumbled lie? She turned her head and saw Angelica watching her from their table, scowling at her with an arched eyebrow. Lillian quickly whirled around and punched in for a Diet Coke. Still, why did it have to hurt so much to hurt him?
--
It was 4:15 when practice finally was over. Tommy walked into the parking lot, his breath torn and he was sweating still. He approached Chuckie's beat up old car and slid the rusted door open. "Hey, Chuck. Thanks for picking me up, man," he greeted and threw his football equipment in the back before slipping into the passenger's seat.
The red head looked over at him with a smile and replied, "No problem. What are older friends for?" He was dressed in a plaid shirt over a white tee shirt and jeans, his arm resting on the open window. "Buckle up, Tommy. Because if I get pulled over by a cop and get a ticket, my parents will really kill me and take away Betsy," he said, patting his car fondly.
Tommy nodded and tugged the harness over him. "Alright, alright! Safety belt on and secure. Anything else? You got a helmet for me to wear too, maybe a body armor suit?" he remarked sarcastically.
Chuckie rolled his eyes and remarked, "Ho ho ho. Always the kidder you are. Believe me, one day you'll be thanking ol' Cautious Chuck for never getting your brain splattered on the road."
He started up the car and it purred to life. Chuckie started putting out of the school parking lot when they passed Angelica by her black BMW, screeching something indefinable and slamming her foot into the bumper angrily. Chuckie pushed on the brake and stopped by them. Suddenly a girl stood from the curb, brushing off her cheerleader skirt, and Tommy realized with regret that it was Lillian.
"Uh hey, guys," she said with a smile in their direction, her eyes passing from Chuckie to Tommy.
Chuckie stared at Angelica as she passed huffily and asked, "What's the matter with your car?"
Angelica didn't even pause from stomping back and forth, glaring at everything around her. "Ugh, can you like not speak to me right now? Because I'm not in the mood to pretend to be nice to losers," she snapped.
Tommy leaned back into his chair and stared ahead, not wanting to lock eyes with either of the girls. "Huh, you're never in the mood," he couldn't resist retorting.
Lillian said, her smile already dissipating to a frown, "Angelica's car is having engine trouble. She called the tow company already and they said they couldn't make it out here until two hours from now."
Angelica stopped walking long enough to throw her hands up in fists and shriek, "Yea, freakin' great! I mean, like really, what else are they doing all day except sitting around on their lazy asses and eating donuts? I mean, I'm an important person. Important with a capital I."
Tommy glared over at his cousin from the corner of his eyes and smirked. "You said all this and they still couldn't get out here any sooner? How surprising," he replied.
Her hard ocean eyes darted to him and she growled, "Can it, Pickles. I am not in the mood for your back talk either."
Chuckie was staring at Angelica hopefully and his cheeks were already burning. "We can... uh, give you guys a ride if you want. I mean, we all live around each other. Why not, right?" he offered, stammering like crazy.
Lillian's face brightened and she smiled, saying, "Really? Thanks! You guys are our heroes." She walked over to the back door, opened it, and sat down.
Angelica's eyebrows raised and her features were set in aghast horror. "What! Well fine, but I am so ducking if I see anyone I know," she grumbled and then plodded over to the passenger's side. Opening the door, she gestured with a hand and said flatly, "Hey, twerp, move."
Tommy narrowed his eyes at her and argued, "What? Are you kidding me? Unlike all your other dumb followers, I don't just jump when you snap your fingers, Angelica."
Angelica rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Ha! Move or I'll tell my mom to tell your mom you were so cruel to her poor unfortunate niece after she was having car trouble that she actually cried," she replied sneakily.
Tommy glowered at her and then mumbled, "God, fine. You're really evil, you know that." He stepped out of the car and went around to the back, slamming the door behind him.
Angelica shifted daintily into the passenger side seat and smiled slyly. "Yes. It's a gift, I know," the cheerleading captain responded mock sweetly.
Chuckie started to drive out of the parking lot and stole glances at the girl by him. Finally he managed up enough courage to begin to say, "So, Angelica -"
Angelica had her blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail so the curls bobbed with the car. "Look, Finister, just don't think you doing me this favor is reason for you to talk to me," she responded coldly and didn't even look his way.
Chuckie felt his face grow crimson again and he stuttered, "Uh, ok. I was just going to say -"
The girl cut him off quickly, still not looking at him. "Don't care. How do you change these radio stations anyway? This is like an eight-track player from the 70's or something," she snorted and leaned foreword to start pushing random buttons on the radio. Anything to avoid having to speak to this loser, she really didn't need him thinking they were all chummy all of a sudden or something because they'd shared one car ride. As if.
The awkwardness seemed to be contagious in the car. In the backseat, the two teenagers sat inches apart, staring out the window self-consciously. The silence was thick and isolating like a weight on them. Lillian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear anxiously and looked over at Tommy hesitantly. "You were really good today on the field," she said first.
The boy looked over, surprised to hear the quiet broken, and shrugged modestly. "No, I wasn't. I'll probably be stuck on the bench again next game," he responded, trying not to meet her eyes.
Lillian smiled faintly and replied, "Well that's just because your coach is an idiot. I mean, anyone can see you're getting really good. Like even better then a lot of the Seniors."
Tommy couldn't believe she was complimenting him and in his shock he let his eyes turn over to lock with hers. "Uh thanks. You were... uh, good too. I mean the... handstand thing. Good," he replied, stumbling for words. Great, now she'd know he was watching her. Just great.
She laughed and her gold-flecked eyes were creased with a smile. "Thanks. You don't have to pretend to think cheerleading is interesting or anything. I know its not," she responded.
Tommy raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "What? I never said that. I think cheerleading is... cool," he said and sounded less then convincing.
Lillian laughed again and it sounded really... perfect. He distantly thought she should do that more often, when she was with her friends anyway, it always sounded so empty and fake. She replied knowingly, "Could you at least try to be a better liar, Tommy? I know you guys all think I'm insane for being a cheerleader and well, don't tell anyone, but I use to make fun of it too. Only its nice, you know, to be a part of something now. I feel like I'm actually doing something in high school. And it turns out, I'm actually ok at it."
Why did she need to a part of them? Why wasn't it enough just to be a part of her old friends? The group of friends she use to have, instead of all the shallow snobs she needed to submerse herself in now. It was like she just told him they weren't good enough, they didn't make her feel important enough or something. It wasn't her just being a cheerleader, it was everything. He turned to stare out the window again, hiding his feelings.
There was that solid pressing silence again collapsing on them. Lillian bit at her lip and rubbed at her bare legs. Finally she was the first to speak again, probably because she felt guilty and she knew it. "So uh, how'd the Chemistry go?" she questioned.
He looked over at her again and rolled his shoulders nonchalantly. "Ok I guess. I got a D so that's a grade above failing," he replied, remembering how she'd tried to help him with it a few days ago.
Lillian grinned and said, "Good to see you're a 'glass is half full' kind of guy."
Tommy smiled too wirily and responded, "Thanks, I'll try to remember that when my parents ground me for life."
The girl winced and gave him a sympathetic gaze. "Ouch, that bad huh? All you need is the right teacher. I'll come over if you want, help you study. When's your next test?" she asked.
"Friday," Tommy informed, wondering why she suddenly cared so much.
Lillian nodded, chestnut hair tumbling over her shoulders, and replied, "Ok well, I'll come over after practice on Thursday and help you cram. I guarantee a B or higher."
Tommy knew it was dangerous, he knew he was asking for trouble. He didn't need to let himself feel anything more for her, friends or anything else. That would only end in pain and more probably then not it would be him who ended up hurt. Still, he just wanted to be with her a little longer. What was so wrong with that? He knew the answer - everything. He replied in spite of his doubts, "Really? Cool. If you can even get me a C I'd be your slave for life."
Lillian laughed and the car jerked to a halt. "Don't say that, I'd really take you up on that offer. Well, see you later, Tommy. Don't forget, Thursday we have a date!" she exclaimed with a smile before opening the door and sliding out, unfolding her long spindly limbs.
Tommy watched her go and said, "I won't." He still couldn't stop from smiling and he knew he was getting into trouble and somehow he didn't care.
Upfront Chuckie smiled over at Angelica as she unbuckled herself and he said politely, "So uh, nice talking to you -"
The side door slammed in his face as the girl quickly bolted from the car and up her driveway, to her door with Lillian in tow. Chuckie watched her go with a sigh as he finished coldly, "Angelica. Do you ever get the feeling you've just been completely used?"
Tommy nodded and looked at Chuckie's back. "Yea but for some reason, I think you didn't mind it all that much," he suggested with a slight smirk.
Chuckie shoved the gear into reverse and tore out of the driveway. He was glaring at Tommy through the overhead mirror when he countered angrily, "What's that supposed to mean! You weren't here last year but let me tell you something, as a Freshman Angelica never once said hi to me. She didn't even act like she remembered who I was, the guy she's known her whole life. I'd get pushed around right in front of her and she'd just walk by like she didn't care. So, I'm not in the Angelica fan club, ok. And I definitely don't like her."
Tommy's dark eyes faded with understanding and sympathy. "Sorry, Chuck, I know my cousin can be a mean snob. I didn't mean to say anything that was out of line," he replied sincerely.
The older boy just sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "No, you didn't. Whatever anyway. I don't care what a self-absorbed Princess has to say about me or if she acts like I don't even exist. I'm use to it by now, I've got a thick skin already," he replied, trying to convince himself. Even when he knew he did care and it always did sting a little sharper each time.
Tommy nodded and smiled. "Well, that's good to hear. Because, I mean, she's Angelica. I think if I ever had to see her real face from underneath all that make-up crap I'd be scarred for life. I bet she really does look like Danny DiVito or something," he said, trying to crack a joke and make his friend feel better.
Chuckie stared off out the windshield and his eyes grew wistful. "Yea. She's still pretty... In a shallow, egotistical way, of course," he relinquished.
Tommy sighed inwardly. He didn't want Chuckie to like Angelica, it wasn't fair to him. She'd just keep crushing him and he'd get his hopes up again only to have them smashed down each time around. He knew his cousin; he'd seen her in action before with other boys. Never mind Chuckie was a little weak around her as it was, she'd kill him if Chuckie didn't start making a change. "You know, you should try sticking up for yourself to her. I know you're really smart and could give it as good as she does. Just let her have it one of these days, man. She deserves it," Tommy offered.
Chuckie drove the car into the Pickle's driveway and shrugged dejectedly. "Yea, well, maybe. I don't know why I'd even bother. It's not like she'd even care what I had to say. But bye, Tommy. See you tomorrow," he responded.
Tommy opened his door and got out, saying, "Bye, Chuckie. Thanks for the ride." He grabbed his equipment from the backseat floor.
"No problem," Chuckie replied and then Tommy closed the car door. Chuckie drove away as Tommy walked over to his front steps and into his house. She was there in his head and he wondered silently if he really wasn't that similar to Chuckie in a way. Because as hard and as much as he tried to forget her, she was lingering in him and he couldn't help it.
--
Closing Notes: The next chapter will be done like tomorrow I swear! Ok, so anyway, I know I focused in on how Kimmi felt about Phil more this time around but next chapter it will be more how Phil feels about Kimmi so no fears. Yes, and Izaac Pomelin was very much mentioned for a reason and you'll find out next chapter. I know Angelica seems like a raging B word right now but believe me, it won't always be that way. Maybe if Chuckie finally gets a backbone... Hee. And why is Lil acting all cold to Tommy in public and then warming him up when everyone's not around? Because she wants to have her cake and eat it too, that's why! She's also feeling bad now and wishes they could still be friends. To me, their relationship sorta reminds me of Ephram and Amy on "Everwood" in the beginning of the show, only Amy isn't embarrassed to be seen with Ephram. Ok well, I'm popping this next chapter out really quickly! ::Type, type, type.::