Disclaimer: If I owned this stuff, would I be writing this completely
annoying and boring disclaimer? I don't THINK so. Note the "think."
Something I frequently neglect to do.
A/N: Well, this is up a little earlier than it normally is, because I don't have school today! Parent-teacher conferences, you know. And because I'm such a good kid, all my teachers had nothing to say! Although my Art teacher kind of lectured my mom... But, I got a day off, so I'm happy! As a result, I got up before noon and am now typing this! YAY! Okay, so, yeah, I can finally access the "plot"! YAY! I went through and read the whole story, so now I have a pretty good idea of...nothing. *sigh* So, if you have any ideas, please tell me through a review or e-mail. I'm going to try to make the chapters longer...
A/N 2: Yeah, that's about 2 weeks old now...I'm very lazy. But it was SO fun, to sit around and do absolutely nothing! Anyway, I know I haven't updated, please don't kill me! Anyway, I'm trying to get this up, but you know how distractions are...Oh, yeah, this chapter will be longer than any and all previous chapters! A promise!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (if you look real close and use your imagination)
by: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls
Coincidence Six
Blaise Zabini skipped away from Loony Lovegood's compartment, feeling a very rare emotion for a Slytherin, glee.
~Oh, wow! Not only do I know that I'm a boy, I kissed a girl! And a cute girl, at that...Wait! Since when has Loony Lovegood been cute? Let me answer that: never! Ack! If I had known it was this annoying to have an obvious gender, I wouldn't have tried!~ As anyone with a brain can tell, Blaise Zabini is really screwed up.
~I hope that I didn't accidentally eat a Magical Pineapple again...Now THAT was hell...~
Just then, Blaise realized (or realised) that he had left his copy of "A Guide to Magical Fruit" in Luna's compartment. "Oh, shit," he said as his eyes got VERY wide.
"What 'Oh, shit'?" a very familiar voice said.
Blaise rolled his eyes. One of the reasons he had been thought a girl, him rolling his eyes all the time. Blaise didn't even turn around to reply. "Bugger off, Draco."
"Ooh, language, Blaise. Remember, I'm a prefect. You could get detention."
"Not before school starts, moron," a different voice said. It was obviously a new person entering the conversation.
Both Blaise and Draco whirled around only to see...(Doesn't the suspense just KILL you?) ...someone. But you ka-no that.
Anyway, both Blaise and Draco whirled around, only to see...a Weasley. Only, he looked cool, not like any of those other Weasleys. He had long hair, tied back in a ponytail. He was tall, wearing rock-concert clothes and dragon hide boots. He had an earring dangling from one ear, with what looked like a fang on it.
"What did you call me, Weasley?" Draco asked, his voice dangerously low, eyes flashing. Any girl passing by could not have denied that he looked HOT, because he did. So did Bill. Not Blaise so much, as he was in a Muggle dress with his hair cut short and spiky. He looked like a transvestite doing a REALLY bad job with their wardrobe.
"Bill, call me Bill. Weasley sounds so...stuffy."
Draco's eyes flicked upward. Blaise outright rolled his.
"Fine, what did you call me, Bill?" Draco was highly annoyed about the interruption.
"I called you a moron, you idiot. You need to go get your ears checked, ferret," Bill said calmly.
Blaise couldn't help himself. This was just TOO funny. He started laughing. At this point, Draco started wondering how on earth anyone could mistake him for a girl with THAT laugh. It did NOT sound feminine at all.
"Bill, didn't you graduate, like, 10 years ago?" Draco asked, with, for some inexplicable reason, a California valley girl accent.
"Naw, it was 11 years ago," Bill replied.
"Then, why are you here?" Draco asked him, temporarily changing his name to Daria.
"Two words: Oompa Loompas."
"But wouldn't Charlie be better for an Oompa Loompa infestation?" I mused, amazed at my stupidity.
"Yes, it would, definitely," Luna Lovegood said, randomly appearing then disappearing again.
"That's what I thought..." I said, nodding.
"Eek!" Bill exclaimed as he disappeared.
"That's better," Daria said, relieved that he could continue insulting Blaise.
"No, you know, Draco, you weren't insulting me, I was kind of ignoring you," Blaise said in response to the previous line.
"Yes I was!" Daria said, offended. "And it's Daria!"
"Until further notice," I added.
"You stay out of this!" Daria snapped at me.
"Fine, fine," I said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Damn!~ Daria thought, ~I really wish I hadn't gotten rid of the author!~ he thought as he floated through a gigantic blank void.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The boy called Harry Potter continued to scream.
Ronald Weasley continued to laugh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, reading the Quibbler upside-down.
~Hmm, I should probably change into my school robes soon. The sun is settting.~
She sighed, put down the Quibbler, and stared out the window. ~Blaise really was a good kisser...I wonder if I could convince Padma to go out with him...but no, he's a Slytherin, she doesn't really like them, does she...~
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, staring at the setting sun, thinking about random things, but mostly Blaise Zabini.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat at his desk, worrying about Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley. They didn't get on the school train. For Pete's sake, Ron was Head Boy! What kind of example was this setting for the younger students?
Suddenly, the bowls of petunias and Petunias' significance hit him. ~Severus is at it again! I thought I told him to stop!~ Dumbledore thought as he put down his Silly Putty and went out his door.
He went down the staircase up to his office and passed the gargoyle. He went down to the Entrance Hall and out the front door.
"Severus!" he shouted, dangerously loud. Which, for Dumbledore, was just above normal speaking level.
Professor Severus Snape jumped about a foot from the ground when he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Shit!~ Professor Severus Snape, who, to the fans' knowledge, has no middle name, jumped and stopped looking for bowls of petunias as he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts. He quickly glanced up. ~Shit!~ he thought again as he realized that Dumbledore's window was above his head. The petunias had fallen right past his window!
"Severus!" Dumbledore called again, his eyes flashing dangerously.
~Shit!~ Severus Snape thought again for the third time in five seconds as he realized that Dumbledore knew.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Wow," I said, reading what I have written so far. "Snape has a bit of a swearing problem...I wonder if I'll have to up the rating because of him...Oh, and I still need to do Hermione, Brian Zeogul, and that blue crayon I saw last week...Hmmm..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hermione Jane Granger was angry. The author had been in the story TWICE this chapter! She was turning it into a stupid self-insertion story! And not in the gross way she'd caught Crabbe reading, the corny kind!
"Hey, now, I resent that."
Hermione whirled around. She gasped.
Standing there, was a young teenage girl with lightly pink and blonde hair. She was wearing purple glasses that accentuated and hid (all at the same time) her stormy gray-blue eyes, a baggy white T-shirt, and baggy black jeans held up with a zebra tie-thingy tied around her waist as a belt. She was wearing black, worn Sketchers running shoes on her feet.
It was the author.
"Hellooo? I know you heard me, you gasped and whirled around. Are you going to answer me? I don't like to be ignored."
Hermione's eyes were wide, her mouth was open, and she was gaping like a codfish.
"Jane, we are not a codfish," the author said sternly, then laughed. "You know, I've always wanted to say that. Well, come on, answer me, or I'll make you fall in love with Draco!"
Hermione gasped. Her facial expression became that of revulsion. "You wouldn't! Please please, PLEASE don't do that! That would be SOO horrible! Don't, please don't, I'm begging you!"
"All right, all right, I was—"
"Oh, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you!"
"Oh, all right then," the author said and promptly disappeared.
"Boy, this story is just FULL of strange encounters, isn't it?" Hermione asked the air.
"Yeah, it kind of is," Sophie said. Or rather, Sophie's voice said. Sophie was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh, bugger off," Hermione said, getting WAAAY out of character.
"Fine, fine," Sophie's voice said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Brian Zeogul was awoken by a loud voice shouting in his ear.
"Buh-duh?" he asked meekly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry James Potter stopped screaming.
Ronald Bilius Weasley slowly stopped laughing.
Ron said suddenly, "Ooh, chocolate!"
He had been digging through the glove compartment.
"Oh, have it," Harry said, relieved that Ron hadn't told him he loved him.
"Man, Harry," Ron said through a mouthful of chocolate, "I love you."
Harry started to cry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Well? Was it good? Was it bad? Was it funny? Should I be put in an insane asylum? Feedback, feedback, feedback!
Yeah, so, here are some acknowledgements:
Mousiebead: OMG! Sophie, you got an account! Um, I guess that Veronica is me...I MEANT Victoria! Honest! I hate you. Really. Really, I do. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.
Cajun Rogue: Um, no, unfortunately, it's not made up. It came from "friend" Sophie *points up* up there. Although, the thing about chocolate, I made it up, but it kinda does make it worse...coffee too...especially expresso. It's actually kind of funny...But not when it happens to you. Also, I am glad you feel loved, that was the purpose! Yay! Oh, and I am sorry about the cheesecake, it's not my fault! (well, actually, it is, but no one has to know that...)
Insane Idiot: I'm guessing that means you like it...? I hope so, because you are funny!
tor-and-fenris: Oh, I'm not mad, I do that sometimes too, if it's really good. I'm glad you find it good and funny and disturbing. Definitely both. Go see a competent psychiatrist. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. But, either way, I love you. And yes, custard is good. Mm, Leon's chocolate custard...I'm hungry! Also, I absolutely love the Oompa-Loompas, definitely. Did you catch the mention of them in this chapter? Oh, wait, that was for An Enigma, For Sure...whoops. Oh, well, the concept is more valid here. Oh, wait, brainstorm! Ooh, that's good...
If I missed anyone, I am SOOO sorry, but the Internet and email in my house are doing strange things...
Also, I have a new fic up, Poor, Poor Snape. It's not as funny as this one, but it has a plot. (collective gasp) Hey, it's not THAT suprising...
Also, I will soon have another one up, "A Guide to Magical Fruit." Ideas are welcomed for any and all of my fics, including "Fruit." And this one. Definitely this one, because the "plot" is on its last legs...
Also, if you have any complaints, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!!! Especially not me. No, I'm kidding, I love you guys, don't abandon me!
*cries*
I didn't mean it!
You're still here?
YAY!!
Yeah, well, also, I am sorry that I haven't been updating, but I'm going through a rough patch...it's called laziness.
Also, I updated my bio, miracle of miracles! Check it out sometime!
Wow, this is really long for a coincidence...seven pages...Ya ka-no, it took me TWO AND A HALF HOURS to write this! Please admire my good work!
I love you, rebel sheep say 'Moo!', and Lo, the Magic Eight Ball hath spake!
TTFN!
A/N: Well, this is up a little earlier than it normally is, because I don't have school today! Parent-teacher conferences, you know. And because I'm such a good kid, all my teachers had nothing to say! Although my Art teacher kind of lectured my mom... But, I got a day off, so I'm happy! As a result, I got up before noon and am now typing this! YAY! Okay, so, yeah, I can finally access the "plot"! YAY! I went through and read the whole story, so now I have a pretty good idea of...nothing. *sigh* So, if you have any ideas, please tell me through a review or e-mail. I'm going to try to make the chapters longer...
A/N 2: Yeah, that's about 2 weeks old now...I'm very lazy. But it was SO fun, to sit around and do absolutely nothing! Anyway, I know I haven't updated, please don't kill me! Anyway, I'm trying to get this up, but you know how distractions are...Oh, yeah, this chapter will be longer than any and all previous chapters! A promise!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A Series of Coincidences That Just Happen to Look Like a Plot (if you look real close and use your imagination)
by: Queen of Zan aka Crazy girl who wanders the halls
Coincidence Six
Blaise Zabini skipped away from Loony Lovegood's compartment, feeling a very rare emotion for a Slytherin, glee.
~Oh, wow! Not only do I know that I'm a boy, I kissed a girl! And a cute girl, at that...Wait! Since when has Loony Lovegood been cute? Let me answer that: never! Ack! If I had known it was this annoying to have an obvious gender, I wouldn't have tried!~ As anyone with a brain can tell, Blaise Zabini is really screwed up.
~I hope that I didn't accidentally eat a Magical Pineapple again...Now THAT was hell...~
Just then, Blaise realized (or realised) that he had left his copy of "A Guide to Magical Fruit" in Luna's compartment. "Oh, shit," he said as his eyes got VERY wide.
"What 'Oh, shit'?" a very familiar voice said.
Blaise rolled his eyes. One of the reasons he had been thought a girl, him rolling his eyes all the time. Blaise didn't even turn around to reply. "Bugger off, Draco."
"Ooh, language, Blaise. Remember, I'm a prefect. You could get detention."
"Not before school starts, moron," a different voice said. It was obviously a new person entering the conversation.
Both Blaise and Draco whirled around only to see...(Doesn't the suspense just KILL you?) ...someone. But you ka-no that.
Anyway, both Blaise and Draco whirled around, only to see...a Weasley. Only, he looked cool, not like any of those other Weasleys. He had long hair, tied back in a ponytail. He was tall, wearing rock-concert clothes and dragon hide boots. He had an earring dangling from one ear, with what looked like a fang on it.
"What did you call me, Weasley?" Draco asked, his voice dangerously low, eyes flashing. Any girl passing by could not have denied that he looked HOT, because he did. So did Bill. Not Blaise so much, as he was in a Muggle dress with his hair cut short and spiky. He looked like a transvestite doing a REALLY bad job with their wardrobe.
"Bill, call me Bill. Weasley sounds so...stuffy."
Draco's eyes flicked upward. Blaise outright rolled his.
"Fine, what did you call me, Bill?" Draco was highly annoyed about the interruption.
"I called you a moron, you idiot. You need to go get your ears checked, ferret," Bill said calmly.
Blaise couldn't help himself. This was just TOO funny. He started laughing. At this point, Draco started wondering how on earth anyone could mistake him for a girl with THAT laugh. It did NOT sound feminine at all.
"Bill, didn't you graduate, like, 10 years ago?" Draco asked, with, for some inexplicable reason, a California valley girl accent.
"Naw, it was 11 years ago," Bill replied.
"Then, why are you here?" Draco asked him, temporarily changing his name to Daria.
"Two words: Oompa Loompas."
"But wouldn't Charlie be better for an Oompa Loompa infestation?" I mused, amazed at my stupidity.
"Yes, it would, definitely," Luna Lovegood said, randomly appearing then disappearing again.
"That's what I thought..." I said, nodding.
"Eek!" Bill exclaimed as he disappeared.
"That's better," Daria said, relieved that he could continue insulting Blaise.
"No, you know, Draco, you weren't insulting me, I was kind of ignoring you," Blaise said in response to the previous line.
"Yes I was!" Daria said, offended. "And it's Daria!"
"Until further notice," I added.
"You stay out of this!" Daria snapped at me.
"Fine, fine," I said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Damn!~ Daria thought, ~I really wish I hadn't gotten rid of the author!~ he thought as he floated through a gigantic blank void.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The boy called Harry Potter continued to scream.
Ronald Weasley continued to laugh.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, reading the Quibbler upside-down.
~Hmm, I should probably change into my school robes soon. The sun is settting.~
She sighed, put down the Quibbler, and stared out the window. ~Blaise really was a good kisser...I wonder if I could convince Padma to go out with him...but no, he's a Slytherin, she doesn't really like them, does she...~
Luna Lovegood sat in her compartment, staring at the setting sun, thinking about random things, but mostly Blaise Zabini.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat at his desk, worrying about Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley. They didn't get on the school train. For Pete's sake, Ron was Head Boy! What kind of example was this setting for the younger students?
Suddenly, the bowls of petunias and Petunias' significance hit him. ~Severus is at it again! I thought I told him to stop!~ Dumbledore thought as he put down his Silly Putty and went out his door.
He went down the staircase up to his office and passed the gargoyle. He went down to the Entrance Hall and out the front door.
"Severus!" he shouted, dangerously loud. Which, for Dumbledore, was just above normal speaking level.
Professor Severus Snape jumped about a foot from the ground when he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~Shit!~ Professor Severus Snape, who, to the fans' knowledge, has no middle name, jumped and stopped looking for bowls of petunias as he heard his name being called by the Headmaster of Hogwarts. He quickly glanced up. ~Shit!~ he thought again as he realized that Dumbledore's window was above his head. The petunias had fallen right past his window!
"Severus!" Dumbledore called again, his eyes flashing dangerously.
~Shit!~ Severus Snape thought again for the third time in five seconds as he realized that Dumbledore knew.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Wow," I said, reading what I have written so far. "Snape has a bit of a swearing problem...I wonder if I'll have to up the rating because of him...Oh, and I still need to do Hermione, Brian Zeogul, and that blue crayon I saw last week...Hmmm..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hermione Jane Granger was angry. The author had been in the story TWICE this chapter! She was turning it into a stupid self-insertion story! And not in the gross way she'd caught Crabbe reading, the corny kind!
"Hey, now, I resent that."
Hermione whirled around. She gasped.
Standing there, was a young teenage girl with lightly pink and blonde hair. She was wearing purple glasses that accentuated and hid (all at the same time) her stormy gray-blue eyes, a baggy white T-shirt, and baggy black jeans held up with a zebra tie-thingy tied around her waist as a belt. She was wearing black, worn Sketchers running shoes on her feet.
It was the author.
"Hellooo? I know you heard me, you gasped and whirled around. Are you going to answer me? I don't like to be ignored."
Hermione's eyes were wide, her mouth was open, and she was gaping like a codfish.
"Jane, we are not a codfish," the author said sternly, then laughed. "You know, I've always wanted to say that. Well, come on, answer me, or I'll make you fall in love with Draco!"
Hermione gasped. Her facial expression became that of revulsion. "You wouldn't! Please please, PLEASE don't do that! That would be SOO horrible! Don't, please don't, I'm begging you!"
"All right, all right, I was—"
"Oh, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you!"
"Oh, all right then," the author said and promptly disappeared.
"Boy, this story is just FULL of strange encounters, isn't it?" Hermione asked the air.
"Yeah, it kind of is," Sophie said. Or rather, Sophie's voice said. Sophie was nowhere to be seen.
"Oh, bugger off," Hermione said, getting WAAAY out of character.
"Fine, fine," Sophie's voice said.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Brian Zeogul was awoken by a loud voice shouting in his ear.
"Buh-duh?" he asked meekly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry James Potter stopped screaming.
Ronald Bilius Weasley slowly stopped laughing.
Ron said suddenly, "Ooh, chocolate!"
He had been digging through the glove compartment.
"Oh, have it," Harry said, relieved that Ron hadn't told him he loved him.
"Man, Harry," Ron said through a mouthful of chocolate, "I love you."
Harry started to cry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Well? Was it good? Was it bad? Was it funny? Should I be put in an insane asylum? Feedback, feedback, feedback!
Yeah, so, here are some acknowledgements:
Mousiebead: OMG! Sophie, you got an account! Um, I guess that Veronica is me...I MEANT Victoria! Honest! I hate you. Really. Really, I do. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.
Cajun Rogue: Um, no, unfortunately, it's not made up. It came from "friend" Sophie *points up* up there. Although, the thing about chocolate, I made it up, but it kinda does make it worse...coffee too...especially expresso. It's actually kind of funny...But not when it happens to you. Also, I am glad you feel loved, that was the purpose! Yay! Oh, and I am sorry about the cheesecake, it's not my fault! (well, actually, it is, but no one has to know that...)
Insane Idiot: I'm guessing that means you like it...? I hope so, because you are funny!
tor-and-fenris: Oh, I'm not mad, I do that sometimes too, if it's really good. I'm glad you find it good and funny and disturbing. Definitely both. Go see a competent psychiatrist. Unfortunately, there is no such thing. But, either way, I love you. And yes, custard is good. Mm, Leon's chocolate custard...I'm hungry! Also, I absolutely love the Oompa-Loompas, definitely. Did you catch the mention of them in this chapter? Oh, wait, that was for An Enigma, For Sure...whoops. Oh, well, the concept is more valid here. Oh, wait, brainstorm! Ooh, that's good...
If I missed anyone, I am SOOO sorry, but the Internet and email in my house are doing strange things...
Also, I have a new fic up, Poor, Poor Snape. It's not as funny as this one, but it has a plot. (collective gasp) Hey, it's not THAT suprising...
Also, I will soon have another one up, "A Guide to Magical Fruit." Ideas are welcomed for any and all of my fics, including "Fruit." And this one. Definitely this one, because the "plot" is on its last legs...
Also, if you have any complaints, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!!! Especially not me. No, I'm kidding, I love you guys, don't abandon me!
*cries*
I didn't mean it!
You're still here?
YAY!!
Yeah, well, also, I am sorry that I haven't been updating, but I'm going through a rough patch...it's called laziness.
Also, I updated my bio, miracle of miracles! Check it out sometime!
Wow, this is really long for a coincidence...seven pages...Ya ka-no, it took me TWO AND A HALF HOURS to write this! Please admire my good work!
I love you, rebel sheep say 'Moo!', and Lo, the Magic Eight Ball hath spake!
TTFN!